


If You Ever Wanna Be in Love

by perfectdagger (sincerelyste), star_k



Series: Mistletoes & Wrackspurts [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Angst, Getting Back Together, M/M, Muggle Louis, Pining, Post-Break Up, Riding, Rimming, Slow Burn, Smut, Wizard Harry, ex-lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-09-26 04:56:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 119,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9863852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincerelyste/pseuds/perfectdagger, https://archiveofourown.org/users/star_k/pseuds/star_k
Summary: “Finally! I mean, hi again… surprise?” Lottie had almost an innocent expression, but Louis wouldn’t be fooled by that.Harry Styles was looking at him, nervously biting his lip, waving long fingers with different rings on them at him. “Hi?”It had been more than three years since they last saw each other and there was Harry Styles at his fucking door again. Louis was fucked.Part 3 of theMistletoes & Wrackspurtsseries, or the one when a Holiday season together might be just what a wizard and a muggle with a too complicated past between them need to find each other again.





	1. December 2015

**Author's Note:**

> So, here we go with Part 3! It took a while but it's finally here!
> 
> If you haven't read [Part 1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8635414) and [Part 2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9518795), we are trying to write this part in a way that it wouldn't be completely necessary for you to read the previous ones and that you wouldn't miss on any major important things about the story line, but we highly recommend you to do it because, you know, great story and all ;)
> 
> As always, we'd like to thank Sammie for her amazing job as our beta and britpicker! <3
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has been patiently waiting for this, to those who left kudos and comments and have also talked to us about the fic! It was really important to keep us enthusiastic to keep on writing! :D
> 
> [Here's a playlist for the fic](https://open.spotify.com/user/stephvicente/playlist/0eTVdGHqeuPkU4xbqMTxr5) :)

“What the books don’t tell you,” Harry spoke to the class as he walked from one side to the other, his long robe dragging on the floor with each slow step he gave, holding his wand in his hand, the chalk writing on the blackboard by itself, and the students looking attentively at him, “is that you’ll find scriptures that simply don’t mean anything. Wizards can try for years to understand it, but in the end, it has no specific meaning. For instance,” he switched his wand in the direction of his table, making a sheet of paper float in his direction. He grabbed the paper and held it with his other hand in front of him for the whole class to observe, “see this? We found these drawings on the walls of a Ruin in Peru. We spent weeks trying to match it with what we and other researchers had already collected from writings and symbols from that area. What did we find? Nothing.” 

He pointed his wand in the direction of the paper again and whispered “ _Engorgio_ ”, making the paper double its size so the students in front of him could have a better look at the image.

“Mr. Peterson, tell me, what do you see here?” He asked a boy sat on the second row.

“Uh, a bunch of lines?” The boy answered back.

Harry nodded. “You’re not wrong. And do you see any pattern in them? Do you think it could mean anything?”

The boy squinted his eyes, brows furrowed trying to understand what was in front of him. “I guess? There are some smaller and some others bigger, one under the other,” there was some muffled giggles coming from other students. “I’m not sure, Sir,” he shook his head, looking around to see the other students as confused as he was.

“You’re not wrong again,” Harry waved his wand in the direction of the paper again, which made it reduce to its normal size and float back to his desk. “But, have you ever heard of doodling, Mr. Peterson?”  

Harry looked with a serious expression at the students in front of him while they were all apparently lost at what he was saying.

“I…” Jacob Peterson was opening and closing his mouth, without even knowing what to answer to his Professor.

“I’m sure you have, as also might have Mr. Lupin in the back there,” Harry inclined his head to the side, and all the students turned their faces to look at where Harry’s gaze was. “Mr. Lupin,” he called again, his voice in a deeper and higher pitch. “Care to share what you’ve been carving on your desk?”

The boy with blue hair looked up, seeing all the other students staring at him. “Uh, it’s– it’s nothing, Copycat. I mean, Sir.” He tried not to let a smile appear on his lips as he looked ahead to the class, hiding his wand away.

“Thank you, Mr. Lupin, for your contribution.” All the students looked back at Harry even more confused. He couldn’t feel himself prouder, he loved when he did that to his students. Ted Lupin was just looking at him as if he was crazy. He must’ve been sure that Harry was calling him out or about to send him to detention.

“Now class, just imagine. A thousand years from now. Imagine that for some reason, Hogwarts Castle is left abandoned, crumbled to stones, and some wizards come here trying to understand how their ancients used to live, used to learn magic. Imagine someone finding that same desk, or part of that desk Mr. Lupin is sat, to find the drawing he did of a long-haired man speaking, blablablas ballons leaving his mouth. What do you think they would make of it? Would they think “blablabla” was some kind of spell?”

The confusion in the students’ face turned into laughter. Harry looked to his right to see Lottie shaking her head and rolling her eyes. He winked at her, cheekily.

“Or would they simply figure out that this was the art of a bored student during a boring Ancient Runes class?” Harry turned around to go back closer to his desk. “We will never know. However, what we do know is that things like this one,” he fetched the paper in his hand again, “sometimes are nothing, sometimes they are simply someone’s doodling. You’d be surprised to know how many of these we found. And I’m sure if the scenario I described to you were to happen in the future, Mr. Lupin’s doodles wouldn’t be the only ones our future wizards would find. I fear for the ones who find what my old classmate Niall Horan did on these old wood tables.”

The students laughed again and Harry smiled at them, taking in the class in front of him. He was surprised with the amount of students that were interested in his Ancient Runes classes. He remembered from his time at Hogwarts how Bathsheda Babbling’s were never quite empty, but surely there weren’t as many students as there were in his right now (“ _It’s your charm. Plus, the curiosity of having a new teacher, a young one, one that some of us still remember walking down the halls,”_ Lottie had told him. _“I’m sure they are more curious to see how bad I will screw things up,”_ Harry dismissed her compliments. _“Yep, that too,”_ she laughed, _“but I know you will be a good teacher, you’re the reason I got into Ancient Runes after all”)._

“Now that you are familiar with some of the symbols we have been studying for the past classes, the assignment I have for you as homework should be easy,” he switched his wand in front of a stack of parchment on his desk, making the papers float in the direction of each student. “I want you to identify the symbols we already know and the ones you think is all just rubbish, but also trying to give them a meaning.” He instructed the students before dismissing them as the class was over.

“This is due next week, so no excuses as I know you are all excited for the Christmas holiday that’s coming,” he reminded the students as they already started gathering their belongings. “And Mr. Lupin,” he called Ted, who was sneakingly leaving the classroom, “I expect from you an extra parchment with the description of the symbols I gave everyone last class.”

Ted only turned to look at him, nodding his head. “Got it, Professor Styles,” his voice sounded put out but Harry could see the boy’s hair changing from blue to red as he stormed out from the room.

The rest of the students left the classroom saying their goodbyes to Harry as he put his papers and materials in order on his desk.

“You’re such an arse,” Lottie’s voice called his attention, making him look up at the girl in front of him.

“You want that extra parchment I just gave Ted too, Tomlinson?” Harry watched her with a serious expression, but the corner of his lips trying to turn into a smile.

“The class is over. I can call you an arse now, _Professor_.” She poked her tongue out at him.

“Yes, I’m your Professor, mind ya,” he shook his head, “and so not an arse.”

“Right, you’re not. I just can’t believe you are the only teacher Ted actually doesn’t have a snarky comeback for every time.”

“What can I say? I’m that good of a teacher,” he saw Lottie rolling her eyes, “plus, I never gave him a really hard time when I was a Prefect or Head Boy, so I guess he just knows I’m not actually being an arse to him. I’m just doing my job as a Professor to call my student’s attention.”

“That you are,” the girl smiled fondly at him. “You’re doing great, by the way. Can’t say that enough, just to reassure you and also boost your ego a bit.”

“Ha, thanks,” Harry replied smiling too.

It was still surreal to Harry that he was again at Hogwarts, having left the School 3 years ago, teaching as he had always dreamed of. It had been a long journey to get there, going through what he had, but being in that position was such an overwhelming reward to him. Also, being there, teaching Lottie, now on her Seventh Year, was something he was still getting used to. Not that it was weird, no. It was just a little bit unconventional to be Lottie’s teacher when he was her friend, one of her first best friends. He somehow still looked at Lottie as that girl he met back then, many Firsts of September ago, whom he helped adapt and get to know the Wizarding World that had just been introduced to her.

Their friendship had blossomed during Harry’s remaining years in Hogwarts, being in the same House and spending so much time together, while he saw Lottie grow and become the confident, smart and talented witch she was now. And he was happy to have been there with her through part of it. Fortunately, even with their time apart due to his traveling, nothing seemed to change much. It was hard to keep contact, but Harry kept his promise of letting the girl know what he was up to whenever it was possible.

There was one thing though, he thought it would be best to leave it as a surprise. He didn’t tell her that he had gotten the Professor position at Hogwarts during the summer holiday when they had last talked to each other. He only told the girl that he was back in England for good now and that maybe he could meet with her on a weekend at Hogsmeade.

The face the girl had when she entered the Great Hall on the first of September and saw Harry sitting at the Professor’s table in the front of the hall was priceless. Throughout the Ceremony and Dinner, Harry watched her at the Slytherin table and how she couldn’t stop mouthing to him “ _I can’t believe you!_ ” and he only laughed slightly while exchanging conversations with Slughorn and Longbottom.

He didn’t know how she would react though when they finally met after dinner. Somehow, he had feared that with their time apart, their friendship would have been strained.

Three years, only sporadically exchanging letters and with Harry still stepping on eggshells when it came to Lottie and her family – with what had happened between him and Louis, that was his biggest concern. Yes, he had become Lottie's friend from the very first moment she stepped her foot at King's Cross Station, which later led him to get to know her brother better. So much better that Harry had fallen in love with him in the process. A process that made him and Louis get together, secretly, because they didn’t know how to tell Lottie that for months they had been flirting with each other through letters, that they had almost kissed on the girl’s 13th birthday party, and that they were dating for almost 5 months. Lottie just never knew any of it.

Harry wasn’t sure he would be able to act like he did with her before he left. When Lottie approached him, though, he had his doubts erased with the way she hugged him and started slapping his arms, expressing how outraged she was that he had kept that from her.

They caught up that night and as the days and weeks followed, it seemed like Harry hadn’t even left for that long, with their friendship flowing naturally. Of course, with the little difference that Harry was not a student anymore and that he didn’t spend his free time talking to the girl in the Slytherin Common Room. Specially with her taking his Ancient Runes classes. It was a different relationship, being an older friend and her Professor, but still they managed to stay just as close as they were before.

So close that bringing Louis back into their conversations was something Lottie did effortlessly. Not that Harry minded, not at all. He was eager to know how Louis had been (to the point he might have wondered out loud if a letter she had received was from his brother – he knew it was – and if he was okay just out of curiosity, or despair), since this subject was something that was never really discussed when he had written to Lottie before. It was just weird, though, a little bit uncomfortable to talk about Louis with her, after all that had happened.

They had broken up in a way Harry had never intended to, leaving Louis behind while he went away to go pursue his own future and career in the blink of an eye. It took him time to recover and he never knew how Louis dealt with it, and when he thought that he had finally been over feeling sorrow for what had happened, life, destiny, reality or an old wizard in the middle of Egypt hit him in the face reminding him that he would never be over Louis. It was hard to keep all of that from Lottie, and it was even harder to keep his internal distress of still being in love with him without actually being able to do anything at the moment about it.

He was trying to work on that, though. He settled on the fact that at least he already had Lottie back in his life, so it was wishful thinking that Louis could be in it too. He just didn’t know if Louis would be open to having Harry back in his, in whatever way it was possible. Maybe Lottie would be what would bring them into each other’s lives, again. Who knew.

“And as the most hardworking professor this school has ever had,” Lottie joked, bringing Harry back to the present, “do you already know what you’ll be doing this Christmas holiday to relax?”

Harry considered as he sat back at his chair, remembering the conversation he had with his mother and sister a few weeks before. “Guess I’ll be staying at Hogwarts.”

“What? How so?”

“Mum, Robin and Gems are going to travel and honestly, as much as I loved it, I’ve done enough travelling for now. I think I’m gonna lay low here at Hogwarts. Have missed the holidays here, it will be nice to just chill out for a bit.”

Lottie was looking at him for a few moments, thoughtfully.

“I can’t let you spend your holidays alone.” She said, almost too confident.

“What? No, Lottie, it’s fine. I’ve spent the holidays alone in the past, there’s no–”

“That’s exactly why,” she interrupted him. “You’ve spent too much time on your own these past couple of years. I know Hogwarts is all warm and cozy, but, blimey Harry, you shouldn’t spent it alone.”

“Well, thanks, Lottie, that’s really thoughtful of you. But really, it’s no trouble for me and if you’re thinking about staying here with me just so I don’t feel lonely, please, you don’t have to.”

“That wasn’t exactly what I had in mind,” she chewed on the inside of her cheek. “I was thinking that maybe you could spend the holidays with me? With us, at home?”

Harry’s eyes bulged out at the unexpectedness of what Lottie had said.

He gulped. “Go home? With you? Lottie, no, that’s too mu–”

“C’mon Harry, think how much fun it will be! Imagine the girls seeing you again, they were really excited when I told them that you were back. Mum would love that too!”

Harry noticed how there was one person Lottie hadn’t mentioned. It was not that he really wanted to know how Louis felt about Harry being back, but he desperately wanted to. And Lottie inviting him to spend the Holidays with her, her family, and probably Louis too, that was one big opportunity – one he was too afraid to even try. It would be too much, too soon. Harry didn’t want that, to seem like he was imposing himself back again into Louis’ life.

“Lottie, no, don’t bother with me, really. I don’t want to interrupt your family holiday. I’m telling you, I’ll be good here. I don’t want to be a burden to you.”

“Harry,” she put both her hands on top of Harry’s desk, making him look directly at her. “Since when have you been a burden to me? I mostly definitely have been more of one to you, with the way Louis bugged you to take care of me during my first years at Hogwarts,” Harry had to hold his breath at the memories that came with the mention of Louis.

“Of course not!” He interjected. “That’s not true at all. You’re my friend, it never bugged me to help and take care of you.”

“And you are mine and I want you to spend the holidays with me so you don’t have to do it alone, ok? You won’t be a burden, you have never been. Mum will be thrilled to have you with us, I’m sure. Just say yes, please.”

She was looking at him with those big blue eyes of hers and for a moment he remembered Louis’ blue ones. He breathed heavily, not actually sure what to do. If he declined her invitation, she would be pissed at him, probably, maybe even feel offended that he would rather spend the holidays alone than with her. But if he said yes, what would happen? How would he feel about seeing Louis again? How would Louis feel about seeing him again?

“Er,” he cleared his throat, “thank you, Lots, really, for thinking about me. I–,” he tugged a strand of his long hair behind his ear, “I’ll think about it, alright? And I’ll tell you later.”

The way she beamed at him made Harry aware that there was no way he could say no to her now.

“Great!” She distanced herself from the table, fixing the strap of her bag on her shoulder. “We’ll talk later then. Gotta run, Danny must be waiting for me already! Bye!”

“See ya,” Harry barely had time to answer her and wave her goodbye as she had already turned around and was running out of the classroom.

He closed his eyes as he reclined on his chair and inhaled deeply. Fuck.

What would he do now? He was starting to get nervous just at the thought of seeing Louis again. He needed to put his thoughts in the right place and consider very thoroughly what he was going to do.

He needed to talk to Niall.

He gathered his stuff and headed to his dorm. This class was the last of the day so he still had some time alone before dinner.

He went directly to his fireplace, got a handful of the Floo powder that was on a small bowl right beside it and tossed inside the fireplace as he said Niall’s address. The green smoke invaded the space and Harry put only his head midst it.

“Horan?” He called as he saw Niall’s living room come into focus. The place seemed quiet, lights all turned off, the only sound coming from Niall’s cat purring as he must’ve woken up from a nap with the sound and smoke coming from the fireplace.

“Shit,” he spoke again, retrieving his head back.

He got up from his position and walked to his couch, sitting there, looking at his fireplace, running one hand through his long curls and the other massaging his temple. There was no way for him to know when Niall would be back at his flat, and he couldn’t stay there waiting and trying all night otherwise he would miss dinner.

Harry looked at the watch on his wrist, finding there the only solution to let Niall know he needed to talk to him as soon as possible.

He set the watch to some time after dinner when he knew he would have time to speak to Niall again and probably the other wizard would have arrived from whatever it was that he was still doing at the Ministry. Harry then got his wand from inside his robe and tapped it on the watch’s glass. He only hoped Niall would have his own watch with him to see it dinging and know that Harry wanted to talk.

That had been one of the cleverest things Niall had come up with. While still on their expedition in South America, Niall suggested that they had to find a way to communicate other than just by letters, because “ _can’t miss your ugly frog face for that long and you will definitely not get rid of me that easy, deerest_ ”. So he decided to make use of those watches they got for their 17th birthdays and apparently never really saw their use and charmed them, turning them into a means to know when the other wanted to talk. Although, it worked better those rare times Harry was back in England, because then they could set a time to apparate or travel by Floo to where the other was; but sometimes during his trip Harry would simply receive a ding from his watch somewhere in the middle of the Amazon Forest just as a reminder that his best friend missed him.

Now, with Harry at Hogwarts and Niall working at the Ministry, the watches came in handy again, making it easy for them to keep even more in touch. Right at that moment, that watch would be Harry’s lifesaver.

He tried to do something with his idle time to maybe focus and get his head in the right place, but still his mind was running 100 miles per hour with thoughts about what would come with Lottie’s invitation. He corrected some homework, rearranged his desk and papers then played with Marcel until it was dinner time. After eating and chatting with Professor Longbottom for a while, he finally returned to his room. It was only a few minutes until the time he had set with Niall. He resumed playing with Marcel again, giving him some of the fruits he had brought with him from desert when his watch went off.

“Fucking finally,” he voiced as he patted Marcel on the head, receiving a too long hoot back. “C’mon Marcel, it’s just Niall. I’ll get back to you in a few minutes, you spoiled bird.” Harry walked then to his couch as he saw his fireplace lighting up.

“Harold?” Niall called, his face appearing midst the green smoke in the fireplace.

“Yeah, I’m here, Ni.” Harry plopped down on the couch.

“Hiya, mate. Sorry I didn’t catch you before. Was doing something for the Ministry, you know.”

“I figured, no worries. Anything interesting this time?” Harry asked, hoping that making small talk first would help him calm down a bit.

“Oh, when is it not interesting, H?” Niall laughed and Harry could notice a sneaky smile on his lips.

“I wouldn’t know, you never tell me anything!”

“That’s ‘cause I can’t, duh.” Harry rolled his eyes and Niall cackled. “Talking about telling stuff… what’s up? What did you want to talk about? Or did you just miss my beautiful face?”

“Yes, I just saw you this weekend, so obviously I’m missing you to death already.”

“Merlin Harry, I knew you loved me, but this much? You want me to go full body on you so we can cuddle?”

“I don’t want your body anywhere near me, thank you very much.”

Niall cackled again this time taking longer to calm down. Harry joined him and he really had to thank all entities above for having Niall as his friend, because he was already feeling more at ease.

“Right,” Niall spoke again. “You wouldn’t ding me if it wasn’t something urgent. Spill it out, Styles.”

“Can you not say ‘ding me’, please, it sounds so–”

“I invented this thing, of course I can say that you want to ding me, honestly Harry. Stop stalling, now tell me.”

Niall had his serious voice on because he knew Harry hadn’t called him just to catch up and laugh about nothing. Harry breathed heavily before he gathered the courage to tell him what was really going on.

“Fine, ugh,” he settled himself on the edge of the couch, to feel himself closer to Niall. “I was talking to Lottie after our class…”

“You’re not giving her bad grades, are you Harry?” Niall interrupted, asking jokingly, as if he couldn’t help himself.

“Of course not, Niall! She’s a great student, there’s no need for bad grades. She’s doing fine. We were not talking about the class though, we were talking about Christmas holiday.” Harry let it out.

Niall didn’t interrupt him this time, and even through the flames, Harry could see Niall’s attentive expression, encouraging him to keep talking.

“She, hm, she invited me to spend the holidays with her… with her family,” he looked down at his hands, fidgeting with the rings he was wearing.

“What?” Niall exclaimed. “Are you serious? Why? ”

“A hundred percent serious, Niall. The subject came up and I told her I was going to spend the holidays at Hogwarts and she almost begged me to spend it with her family. I tried telling her no, but she insisted and now I feel bad because I don’t want her to think I’d rather be alone than spend some time with her.” Harry blurted out, still not saying what was really concerning him.

“Why didn’t you say you were going to spend it with me? At least then she wouldn’t bug you with it and make, you know, you spend it with her family, with...” Niall seemed to breathe deeply before he continued, “Louis.”

At that, Marcel chirped behind Harry where he was standing on the table.

“It didn’t even cross my mind, Ni.” Harry tried to ignore Marcel’s excitement. “I had no reaction, didn’t know what to say.”

“But you didn’t say yes, did you?”

“I didn’t say no either.” Harry bit his bottom lip.

“Fuck, Harry.”

“What should I do, Niall?” He inclined himself forward, elbows resting on his thighs, hands holding his head by its side.

“Harry, I’m gonna be honest with you here, mate,” his tone was serious again, “you’ve told me for almost 2 years that Louis was something that had stayed in your past and I really believed you were doing fine, only until you told me that it was impossible to stop loving him. Not gonna lie, I was worried because I saw how bad it was for you in the beginning, even if you tried to hide it from me. The last thing I want to see is my best friend hurt again.”

Harry closed his eyes, letting Niall’s words hit him.

“I’m not you though, I can’t make this decision for you. You are the only one who knows what you’ve been through because of what you felt for Louis,” Niall continued. “As your friend, I’m concerned that maybe things won’t be easy for your again, you know. Even if it’s just to try to be friends with him again, especially then. But you are the one who can decide that. If it’s worth it, if he is worth it. You’re all grown up now, you have your life figured out, dream job, great hair… I wouldn’t say it’s a waste of time to try and pursue something that you don’t know where it will lead.”

Harry pinched the bridge of his nose, considering what Niall said.

“I’m not even concerned about that, I already made peace with the fact that me and Louis could probably never be what we once were. He might not want to be friends either, and I’d respect it. What I’m more concerned about is how he feels about me, I have the impression that he hates me now. I don’t want to go with Lottie, spend the holiday with her and create a bad environment for everyone, what happened between me and Louis tainting their family time. I mean, nobody knew about it but it could become quite obvious with how I imagine he would treat me.”

“Are you sure nobody knew? Lottie, she’s really smart and he probably has told– ”

“He didn’t tell Lottie, that’s for sure,” Harry cut him off, “otherwise she wouldn’t invite me if she knew what happened. Probably his mother knew, which will be even more awkward. I don’t think I have the guts to show up at their house with her knowing that I broke up with her son.”

Harry could notice that Niall was thinking for a moment before he spoke again.

“You know what? You’re just thinking about the bad aspects of this. I mean, you told me a few months ago that even if it took you time, you’d try to do something to reconnect with Louis. You already reconnected with Lottie, and that’s one step closer to where you were before. This seems like the perfect opportunity for you and please, I know how obstinate you are about what you want. I think I know how much you still want Louis. You’re just overthinking because it’s Louis we are talking about and you don’t want to screw things up, again. This could be the perfect opportunity for you to at least make amends, the perfect opportunity to build a new start, wherever it leads.”

Even after all those years Harry and Niall had been friends, it still surprised Harry how wise Niall was and how his advices always seemed to clear Harry’s mind. No surprise he always sought Niall for help.

“I guess you have a point. I do want to reconnect. I want to have him in my life again.”

“Then why torture yourself like this? Go after it, Harry, seriously. If that’s what you want, you know you have my support. I just want to see you happy and I know that even though you lived your life the way you wanted in the past years, you have never been as happy as you could’ve really been. If Louis is what is missing for you to achieve that, then go for it. If it ends up in a dead end situation, well, at least you tried one last time.”

Marcel hooted behind Harry again, which made him look at the owl. He had his best friend at his fireplace and his pet owl encouraging him to go after what he really wanted and he would be really stupid not to listen to them. Well, their breakup had had a fallout and it had hurt both of them, and if it hurt again to try one more time, at least now Harry would know how to deal with it better and put a final end to his feelings for Louis, for better or for worse.

Deep down, though, he wished with all his being that they would work it out, that Louis had let go of the rancor he might’ve kept for Harry and that they could be civilized with each other and maybe reconnect and become friends. Harry knew they were never just friends before, but he could make that work if that was all Louis would be willing to give to him again.

“You’re right. I guess there’s no point in dwelling on this. If I decline Lottie’s invitation, not only will she be mad at me, but I know I will also eat myself up staying here alone, thinking about why I didn’t go with her. So, catch the snitch and finish the game, right? Do it once and for all before it goes on for too long,” Harry turned to Niall again and he could see that large smile on his face.

“That’s the Harry Styles I know,” Niall beamed at him. “If it all goes wrong, you still have me, don’t forget, even if you deny that you want my body close to yours.”

“Bloody hell, Niall!” Harry laughed, glad that Niall knew how to lift up the mood after a heavy conversation like that. “But thanks, I know I can count on you. Let’s hope I don’t have to resort to you for consolation.”

They kept talking for a little while longer, joking and bantering before Niall had to resume to his work and Harry had still got some homeworks left to correct.

As he laid down on his bed, Harry reflected on his day and what the near future could hold for him. He couldn’t deny how scared he was about meeting Louis again, what his reaction would be, but he had to try. Fuck, he had to. There was an excitement bubbling up inside his body, the very idea of reconnecting with Louis cementing his decision on going. The opportunity had presented itself, he had to seize it.

It was time to have Louis back.

 

*

 

“Thank you, Payno, for helping me with this,” Louis said as he stepped inside their flat, untangling his scarf from his neck and placing it on the hanger on the wall behind the door.

“Nah, man, don’t mention it. It was a pleasure,” Liam followed him one step behind and closed the door, “it was so nice to work with the kids, playing for them. We should do this more often. Whenever you have another production at the school, I’ll gladly volunteer to be the music guy again.”

“You say that because you only actually came to two rehearsals,” Louis scoffed as he took off his shoes and hung his coat, before walking along the small hallway, heading to the kitchen. “The little outburst I had backstage was just a tiny thing compared to how much I had to call those kid’s attentions for weeks.”

“You did great, though. Glad I could see proper Drama Teacher Louis in action,” Liam took off his own coat too, and went to the living room.

“Thanks, Leeyam. Beer?” Louis asked loudly as he opened the fridge. Liam answered with a “‘course” and Louis got two bottles from inside.

“I just don’t understand one thing though,” Liam spoke again as Louis plopped down on the couch beside him, “thanks,” he said, getting the bottle Louis was handing him.

“What?” Louis uncapped his bottle and drank the cold beer.

“Why the hell was there a boy dressed up as a Peter Pan in a freaking Nutcracker play?”

Louis snorted, almost making the beer come out from his nose. Liam patted his back, as he started laughing too.

“You see,” Louis coughed, trying to catch his breath again, “sometimes you can’t just argue with a six-year-old, as much as you tell him that Peter Pan lives in Neverland. Then,” he took another sip from his beer, “you try to remind him ‘hey, you already used that at the last play, remember how cool that was? Now it’s time for the Nutcracker to play’. But of course he keeps insisting Pan would help the Nutcracker defeat the Mice and his mother actually has to come to school begging you to let her son just use the damn costume again or he won’t stop crying. So you just let him, because well, there’s actually no harm in letting a kid’s imagination run wild, innit? Plus, a bit of peace is always nice for me and the poor mum. I just had to make freaking Peter Pan fit in the whole play, but that was it.”

Liam chuckled, shaking his head before gulping his beer. “You are such a softie for kids, Tommo.”

“You’d think I’d be tougher, knowing how to deal with 6 younger siblings by now, right? But what can I do?” Louis shrugged.

“Talking about your siblings, what time does Lottie arrive again?” Liam got the remote from the TV, turning it on.

Louis fetched his phone from his pocket to see the time. It was almost 8 o’clock. Knowing Lottie left Hogwarts in the morning, she would usually arrive after 8 pm, so he still had some time until she got to London.

“After 8 she said. Then we can go out together for dinner, what do you think?” Louis put his phone on the coffee table and watched the TV, Liam surfing channels to find something interesting.

“Yeah, I’m in. I’m starving and there’s nothing to eat. Don’t forget you’ll have to do the groceries later.” Liam put down his beer on the coffee table too and faced Louis. “By the way, shouldn’t you be going to the station to pick her up?”

“Ugh, fine, and no. I don’t have to, she now can–” he cut himself before he continued, realising what he was about to say. It had been 6 years since he first met Liam and he still forgot he couldn’t mention anything about the Wizarding World to him. Their friendship was so open that Louis still accidentally let slip about Lottie’s witch affairs sometimes. Of course Liam didn’t know Lottie could apparate as she was already 17 years old; he had no fucking clue what apparate even meant, the fucker.

“Uh?” Liam gave Louis a confused look, with his brows furrowed.

“I mean, she’s coming with a friend today, so she’s getting a lift,” he corrected himself, trying not to look like he was making something up, which he wasn’t. It wasn’t a lie, per se. “I told you, right? Last time we talked, she said she’s bringing a friend.”

“Oh, you’re right, I forgot about that,” Liam resumed to looking at the TV again. “Who is it?”

“Dunno. She didn’t tell me, which is weird, I know all of her friends. Which is making me think,” he drank from the beer again, “that she’s bringing a date.” Louis wiggled his brows at Liam as he turned back to him with a surprised face.

“No way!”

“Yep. She thinks she can fool me, but I know very well that she has a crush on this boy for awhile. It’s a brother of one of her friends.” Louis caught glimpse of what Liam was watching, a rerun of a footie match from last weekend.

“Lou, not to be the one to disappoint you but do you really think your baby sister would bring her potential boyfriend to meet you first? You know, big bro meeting boyfriend, it can be a bit scary if she just started dating this boy.”

“You bet your arse she is bringing the boy to meet me before anyone else. I need to approve anybody she decides to date, she knows that. He has to go through the Tommo test.” Louis smirked proudly, already imagining what type of questions he would ask the boy, what type of embarrassment he would make him go through to see if he was worthy of dating his little sister. He was her big brother after all, of course he wouldn’t make things easier for her.

“Dude, I’m glad you’re not my brother, but even then Sophia had to go through hell with you before you finally gave in to her.”

“What?” Louis gasped, in a faux-shocked expression. “I didn’t make her go through hell. Sophia is a darling, I loved her from your fifth date after you were officially dating.” Louis mocked as Liam slapped him in the stomach. “I’m just looking out for the ones I love, you know, making sure you don’t end up with dickheads.”

Liam shook his head, laughing slightly. “Yeah, I know, I know… you’re a good lad, Louis. Just want the best for us. And we want the best for you too, always.” Liam put one arm around Louis’ shoulder, bringing him close for a half hug.

“Oh no, you’re getting emotional. Get the fuck off, Payno,” Louis tickled Liam on his ribs, trying to get out of the embrace. “Let’s get manly and watch the game, please.”

They stayed there, watching TV for awhile to pass the time, when they heard the buzzer.

“Is that Lottie already?” Liam asked as Louis got up from the couch to go to the intercom. “That was fast, it’s not even 8:30 yet.”

“The train must have arrived early, I don’t know. Let me buzz her in…” Louis got to the device, pressing the button. “Tomlinson and Payne mancave. Who is it?”

“Lou, you know it’s me!” He heard Lottie’s voice through the speaker.

“Is it really? Can’t know for sure. Password please?” He teased.

“Ugh, Louis!” He couldn’t see her but he knew she was rolling her eyes before she answered. “Louis Tomlinson is an amazing brother slash genius.”

As Lottie spoke, he heard a muffled chuckle that somehow felt familiar to him for a second. How could a chuckle be familiar? He ignored that in lieu of letting Lottie inside their building.

“That’s correct. Both the password and the statement – _“It’s not!”_ Liam screamed from the couch – You are allowed to pass to the next level. Come up!”

“I hate you,” Lottie replied but in a playful tone.

“You know we have to change that password, right?” Liam was drinking his beer again when Louis passed through the living room to get to the door.

“You want us to go back to the Tony Stark/Bruce Wayne one?” Louis slapped him on the back of his head.

“Why do all of them have to be about you being right?”

“Because I am, and you know it.” The doorbell rang and Louis went directly to the door. “Now let’s see that I was right about Lottie and her date too.”

He opened the door to meet Lottie smiling at him, “Hi bro,” she said and when Louis was about to greet her back, he caught sight of the person standing next to her.

Tall, very tall. Long hair. Long brown curly hair. A shy little smile on rosy lips. Green eyes.

“Fuck,” Louis said before he could do anything but slam the door closed.

“What in Merlin’s be–”

“What the hell Louis?”

Louis couldn’t make what Liam and Lottie were saying at the same time.

“Louis, why did you close the door on Lottie?”

“Louis Tomlinson, where are your manners?”

He closed his eyes and breathed heavily. He couldn’t fucking believe Lottie had done that. Fooled him right under his nose. Plotted against him.

“Tommo, what’s going on, open the damn door, man!”

“Louis, this is not funny!”

He took another deep breath. Obviously he couldn’t leave the door closed forever. Obviously he had to let his sister in. Obviously he had to face Harry Styles.

“Ugh,” he said under his breath before he turned the handle again and finally opened the door.

“Finally! I mean, hi again… surprise?” Lottie had almost an innocent expression, but Louis wouldn’t be fooled by that.

Harry Styles was looking at him, nervously biting his lip, waving long fingers with different rings on them at him. “Hi?”

It had been more than three years since they last saw each other and there was Harry Styles at his fucking door again. Louis was fucked.


	2. Friday

_**December 18th, 2015** _

 

Right.

Harry had imagined a lot of ways he could have been greeted when he arrived at Louis’ house. A door slammed in his face wasn’t one of them.

“What in Merlin’s beard?” Lottie said beside him and he could hear another voice behind the door speaking at the same time.

“Did we arrive at a bad time? Did he not like seeing me here?” Harry murmured to her, not exactly sure what to do.

“No way. Louis is just being a brat,” she murmured back. “Louis Tomlinson, where are your manners?” She spoke loudly to the door again.

Of course there was a “yes way” for Louis acting the way he did with Harry appearing in front of his door. Lottie just didn’t know that. And maybe this was a mistake all along.

“I think he wasn’t expecting anyone else. Maybe I should just–” Harry motioned to take a step away from the door and Lottie, but she cut him off.

“You shush and stay right there,” she held him by his arm, speaking lowly to him, before turning to the door again. “He must think this is some kind of hilarious joke. But well, it’s not,” she shook her head, “Louis, this is not funny!”

It took two seconds for the door to open again and Harry froze on spot. Was it now that Louis was going to kick him out of his hallway? Tell him he wasn’t welcomed and should fuck off? He braced himself for what was to come.

Harry waited for the worst, but when it didn't come, he was hit with realization that Louis was right there, 3 years later, someone different to what his last memory had been.

He could barely pay attention to anything but Louis’ blue eyes focused on him, the rush in his ears blocking off anything but his very presence in front of him.

The blue was the same, but everything else seemed changed. Grown up. His hair a bit longer than he remembered, looking exactly like post-sex felt like. The baby face was gone, giving way to some stubble matching the scruffy look. Last but not least, he could see on his arm some unrecognizable piece of ink from the slice of skin that could be seen from underneath his long sleeves. That was… a lot.

“Finally! I mean, hi again… surprise?” Lottie spoke again, and Harry noticed she was trying to sound nonchalantly.

Yes, Harry could be nonchalant too. He could play this game and pretend that he was cool on the inside with the way Louis was looking from Lottie to him.

He bit his lips nervously, trying to form a small smile, and lifted his hand, waving his fingers at Louis.

“Hi?”

“Er, hi…” Louis stared at him quickly and averted his eyes, looking back at Lottie. “I mean, sorry, you caught me off guard. Warn a boy first before you bring your friends over, Lots. Jesus.”

“I told you I was bringing a friend!” She rolled her eyes. “That was just rude, Lou, c’mon. I know you haven’t seen Harry in a long time, but that’s not how you treat a guest.”

“Sorry, I thought she had told you I was coming, otherwise I wouldn–” Harry tried to explain. Lottie had said that Louis was ok with him going there, but now Harry wondered if her heads up had been about ‘a’ friend or if it was about, well, Harry. He had found it odd that Louis had accepted his visit so easily; now he guessed he knew why – Lottie must have accidentally forgotten to mention his name to Louis to prompt such a welcome reception.

“Harry, no, please,” Lottie interrupted him, “you’re my guest, Louis is just the host for a few days.” She smiled smugly at her brother.

“Whoa there, thanks for taking my opinion and the fact that it’s my house into consideration. Next time I’ll make you go to Doncaster all by yourself if you treat my flat just as a B&B,” Louis said, but his voice didn’t sound angry or annoyed; it was the usual sister/brother banter. Lottie poked her tongue out at him.

“You’d never! Now, will you let us in or are you gonna make us sleep in the hallway?” She asked, not even waiting for Louis to respond, already taking a step ahead and making Louis give her space to enter the flat. Harry stood where he was, not sure he was going to be welcome in Louis’ house.

“Right. Come on in, Harry,” Louis scratched the back of his neck with the free hand that wasn’t holding the door, not exactly looking Harry in the eye.

Harry stepped inside, cautiously. “Thanks,” he stopped right in front of Louis for a moment, thinking of what to say next. “I’m sorry, Louis. I really didn’t know. Thanks for letting me in nonetheless, really.”

“Yeah, yeah, no problem,” Louis looked up at him at last, his voice flat, but Harry saw the way he bit his lip in annoyance, turning away and closing the door. Harry only nodded and walked after Lottie, hearing Louis’ footsteps behind him.

“Charlotte!” Liam greeted her when Lottie stepped further into the living room and left her bag on the couch, greeting him back with a smile and a “Hi Liam”. “Did you have a safe train ride? Did you bring a… Harry?!” Liam exclaimed, brows rising incredulously when he saw Harry coming into the room followed by Louis.

Louis scoffed loudly behind Harry. Lottie looked confused at all three of them. “You know Harry?”

Liam opened his mouth, taken aback. “I… the pictures, hm, Louis’ photos? Those old ones from your birthday? He looks… familiar.” The look on Liam’s face was of desperation, making Harry briefly glance at Louis, who had an irritated frown on his face. “I mean, you’re Harry right? Unless you have a twin brother of sorts who looks very much like that curly bloke, but now with longer hair.”

“Er, no. I mean, yes, it’s me. No for the twin brother.” Harry spoke, chuckling nervously to try to lessen the awkwardness. He and Liam had met a few times, only in passing, when Harry would come to Louis’ old flat. Obviously, Liam couldn’t say that in front of Lottie. Harry should’ve considered all of this when he decided to come with her. How would they explain so many things?

“See, my memory is not that bad,” Liam joked, tapping his finger on his temple. Lottie looked again from him to Harry. Liam quickly shrugged, as Lottie spoke again.

“So, yeah, Liam. This is Harry. Harry, this is Liam, Louis’ best bro for life slash flatmate.”

“Hi,” Harry smiled at Liam and he just nodded back with a yellow smile. Harry didn’t know what to do next, standing in the middle of Louis’ living room. Should he sit? Should he drop his bag on the couch as Lottie had done? Should he turn around and go away?

No, he couldn’t let Lottie down or miss his opportunity. It seemed inevitable they would have to talk about it – them – somehow, didn’t it? Or would they simply ignore each other, orbiting around each other awkwardly and move on? That was not what Harry wanted at all. He went there hoping to at least be friends with Louis, hoping Louis would be friendly to him, to have a glimpse of him back in his life again. But with the way Louis had greeted him, he wasn’t so sure it would be possible anymore. Well, he couldn’t back down now. Things would be even more weird if Harry just left. Lottie would suspect something wasn’t right.

There wasn’t anything he could do right now but wait and see. If Louis kept on treating him like that, not giving him any space, that would be it then. He would try to change things, in the hopes that coming to Louis’ house wasn’t a big mistake.

“So, now that you’ve been introduced, should we eat? I’m starving. Aren’t we going out?” Lottie asked before there was any time to have an awkward silence moment between the four of them.

Everybody shuffled uncomfortably, not knowing exactly how the group would fit in an outing. All of them exchanged glances between one another, trying to gauge how everyone was feeling about it – but none was briefer than the one between Harry and Louis.  

Louis’ head already seemed like it was about to explode with the 5 minute interaction that had happened. He couldn’t believe Lottie would make him spend what, a week or two with Harry, until the end of the Holidays.

It wasn’t her fault that she didn’t know anything that had gone on between them (the only people to blame were ironically standing next to each other right now), but that didn’t mean that Louis was completely ok with Harry being there, in his flat, in his life again, unannounced.

“Lottie, would you come here for a sec first? Let’s put your things in my room.” He called her attention, motioning her to follow him. She nodded with a “sure” and got her bag, walking behind Louis. She only stopped to pat Harry on the shoulder, telling him to make himself at home and give his bag to her too.

Louis waited until they entered his room, Lottie dropping the bags on his bed and then he closed the door to start speaking. “What the hell?”

“What?” She looked at him confused.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were bringing Harry?”

“Would it make any difference?” She sat down on his bed, crossing her arms and giving him a pointed look. “Really, I don’t understand why you’re being so weird about it. It’s Harry. You used to be so nice to him before.”

“Yeah, before,” Louis closed his eyes for a moment. Yes, before he had been nice to Harry. Too bad they had broken up. “I haven’t seen him in ages and you just pop in here with him. You could’ve at least told me it was him so it wouldn’t be weird. I thought you were bringing a friend, a date, I don’t know. Not your friend who disappeared for 3 years and now is suddenly back in your life as your teacher. Isn’t there any policy towards teacher-student relationship in that school of yours?” He knew he was being harsh, but he had to let out his frustrations somehow.

“Blimey, Lou! First, why would I bring a date to you? I’m not gonna scare anybody I date making them spend a week with you,” she laughed at the way Louis made a faux-shocked expression. “Second, Harry is my friend and my professor, yes, but he’s my friend first. Everybody knows that, it’s not a big deal. And third, yeah, he’s been away for a while and now he’s back. I thought you’d be happy about it, you know, you both used to get along so well. I’m really not understanding your attitude. That’s what is weird.”

Louis had to consider what he was about to say to Lottie. He couldn’t simply say: yes, I used to get along with him so well until he fucked me over and left and we haven’t talked with each other since then. Nobody expects their first heartbreak back at their door like that, it wasn’t his fault. Also, he couldn’t let his sister see that he and Harry were acting weird around each other and ask why. He would have to grow a pair and be polite. Harry was there now, Louis couldn’t simply ask Lottie to take him somewhere else. That would be rude, even for him, and his sister would probably not speak with him for days. He knew how important Harry was to her. He couldn’t do that, no matter how much he wanted to.

And it was not that he was angry or really mad at Lottie for pulling that on him. He was just caught off guard for seeing Harry after years without any warning. He wasn’t really mad at Harry any more, either; he had made peace with that. It was just odd. He didn’t know how to feel, honestly. He still hadn’t processed it entirely that Harry was there. A grown Harry, completely different from the one he remembered. He wasn’t sure what that would do to him. But he had to deal with it and accept Harry in his life, even if it was just for a few days.

(But like. Harry had seen him naked. How do you deal with that all these years apart?)

“It’s just…” Louis puffed, running his hand through his messy fringe, “I don’t know, it’s been too long, Lottie. We lost touch with each other. You kept talking to him, that’s why your friendship hasn’t changed and it was easy to reconnect. With me and him, we… it was different,” he tried to explain it in the best and most vague way possible, “I was just surprised and shocked to see him after a long time. I’m sorry I seemed rude.”

“Yeah, it was hella rude. But I think I get it, sorry,” Lottie shrugged and Louis got closer, sitting beside her. “I should have warned you. My fault for making it weird, I just thought it would be a nice surprise, I didn’t think you’d freak out. I mean, I did when I first saw him again. Have you seen him? It’s like… he leveled up so much!” Lottie giggled as Louis ruffled her long and platinum hair. He breathed deeply, holding any comment he could make.

Yes, he had noticed how much Harry had leveled up. Not even in his wildest dreams would he have imagined how older Harry would look like. Nothing like the Harry that was now sitting in his living room, for the record.

“People grow up, Lots, that’s what it’s called,” he joked, bumping his fist on her shoulder and throwing an arm around her, half hugging the girl.

“Some people more than others. You just grew a beard. Harry got like 10 feet taller, his hair growing longer than Rapunzel’s and well, he went from looking like a cupcake to a hunk.”

Louis distanced himself from his sister to look better at her, with an almost shocked expression, but teasing her. “I guess that Mr. Perfect thing you had with him hasn’t gone away, uh?”

“Bloody hell, Louis! Don’t you start this again, please, ugh,” she playfully slapped him on the belly.

“I’m only messing with ya, love,” he ruffled her hair again and got up from the bed.

“You always are. Please don’t embarrass me again. Be normal, for once,” she got up too, setting Harry’s bag and hers on the floor. “And please be nice to Harry. I just want him to feel comfortable and welcome since he’s spending his holidays away from his family.”

“Will do, sis, don’t worry. Sorry again for being a twat,” he fixed his hair, looking at her fumble at her things and then in her coat, finding her wand there.

“You’ll only compensate being a twat by taking us out to dinner. You promised that, if I remember correctly,” she tapped the wand on her coat, making it change to a lighter and more comfortable one.

“Yeah, yeah, we actually have to go out because there’s nothing in here. Why don’t you go talk to Liam and Harry and see where they wanna go? I’m gonna change very quick. I’m feeling like a mess in these clothes after spending the whole day with the kids.”

“Sounds good! I’ll talk to them and oh, right! How was the play? And you know, I could help you change in a sec and you wouldn’t even have to worry about it if you just let me whoosh your clothes away,” she pointed her wand in his direction and Louis simply slapped it away from him.

“No, thank you very much, Fairy Godmother, put this thing away from me. You almost set my hair on fire the last time,” Lottie giggled, shrugging a sorry and pocketed her wand again. “And the play was great, thanks for asking. The kids were a nightmare as usual, but in the end the parents loved it, as always.”

“Ah, that’s good! Sad I missed it. Did Liam record it? I bet he did! I’m gonna go pester him, don’t take too long!” She went to the door, leaving the room.

Louis closed his eyes as he heard the door closing behind him and inhaled deeply.

Fuck, what was he about to get into?

He wasn’t nervous, no he wasn’t. There was just an unsettling feeling in his stomach because Harry was in his house and how the fuck were they going to deal with that?

Well, Louis could be the better man and act like it was all fine. Because, really, it was. Louis shouldn’t make a big deal about it. Harry being there shouldn’t change anything. He was fine. They were done. They had moved on. C’est la vie.

Now he only had to try and not make things too awkward. He could go out and have a nice dinner with his sister, his best friend and Harry. He could do that. He could so do that, that he decided that fuck it, it was Friday and he was going out and he was allowed to feel good and not think about Harry Styles messing up with his life again.

If Harry could show up at his house, wearing a long navy blue coat, black ripped jeans and beige boots, which made him look even taller than he had gotten (not that Louis was paying that much attention. Also when did that happen? They were practically the same height before), and those now long brown curls of his, then Louis was allowed to dress up as well. Harry wasn’t the only one who could show off how time had aged him like fine wine.

Yeah, he couldn’t deny that now Harry was indeed a hunk, as Lottie had pointed out. Just because Harry had blossomed into a gorgeous man, it didn’t mean Louis would think about him like he did before. He wasn’t blind, that was the thing. That was all that it was. Maybe it was the first shock of seeing Harry so different after so long. He would learn how to deal with Harry’s shocking beauty and charm as the days went by.

Louis then changed his simple grey jumper to a dark bordeaux one, and his black trousers to clean ones. He would keep his brogues that he had left by the frontdoor. He styled his hair to the side, in a not so well built quiff, but that would do. He looked himself in the mirror before he headed outside the room, feeling content with what he saw. Yes, he had his pride and he would show himself off all he could, of course.

“Finally!” Lottie exclaimed as she noticed him walking back into the living room. “Wait, are we going out to some party I didn’t know? Should I change my clothes? We settled on that pub down the road, no need to get all fancy, Lou.”

“I’m not fancy,” he looked down at himself, a bit too smugly. “I’ve been in those clothes all day long, gimme a break. It’s Friday.”

“Looking good, mate,” Liam looked at him, a brow raised and a sneaky smile on his lips. Louis rolled his eyes and quickly glanced at Harry, who was messing with his hair, staring at the ground, tongue poking out on the inside of his cheek.

“So, shall we? To the pub then?” Louis clapped his hands, faking enthusiasm.

“Yes, please,” Lottie was the one to get up first. Liam turned off the telly, getting his and Louis’ bottles of beer from the coffee table and headed to the kitchen quickly.

Harry stood up too and stayed close to Lottie. Louis could see that he was still clearly unsure of how to act.

“I’ll help you out with this mess, Liam. You guys can get going first, I’ll be down with Li in a sec,” he said because he still didn’t know what to say or do close to Harry either.

Lottie nodded, grabbing Harry by the arm and going to the door. Louis turned around going after Liam.

“What the fuck was that?” Liam didn’t even give him time to properly step inside kitchen.

“I don’t know. I seriously have no fucking clue. I’m this close to strangling Lottie,” he shook his head, nervously tangling his hands one in the other.

“He was so nervous with me sitting in the living room while we waited. I didn’t even know how to make small talk with him, Louis. What was I supposed to talk to him? Like, ‘hey, how have you been after you left my mate?’”

“Liam, please…” Louis looked down, now putting his hands inside his pockets.

“I think he was afraid I was going to kill him. Like, I was a little defensive first, of course. It’s none of my business what happened between you two, but, you know. At first, it was just a shock of seeing him again, I guess. Nothing like you closing the door in his face, but yeah.” Liam turned away from the sink where he had placed their empty beer bottles to walk closer to Louis.

“You tell me. I… well, I couldn’t kick him out of the flat, right? Lottie would be the one killing me. Now I’m gonna have to deal with it. Let’s see how the night goes first and then tomorrow I’ll think better about all of this. Fuck.”

“And you’re gonna deal with it by heading to a pub in one of your best clothes? With none other than your ex, coincidentally?” Liam put one hand on Louis’ shoulder, his brown eyes looking carefully at him.

“Fuck off, Payno. It’s nothing. It has nothing to do with him,” Louis slapped Liam’s hand away, laughing faintly.

“Ok, I believe you.” Liam gave him one last pointed look. “Just checking. Now, let’s get going too. Tonight is gonna be a long one,” he patted Louis again on the shoulder, making him turn around and walk towards the hallway to get their coats and shoes again and leave the flat.

They walked down the street, heading to the pub that was indeed just down the road; a nice spot they used to go some months ago. It wasn’t an expensive place and they always offered good pints and food, and it was never usually crowded, but on Fridays, it tended to be their fullest nights.

Lottie and Harry walked in front of Louis and Liam, and Louis tried really hard not to focus on Harry. At least at the pub, he would be able to distract himself. Being civil doesn't necessarily mean engaging in conversation and he pretended to do exactly that.

As they waited outside for a table, Louis quickly took out a cigarette to smoke, having too much fun in Liam’s story of his stressed out coworker.

“I swear he was redder than a devi–”

“Louis! I thought you’d quit?”

Louis dried a small mirth tear from the corner of his eye, turning to Lottie to address her abrupt question. The girl looked a bit crossed out and behind her–

Behind her Harry looked put out by the fag in Louis’ hand. Ah, yes, new habit. It’s not as if he would know anything about it, is it? Louis tapped the bum of his fag before putting it back in his mouth, giving a small, unapologetic shrug in his sister’s direction before turning back to Liam, Lottie’s murmur of ‘stubborn boy’ not as low as he would’ve liked. He ignored both the comment and Harry’s loud dry cough.

Soon enough they all entered the place, leaving their coats at the coat stand, looking for their table at the already crowded pub. Louis saw Harry looking around, probably trying to reconnect to a world too different from his own. He could bet Hogsmeade didn’t have that many TVs all around (if any) and much less any other place he had been to had it. A bar staff set a table of four for them and as Liam sat beside him, he quickly picked a menu to take those thoughts away from his mind. Who cared about it. They quickly asked for their drinks and also their meals, simple sandwiches and burgers.

As they were eating, Louis felt a little bit more at ease. Not that the conversation hadn’t flowed between them. Harry had mostly kept talking with Lottie and Louis with Liam, but he didn’t miss the few glances Harry would throw at him occasionally, not even subtly. It bothered him a little (a lot), but he couldn’t say much since he was doing the same. It made him self conscious that they were at the same place at the same time after all those years, strangers again when once they were so in tune with each other.

He took a sip of his cold beer, trying to look anywhere else but to Harry (it was getting ridiculous, because he had told himself he was going to distract himself from Harry and not get too caught up on him, again) when he noticed someone waving at him some tables away from them. He almost froze with the beer in his mouth.

“Shit,” he whispered, trying to hide himself anywhere he could, getting closer to Liam sitting beside him, and trying to cover himself with the beer bottle in front of him and sliding down on his seat.

“What’s wrong, Tommo?” Liam asked, looking confused at him.

“My ex is here,” Louis whispered, almost pulling up the collar of his jumper to cover his face.

Liam distanced himself from Louis, looking from him to Harry, who was now paying attention to Louis with his brows furrowed, but not leaving his attention from Lottie, still talking to her. “I know? Did it hit you just now or what? Are you alright, Louis?”

“No, you twit,” Louis looked around, sitting himself straight on his chair again, still speaking lowly, “my other ex, Aiden. I just saw him waving at me and now I can’t see him anymore. Now I remember why we don’t come to this fucking place anymore.”

“Oh fuck,” Liam said out loud, which made Lottie turn at them. “Do you think he’s coming–”

“What’s going on with you two?” She interrupted them, intrigued.

“Nothing, we’re just–” Louis was about to make something up when someone approached their table.

“Hey Lou,” the person said, waving at Louis. There was no escape for him.

“Hi Aiden,” he settled himself again on his seat, barely smiling at Aiden and paying more attention to the neck of his bottle.

“How you’re doing? It’s been a while. I thought I’d never see you again here, after, you know…”

“Cool cool cool, I’m good, thanks. Oh, well, can’t go hiding forever. I like this place anyway. I’ve forgotten you’re always here, actually.” Louis looked around the table to see everyone paying attention at him and he wanted to vanish from there, specially with Harry’s stony eyes fixated on them, going from him to Aiden more times than Louis would like.

“We literally started dating and broke up here, so, a little bit difficult to forget that, don’t you think? But, right, I understand, sorry. That’s not why I came here, I just wanted to tell you hi, see how you’ve been ‘cause I didn’t want to us to have any bad blood, even after what happened. I see that you’re having fun here with your friends, so I just thought…”

“No worries, Aiden, really. Yeah, we’re just chilling here. You remember Liam, right?” Louis indicated his thumb to Liam, who just gave him a salute. “Lottie, I don’t think you actually met her.”

“No, indeed. You talked about her all the time, though, so, hello,” he extended his hand to her. Lottie looked at him a little skeptical, taking his hand, but not so friendly.

“Oh, you’re Aiden then? Nice to meet you,” she gave him a lopsided smile, trying to sound as polite as she could.

“Likewise. And you? Are you Lottie’s boyfriend?” He turned to Harry, and Louis could see, even under the dim light of the pub, that he was blushing.

“No no,” Harry cleared his throat. “I’m Harry, Lottie’s friend and Louis’–”

“Friend too.” Louis finished for him quickly, not understanding why he would say it like that, as if implying that he was going to say something else. Both Liam and Lottie looked at him confused.

“Uh, I don’t recall Louis talking about you while we were together, but nice to meet you,” Aiden extended his hand to Harry too, and Louis saw his life flash before his eyes to have both of his exes meeting. It looked like time had slowed down for him to die the worst way possible as he saw them shaking hands. “I’m actually with a group of friends and a date too. We’re gonna do the karaoke later. If you wanna join us, or just participate. I know how you liked doing that, Lou. We could duet for old times sake.” Aiden turned to Louis again.

“Oh, right! They do have karaoke nights in here, I forgot that,” Liam commented.

“That’s nice, Aiden, thanks. We’ll see. We just came here to eat really, but have fun with your date.” Louis lifted his beer bottle to him, as if to toast him, trying to indicate that the chat was over. He wouldn’t bear the small talk for longer than that. Aiden seemed to get the hint, saying then his goodbyes to the four of them and walking back to where he had come from.

“I thought you had said you and Aiden weren’t friends anymore?” Lottie was quickly to turn to Louis, in her interrogatory mode.

“We're not!” Louis puffed, drinking from his beer. “I don’t know, he might have thought it was okay to come talk to me. Like, it wasn’t exactly a bad break up but,” he shrugged, “you’d think he’d forgotten me after I left him in the middle of dinner because I couldn’t stand him talking anymore.”

“That was savage!” Liam laughed and took a sip from his beer too. “The problem with him is that he is a guy of habit, he thinks this pub will bring him the love of his life so he’s always around here. He’s doing exactly the same thing he did to you. How could we forget that?”

“He’s very forgettable, Liam. The past should stay in the past and all that. Well, I feel bad for the lad who will have to deal with him singing now in the karaoke,” Louis joked, getting a chip from the small basket in the middle of the table.

“Karaoke’s supposed to be fun, let’s not make Aiden ruin it for us, please.” Lottie said, also eating the chips.

“How’s that?” Louis heard Harry speaking loudly again after only observing the conversation with his head low and fidgeting with the rings in his hand. Somehow, even if he had just listened to Harry speaking to Aiden, it hit Louis how deep and low Harry’s voice had become.

“Ah, it’s, hm, karaoke, you know. People singing and…” Louis could see that Lottie was struggling to explain to Harry what karaoke was without giving away too much so that Liam wouldn’t notice that Harry had no idea what he was talking about.

“C’mon Harry, you seem like the kinda guy who likes to sing,” Liam jumped in, enthusiastically.

“Oh, singing, yeah yeah, that sounds cool! Not for me though,” he answered, drinking from his bottle.

“Right, it’s only cool if you’re not the one being dragged into the stage with Louis making you sing The Cars.”

“Stop lying, Payno. You loved it,” Louis patted him on the shoulder.

“My arse I did. I didn’t know the lyrics at all. You, on the other hand, put on a show,” Liam bumped his shoulder.

“What can I say? I was born to be on the stage,” Louis shrugged, picking another chip and eating it, accidentally looking at Harry, who looked back at him with a smile. Louis had to gulp at that, averting contact with those glassy green eyes at him.

“Oh, no, are they really gonna do that?” Liam’s voice caught Louis’ attention, indicating with his head the small stage at the front of the pub, and the first notes of the song blasting from the speakers.

“What a fucking cliché,” Louis laughed when he understood what was going on, “and it’s Aiden of all people going there, obviously.”

“Let the guy be, Lou. Don’t tell me you haven’t sung Friday I’m in Love on the karaoke before,” Lottie said, already bobbing her head at the rhythm of the song.

“Why would that be a cliché?” Harry asked, genuine confusion on his face and, damn Harry Styles, Louis had forgotten how cute it was when he didn’t understand something muggle and Louis had to explain it for him.

He shook his head quickly, trying to erase those thoughts from his mind. He couldn’t let himself fall down that rabbit hole again, he knew better now.

“Harry, seriously?” Liam spoke before Louis could say anything, “it’s Friday and they are singing Friday I’m in Love! It’s already bad enough that we have to see almost every Friday on Facebook, amongst the TGIF posts, the ones quoting this song, declaring their love and blablabla.”

“Originality is dead,” Louis said again, mockingly.

The expression on Harry’s face didn’t go away; instead, it became even more confused. Poor Liam, didn’t know what he was doing to him.

“Facebook?” Harry could at least pretend he knew what Liam was talking about, Louis thought. Now he was kinda feeling bad for Harry, because he didn’t know what he had just brought upon himself.

“Facebook Harry! What world do you live in? Don’t you have a Facebook account?”

Louis could see Lottie chuckling beside Harry, entertaining herself with the conversation. She could end Harry’s misery right there, but Louis knew that she would let them keep going for the fun that it would be.

“I don’t…” Harry looked from Liam to Lottie and then to Louis, and Louis only shrugged at him. He wasn’t going to help him either, nope. He also wanted to see Harry struggle a bit. “I don’t have one.”

“How come? Wait, was it because you were travelling all over the world and became one of those hermits, away from society and social networks?”

“Kinda, yeah.” Harry sipped from his drink again. Euphemism of the century.

“Gimme your phone, I’m gonna change that right now,” Liam extended his hand to Harry and Harry’s eyes widened. Louis and Lottie were trying their best to contain their laughter.

“I… don’t have one, either.” Harry said and Louis knew he was afraid of actually saying that to Liam, because what came next was just too hilarious for Louis to hold it anymore.

“What?! How?! Mate, how do you live?!” Liam was almost screaming and Louis coughed, trying to catch his breath. Lottie was a little bit more composed than him, but still laughing and shaking her head. “So, no text messages, no twitter, no instagram, no snapchat? Harry, I’ve never met anybody like this, seriously. I have to take my hat out to you.” Liam shook his head, drinking more beer. “You must communicate with people through magic, that’s the only explanation.”

Lottie and Louis spit out their drinks at the same time, Harry looking even redder than before, giggling nervously.

“What? What did I say?” Liam asked, not understanding what was going on.

None of them explained, too busy trying to recompose themselves.

As the night went on, the conversation among them flowed more easily, with the four of them talking about different subjects, and to Lottie’s and Louis’ amusement, with Liam’s attempts to get to know things about Harry, but only getting him trapped without knowing what to answer about muggle topics he knew nothing about, like music...

_“So Harry, if you were to go up to the karaoke, which song would you sing? Do you have a favorite artist, band?” Liam asked._

_“Maybe something from The Weird Sisters, I guess,” Harry answered in a beat._

_“Oh they are the best!” Lottie chimed in._

_“Who? Is this some kind of ultra indie alternative band you found, I don’t know, stunting around a dark alley in London? C’mon, gimme the popular ones, Harry.”_

_Harry searched for Lottie with his eyes and she only shrugged._

_“Mhm, I don’t know, there are too many…”_

_“No, don’t play this with me. Everybody has one. One band that you couldn’t stop listening to on the radio until you got sick of them or you know, one that has that song that always makes you cry, or remember a moment in your life...”_

_“Er, The Police?” Harry stared blatantly at Louis._

_Louis tried not to look at Harry’s face, knowing very well that he only said that because it was one of the few bands Louis had showed him, and it seemed that he still remembered them._

… or movies …

_“Have you seen the new Avengers movie, Harry? What are your thoughts on Ultron?” Harry’s desperate eyes made Liam look suspicious at him. “Don’t tell me you’re not a Marvel guy!”_

_“No, sorry, I haven’t seen, I don’t kno–”_

_“You’re a DC guy then? Are you excited for the new Batman vs Superman? I personally think Affleck will be a great Batman. Although, I don’t think they can find someone as perfect as they found RDJ  for Iron Man.”_

_“Is this the Batman versus Iron Man thing?” Harry’s eyes were almost pleading Louis or Lottie for help._

_Liam looked at Louis outraged. “Mate, for someone who defends comic books so much, I’d think you’d have taught your e–”_

_“Yes! The Batman and Iron Man thing! See, Liam, he knows it! Stop nagging him, it’s not everyone who thinks that life is all about who’s the most powerful billionaire superhero.” Louis was quick to speak over Liam, not letting him spill out anything he shouldn’t._

_Liam gave him a pointed look. “You literally made people say Iron Man was the best superhero to enter our flat.”_

_“Only because it’s true,” Louis winked at him, which earned him a chuckle from Harry._

Louis tried as much as he could to engage with Harry in the conversation, but somehow it got a lot more difficult when only speaking to Harry brought him a familiarity he didn’t know he had missed. It pissed him off. Every quick smile or accidental glance between them. Louis knew better than that, and yet. And yet he had promised Lottie, so there he was. Keeping his promise and doing his part.

Obviously they weren’t talking the way they used to. Louis didn’t want to talk the way they used to (or so he thought). Although, he had to admit that seeing Harry again, getting shy and confused at Liam’s questions, laughing at himself and fumbling with his answers reminded him too much of a boy he once fell in love with and who he couldn’t quite forget. This new mature Harry was a stranger to Louis, knocking (uninvited) at his door when he least expected, but shining through the night was still a young Harry, one who Louis took so long to make peace with.

There was a mix of feelings growing inside of him now. He wasn’t mad at Harry because of their break up, but he also wasn’t completely ok with what was going on. He still didn’t know how to act or how to feel between their sparse conversations. The problem was: he wasn’t blind, okay. Even if he didn’t know how to behave with Harry in front of him, he could still see him – and everything in Harry caught his attention. From the way his rosy plumped lips moved, to the dimples that formed on his cheeks every time he smiled, to the way he tucked his long curly hair behind his ears or ran his fingers through them after ruffling the top, to the rings that fit so perfectly on his long fingers and the tattoos on his arms – the load of them, Christ, Harry had painted his body so well…

Louis wanted to scream because all of that shouldn’t affect him. Not so fast and not so easily. He and Harry had only been in the same place again for more than a couple of hours and it was like Louis could feel the curiosity perking up to get to know Harry again. And it was even more difficult to contain that when Harry seemed so different, and exactly like he knew him. Louis gulped down his beer faster whenever he caught himself wondering where the old Harry ended and the new one began. Liam had to elbow him a few times to try to make Louis answer something Harry or Lottie had asked him, making him focus again on the conversation and not on his wandering thoughts. His bitterness didn’t allow him to entertain many positive scenarios for this holiday, but his thoughts were ruthless and there was almost nothing he could do to stop them but turn his gaze away every time Harry looked his way.

He tried his best to remain put out the rest of the night and when they left the pub to get back to their flat, the cold wind helped him sober up a bit and put some sense into his brain.

“Right, so, how are we gonna do this?” Lottie asked the minute she entered the flat, taking off her shoes and coat. Harry followed her, Louis watching him take off his boots and leave it by the wall, and that shouldn’t have made him have flashbacks to how many times Harry had done it before.

“Do what?” Louis replied, putting his keys in the key bowl and discarding his coat and shoes too. Liam closed the door behind him, doing the same.

“How are we gonna do the sleeping arrangement?” She questioned, plopping down on the couch.

“Don’t bother with me, really. I can easily take the couch or a spot on the floor, if it’s any inconvenience.”

“What? No Harry, I wouldn’t let you sleep on the couch or on the floor. What kind of host do you think I am? You should take one of the rooms.” Liam said, leaning himself against the door frame.

“And I usually get the couch when Lottie comes, and she takes my bed,” Louis added.

“Harry could take your bed, Lou,” Lottie suggested innocently, which made Harry and Louis look at each other and speak at the same time.

“No!”

Lottie stared confused at them. “Alright? Well, I wouldn’t mind sleeping on the couch and giving Harry Louis’ bed. Lou, maybe you and Liam could bunk down at Liam’s?”

“I’ll gladly take the couch, Lottie, please, no need to do anything you wouldn’t normally because of me.” Harry waved his hand up in a no.

“Are you sure?” Liam asked, “because then me and Louis could sleep here in the living room and you’d take my bedroom.”

“Thank you, Liam, but no, the couch will do. I don’t wanna intrude more than I already did.” Harry said apologetically.

“You’re not intruding, Harry, stop. I’ve already told you that, and I’m just trying to make you comfortable. But if you insist, I don’t think there’s a problem then. You two alright sleeping together?” Lottie turned to Liam and Louis, giving them a wink.

“Tommo always kicks me but I think I can survive one night,” Liam joked and received a slap on the head from Louis. “I was gonna say that, as I’m leaving tomorrow, you can have the room for yourself the remaining days, but now, I might make you sleep on the floor.”

“You would never,” Louis rolled his eyes, slapping him on the arm, “but right, yeah, I think we’re settled then. I’m knackered, I’ll get my stuff from my room and then I’ll leave you and Harry to get ready, Lots.” He looked from his sister to Harry, who was still standing up close to the couch.

It was weird to see Harry feeling so awkward inside Louis’ flat (it was weird to see Harry inside his new flat, period), so much different from older times when it felt like he belonged in there, making himself at home whenever they were together. Things had changed now, but still, somehow Louis didn’t want Harry to feel like he wasn’t welcomed in his house anymore – he wasn’t rude, after all.

“I hope the couch is not a pain in the arse for you. It always leaves my back hurting,” Louis said, addressing Harry suddenly, which made him look at Louis surprised.

“Nah, it will be okay. I’m used to sleeping at crappy places by now. Not that your couch will be crappy, sorry, that’s not what I meant. I’ve slept in worse places, trust me. I’m sure it will be more than comfortable.” Harry smiled at him, still a little shy.

Louis smiled back, turning away to hide a grimace, trying to suppress the memories of what had already happened between Harry and him on his couch many times before.

He shook his head slightly and headed to his bedroom. Liam was already going to his, saying his goodnights and leaving Lottie and Harry alone in the living room.

Louis did his night cleaning routine and changed to his usual pyjamas trousers and his old tank top tee, then getting one pillow from his bed and also a blanket. He left the room, quickly heading back to the living room, to catch Lottie and Harry talking, Harry now sat on the couch beside her, but stopping when he approached them.

“Er,” Louis cleared his throat, “it’s all set, Lottie. You can get Harry a duvet and pillow from my wardrobe.”

“Don’t worry, I can, you know,” Harry spoke lowly, “conjure them.”

Louis looked around quickly to make sure Liam wasn’t around. “Oh yeah, right, forgot about that. Well, then I guess… make yourself comfortable,” he indicated at the couch, “and you,” he turned to Lottie, “you know the drill about my bedroom. Don’t mess with my stuff.”

“Seriously? Your room is a mess, I’d be doing you a favour if I went through your stuff and put them in place.”

“My mess is organized, please,” Louis poked his tongue out at her. “Right. So, I guess this is goodnight,” he looked back at Harry, breathing deeply before he spoke again, “and seriously, Harry, make yourself at home. If you need anything, just call me, or Lottie.”

Harry nodded, smiling softly at him. “Thanks. Goodnight to you too, Lou...is.” He noticed how Harry had to force himself to say the last syllable of his name, the nickname slipping easily through his lips, biting down at them.

Louis could lie and pretend a shiver didn’t go through his body with that, but, well, lying to himself would get him nowhere. He nodded back and went closer to Lottie, kissing the top of her head. “Night, Lots. Love you lots.”

She answered back, quickly looking from Harry to Louis, a smile growing on her lips. That Louis could ignore as he walked back to Liam’s bedroom.

“Can I turn off the lights already?” Louis asked as he closed Liam’s door. The short-haired boy was putting on his pyjamas jumper.

“Yep,” Liam answered as his head poked out from the jumper and he sat on his bed, fluffing his pillow and pulling his duvet out.

Louis then turned off the lights and headed to the bed, lying beside Liam’s side with his pillow and covering himself with the blanket he had brought.

“You know you can sleep under my duvet, right?”

“I like to keep my integrity, thank you very much.” Louis joked as he felt Liam lie down too.

Liam shifted to his side, supporting his head with his hand. “What integrity?”

“Shut up,” Louis slapped him on the arm and rolled over to the other side. “Goodnight, Liam.”

“So, are we not going to talk about this?” Liam whispered softly.

Louis knew what Liam wanted to talk about and, nope, he wasn’t going to talk about it. He most likely wanted to just sleep and pretend that Harry wasn’t sleeping on his living room. He would have to deal with him in the morning, though, because Harry wouldn’t simply disappear from there – unless he wanted to. Wouldn’t be a first, but Louis knew that he wasn’t going to. Right now, all Louis wanted was to sleep.

“Nope.”

“Are you serious?” Liam’s voice was a little higher now. “Louis, no, c’mon.”

“Liam, please keep your voice down and no, there’s nothing to talk about.” Louis mumbled, conscious of their guests outside.

“Oh no? Nothing to talk about the fact your ex is in our living room right now? Nothing to talk about how your other ex appeared at the pub and how you behaved completely different towards each of them? Nothing to talk about how you feel right now?” Louis knew Liam was staring at the back of his head intensively and he would probably spent the whole night like that until Louis finally gave in and spoke to him.

“Ugh,” he grunted and turned over, lying on his back and looking up at the ceiling. “I don’t know how I’m feeling. That’s it. Happy now?”

“No, I’m not happy. Well, ok, I think I can say it’s understandable not to know how you feel when life pranks you twice on the same night. But then, let’s compare,” he settled himself against the headboard of the bed, “with Aiden, you completely dismissed him and wanted no talk or whatsoever. With Harry, despite the initial rudeness of slamming the door in his face, I could see you trying to reach out to him more than once. Eagerly, even. Are you really sure you don’t know what you feel?”

“I can’t treat him badly in front of Lottie, Liam, what did you want me to do?” Louis puffed. “I can’t just ignore him, since he’s gonna spend a week with us. I can’t pretend he doesn’t exist either, as much as I want to, even if I had managed to do that for the past couple of years.”

“I know, I know, that’s not what I meant, though. What I meant is, I saw the way you looked at him, Louis. Not ignoring him and being polite is one thing, but you two were not just being polite, you weren’t even being subtle, at all.”

“I was doing nothing, Liam!” He hissed, defending himself.

“Louis…”

Louis pulled his blanket over his head, puffing.

“Lou, c’mon!” Liam pushed the covers down. “I’m not blaming you if you felt something for him again. And I’m not blaming you for looking at him at all, I mean, even I was astonished with the way he looked tonight.”

“Why do people keep bringing this up? It’s not like I don’t have eyes! Or that I can’t be curious! I can see what he’s looking like now, I’m not blind. I’m not doing anything but look at him, that’s all.”

“But do you want to do anything else?”

Liam’s voice was serious and Louis wanted to punch his puppy face for making Louis think about it.

“I…” He opened his mouth, not really knowing what to say, “I don’t think so, Li. I don’t know,” he confessed. “I can’t lie and say that old memories didn’t come back when I saw and talked to him. At first I was taken aback, that’s why I acted the way I did, but after, as much as I’m saying that I’m doing this for Lottie, I can’t stop thinking ‘it’s just Harry’.” He stated.

“And you’re ok with ‘just Harry’ in your life again? Is he just anything?”

“I’ve barely spent a day with him, Liam. I don’t know what I’m ok with. That’s why I said I need to sleep and then think about it,” he rolled to his side again. “Also, yeah, he’s staying here _just_ for the holidays, so there’s that. So he’ll be ‘Just for these Holidays’ Harry.”

“Knowing you, I feel like you’re just gonna ignore this until the tension is too much and you’ll end up doing something stupid,” he felt Liam lying down once again, bringing his duvet up.

“There isn’t any tension, Liam.”

“Really? I mean, I’m not talking about sexual tension, yet, but that will certainly happen soon. You’ve seen each other naked, can’t very well forget about that.” Liam said, teasingly.

“Shut the fuck up, Payno,” Louis tried to kick him from under his blanket.

“Louis, please just listen to me. Look at me, mate,” Louis rolled his eyes and faced Liam. Even in the dark room he could see his concerned eyes. “You can’t ignore what happened between you two in order to be civil with each other. Even if it’s to clear things up, to have the closure that didn’t happen and go on with your own lives separately, or to become friends with him. You’ll have to talk about it.”

He knew Liam was right. He just didn’t know what he wanted. Did he want Harry back in his life again? Did he want to be friends with him? Did he really want to talk about how he felt after Harry left? Did he really want to know how Harry felt? Did they even know how to still talk to each other, just the two of them?

“I’ll consider it, Liam. Not now, please, let me sleep. It’s been too much already.” He took a deep breath and turned to the other side.

“Right, right. I’ll leave you to sleep through it. Just, don’t let it drag for too long, Lou. Lottie might notice that something’s up.”

“I know. I’ll be careful,” he closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. “Now, goodnight, and please, don’t spoon me.”

“I think you’re in need of a cuddle now, though,” Liam moved closer to him and as soon as Louis felt Liam’s arm trying to hold him, he kicked his feet behind towards Liam’s shins.

“How dare you!” Liam laughed loudly, “you’re in my bed and you treat me like this? I might make you go sleep on the couch!”

“Shut up!” Louis laughed too, squealing a bit with Liam’s wandering hands.

“Wait, no. I can’t, otherwise you and Harry might end up cuddling and doing other things!”

“Oh my fucking God, Liam!” Louis said out loud, kicking him harder, and then turning, grabbing his pillow from under his head and hitting it on Liam’s stomach.

“Ouch!” Liam screamed through laughter.

“CAN’T YOU TWO SHUT UP? I’M TRYING TO SLEEP OVER HERE!” They heard Lottie’s voice from outside the room, louder than it should be (Louis might’ve had an idea why, but Liam didn’t seem to notice) and couldn’t help laughing louder.

“Sorry, Lots! We’ll behave now. Goodnight!” Liam shouted back after he recomposed himself.

“That sounded... naughty,” Louis got his pillow back, lying down his head on it.

“Do you think Harry heard it?” Louis couldn’t see Liam’s face as he had turned on his side once again, but he could feel the sneaky tone in his voice.

“Please shut up and sleep. Night, Payno,” Louis laughed one more time. Liam whispered a “Sorry! Goodnight, Lou” and Louis felt him turning to the other side of the bed.

Louis breathed heavily, closing his eyes.

That had been one unexpected night. It’s not every day your ex, the one whom it had taken you so long to recover from what you felt for him, shows up at your door. Literally.

Louis had gone through a roller coaster of feelings that night and he wasn’t quite sure which feelings prevailed. It was a surprise to see the one he had been angry at for so long in front of him again, but also, Louis had let go of that resentment a long time ago and somehow it was almost nostalgic to have Harry close to him again.

That wouldn’t change anything, though. The last he’d heard about Harry was when Lottie told him he was back teaching at Hogwarts. Even though Louis had been happy for him achieving his dreams, just like Louis always knew he would, it didn’t mean he wanted to have Harry back in his life. He’d moved on, but destiny – or Lottie – forgot to get his memo. Louis had also worked to be where he wanted in life and he was happy too. Apparently, both of them were in a good place in their lives right now. They weren’t just in each other’s life anymore and Louis hadn’t even considered reaching out to him. Harry was simply Lottie’s friend and Professor. That was all that it was.

With Harry right there, under his roof, sleeping on a couch haunted by their memories, Louis didn’t know what he was anymore. Was he just his ex? Was he a long lost friend? Was he just Lottie’s friend? A combination of all three?

Moreover, what motivated Harry to come with Lottie? What did he expect? He knew he would meet Louis, so, somehow he considered that seeing him after 3 years, after not talking at all with each other, was totally fine. Why would he do that?

Louis couldn’t know, because he and Harry hadn’t talked. And Liam was right, fuck, they would have to talk before things got too awkward or Lottie suspected something was amiss.

What a perfect holiday season he would have ahead of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took us a while to update this one, but it's finally here! Hope you enjoyed it! :D  
> Next chapter will take another couple of weeks too, so, hang in there! <3  
> Ste and Syn xx


	3. Saturday - Sunday

_**December 19th, 2015** _

 

It took a moment for Harry to open his eyes and take in the place where he was – sleeping on Louis’ couch, in his living room. The daylight was slightly coming into the room from the window in front of him, the curtains preventing the room to be completely lit up. Harry had no idea what time it was.

Some years ago, that would’ve been totally normal for him to be there, with Louis by his side. Now though, being in that situation, he didn’t actually know how to feel about it. He had thought about it – about being back in Louis’ life, but the night before hadn’t quite gone how he hoped it would.

It wasn’t that the night had been a complete disaster. Overall, he had had a good night out with Lottie, Louis and Liam despite the first awkward moment of arriving at Louis’ flat at Louis’ apparent surprise. He knew they wouldn’t be acting like they did before – he was possibly expecting Louis to completely ignore him, not even an exchange of words with him – but as the night went on, much to his surprise, Louis started to give Harry some space, actually catching the few discreet glances Louis would give him throughout the night (who was he to complain about that when he was doing the same, but not so discreetly?).

He tried to contain himself, he had tried to tell himself to be chill and just let the night be, but that was Louis in front of him – the Louis he was still in love with, right in front of him. It was hard to ignore what Louis looked like now and hard not to think about the Louis he had left behind, observing how this new Louis acted, what he was like, what kind of things had changed since then (the tattoos, the beard, the cigarette, and apparently also the type of people he was into now – yes, he almost gave them away, with the tiny jealousy spurt he had when that Aiden boy approached them).

So much had changed and a lot of time had passed and Harry knew things wouldn’t be the same. He was willing to just look at Louis as his ex, an old friend, Lottie’s brother, but he realized he would only be fooling himself with that. Louis was all that, yes, but still, the way his heart beat every time he looked at Louis that night, it only proved that his love for him hadn’t gone away, at all, after all those years. With Louis so close to him again, Harry knew it wasn’t going away that easily any time soon.

And that was the worst part because he could feel that for Louis it wasn’t like that anymore, it hadn’t been, possibly since that fateful day when they broke things off. But he also could feel Louis was trying to at least be polite to Harry, probably because of Lottie and Harry only wondered, as the days would go by, if they would manage to reconnect somehow, becoming more friendly with each other, becoming friends at least. Harry was hoping for that if it was all Louis was willing for them to be.

Harry took a deep breath, stretching out his legs on the couch – it hadn’t been that uncomfortable to sleep on there if he was being honest. It wasn’t probably the same couch Louis had back then, but it was a good place to lie on nonetheless. He was about to stretch out his arms too, reaching the coffee table to fetch his wand when he heard the sound of steps and muffled voices coming his way. He was able to quickly get his wand in hand and lie on his side again on the couch, facing the television in front of him.

“I seriously thought you’d leave later, Payno,” it was Louis’ voice Harry could hear louder now, “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.”

“It’s not my fault Soph wants to get home earlier to do more Christmas shopping with mum,” Liam answered, “and I’m doing nothing. Actually, I can’t do anything for you, mate. You know what you have to do, alone, you know, with,” Harry noticed how Liam abruptly stopped talking and he had an inkling of what – who – he was referring to.

They had probably talked about Harry last night – he only hoped he hadn't been the reason of their loud laughter, mocking him for noticing how too obvious and still too in love with Louis he was, but, they wouldn't be that cruel, would they? No, he was probably exaggerating. Maybe he just needed Liam's advice. Of course, they were best friends and Louis would go to Liam to seek advice on what to do (the same way Harry had done with Niall). Now he only wondered what they had talked about, what Louis had decided to do regarding Harry being in his life again. A conversation between Louis and him seemed to be inevitable, and at the thought, Harry involuntarily breathed heavily and shifted a bit on the couch, making his wand slip from his fingers and fall on the floor again, making a small sound.

That hadn’t gone unnoticed, he realized as he heard the footsteps coming closer to him stop.

“Harry, you awake?” Liam was the one to ask and Harry quickly pushed his wand under the couch so Liam wouldn’t see it if he were to come closer to him.

“Oh, hi, yeah,” he replied, yawning a bit. He was still a bit sleepy, but his thoughts had already made him more awake.

“Did we wake you up? Sorry, I can be a bit loud in the morning, especially now getting ready to leave.” Harry sat on the couch, looking behind him to see Louis and Liam standing by the small corridor that led to their bedrooms. Liam was dressed up with a bag over his shoulder and Louis had his bed hair, wearing a white wrinkled tank top and Harry had to control himself from staring at the sight of the several new tattoos he could see in Louis now.

“No, I was kinda awake before, snoozing in and out, just happened to wake up for real now,” he cleared his voice, looking back at Liam, “you said you’re leaving?”

“Yeah, heading back home for the Holiday with the missus,” Liam answered him, “but really, sorry if I woke you up, didn't know if you'd be already up to say goodbye to you before leaving.”

“Don’t mind me, really. It seems I slept too much. What time is it by the way?”

“Around 9,” Louis finally spoke after taking his phone from his joggers pocket, “and it seems Miss Charlotte is sleeping a bit late too, let me wake her up so you say goodbye to her, Payno.”

“Let the girl sleep, Louis,” Liam laughed.

“Believe me, she will be mad at me for letting you leave without saying goodbye to her,” Louis shook his head, turning around. “Lottie!” He called and Harry watched as he took a few steps back towards his bedroom, opening the door. “Lottie?” He called again, head poking inside. Harry looked from him to Liam, who only shrugged at him. “Charlotte?” The lights in the room were on now and Louis turned his head to face them again. “What the fuck, she’s not here,” he had a confused expression on his face, “Harry, did you hear anything coming from my bedroom earlier?”

“No, I didn’t hear anything, sorry,” Harry shook his head, as lost as Louis seemed to be, as he saw Louis heading to the kitchen and Liam following him. Harry got up from the couch and went after them, now worried to know what had happened to Lottie. She probably had apparated from the flat, because if she had left by the front door, Harry might’ve heard something.

“I swear she’s gonna be the death of me someday,” Harry stepped inside the kitchen to see Louis rolling his eyes as he had a piece of paper in his hand.

“Well, you can’t blame her,” Liam laughed, a hand on Louis’ shoulder.

“What? She left a note?” Harry asked approaching them near the table.

“She did,” Louis puffed, “that sneaky one. Couldn’t she have warned me before like a normal person, telling me she was going to the grocery shop on her own because apparently I’m ‘just the worst and don’t even buy food for your guests’?” He seemed to be reading from Lottie’s words on the note.

“I guess dramatization runs in this family,” Liam joked, only to receive a squinted look from Louis. “Sorry! But, c’mon Louis, she’s old enough already and the grocery shop is very close, there’s no problem. Also, you should thank her instead of being mad, because we have literally nothing to eat. You can survive on your cereal, but others are not like you. I bet Harry here would like a full English breakfast.” Liam turned to him.

“Me? No, I’m good right now, some cereal or tea will do just fine,” Harry answered, hands now holding the back of one of the chairs near him, a bit self conscious of both Liam and Louis looking at him.

“I was going to run some errands, later, I told ya!” Louis said stubbornly. “Anyway. See, Harry is fine with some cereal too, Liam, you are the spoiled one, but will you want some before going?” He folded the paper and put it inside his pocket.

“Oh no, I’ll grab some Starbucks with Soph on our way. Actually, I’m already late to go meet with her,” Liam patted Louis on the shoulder, looking at the watch on his wrist and stepping away.

“Posh,” Louis poked his tongue out at him, which made Harry laugh a bit at the banter. Liam flipped him off and walked closer to Harry.

“Harry, I will be gone but please make yourself at home, ok?” He extended his hand to Harry and he took it, shaking it. “Have a happy holidays, I hope you have fun while you stay here with Lottie and Louis,” Harry could see the way his eyes quickly glanced from him to Louis who was now closer to the sink, “it was… a surprise to see you again,” Liam hesitated a little and Harry could understand why and Liam didn’t have to say anything like that, but he was a decent guy, so of course he would make sure Harry was at ease.

“Thank you, Liam. Thank you for your hospitality,” Harry answered, letting go of his hand, “it was nice seeing you again too,” he added, a bit unsure.

“Yeah, it’s been a while,” Liam stepped back, biting down at his lips, a firm gaze on his eyes, “hope things will end up differently than last time,” he smiled tightly at him before he turned to Louis. Harry chewed on the inside of his cheek, self aware because of Liam’s comment. “Lou, I’ll text you when we arrive at home.”

“God, Liam, I’m not your mother,” Harry could hear the playful tone in Louis’ voice as he got a bowl from the cabinet under the sink.

“You basically almost had a heart attack because your sister didn’t warn you she was going to the nearest shop, please. I know you’re already missing me.”

“I’m already glad you’re leaving so you don’t pester me anymore. Now, shoo, go meet your girlfriend and tell Sophs to remind you to call me when you get home.” Louis turned around on the sink, winking at Liam.

“Will do,” Liam laughed and saluted him with his hand to his head. “Right, I’m going now. Tell Lottie I said bye. Have a nice Holiday you two, and, hm, behave.” Liam cleared his throat, quickly, giving Louis and Harry a glance. “Ok, bye Lou, bye Harry,” he waved at them, fixing his bag over his shoulder and turning away to leave the kitchen.

Both of them answered “bye Liam” at the same time and watched as Liam walked back to the hallway.

Harry heard the sound of jiggling keys and then the door opening and closing.

Right.

There were Harry and Louis alone in the flat now. Louis staring blankly at the kitchen door from where he’d watched Liam go and Harry looking at Louis, mindlessly rocking the chair he was holding, too tightly now, back and forth.

“So,” Louis seemed to snap back from his state a few seconds after, looking again at Harry. Obviously Liam had to make the slightest awkward comments about him and Harry. If Harry wasn’t there and if Liam wasn’t late, he would’ve slapped his friend in the head. But well, there was nothing he could do now as Liam had already left – and left him and Harry alone. He would have to deal with it. “Will you want some cereal? Tea? I’m doing both for me,” he asked, walking to the fridge, opening it and getting a pint of milk. “Sorry about not having anything else to eat, though,” he put the pint on top of the sink and then went back to the cupboard, getting a box of Coco Pops from inside. He looked at Harry again to see him standing there, awkwardly looking at him. “You, hm, can sit,” Louis gestured him with his free hand to the table.

“I think I’ll just have some tea,” Harry answered as he pulled the chair for him to sit, not wanting to look like he didn’t know how to stand near Louis, again.

“Right,” Louis placed the box next to the pint and the bowl he had previously taken and took his kettle, filled it with water and flicked on the switch to start it boiling. “How do you want it? Milk and two spoons of sugar?”

It was supposed to come out as a normal question, but when Louis turned back to look at Harry, he noticed the fixed expression Harry had on his face as he gulped dryly. It was then that it hit him that he didn’t only ask Harry how he wanted his tea. He asked if he liked it just the way he used to before.

It took Harry a second to absorb that Louis still remembered that small fact about him. Not that it actually mattered, it must’ve been something that came to Louis’ mind just now, anyway. But still, _still_.

“Yup, still the same,” Harry finally answered, playing with his fingers on top of the table, realising that he hadn’t put his rings on yet that morning, getting up from the couch in a rush to know what had happened to Lottie.

Louis nodded quickly, getting the box of Yorkshire tea that was nearby to take his focus from Harry and start preparing his cereal and their teas.

He quietly poured his chocolate cereal inside the bowl and then the milk. He moved to the cupboard again to fetch two mugs. He waited for the kettle to finish boiling the water, mindlessly swirling a spoon on his cereal. He didn’t know what kind of small talk he could make with Harry, but he was sure anything would be too awkward, so he simply waited one more minute to finally pour the hot water into the mugs, filling one for Harry and another for him.

Harry watched as Louis kept with his back turned to him, waiting for him to prepare their tea. He probably knew Louis was avoiding talking to him, because he too didn’t know what to say. So they both stayed in silence until Louis turned around, two mugs in hand, walking closer to the table and handing Harry one to hold, putting the other on top of the table as he quickly grabbed the bowl of cereal he had left on the counter of the sink and then sat on a chair opposite to Harry.

“Thank you,” Harry said as he held his mug with both hands and drank the hot tea. It was just tea, but it felt like bittersweet nostalgia that Louis still knew exactly how to make it the way Harry liked, just like he did back then. Harry just closed his eyes at the thought, savouring his drink.

Louis smiled slightly at him as he finally started eating his cereal and fuck, what were they supposed to do now? Louis knew the awkward silence couldn’t last for long and if he considered his options, he also knew that having Harry there, in front of him, with nobody else in the flat, was the perfect opportunity for them to talk. Was it too soon? Maybe, but he figured he wouldn’t have another chance like that and if he just kept waiting for one, he would do just like Liam had predicted – he would procrastinate and they would never talk about it and probably things would get even more awkward than they already were.

He munched on his cereal and then breathed heavily, looking at Harry blink his eyes open, those green eyes of his, as he drank his tea. It was the first time Louis was actually looking right at Harry, seeing his face as clear as day after so long and fuck, he couldn’t delay anymore. He wondered for a second how to start it and there was only one way he knew how to cope with things.

“So, I guess we have to talk about the elephant in the room,” Louis asked and Harry almost spit the sip of tea he had just taken, taken aback from Louis’ sudden and so straightforward question. He imagined they would have to talk about it, but not starting like this.

“What?” Harry asked back, a bit startled, putting down his mug and looking at Louis, his brows knitted in confusion at him.

Louis took another spoon of his cereal, swallowing it before he spoke again. “Two elephants, actually,” he pointed his spoon to Harry’s direction, “the curly long hair and all this ink.”

Harry breathed a little relieved that Louis was not directly going to start talking about _them._ “Oh, these?” Harry ruffled his hair at the top, hand sliding down to the curls at the tips, then looking at the tattoos on his left forearm. He lifted his eyes to look at Louis, observing how most of Louis’ own tattoos were on his right forearm. “Well, I guess mine are not the only elephants, I mean, you too have quite the collection…” Harry indicated with his head to Louis’ arm.

“Well, yeah,” Louis stretched out his arm to look better at his tattoos, “once you start, I guess you can’t stop. I think you know the feeling.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Harry took his mug in hand again, sipping from it, thinking about the ones he had now and where or why he made them.

“But,” Louis caught his attention again, “don’t try to make this about me. The real elephant here is: what the fuck happened to you, Harold? Last time I remember, we were basically the same height?” The nickname slipped out of Louis’ mouth. Maybe consciously, maybe not, he just wanted to break the ice a little.

Harry laughed slightly. Yeah, it seemed a lot had changed since the last time they saw each other. “Last minute puberty spurt, maybe?”

“No secret magic potion to get taller, then?” Louis raised his brows playfully at him.

“Wizards who have messed with genetics haven’t had a nice outcome, so no, I just grew up normally, I guess,” he shrugged, “but well, you have changed too, Louis, you seem more grown up, mature,” he was trying to sound nonchalant, not giving away how much he had observed Louis since he arrived.

Louis gulped dryly, taking that as a cue to finally drink a bit from his tea. “Well, I guess I had to,” he said and it wasn’t meant to sound bitter. It was the truth. He matured, be it because of what had happened between them or simply because of everyday’s life situations. “Dealing with stuff makes you grow, it seems.”

“I understand, yeah, it does,” Harry agreed, understanding maybe the indirect Louis was giving him about what he had to deal with throughout those years. “You’re looking good, though,” he said, not trying to butter up Louis, but simply because it was true.

Louis inhaled deeply at the steam of his tea before taking another sip, trying not to let Harry’s words have an effect on him. “You’re not looking bad yourself either. I mean, very different from when we,” he coughed a bit and looked away, not looking Harry in the eye and not finishing what he was about to say. “I mean, never thought you’d appear in my house again looking like this. Not that I had thought about it in anyway.” He shrugged nonchalantly.

It hurt a bit, Harry couldn’t lie, to hear that Louis hadn’t thought about it, about him. That was when Harry realised they were starting to talk about it and he only managed to say one thing. “I’m sorry.”

“No Harry, I should be the one saying sorry for how I acted last night, with the door and all,” Louis put down his mug on the table, looking again at Harry.

“I’m… not saying sorry for appearing at your front door. Well, also that, of course, but... I’m saying sorry for what happened, between us.” Harry let out, a small knot in his throat to finally say that in front of Louis, after more than 3 years.

Louis took a deep breath, seeing how Harry had his eyes fixed on him, those green irises with a sad gleam in them. Fucking Harry Styles, 3 years later, back at his door, saying sorry for what had happened between them, making Louis remember what it had been like to be left by the same one that was sitting in front of him.

“It’s…” he started, not really sure what to say, “Harry, it happened, ok? I mean, we were young, right? Young boys will be young boys and do stupid shit. I mean, it was stupid at the time, the way it happened, but, I…,” he closed his eyes for a brief moment, not letting the bitterness that he had let go a long time come back, “after a while, I understood what happened, why it happened and why you were gone.”

“We were younger, Louis, yes, but it doesn’t excuse what I did, the way I did it,” Harry nervously ran his hand through his curls, “I should’ve done things differently. Shouldn’t have left like that, even if you told me,” he hesitated before continuing, “to go.”

“That was me being stupid, point proven,” Louis laughed humorlessly. “Harry,” he cleared his throat, settling himself straighter on his chair to better look at Harry, “as I said before, it happened and I don’t think if we had done things differently, it would’ve changed the outcome. Because, really, you were going away anyway, sooner or later and,” he sighed, remembering why it hurt the way it did back then, “yes, we had a great time together, but it doesn’t change the fact that you and I, we’re from different worlds, it would’ve never worked out so easily for us.”

Harry took in Louis’ words and it hurt again, because there was Harry, hopeful that somehow, he and Louis could reconnect. On the other end, though, there was Louis, still thinking that there was no way for them to work with how different they were.

“Louis, no,” Harry shook his head, “that’s just bullshit, really, about me and you, about me being a Wizard and you being a Muggle. This doesn’t stop people from being together. It was my stupidity, stubbornness and maybe greediness for going after only one grand thing when I should’ve tried harder to make things work for us too.”

“You did no wrong, Harry, you did what you thought it was right,” Louis clicked his tongue, “because look at where we are now. I’m content with my life right now and you are where you always wanted to be, you achieved your goals, travelled the world and had your dream come true. You’re a Professor at Hogwarts, for fuck’s sake. What we had was only going to stand in your way of achieving all of this.”

Harry closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, because fuck, yes, he had all of that, he was happy with his life, but he knew, always knew that there was something missing for him to be complete and that thing – that person – was now sitting in front of him, out of his reach.

He held himself together as he opened his eyes and looked right at Louis. “Yeah, I did all of that, got where I wanted, but without the one I wanted by my side.”

It shouldn’t make Louis’ stomach twist with those words. Listening that Harry had left and regretted it – wanting Louis to be with him when he had left, noticing that he had made a mistake after what had happened – was making Louis think what would have been like if they had dealt with things differently and didn’t break them off. But, there was no way of changing the past. They went separate ways, moved on from each other. They shouldn't be thinking about what ifs and feeling sorrow for what had happened.

Louis scoffed, “Harry, please, that’s…” he scratched the back of his neck, “we didn’t quite know what we wanted back then. We were dating, teenage dating and life happens, yeah? It happened between us and we moved on. We’re in a good place now in our lives, no need to keep saying sorry and feeling sorrow for all that,” he started swirling his spoon on his abandoned cereal, “it’s… our situation was a little fucked up, it still is because now we’re here talking about it and we are the only people in this flat who knows what happened. We shouldn’t focus on the past. It’s good that we are talking about it, we would have to, otherwise Lottie would notice something between us was off somehow,” Louis let it out, trying to bring Harry to the topic that really mattered: Lottie and how they should act around her.

Harry nodded, a bit sadly because he understood that for Louis, it seemed that he was sure on how he felt for Harry now, not wanting to dwell on past feelings and about their past relationship.

“I know, you’re right,” Harry drank the rest of his tea, “and once again, I’m sorry about causing you any discomfort for coming to your house unannounced. I knew it would be complicated, what with our past, I just… you know your sister, it’s very hard to say no to her,” Harry laughed slightly, “but to be fair, she also didn’t make things easier not telling you I was the one coming with her, so I understand it wasn’t entirely your fault how you reacted.”

“And now I’m saying sorry again, because, yeah, I’m not that rude of a person, it was just… it was… you, after 3 years, without a warning and yeah,” Louis took the spoon from his cereal and started eating it again.

“I know you’re not rude, you never were,” Harry gave him a lopsided smile. He knew now that in other circumstances, maybe Louis would’ve been a bit more receptive to meeting Harry again.

“Shouldn’t have made you feel unwelcomed at first. Don’t want you to keep feeling like that, anyway. It was a bit awkward, not gonna lie, but, I think we don’t have a reason not to be civilized with each other. I guess we understand that life happened and we moved on, right?” Louis gave him an expectant look. That was what he was hoping for. Even if Harry had said that he wanted to have Louis by his side before, it had been too long, he had certainly moved on from Harry and he didn’t want to think about Harry coming back into his life with residual feelings for him.

Harry held his mug with both hands, thumbs running along the rim. Right, Louis was making sure that Harry knew where he stood and ok. Cool. Harry had been prepared for that, it wasn’t a complete slap in his face to know that Louis would not want Harry back, at least not romantically like he had been hoping for. Louis was willing to act normally around Harry, be civilized and that was good, Harry could do that. They could be friendly, friends even, Harry already made peace with that, even if it hurt a little, even if his love for Louis was still there, lingering in his heart.

“I’m not feeling unwelcomed, Louis. You, Liam and Lottie have been great hosts so far, thanks for taking me in nonetheless,” he smiled at Louis, “and yes, totally, it was good that we talked about it, somehow. At least now it won’t look to Lottie that we are tiptoeing around each other.”

“She’d scream at me every day if I don’t treat you right, Styles,” Louis laughed, teasingly, “also, we don’t need to tiptoe around each other, I guess. We’re cool, right? We can be friends, if that’s ok,” Louis munched on another spoon of cereal, smiling with his mouth closed at Harry. It was not like they had solved everything that happened between them, but it was a start and it was better to start off as friends than to continue acting as strangers, Louis figured.

It took everything in Harry not to smile fondly at the face Louis was making, with his eyes squinted a bit and the crinkle by his eyes showing up. He had missed that, fuck, how he had missed it.

“Friends? Yeah, we can be friends, Louis, that’s more than ok, I mean,” Harry cleared his throat, trying as subtly as he could not to let it out loud that he indeed had come to Louis’ house expecting to have him in his life somehow. “I hoped for it, at least.”

Louis swallowed his cereal and extended his hand to Harry. “Friends, then, Harold,” he smiled openly at him, “what happened, happened in the past, no need to hold grudges about that. We can be friends, we can work on being exes who are friends, right?” He tried to lift the mood again. It wasn’t that weird to be friends with your ex, after all.

Harry took Louis’ hand in his and he tried to ignore the small rush that went through his spine from touching Louis again after so long as he shook it. It was going to be very hard, but he was going to try. “Yes, no problem with that.”

 

_**December 20th, 2015** _

 

The mood seemed to be a bit lighter between Harry and Louis after their conversation. The first few hours around Louis and then waking up in his living room hadn’t been easy, Harry had to confess. Talking about them and about what happened, even if it was for Harry to understand that Louis and him were just going to be nothing more than friends again, was enough to make Harry feel more at ease and for them to behave friendly around Lottie when the girl came back home.

She indeed came back carrying a bunch of groceries bags, ready to prepare them a brunch, but sad that Liam had gone before saying goodbye to her. They ate later, Louis along even if he had just had his cereal, the three of them engaging in conversation easily, with Lottie telling Louis some of the things she hadn’t told him before in her letters about her classes in Hogwarts, making Harry comment on how good of a student she was and Louis warning him not to give her an easy time just because they were friends.

They started to get along better after it. The fact Harry offered to cook lunch was a sure boost to their renewed friendship as well. He prepared them a nice meal as a thanks for welcoming him in their holiday plans, still a bit conscious that he was interfering in their brother-sister time together. Lottie and Louis assured him that he shouldn’t worry about that and they kept talking during lunch, finding themselves talking about their experiences as teachers, Louis telling how he found teaching kids one of the most rewarding things and Harry telling him, instigated by Lottie, about his experiences abroad – Louis more intrigued and interested in what Harry did during his travels than he thought he would be.

Harry still knew that they would never go back to talking with each other like they did before. He was still a bit unsure of what he could tell Louis and what Louis would share about his life with Harry, but they were heading towards feeling more comfortable with each other’s presence and that was enough for Harry.

It was also nice when Lottie reminded Louis that he had promised to take her to see the new film that had been released, asking him if he had bought the tickets beforehand. Luckily, Louis did and for Harry’s surprise, he had bought three tickets already, knowing that Lottie was bringing someone (just not Harry) and so when it was night time, they headed to western London to the cinema.

Catching the underground, after so many years with Louis beside him again, was a bit nostalgic, reminding him of the last time he had done it. Lottie joked about the face he did when the train started moving fast, saying it was his apparition face. Louis laughed at him slightly, quickly putting his hands inside his jacket’s pocket and looking away – Harry didn’t want to think about the times Louis teased him about his fear of the tube.

When they arrived at the cinema, Harry understood Lottie’s excitement to see Star Wars. He remembered Louis mentioning it to him, about these famous films everybody seemed to know about, once even telling Harry that they should marathon it, but the idea being forgotten once they started making out on Louis’ couch. Harry had to suppress that memory as they waited in line to enter the cinema, with loads of people dressed up funny as the characters and excited kids who seemed way too young to know about films that Harry learned had been released more than 30 years before.

It hadn’t been Harry’s first time at a cinema. Louis had taken him many times while they had been dating and those were another rush of memories that came to him as he sat on his seat, Lottie between him and Louis, to his relief, because he didn’t know if he would be able to control himself with the unsolicited thoughts of how many times they had kissed while watching a film, long forgetting about the story on the screen in front of them.

Lottie, unaware of Harry’s previous experiences at the cinema, explained him how it worked and it was fun to get to see Lottie’s muggle side in action. When the film started, he could see how she paid attention to it, getting excited with Louis about things Harry had no idea what they meant. Even though he didn’t know the story of the film, he was able to enjoy it, even if he had paid a bit more attention to how Lottie and especially Louis reacted to it.

They left, both brother and sister ecstatic about the film and curious to know what would happen next. Lottie kept asking Harry what he thought about it and telling Louis that he should gather his Star Wars dvds and make a marathon to immerse Harry in that universe. He saw the way Louis only nodded at that and he wondered if Louis had remembered a promise he had made about it long ago.

Before going back home, Lottie insisted for them to go to Piccadilly Circus since they were around, so Harry could see the busy street with those big and bright billboards and how even more beautiful the place would be decorated for Christmas. And it was. Harry had only remembered going there once during the day with Louis and sitting by the big statue that was there as they ate a burger together. At night, though, with Christmas lights and ornaments hanging from building to building, the place looked dazzling. Harry was marveled by that, having forgotten how so many muggle things looked like magic.

Lottie must’ve seen Harry’s expression as he looked around the place, full of other londoners and  tourists who were taking pictures of the place (and Harry wished he had his own camera with him to capture that moment of the three of them there, but he trusted his memory to save this moment – and how especially bright Louis looked under the Piccadilly Christmas lights), because then, as they were to catch the underground again, Lottie was already planning what they would do the next day: she had made it her mission to take Harry to see Muggle London as a tourist.

And that’s how they found themselves on the tube again on Sunday morning.

"Are you used to the tube yet, Harry?" Lottie asked as they stepped outside Waterloo station.

"No, I don't think I'll ever be used to it, to be honest," Harry shook his head as he held his coat tighter against himself, shielded from the cold wind. He needed to charm it warm again.

"Come on, you've just done it twice,” Lottie hooked her arm around his, “it's not that bad, you'll get used to it soon, it’s like riding a broom.”

“That’s not like riding a broom,” Harry laughed, “also, have you forgotten how bad I am at it?” He saw the way Louis glanced a him very quickly, a small smile on the corner of his face, “but, yeah, I guess I can get used to it,” he coughed, remembering how Louis was the one to help him overcome his fear of the underground, “I just don’t think I can go on this thing alone.”

“Come on, Harry, you guys have all sorts of magical things, you freaking appear and disappear from one place to the other in the blink of an eye, the tube is nothing,” Louis said and Harry bit down his lips, having heard that same argument before.

“You’re one to talk, the first time you apparated with me you said you’d never do it again,” Lottie scoffed.

“That’s different. I felt like I was going to have all my guts pulled out and my arms were going to be torn apart from me. Catching the tube is way safer, what you guys do is crazy. Plus, I got used to it, didn’t I? Your point is moot.” Louis shook his head, dismissively.

Harry glanced at Louis. He remembered very well the time he had tried to apparate with Louis and Louis had felt so sick Harry spent the whole Saturday pampering him in bed with tea and biscuits (and blowjobs) to make it up.

Louis was walking now with his hands in his pockets, looking downward and Harry wondered if he had remembered that too.

He had to stop thinking if Louis still kept their memories as alive as Harry did. It seemed obvious he didn’t, with the way he had said the day before how he – they – had moved on with their lives. But it was involuntary for Harry to relive what he had with Louis, to go to places they had gone together and made their own memories with Louis by his side again, when all he wanted was to feel what he had felt before with Louis.

Maybe he should focus on creating new memories now, not only with Louis, but also with Lottie, who was excitedly telling Harry about Muggle London and all the places she had already visited when she was younger and also the places she was able to visit more frequently every time she visited Louis. Yes, he could do that, those would be new friendly memories and he was doing his best to be ok with the fact that they were trying to be friends now. Going out as friends was something he could do.

“So, here it is, Harry, the big old London Eye,” Lottie stopped walking and let go of Harry’s arm, stepping in front of the big ferris wheel. “This is a must for every tourist, so, I hope you won’t feel as dizzy going up there as you felt on the tube.”

“This I think I can do,” Harry gulped. Well, he said he could try, but that didn’t mean the memories would stop coming.

“We’re gonna be up higher than you’ve ever been with a broom, I guess, but I don’t think it will be any problem,” she giggled and turned to Louis. “Can I go get our tickets?”

Louis nodded and took his wallet from his pocket and gave her some notes. Lottie smiled at him and turned around, going to the ticket box.

“I’ll make sure to pay you back, Louis, for today’s and yesterday’s tickets,” Harry cleared his throat and he turned to face Louis.

“What?” Louis knotted his brows at him, “Harry please, you don’t need to. This is my treat as your host, no need to worry.”

Harry saw the way Louis’ hand made a motion to touch Harry on his arm, but Louis let it down quickly, putting it back inside his jacket.

“Also,” he gave a small laugh, “if I see your terrified face again when we get to the top of the wheel, that will be payment enough,” Louis gave him a crooked smile and Harry sucked a deep breath.

It seemed Louis hadn’t forgotten about the time he had brought Harry there.

“I wasn’t terrified,” Harry rolled his eyes, “I was a bit taken aback by the view, that was all,” he bit the corner of his bottom lip, hand tucking his curls behind his ears.

“Right,” Louis laughed again, now nudging Harry slightly with his elbow, “There won’t be any kissing to help you this time, though. You better toughen up, wizard boy,” Louis spoke again, a coy smile on his lips and Harry had to breathe deeply again, because he was trying, oh Merlin was he trying, but with Louis being the one to bring it up, which he didn’t think he would, it was very hard for him.

At least it seemed Louis was comfortable enough to tease Harry with their past. It showed that he was really willing to be friends (exes who were friends now) with Harry. Even if Harry didn’t mind if Louis actually kissed him when they’d get to the top of the Wheel, he just couldn’t say that – and obviously it wouldn’t happen, no matter how much he wished for it.

“I don’t think it will be necessary, no,” Harry scrunched up his nose, “I’m all big now,” he teased, giving a faint laugh.

Lottie didn’t take long to come back with their tickets. They only had to wait for a while in the line to get a capsule and finally enjoy the ride on the wheel. She still teased him a bit as they started going up, but Harry didn’t mind, the ride was enjoyable and he was appreciating the view, to see London, in the late morning, from above like that. It wasn’t the same as the last time he had done it, with how he had enjoyed it only with Louis there, but it was nice to be there with them and see Lottie so enthusiastic to see Harry experiencing it for the first time (that she knew of).

When they stopped for a bit, Harry had to contain himself not to glance at Louis standing beside him. Louis was holding the threshold of the capsule, looking at the view in front of him and Harry only imagined what would it be like to take hold of Louis’ hand again and enjoy the view with him. He sighed as he saw Lottie moving from his other side and going next to Louis to ask him to take a pic of the three of them there. And he did, with Lottie standing in the middle of them, the three with large smiles on their faces.

It made Harry wonder what Louis had done with the pictures they had taken together before. Had he kept it the way Harry did inside his journal or had he really moved on and found a way to get rid of them? He shook his head slightly, trying to push those thoughts away. He wasn’t going to dwell on it, not there and then. He brought his attention back to River Thames under them when they started moving again and only focused on seizing their moment.

They finished the ride, quickly moving to their next attraction, Lottie their unofficial tour guide informing that they would go visit Big Ben and Westminster Palace, walking down Westminster Bridge.

“Doesn’t this give you a bit of Hogwarts feeling, Harry?” Lottie asked as they walked in front of the Parliament building, heading to Big Ben. “I mean, it’s not as grand, it’s much smaller, but…”

“Yeah, it does,” Harry laughed, “but Parliament and Big Ben, I’m familiar with them. The Ministry is down Whitehall road, and the Euro-Glyph school is not so far either, so I did my walking around here when I was in London for a bit before going to Africa.”

“So, this Ministry of yours is well hidden just like all the secret wizard places around London?” Louis asked, turning to Harry.

“Yeah, it’s underground. We can apparate or come by floo, but you can also enter by a secret passage.”

“Oh, I want to visit it one day, people say it’s huge!” Lottie added.

“You wizards have a serious grandiose complex, I see,” Louis joked, “you must call Big Ben only Ben because clearly he isn’t big enough compared to all the things you have. Normal sized Benjamin.”

Harry laughed, harder than he meant to because what Louis had said wasn’t even that funny, but, still, he had missed Louis’ wit and somehow Harry couldn’t control how Louis still made him laugh like that.

“No,” Harry said, controlling his laughter. “It’s Big Ben, still good old Big Ben.”

“Please don’t tell me Big Ben is a hidden entrance to some secret wizard organization,” Louis puffed, continuing to walk as he looked at the tall tower in front of them.

“That you will never know,” Lottie winked at Louis and smiled at Harry. “Now, on with the touristy things. Lou, more photos please.”

And they did, Louis kept taking pics of them close to Parliament and the clock, Lottie asking for photos with the River as their background.

They kept walking up Whitehall road until they found a place to have lunch before continuing their tour that afternoon.

They took the tube again to get off at Baker Street, Lottie informing Harry that Sherlock’s Museum would be an awesome place to go as they passed right in front of Sherlock’s statue, but she had a better place in mind.

“I think we need to step up your pop culture game, Harry,” she said, walking down Marylebone road, “since yesterday you had no clue what Star Wars was. Now you’re going to see pop culture icons from up close, or, at least, what they look like from up close,” she smiled at him and Harry looked confused at her, then at Louis, who only shrugged and pulled him by his arm to keep walking and not be in the way of the other pedestrians.

The amount of times he remembered Louis doing that whenever they were out was enough to make a rush run through his body with Louis holding him, even if it was just for a few moments. He took a good breath and kept walking along with them until Lottie stopped in front of a building with a sign that said Madame Tussauds as they crossed the street.

“Come on, Harold,” Louis patted him on the shoulder as Harry looked at the posters outside the building, “sadly they aren’t magically enchanted to look like a real person, they are just made of wax.”

“Wax? Are you sure no magic is involved?” Harry asked, baffled by how, just by the posters, the people looked real.

“Not that I would know, but I guess not,” Louis’ hand held Harry’s shoulder firmly, making him get in line behind Lottie in the queue to enter the place.

And when they did, Harry really wondered if there was no magic involved in those wax figures, to make them look so realistic and conserved.

They walked around the place, Lottie showing Harry statues from actors and actresses, singers and musical groups, movie characters (there was a Star Wars section only for Lottie and Louis to introduce them to Harry and make him take pictures with them, and another of Marvel characters, which Louis made sure to take a picture of Harry beside Iron Man to send to Liam,) and even the royal family and so many other celebrities that were very famous among muggles that Harry had no idea who they were.

It was a nice tour around the attraction, Harry listening to Lottie’s explanations of who those people were, but sometimes tuning out and remembering some of Louis’ mentions of those people while they watched a movie together at his flat, or listened to music together. Then, Harry would catch himself looking at Louis, hopefully without Lottie noticing and making sure Louis wasn’t aware too, but there were times he saw it and only smiled friendly at him, pointing at some other statue and making fun of it, making Harry laugh.

Harry wanted, more than anything, to suppress his feelings for Louis, to try and act normal around him, to have this nice day out with him and Lottie and see that they could indeed be friends. With every little thing Louis did, though, every little thing that reminded him of the Louis that was once his, it was more difficult for him to tuck those feelings aside and stop them from getting more intense.

It was there, getting the tube once again, now heading to Hyde Park (even with Louis’ protests that if Lottie wanted them to go to some park, Regent’s Park was right there behind them, to which the girl only answered that Hyde was way cooler), that Harry noticed how that “only friends” thing wouldn’t work with him. It would probably work with Louis, because Louis had seemed unbothered, acting completely friendly with Harry, more than Harry thought he would, just like people who were starting to be friends would act (add to the fact that they were now exes who were trying to be friends and Louis didn’t seem uncomfortable by the small comments he had made only to Harry about the time they had been together).

Harry was too in love with Louis still, had always been. Being this close to him again, even if he tried his harder to accept that having Louis back in his life in anyway he could was enough for him, left no doubts about it. He found out soon enough that he was only lying to himself. Wishing to relive those flashbacks he’d been having all day long, or even to create new memories like those made his heart hurt, made him feel a little miserable that they weren’t like that anymore and probably wouldn’t be.

They walked around the park for a while, Lottie and Louis being playful with each other, surrounded by the beautiful landscape of the park as the afternoon dawned on them. Lottie tried to engage Harry into their sibling banter, but he’d rather stay in his lane and not give away any enamoured eyes or smiles at Louis as he observed him being himself, being the Louis that Harry knew he was never going to stop loving.

It was getting darker already when Lottie suggested they should eat something before going back home.

“I’m really hungry right now, don’t know if I can wait until we get home,” she said as she walked near an empty bench, “could use some of those hot dogs I see from that kiosk right there,” she pointed in front of them.

“We had lunch not so long ago, Lottie, geez,” Louis laughed as he sat on the bench, “but yeah, I think I can do with one too,” he smiled at her.

She poked her tongue out at him and then turned to Harry. “Will you want one too, Harry?”

“Well, if you’re all eating here, I guess I can only join you.”

“Great, I’ll go grab them for us. I have money with me, Lou, don’t worry,” she turned and started walking in the direction of the kiosk, ignoring Louis showing his wallet to her and saying “yeah, my money, by the way”.

Harry sat beside Louis, not too close to him, back resting against the backrest of the bench, and hands tangled one in another, not really sure what to do but to observe the people walking around the park in front of them, the trees already naked without leaves and the sky fading its colour.

He heard the deep breath Louis gave beside him as he sat back straight on the bench too, and got just the slightest closer to Harry.

It shouldn’t make him nervous, to have Louis sitting by his side on a bench at Hyde Park again, but it did and he wanted, oh he wanted to hold Louis’ hands in his and tell him how much he wanted to make things right. Instead, he inhaled deeply and turned a bit to face Louis.

“Do you remember when we used to come here?”

“Yeah,” Louis answered, looking at him and biting the corner of his lips. Harry felt his stomach lurch with that. It seemed, during the whole day, that Louis remembered more things about them than Harry thought he would and he wished those memories still meant something to Louis, but he knew it was very unlikely. “I do,” Louis continued, “can’t quite forget that day you fell on your bum out of nowhere,” he laughed.

Harry looked alarmed at him, not believing that from all things, he remembered that time.

“I did not!”

“Oh, no? It wasn’t you? Guess it was some other clumsy curly fella I happened to date then,” Louis shook his head and nudged Harry with his shoulder.

Harry felt himself freeze for a moment at how casual Louis had mentioned that.

“Well, right, yeah,” he gulped, trying to gather his thoughts, “but I just didn’t simply fall out of nowhere, it was…,” he cleared his throat, recollecting what had happened that time, “I was sitting on the very edge of the bench when we were kissing,” he looked away, cracking his fingers and then starting to play with his rings, only to avoid making eye contact with Louis at the mention of them kissing.

“Only you could’ve done that,” Louis laughed, which made Harry laugh along and look back at him to see Louis with a small smile on his face. God, why was he allowed to look so good like that, talking about their past, making Harry feel things he didn’t think he would feel again, and not look affected by any of it?

Harry ruffled his hair, letting the silence invade their space again. Louis coughed as he rubbed his hands one against the other and looked at Harry briefly again before looking ahead.

“You know,” Harry said after a few seconds, “I’ve been to a lot of places during those years, have seen lots of different and unique places, but I have never felt more at home at any of those than I feel here in England, in London,” he kept playing with the ring in his index finger.

He saw Louis nodding, but not looking at him, looking up at the sky that was now in a purple-ish colour.

“Do you,” he cleared his throat, “do you regret going away?” Harry could feel he hesitated a moment to ask that question and Harry wondered if Louis was actually asking if he regretted leaving him.

Harry ran a hand over his face, down his neck, tugging the necklace string that was faithfully around his neck.

“God, no, I don’t,” he answered, turning his face to Louis again, “I mean, that’s what you said yesterday. If I hadn’t gone, I wouldn’t be where I am right now and I’m grateful for the experiences I had and for learning what I did. I don’t regret going,” he paused, knowing that probably he shouldn’t say what he was about to, but he was there already, what else did he have to lose? He wouldn’t regret any more things and saying that wouldn’t make a difference anyway. “I regret some of the things I left behind.”

He saw the moment Louis eyes fixed on him, and even if the daylight was almost gone, he could see those blue eyes looking right at him and the way Louis had held his breath for a moment as they shared an intense stare.

“You guys won’t believe how rude that hot dog lady was. Merlin!” Lottie’s voice caught their attention again, breaking their eye contact and turning their heads to look at her coming close to them, holding 3 hot dogs with one arm, and a bottle of pop, probably, in the other hand. “I was about to take out my wand and prepare these hot dogs myself. She didn’t even ask me if I needed napkins or cups,” she puffed as she indicated Louis to take the hot dogs from her and he did, giving one to Harry and getting the other for himself as Lottie sat on the empty space on the bench beside Louis.

“You didn’t get any?” Louis asked, already giving a bite on his.

“Did not, ugh,” she complained, “I thought we could be able to, you know,” she moved her hand in circling movement, “when there’s nobody looking,” she turned her head to Harry, “can you Harry? You’ve got more practice than me, just... Conjure them?”

Harry laughed and nodded, looking around them carefully to see if there wasn’t anyone paying attention and he waited just a few seconds until a couple and a running guy passed in front of them to take his wand from inside his coat and conjure three plastic cups and a few napkins for them.

“Thanks,” Lottie said as Harry levitated them towards her and Louis.

He saw the way Louis was looking from the cup now on his lap to Harry’s wand and then to his his face, very quickly, and then munching on his hot dog again.

They ate their hot dogs sitting there, watching the sunset and the evening take over the park.

Harry thought that he might have had screwed things up by saying what he did to Louis, thinking that Louis would ignore him or close himself, but it seemed that the heavy moment between them had passed and Louis was back to how he had been with Harry the whole day, talking to him and Lottie at the same ease as before as they headed back to his flat.

He probably would replay what he had said and the way Louis reacted to it in his mind a hundred times that night before he fell asleep, but not regretting having done so. He might’ve said something in a way that meant a lot of more things for them, but it wasn’t wrong for him to want Louis to know that he did regret leaving him behind.

Being friends with Louis would be hard, he had found that out that afternoon. And he was certain that being only friends wouldn’t settle his heart. He wasn’t going to lay his cards on the table like that for Louis, though, because he knew that he was probably dealing with a lost cause. He had to try, though, one way or another and see if there was any chance, any residual feelings Louis might have for him if the way they had stared at each other, and the way Louis had asked if Harry regretted leaving, was all he could hold on to.

He just wanted to see where they could end up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, again, for taking so long to update!  
> Here it is, we hope you enjoy it! xx ;)


	4. Monday - Tuesday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first, sorry about taking a bit longer than planned to update, but in our defense this chapter is the longest one so far, so you have more to read! :D
> 
> A second thing, or a proper warning: A big part of this chapter contains Star Wars references. We hope it's easy to understand and it's not boring for those who aren't Star Wars fans and haven't watched the movies. So, be prepared for some possible spoilers for you. We're sorry (not actually sorry) we exaggerated on it but we couldn't contain our inner geeks selves (we actually did a marathon of the first trilogy to write this chapter haha).
> 
> Third: We decided to make a playlist for the entire Part 3, you can listen to it [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/stephvicente/playlist/0eTVdGHqeuPkU4xbqMTxr5)! It sets the mood and the feelings (that are to come) of the fic! ;)
> 
> And last but not least: We hope you enjoy the chapter! :D
> 
> Ste and Syn xx

**_December 21st, 2015_ **

 

Louis woke up to the sound of laughter coming from outside his room. He had barely opened his eyes, but he knew where that was coming from and from whom it was. It was involuntary for him to smile at that, feeling a familiarity to hear it again.

He breathed deeply as he turned on his side, hands extending to the empty space beside him, blindly trying to see if he could still feel the warmth that was supposed to be there.

There was none. The space was cold where the duvet wasn’t covering the bed and Louis frowned. He was sure there was somebody else sleeping beside him. Or had he dreamt that?

He couldn’t really tell. There was a lingering feeling inside his stomach and only blurry images now in his brain. It felt like it had been real, a body sharing a bed with him again, someone holding him, their hands tangled – hands that once he wouldn’t dare to let go. The clearest thing he could remember were dark locks sprawled over the pillow.

His hand ran up to the mattress, but there wasn’t another pillow beside him. He was already in the middle of the bed. He lay again on his back and finally opened his eyes, looking at the ceiling. The room was barely lit by daylight, making him notice that he wasn’t in his own bedroom.

It was only when he sat himself on the bed and heard another voice coming from outside that he was able to grasp what his foggish brain was doing to him.

“Harry, no, please. Let me make the pancakes,” Lottie said and Louis blinked twice, letting it sink in that Harry was in his kitchen with his sister.

He almost, almost let himself be convinced that he hadn’t dreamt it and the laughter he heard was indeed from Harry, but a Harry that had spent the night with him, just like it had happened when they used to date. He almost believed that Harry had been with him in bed, only the two of them and that he would wake up and go to the kitchen and find him preparing them breakfast, like he had done many times before.

It felt like a slap in the face when he realized Lottie was there, which meant none of that happened, but the memories felt so real that he wanted to punch himself because he was almost sure he had dreamt about Harry and why, just why was his brain doing that to him?

He sighed deeply in annoyance. It wasn’t just because Harry had been in his house, because they had spent Sunday together, Louis trying to be friendly to him, trying to show him that there wasn’t any reason for them not to act normally with Lottie around, that his brain could play him like that.

Right, maybe it had been his fault too, because did he have to bring into their sparse conversations things that they had done together? Did he have to ask Harry if he regretted leaving (almost asking Harry if he regretted leaving _him_ – and when he didn’t, Harry made sure that he got the message that yes, he regretted leaving Louis behind)? No, he didn’t, but yet, he brought all those things up because he was a bloody idiot, being dragged into Harry’s charm and obliviousness to the muggle world, and also, still a bit mesmerized at how Harry looked.

Yes, he thought he would be able to deal with this new Harry, but apparently, he wasn’t. Louis tried to reason with himself that it was Harry, the same Harry that left him crying for months, that broke his fucking heart. He tried to link the image of that boy with short curly hair with this one, but his brain didn’t seem to process that and he couldn’t, just couldn’t ignore how enticing Harry was now. Fucking Harry Styles, messing with his life once and coming back to do it again.

Louis wouldn’t let it, though. Just because he may have dreamt about a time he had Harry in his arms, it didn’t mean he would fall for that again. He would not fall. He wouldn’t let his brain trick him into a false sense of familiarity that Harry was bringing back into his life. That time was gone.

He had promised himself that he would be friendly to him and would try to be friends for Lottie’s sake and for his own sake, because he knew that what he once felt for Harry wasn’t there anymore and ignoring him or treating him badly was not what he had in mind. Maybe, if this encounter had happened 2 years ago, Louis would have been bitter, would have actually screamed at Harry for leaving him and would have let the door shut in his face and not let him inside his flat.

Now, though, Louis had gotten over it. And he was not going to let his brain betray him and the balance they found now, that they agreed on.

He pulled the duvet out as he took Liam’s room in and searched for his phone on the nightstand beside the bed to check the time.

It wasn’t that early, around 10 am, and Harry’s and Lottie’s voices kept coming from the kitchen, reminding him of the potential breakfast and pancakes he had heard them talking about, making his stomach grumble.

As much as he didn’t want to face Harry at that moment, trying to forget what obviously must’ve been a Harry-related dream, he couldn’t ignore the fact that he was hungry and if he could already smell the pancakes, he needed to get out of bed then.

He threw his phone on the bed and got up sighing, leaving the room without even bothering to put his joggers on, only putting on his t-shirt – the only thing that was within his reach, his trousers probably somewhere on the floor. He still had some dignity left, even if it was to show up in his own kitchen, where his now good-looking-with-apolo-hair ex was, wearing nothing but his boxers and a t-shirt. Write it on his tombstone: better half naked than flashing.

“Do I smell pancakes? Did you gift me this morning with your pancakes, sis?” Louis entered the kitchen, stretching out his arms, to see Harry and Lottie near the sink.

He had to blink a few times to take in that there were kitchen supplies and ingredients floating around the two in front of him.

“She wanted to, but I asked her to let m–” It was Harry who first turned around, stopping mid sentence when he looked at Louis, with a bowl in hand and the spoon inside moving on its own.

“Lou, can you please tell Harry that he is the guest and shoul–” Lottie turned around too, interrupting herself the moment her eyes fell on Louis, “Merlin, Louis, will you put some clothes on?”

Louis looked down at himself, knowing exactly what he was looking like, but pretending otherwise, because he knew, in the back of his mind that he was expecting a reaction from Harry just like the one he was seeing in front of him: Harry biting down his lips, eyes fixed on Louis and if Louis dared to say, holding his breath.

(He shouldn’t feel so satisfied. He didn’t want Harry to look at him like that anymore, but when Harry unwillingly was the subject of his dreams after so much time, he wanted to get back at him. It could be a bit unfair on his part, it wasn’t exactly Harry’s fault Louis had dreamt whatever the fuck he did, but he refused to go through this alone. Also, Harry had his part – a big one – in the situation they were in now, so, yeah, payback was a bitch.)

“Oh, sorry, I,” Louis scratched under his chin, eyeing her down sarcastically, “I forgot this was my house for a sec,” he shrugged, “you know, where I make the rules,” he gestured vaguely and walked around the table, closer to where Lottie and Harry were.

“But well, you’re not alone in the flat! Blimey!” Lottie rolled her eyes at him.

“Geez, ok, sorry!” He raised his hands in apology, “I was – am – just too hungry to bother to dress up to have breakfast. Anyway, are these pancakes ready or what?” Louis looked at Harry, raising a brow at him.

Harry was still staring at him, tongue-tied, but when he noticed Louis addressing him, he licked his lips and shook his head slightly, taking a deep breath before replying. “Oh, almost, some are already frying.”

“If we hadn’t been discussing for the past 20 minutes who should make the pancakes, there would already be more of them,” Lottie fetched her wand in her hand and pointed in the direction of the stove, making the pancakes that were in two frying pans flip, “and you shouldn’t worry about cooking Harry, you are the guest here! Let me and Louis take care of it.”

“I just like to cook, that’s all, it’s no problem for me,” he gave Louis a glance and then a lopsided smile to Lottie.

“Well, if Harry wants to cook, I’d say let him, because we both know, Lottie, the Tomlinsons aren’t very good at cooking,” Louis stepped closer to Harry, inspecting the batter inside the bowl.

“Speak for yourself, you can’t cook to save a life. If it weren’t for me when I come here on holidays when Liam isn’t home, you’d survive on McDonald’s,” she poked her tongue out at him, as she pointed her wand at the cabinets, making some plates float near the stove and taking the pancakes she had previously flipped from the pans and placing them on the plates, directing them to the table.

“That’s true, but are your pancakes as good as Harry’s?” Louis gave her a pointed look as he snuck a finger inside Harry’s bowl to take some of the batter and lick it inside his mouth. He was just teasing her, because indeed between the two of them, Lottie was the better cook, but if they were to include Harry in the comparison, if Harry’s experiences of cooking hadn’t changed since they used to date – which Louis could confirm from the lunch he had prepared from them on Saturday – then, he was by far the best cook bewteen them.

He saw how Harry gulped at his teasing and Louis smiled smugly at him after cleaning his fingers. Harry quickly turned to the stove and poured some more batter into the pans.

“Louis! Have some manners and go put on some clothes before you eat,” Lottie’s tone was stern, but he noticed how she wanted to laugh.

“Ok, ok! I might as well take a shower then, but when I come back, these pancakes better be ready, Chef Styles!” Harry turned around to look at Louis again and he winked at Harry, only to see him wink back with a small smile, and then he walked past Lottie, ruffling her hair before heading outside the kitchen.

He took a quick shower, not letting himself wonder too much about how Harry seemed to be a bit affected by his teasing. Alright, he probably should tone it down because there was only a fine line between teasing your friends and teasing your ex who was now your friend and Louis did not want to cross it. He didn’t want Harry thinking that there was more to the teasing than friendly banter. Because there wasn’t. Louis was a little shit to all his friends, and now that he and Harry were starting to reconnect, he was just trying to make both of them comfortable with each other. He hoped Harry understood that and didn’t take it as something else. There couldn’t be any misunderstandings between them.

When he went back to the kitchen, properly dressed, he found the table set with more pancakes, fruits, juice and tea. The three of them ate breakfast, happily chatting about the day before, Lottie asking Harry about what muggle things he enjoyed doing the most and Louis telling more places they could go later (aware that Harry already knew some of them – and noticing how Harry’s expression tried to disguise how he remembered going to those places with him).

“Oh, I think we’re gonna have to leave the Muggle tour for tomorrow, maybe,” Lottie said as she drank the rest of her tea and got up from the table with her mug and plate in hand.

“Why?” Louis frowned at her after eating one more piece of his pancake.

“I received Danny’s owl this morning. She said she’s coming to Diagon Alley with her family this afternoon and she asked if I wanted to meet her there. We could all go and now take you on the Wizard tour, since you’ve always refused to go with me and mum there. Now would be mine and Harry’s turn to show you all the ins and outs of the place!” She turned to him after placing the dishes inside the sink.

Louis froze. Yes, he had avoided going to Diagon Alley all those years and there was a very good reason why – and that reason was now sitting in front of him.

He just couldn’t bear to think about going to the place where he had realized that he was falling in love with Harry after the first – and only – time they had gone there. Every time Lottie and their mum asked Louis if he wanted to go with them, he came up with an excuse, just to avoid facing that place again, avoid being too immersed into magic again. Even when his heart had settled and he had let go of the resentment he had felt for Harry, he knew he didn’t belong to that place (also, in the back of his mind, there was this irrational fear that he might stumble across Harry there, even if he knew he was probably on the other side of the globe, and he wasn’t sure he would be ready to see him again – point proven with what had happened just a few days ago).

“You haven’t gone ba–” Harry started to speak but then abruptly stopped, covering what he was about to say with a cough and then a sip of his own tea. Louis gave him a pointed look, understanding what was going to leave his mouth. “Sorry,” he recomposed himself, “so, you have never been to Diagon Alley?”

“I’m not a wizard, I feel like people would pick up on that and, I don’t know, it’d be very uncomfortable.” Louis shrugged dismissively.

Harry licked his lips nervously, frowning a bit, probably trying to understand why Louis seemed to have given up on the Wizarding world. If he was smart enough, and Louis knew he was, it wouldn’t take much for him to understand.

“That’s just a load of crap, I’ve already told you.” Lottie shook her head, going back to the table and standing behind her chair. “Anyway, and this time you’d be with me, Harry, Danny and her family, all wizards, nobody would pick up on that. It’s not like we have a code or something for people who are muggle or not.”

“I’d be the only muggle among you all. I’d be like a fish out of water, and I don’t wanna be in the way of your outing with your friends. Thanks, but I’ll pass, sis,” he took the last sip of his tea and got up from the table, doing just as Lottie had done and going to the sink. “Thinking better now, I’d rather stay in today. Haven’t actually rested since Friday, so I might just play some FIFA while you guys go out, or maybe I’ll start that Star Wars marathon we mentioned.” He started rinsing the dishes that were in there.

“You’re gonna watch it without me and Harry? That was the point of doing it, Lou, so Harry could watch it! That’s rude to start without us!” Lottie complained.

Louis turned around, drying his hands on the tea towel. “Well, I’m Star Wars hyped now, c’mon, you can’t blame me. I wouldn’t complain watching it later with you either, but if Harry wants to, he could stay and watch with me while you go out. I mean, only if he wants to. What do you say?” He looked at Harry who was about to get up from the table too, but stopped, looking from Lottie to Louis, hesitation and confusion in his eyes.

Louis hadn’t actually thought about that, about being alone with Harry in his flat. But, that didn’t seem like a bad idea altogether, just two friends watching movies together.

“I…” Harry started to say, breathing deeply before he finally moved again and walked closer to the sink. “I mean… It could be nice, to watch the movies,” he placed his dishes on the counter, “also, going out with you and Danny is one thing, but with her parents, it’s another. I feel like they don’t like me, your teacher, hanging out with their daughter that much.” He turned beside Louis, looking at him expectantly and then facing Lottie, shrugging at her a bit.

“Her parents are a bit old fashioned, that’s true,” Lottie agreed. “Well, I guess it’s ok then, it’s not like I’m dying to watch the old trilogy again, but…” she sighed a bit sadly, “ok, I have to buy some stuff at Diagon Alley anyway, so you boys can marathon without me,” she smiled at them, “just don’t start the second trilogy. I need to see Harry’s face when he sees Jar Jar Binks,” she laughed and Louis shook his head, seeing the puzzled look on Harry’s face.

“Alright, sis, I’ll save that to watch with you,” Louis turned back to the sink, “I think we can watch episodes 4, 5 and 6 this afternoon,” he grabbed Harry’s dishes to wash, “you’re gonna be introduced to Star Wars universe the proper way, Harold,” Louis smiled at him.

“I have no idea what it means, but if you say so,” Harry laughed faintly, “and oh, no, let me wash these, Louis. We made a mess preparing breakfast, it’s only fair I clean it.” Harry got his wand in hand, shoving Louis aside slightly with his elbow, earning a “hey!” from him, but ignoring it in order to start setting the dishes Louis had already rinsed apart from the ones that still needed to get washed.

To be honest, if Harry wanted to do the dishes, who was Louis to complain, so he let him, but only poking Harry with his elbow in return, giggling a bit, getting the tea towel in hand again to dry the pans Harry was already starting to wash and levitating towards him.

“I see you guys are already getting along well, so there’s no problem to leave you alone this afternoon,” Lottie chuckled behind them. “Anyway, I guess I’ll get ready then. Danny wants me to meet them at Leaky Cauldron around noon.”

Lottie left the kitchen and Harry and Louis managed to wash the dishes, clean the table and put the kitchen in place again.

They went to the living room while Lottie was still getting ready and Louis put on a game of FIFA, asking Harry if he wanted to play with him before they started watching the films. He couldn’t know but he was pretty sure the last time had Harry played video game was with him, more than 3 years ago, so maybe Harry declining to play it was just him not wanting to show Louis how bad he was at it after not playing for so long, or maybe… Nah, Harry wouldn’t just not play with him because it was something they used to do while they were dating. Harry didn’t seem to be like that.

Lottie came back, already dressed up and ready to leave, making Louis pause the game and both him and Harry look at her.

“Right, boys. I’m going. Harry, you sure you wanna stay and only listen to Lou’s boring comments?” She teased, winking at Louis.

“Excuse you, who taught you what you know about Star Wars? My comments are nothing but the most entertaining. Wanna bet Harry will be hooked on Star Wars after watching it with me?” Louis raised a brow playfully at her.

“I’m sure I’ll enjoy it, I’ve already liked the movie we wat–” Harry started to talk but Lottie interrupted him.

“If he says he loved it and your comments were good, then I cook dinner tonight. If he says that it’s not that good and your comments were horrible, you cook dinner tonight,” she proposed, cockly.

“Deal,” Louis smiled smugly at her, putting his controller aside on the couch and extending his hand to her. Lottie walked up to him and took his hand in a handshake. “Harry wouldn’t say bad things about my comments, so you better think of what you’ll cook tonight, little sis.”

“Don’t butter him up, Harry, just because you are just too polite to say bad things about people. He does make awful comments,” Lottie joked, letting go of Louis’ hand and Louis rolled his eyes at her. Harry laughed.

“I’ll be the judge of that, don’t worry,” he replied, running his hand through his hair, a coy smile on the corner of his lips.

“Right then,” she walked to the small hallway, grabbing her purse that she had left on the hook behind the door. “I’m going now. I’ll be back later. Have fun you two,” she waved her hand at them and closed her eyes and a second later, she disappeared from their view and Louis breathed heavily, blinking a few times before.

“I’ll never get used to her doing that,” Louis shook his head, and got the controller in his hand again. He turned to look at Harry for a second before facing the TV again and continuing the game.

“What? Her apparating? Magic?” Harry took his gaze away from where Lottie had disapparated, and gave his attention back to Louis, asking intriguingly.

With this comment now and Louis’ previous one about not going to Diagon Alley, Harry was starting to guess that Louis was a bit wary of magic and the wizarding world and that was odd, considering that his sister was a witch and Louis had spent the past years very close to it, even closer when he and Harry used to date.

“Hm, yeah,” Louis concentrated on the players on the telly in front of him, not wanting to dwell on that. Magic was still something out of his reach, period. Not that it mattered that Harry was one of the reasons for him to close himself off a bit for it some years ago. But that, he would never tell.

“You had seven years to get used to that already, Louis,” Harry got closer to him on the couch, “I mean, you’re not totally unused to it, you shouldn’t find it weird anymore,” he cleared his throat, trying to hint what he wanted to say.

“I know,” Louis puffed, “but only now she started doing actual magic around us. I think, after you,” Louis bit down his lips, trying to cover his uncertainty of talking about him and Harry with him again, focusing on his player scoring a goal, “after we broke up, and I didn’t have anyone using it around me so much anymore,” he tried to shoot the ball into the goal, but the goalie deflected it to the back of the field, making his team earn a corner kick, “I kinda stayed away from it, and it’s not that I find it weird. That was teenage Louis, a little skeptical of this whole thing. It’s just,” his player shot the ball from the corner, another of his other players heading it near the goal and finally scoring just as the match was about to end, “to have it around me again all the time, it’s a bit overwhelming,” he said as he finished the game, turning off the console and putting his controller back on the coffee table.

Louis turned a bit to look at Harry. He was talking about having magic around him again, but if Harry could read between the lines, he would understand that he was also talking about having Harry around him – Harry, with his magic and this new persona that Louis was still trying to figure out how it fit with the boy that had broken his heart.

“Oh,” Harry started, getting the hint that probably Louis wasn’t just talking about magic in general. Harry should’ve known, or at least expect a reaction from Louis like that. It was something that had haunted Harry a bit before and even now after they had talked, how Louis could hold a bit of resentment against magic – he remembered how Louis had said that Harry had chosen magic over him, so obviously, it must’ve pained to live surrounded by it, when it probably reminded him of Harry and what they had together and how things broke off. “I think I understand, yeah,” he simply said, not trying to engage Louis into saying anything else. He didn’t want to bring past hurt feelings into the conversation. They were about to have a friendly afternoon, only the two of them and that was the perfect opportunity to reconnect somehow, without Lottie near for them to police themselves on how to behave and what to talk about. “It’s kinda like me, coming back to be surrounded by Muggle stuff,” he continued, trying to ease the conversation.

Louis sat himself straighter on the couch, turning his body to look at Harry better, a bit confused. “You’re saying I’m overwhelming you with my muggle stuff now? Don’t you wanna watch Star Wars? Too much Muggle culture for you all at once, Harold?” He teased.

Harry laughed. “I do want to watch it! And you’re not overwhelming me, I like muggle stuff, have always liked. But, it’s like you said, being away from it for some time and then getting in touch again, it takes a while to get used to things,” Harry fixed his posture too, sitting against the backrest of the couch, “but you still had Lottie with her magic. I didn’t have anything that linked me back to the muggle world. I missed it,” Harry refrained himself from saying “missed you”, breathing deeply, “was excited to come back with Lottie and see all these cool stuff again, but she can be a bit over excited about things. Yesterday was an intense touristing day.” Harry confessed.

“I know,” Louis laughed, “but well, now she’s not here to throw muggle things at you again. I’m gonna take it easy with you, Styles. I said I’m hyped about Star Wars, but I’m not that overly obsessed with it. I’ll let you watch it and take your own conclusions, but,” Louis raised a finger at Harry, “you will have to say to Lottie that you loved them and that my comments were the best. I’m not in the mood to make dinner tonight,” Louis joked and Harry laughed, his shoulder shuddering and the dimples forming on his cheeks.

“Poor Lottie, but ok, yeah, of course,” Harry agreed, hand going from covering his mouth to his hair, tucking them behind his ears.

“That’s the way to do it,” Louis patted Harry on his thigh jokingly, “I can feel we’re back on track already, Harold,” Louis got up from the couch, standing in front of Harry, to see him look back at him a bit startled and Louis realizing what he had just said, “as friends, I mean,” he clarified, clearing his throat, “anyway, so, do you wanna start watching it already? Wanna have lunch? We could prepare some sandwiches and some popcorn and eat as we watch the movie, maybe?” He asked, scratching the back of his neck, trying to look away from Harry.

Harry was trying to pretend that he didn’t feel the slightest hope with Louis saying they were reconnecting, especially with Louis touching him again, but he should’ve known that it was only in a friendly way. He took a deep breath to answer Louis. “To be honest, we just ate, so we could start off with the first one and then if we get hungry during it or before the others, we can go prepare something.”

“Yeah, you’re right. So,” Louis breathed relieved that Harry didn’t seem to mind how he quickly corrected himself, turning around to walk to the cabinet under the TV where he kept his DVDs. “Ready to be properly introduced to the Star Wars world?” He turned his head to Harry, as he crouched down to get the DVDs, with a big grin.

Harry nodded, smiling back at Louis and saw him taking a little box from the cabinet, opening it and getting a disc from inside. He turned on another device that Harry remembered Louis using before when they watched films together and putting the disc inside it.

Louis went back to the couch, putting the TV on the DVD mode and putting play on A New Hope. He felt self conscious, a sense of deja-vu threatening to take over his mind, so he sat as far away from Harry as he could, his back to the armrest, feet propped on the couch and knees bent as a shield between himself and Harry. It might be a bit over the top, but after this morning he’d do anything to reset the boundaries between them.

It started as all the other Star Wars movies Louis was used to, and he already knew almost by heart the text that appeared in the opening scroll, about rebels fighting the Empire, stealing the plans to destroy the Death Star, but to see Harry watching it, so focused, elbows propped on his knees as he sat forward on the couch, completely immersed in the opening lines, it was like he was experiencing it for the first time.

“It’s like how the movie we watched on Saturday started, right?” Harry asked, remembering how that film had started, and vaguely remembering it from the time he and Louis tried to make this same marathon when they were together.

“Yup, that’s one of the things Star Wars is famous for, it’s the best intro, but you should pay attention to what’s written. Do you want me to pause it?”

“No, I’m reading it,” Harry answered without taking his eyes from the TV.

The movie then properly started and it was like Harry had had been brought to memory lane, because even if it had been years since he and Louis put on this same movie and tried to watch it, Harry did remember that first scene, what looked like robots invading a spaceship, but the scene in Louis’ living room had been much different, with Harry lying down on the couch against Louis’ chest as the boy ran his hands through his curls. And now, there they were, watching that again, but each one on one side of the couch with a big space between them.

“I think I remember this,” Harry commented, looking with the corner of his eyes at Louis, “we did start watching this movie, once.”

“Oh, yeah,” Louis turned to Harry, biting on his thumb, laughing faintly, “that’s true, but I think that was the farthest we’ve watched, otherwise you’d know a lot more about Star Wars.” He did remember them trying to watch Star Wars and he did remember why Harry never got to watch them all.

“Well, that’s not my fault you’d always,” Harry stopped before continuing, knowing exactly why they didn’t finish watching it, “distract me when I’d tell you I wanted to keep watching.”

“I did like to, hm, distract you before,” Louis was biting now on his lower lip, “but, this time there won’t be distractions. I’ll let you watch it, Harry, don’t worry,” he winked at him, trying to sound casual, receiving a muffled laugh and a nod from Harry as he turned back to face the TV, right when Darth Vader appeared on screen.

“Lord?” Harry asked, looking a bit uncertain if he had heard that right. “So, he’s the bad guy? I remember his helmet from the other movie too, but don’t remember them calling him Lord there.”

“Not to spoil it for you, but as you already figured it out, yeah,” Louis answered, “was that what gave him away or the black robes?” He joked.

“It’s…” Harry hesitated before continuing, because he was probably making a ridiculous comparison. “I don’t know if you remember what I once told you, about the war we had? That there was a powerful wizard who wanted the control the wizarding world? We called him Lord too, Lord Voldemort,” Harry was cautious to say it, looking at Louis.

Louis turned, a bit startled at Harry. “I remember you telling me this, and Lottie also told me about this war, but I don’t think you, neither her, have ever said his name? It was always something about not mentioning his name or summat.”

“Oh, yeah, I think it’s just because it’s a taboo to say it really. When you are young, even so many years after the war, you think if you say it, it will bring him back from the dead, but when you get older, you realise that it’s not a big deal anymore,” Harry faced the TV again to see the girl that had just appeared being taken to Lord Vader, “Is he gonna arrest the girl? What did she do wrong? Those things were the ones who attacked her.”

Louis smiled fondly at Harry, noticing that despite looking like he was more talking than watching the movie, he was actually paying attention and was interested in the story even if it had barely started. “Those things are the Stormtroopers and the girl is Princess Leia and if you keep paying attention, you’ll see what will happen, Harry, shush.” He replied playfully.

And Harry actually shushed, only for another few minutes, before he made another comment, now seeing C3PO and R2D2 land in Tatooine.

“This place looks like Tunisia, I’ve spent a few weeks there in the desert,” Harry made a disgusted face.

“You did visit a lot of places then! Sick, did you like it?” Louis asked, interested.

“Liked to visit the place to try to find some Runes, but kinda hated that it was full of sand. It gets everywhere,” Harry shook his head.

Louis laughed and Harry looked at him, not knowing why. “Yeah, I think I’ve heard that before.”

They kept watching the movie and it was when Luke found Ben Kenobi, who showed him his father’s lightsaber that Louis called Harry’s attention.

“Ok, you can call me stupid if you’d like, but in a way,” he turned to face Harry, actually scotting a bit closer to him on the couch, making him look at him, “like, they are talking about the Force and the lightsabers and if we were to compare, the Force does look like magic a bit, innit? So, as the wand is a wizard’s weapon, the lightsaber could be like your wand,” Louis stared at Harry expectantly, hoping not to have said some rubbish to a wizard.

Harry blinked at him and glanced quickly back to the TV before looking at Louis again. “I think you’re not wrong. I was kinda thinking the same. Already thought that you muggles might’ve used magic to make these films because there are so many things that seem like magic.”

“I’m talking about it in the fiction, Harold, not in real life. Movies are not made with magic, it’s only technology,” Louis laughed.

“Oh, right, yeah, but still, maybe they got inspired by wizards to create the Jedis,” Harry shrugged.

“Yeah, who knows,” Louis turned his attention back to the TV, but not going back to where he was on the couch, staying closer to Harry.

“Did he– Did he just obliviate them?” Harry suddenly spoke, when Obi Wan started talking to the Stormtroopers, “that definitely looked like he used some magic. Maybe even used an Imperius Curse,” Louis could see how surprised Harry was at that scene.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but no, he only used the force, Harold,” Louis laughed, moving a bit on the couch and moving his hand in front of Harry’s face, “these are not the droids you’re looking for, Styles,” he said in a slow voice, trying to copy Obi Wan, “you can go about your business and move along and proceed to watch the movie,” he giggled and Harry was looking at him with a blank expression, but trying to hold his laughter, not doing so for long before he broke in a cackle, bending his head down and then ruffling his long locks.

Harry recomposed himself, getting his attention back to the film, trying not to think about Louis being all funny around him, which was only making him feel so comfortable around him again, not like they used to be – but at least, it was nice to act like that, so freely around Louis again. Louis was acting the same, not holding himself to make jokes or call Harry’s attention to something that was happening in a scene.

A few minutes later, Harry called Louis’ attention again. “Is he Han Solo? The same Han Solo from the recent movie? Isn’t he the one who di–”

“Yeah, yeah, Harry, it’s him,” Louis cut him off, “and don’t, please, don’t remind me of that. I’m still recovering from it.” Louis dramatically put his hand on his chest and closed his eyes.

“Are you gonna cry again?” Harry asked, innocently, putting a hand on Louis’ knee to comfort him because he had seen Louis cry at the cinema when it happened.

“I did not cry, Harry, shut up,” Louis opened his eyes, offended expression on his face, slapping Harry’s hand away, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Louis shook his head, pointing his finger at him.

“You were always sensitive watching movies, I can see you still are,” Harry instigated teasingly, noticing how Louis was being all defensive about crying over a fictional character. “It’s ok, Lou, I didn’t even know him and I cried too.”

“Yeah, you would cry, obviously.” Louis ignored Harry’s comment, only to tease him back, making both of them laugh slightly and pay attention to the scene in front of them again.

The film went on, with both of them making a comment here and there, teasing each other, Louis making Harry laugh with some funny comment about the droids or Harry making Louis laugh with an oblivious comment he made about the spaceships battling in space.

“I’m glad Han came back and helped Luke,” Harry commented when the film was almost at the end and the rebels had defeated the Death Star, “as is Leia. For someone who seemed to dislike him before, she is very glad to have him back so quickly. I mean, it’s obvious they are gonna get together because I know it from the recent movie. When she says that he makes her go crazy, it’s clear she has loved him since the beginning and still does when they meet again after so long and even after being apart.” It was only when Harry said it that he realised that Leia and Han’s situation may apply to what was going on with what he felt for Louis – he only hoped Louis didn’t take it that way.

“Well, they are, what the youngsters would call today, a true pairing,” Louis laughed sarcastically, “but yeah, they are the best, I just… was kinda disappointed with what happened in The Force Awakens, because, it seemed to me that Han left her after what happened to their son. If it were me, that would’ve been a reason to stay and be with her and give her support but he fucked off. Yeah, they seemed like they still love each other, but I’d be very pissed at him for doing that,” Louis argued and he knew Harry had made a point about Leia and Han, but it had slightly hit Louis that they were in a similar position. Leia and Han were together, but then he fucked off and came back, like nothing had happened, Leia easily falling back into his charm. The only difference was that Louis was not falling back into Harry’s charm, even if the way Harry had laughed throughout the whole film, even with the way he seemed to look at Louis everytime he explained something, with those green eyes and dimpled smile, with those long curls, playing with them every once and then… No, Louis was not falling for that, not again.

“Maybe,” Harry cleared his throat, understanding what Louis was implying and yes, he could play this being about Leia and Han and not about them, “maybe nobody ever felt to her like he does? You know, sometimes when you find the one, it’s hard to let go of what you feel,” he said, sheepishly.

“What do you mean?” Louis didn’t want to get deeper into the conversation, but, yeah, he kind knew what Harry was talking about and he just wanted to understand if Harry meant it to be about them.

“I mean, I think it doesn’t matter how many relationships you’ve had or if you’ve just given up on love. You can go out with other people or go on with your life and think that you will let go of what you once felt, but there’s always that one person that is more than others or anything will ever mean to you,” Harry looked down, his hand pulling at the necklace he had hidden inside his shirt, just a small tug at the strap to make sure it was still there. “If that person comes back to you, I think it’s hard to just ignore what you had together. That’s what I see with Leia and Han,” Harry tried to bring back the topic to the characters’ lives, certain that if he kept talking, he would give away that he was talking from his own experience, “they had a son together, it’s not something you simply ignore.” Harry looked up back again at Louis, to see him facing the TV without blinking.

It took Louis a moment to put together what Harry was talking about, almost feeling like Harry wasn’t talking only about Leia and Han Solo. It didn’t feel like he had just thought about that and Louis had to try not to lose focus, because, if it seemed that Harry hadn’t actually stopped having feelings for him, or maybe now that they were spending time together again those feelings had come back, Louis wouldn‘t know what to do about that without ruining the friendship he was trying to build with him again.

“Yeah, yeah,” he finally spoke, blinking away and turning to Harry, “I guess it makes sense. Han and Leia do seem like those kinds of love that would be forever, though.” He inhaled deeply after seeing the glint in Harry’s eyes and the way he was biting his lips, nodding at him. “Just like Chewie and Han. I mean, that is a love that’s forever. Chewie’s never left Han...” Louis stopped a second before he continued because his mind was the worst, but at least he knew that would break the heavy subject they had started talking about, “... Solo.” He looked at Harry expectantly, hoping that he would catch on his lame joke.

It took a beat for Harry to let it sink in what Louis had said and he couldn’t believe that he had done that.

“That was awful, Louis!” Harry laughed out loud, both hands now covering his face for how hard he was laughing.

Louis laughed along with him, patting him on the shoulder. “Sorry not sorry,” he took Harry’s arm in his hand, making him reveal his face again, “c’mon, we’re missing the coronation scene, Harold, look at it.”

They watched the remaining minutes of film, with Luke, Han, Leia and Chewie fading into the screen.

The final song was already playing as the credits rolled, but there was something echoing inside Louis’ brain, knowing that he couldn’t ignore that, couldn’t let that opportunity pass.

“Harry?” Louis called his attention, noticing the smile on his face at the final scene.

“Yeah?” Harry turned to him again, “that was very nice, I liked it,” he said even if Louis hadn’t asked him, just excited to tell him that he actually had enjoyed the story and how it had ended.

“Yeah, yeah, but that was not what I was going to ask,” Louis had a tricky smile and Harry wondered what he was up to.

“No?”

“No,” Louis chuckled slightly, “I have a very serious and more important question,” he saw Harry’s expression change from excitement to confusion.

“What?” Harry was hesitant to know what it would possibly be.

“Can you impersonate Chewie?” Louis’ face broke into the biggest and brightest sneaky grin Harry had ever seen.

“What?!” Harry answered almost in a shout, laughing at the same time.

“You know, Chewbacca, he only speaks in that growl, and people always like to try to sound like him. Can you do it?” Louis was dying inside to see and hear Harry make the wookie’s sound. He looked like a kid that was about to open a present.

“I…” Harry was lost on why Louis wanted to see him doing that. He probably wanted to see Harry embarrass himself, and Harry wouldn’t let him have it that easily. “I mean, I think I can? But only if you do it first.” He smiled coyly at him and he saw the moment Louis understood that he was in it to make him embarrassed too.

He gave him a pointed look. “I see what you’re doing, Styles. But, ok, I’ll do it just so you see how it’s done.”

Harry raised his brows at him, waiting for Louis to do it then. Louis took a deep breath and then growled, only to hear Harry’s hyena laughter.

“That was…” Harry tried to speak, holding himself by his middle, “horrible, Louis.”

“Oh yeah? I want to see yourself trying to do better than. I had years of practice. Liam’s growl doesn’t even come close to mine.” Louis interjected, trying to sound proud of simply emitting a grotesque sound as he dared Harry to outdo him.

“I bet you’re gonna be impressed with mine, Tomlinson,” Harry said, cockily, and cleared his throat, preparing himself.

Louis saw Harry close his eyes, massage his throat and then giving him a smug smile.

The sound that came out of Harry’s mouth sounded like a bus hitting the brakes and Louis simply threw himself off the couch, falling on the floor, bending himself, laughing so hard his stomach hurt.

“What about that?” Harry opened his eyes, trying to sound like he had just nailed it, but knowing that he had done very poorly, only to see Louis on the floor laughing uncontrollably. “Louis! C’mon!” He whined.

“Alright, I’ll give that one to you,” Louis tried to pull himself together as he got to a sitting position, “I’ll give that as the worst Chewie impression I’ve ever heard!”

“You’re awful, that’s what you are! You knew that I’d be a failure, no need to mock me like this,” Harry crossed his arms over his chest and pouted.

“Aw, don’t be mad, Harold,” Louis got up, getting closer to Harry and messing with his hair. “That was nothing close to a wookie’s sound, but it could well be your stomach growling. Mine just did it, so I guess it’s time for us to eat.”

Harry puffed, but knowing that Louis was only joking. But he also had made a good point because Harry was starting to get hungry. “Yeah, I guess it’s a good idea,” Harry got up from the couch, following Louis into the kitchen.

They then prepared the sandwiches and popcorn they had mentioned before and headed back to the living room with their food, settling themselves again on the couch, Louis actually sitting now on the seat beside Harry, before putting the next film – The Empire Strikes Back – on.

It went much like the first episode had gone – talking and making some comments about a scene now and then, while they ate.

Harry commenting how sad was that Leia’s buns had gone...

_“Oh, I liked that hairstyle before, but the braids also look nice on her.”_

_“You miss the space buns? We could try and do them in your hair,” Louis joked as he messed with Harry’s hair, pulling some strands and trying to roll them on the side of Harry’s head, only for Harry to slap his hand away, laughing._

… Louis making Harry pay attention to the Imperial March...

_“This is one of the most famous and best songs you’ll ever hear Harold. A true classic,” Louis hummed along to the melody, Harry looking at him fondly._

_“You’d be great in the Hogwarts choir, Lou, along with the singing toads,” he nudged him with the elbow, playfully. “Your voice is amazing and your face similar to theirs.”_

_“Oi, you’re the frog face here. Also, don’t mock me, Harold, you know I teach choir to the little kids. My singing is a talent,” he smiled proudly at him._

… Harry confused at what exactly Yoda was supposed to be…

_“Is he a goblin?” He looked at Louis, “he looks like a mixture of a goblin with a house elf, that’s just weird.”_

_“No?” Louis stared at him, feeling offended for Yoda, “excuse you, he’s a 900 year old green alien with japose-like language, the best Jedi master, and you should respect him.”_

_“Oh right, sorry, didn’t know you were so fond of an alien,” Harry shrugged apologetically, raising his hands in a defensive pose. “I’ll keep quiet.”_

… Harry excited that Han and Leia had finally got together…

_“Ah, yes! They finally kissed! She was just playing tough in the beginning. I knew it would happen, but couldn’t wait for it! They are adorable and fit so well together,” he cheered, fixing his position on the couch, crossing one leg under the other and turning to Louis, “they are very different, come from different places – she’s a princess and he’s a smuggler, but they still fall in love. It’s amazing.”_

_“You’re painting them as some fairytale couple Harry, please, they are more than just the princess and the knight who saves the damsel in distress. She is a rebel through and through and Han is a thief who gives zero fucks about the law and the Empire. They are both fighting the Empire in their own ways, that’s how they found each other,_ _bound_ _by the same cause,” Louis argued, head slightly tilted into Harry’s direction, rolling his eyes._

_“So, what you’re saying is that they are perfect for each other, even being so different and too proud of themselves and stubborn to stay together, is that it?” Harry questioned, trying again to be as evasive as possible about what he was actually asking, wanting to know if Louis believed that two people from different backgrounds could be together or if his reluctance was only about him and Harry._

_“It’s not like we don’t know they are going to be together. But even being so different, they are much alike, and that’s why they drive each other crazy all the time, and that’s why they end up together – but probably also why they separate in the future. Love is not perfect forever, but while it lasts, it’s enough for them.” Louis answered, earnestly, because he kinda understood where Harry was getting with that. He didn’t want to, but they were starting to compare their own situation with Han’s and Leia’s and as much as Louis denied, he and Harry had been the same – different, Louis a muggle and Harry a wizard, but similar, in being stubborn and_ _proud_ _of themselves to have tried to make them work out when they had the chance all those years ago. And what he said was true, love wasn’t always perfect, and theirs had been for the time they were together and that was it. He hoped Harry understood that and felt the same._

… Louis, trying to lift the mood, making yet another lame joke, just for Harry to be ridiculously oblivious and making Louis laugh instead.

_“Do or do not. There is no try,” Yoda had said on the screen, and Harry nodded along, a bit too seriously, commenting out loud. “That’s actually a good advice. Yoda is indeed very wise”_

_Louis couldn’t miss the opportunity. “Nowadays, we’d just say YOLO.”_

_Harry looked at him, his brows knitted. “But isn’t his name Yoda?”_

_Louis closed his eyes and bent his head down, covering his face as he laughed. “Oh God, Harold, yes, it is!” He shook his head, because he knew Harry wouldn’t understand the joke, but yet, that was a better reaction than he expected from him._

... Harry, shocked when C3PO was being attacked in Lando’s Cloudy City.

_“Oh no, I kinda liked C3PO!” Harry said sadly._

_“Yeah, I can see you grew fond of him, he’s basically your droid form, you both like to talk a lot,” Louis’ poked Harry on the shoulder, laughing a bit._

_“If C3PO is mine,” Harry faced Louis, “then R2D2 is yours, you both tiny,” he said teasingly, squinting his eyes and raising his hand with his thumb and pointing finger to demonstrate how small Louis was._

_“Oi! Are you saying that ‘cause I’m a bit shorter than you now? Fuck off, Harry,” Louis slightly pushed Harry away, “I object to that! If anything, R2D2 is my droid form because we are both sassy!”_

_“What? How do you know he’s sassy? Nobody understands him but C3PO! And Lou, don’t get mad about your size, remember what Yoda said. Sizes matter not!” Harry joked, receiving another playful shove from Louis._

… Harry’s reaction to the infamous “I know” scene...

_“That’s one way to say it,” he added after Leia had just declared her love to Han Solo before he was being frozen into carbonite._

_“You’ve said it before, it’s obvious that they like each other and Han is full of himself, he doesn’t need to say it back, because Leia, in fact, knows.” Louis rolled his eyes._

_“Right, yeah, some people have their own ways of saying I Love You,” Harry fidgeted with the rings_ _on_ _his fingers, trying not to look Louis in the eye and giving away how much he wanted to say that he was still in love with him._

… and finally, Harry’s reaction to one of the most iconic scenes in the cinema history.

“HE IS HIS FATHER?!” Harry almost jumped from the couch.

Louis couldn’t help but laugh, looking fondly at Harry. “Surprising, isn’t it?”

“I’m just confused at everything, Merlin, I should’ve known that already, right? I feel like someone mentioned something before, in that Force Awakens one, but I’m just… it’s too much to process,” Harry shook his head, “and he cut his own son’s hand, what the fuck.”

“We can go through what happened in the Force Awakens after we finish the next movie, I feel like things we’ll be clearer for you. Do you wanna keep going now or do you wa–”

“Put on the next one, Louis, please, now I need to know what happens.” Harry almost begged.

“Shit, I didn’t know you’d be so into the story,” Louis patted Harry’s thigh slightly, chuckling. “Let this one end, there’s only a few more minutes and we’ll continue.” He smiled, proudly at himself that Harry was enjoying the movies so much. Not that he had anything to do with it, the movies were fun for themselves, but they were watching together and that was a bit like how Louis felt when he first started showing Harry muggle stuff when they used to date, to see Harry so marveled and excited about what he was learning (a little insight into what Louis grew up with, what he liked, who he was).

That didn’t seem to have changed. Even with a grown up Harry by his side, Harry didn’t change that much – he grew up, matured, but on the inside, he was still the same Harry Louis once knew – and fell in love with. Louis didn’t know what to make of it, didn’t know what to make of the growing feeling in his chest because of how well they had been getting along that afternoon.

He couldn’t contain himself, they clicked so easily, spoke the same language – but he had to keep in mind their friendship came with a heavy baggage. He wanted to ignore the sense of familiarity that Harry was bringing him. It shouldn’t feel like that, to be in your ex’s presence like it hadn’t been more than 3 years since you broke up (the way they did), acting just like you used to, as if nothing and time had happened between you two.

Louis wanted to tuck those feelings away, but he would be lying if he didn’t admit that it just felt good to be that way with Harry again. Much better than if they still acted as strangers or if they held bad feelings against each other. Louis just didn’t want this good feeling to turn into something else. It couldn’t. He had settled his heart a long time ago, and even if Harry’s talk about how there’s always that one person who will always be different for you, who will never compare to what others could make you feel, Louis knew that for him it wasn’t like that. Harry couldn’t be that person for him, not after making Louis suffer like he did.

Harry could be a friend, a good friend that came back into his life, and Louis was trying his hardest to keep whatever was happening between them now in the friendship spectrum.

The Empire Strikes Back was over and as promised, Louis quickly put Return of the Jedi on, both of them quickly falling into the routine of commenting while watching it they had established with the previous films.

_“Is this disgusting creature making Leia his sexual slave?” Harry asked as he saw Leia being chained to Jabba the Hut._

_“What the hell, Harry,” Louis laughed, “I mean, that’s what kind looks like, yeah. That outfit is awful, but a lot of people dig it. Imagine if she wore it with her space buns.”_

_Louis saw the moment Harry’s eyes stared at him, with a mischievous glint, “If I were to put my hair in her buns, should I put on this outfit too, then?” Harry teased._

_Louis shook his head, not believing Harry was actually making that innuendo. “You’d sure look great in it, Harold, go for it.” Louis instigated._

_“If I dress up as her, who would dress up as? Han?” Harry wiggled his brows at Louis._

_“Han?” Louis gave him a pointed look, calling him out on the implication of what he said. “No, I think I’d be Jabba.”_

_Harry’s brows rose so high Louis thought his eyes were going to pop out of his head. “You’re saying you’d rather I’d be your sexual slave than your love interest?”_

_Louis couldn’t believe that was what Harry had taken from what he had said. He just said Jabba because of the disgusting creature comment he had done, but obviously, Harry focused on the other part of the comment. “No, Harold, what the fuck! None, I’d rather you’d be none! I’m gonna be Boba Fett then!” Louis shook his head, laughing humorlessly._

_“You’re no fun, Lou,” Harry tsked,_ _turning_ _his attention back to the movie. He could be embarrassed for making those comments to Louis, noticing that it had made him uncomfortable, but, they had been teasing each other all afternoon, so he was only playing with that, doing some friendly banter, and if he had a chance to slip some flirtatious comments in there, Merlin forbid him, then._

The film continued and Harry’s face when Luke finally found out that Leia was his sister was even funnier than of him finding out about him being Vader’s son.

_“THEY ARE SIBLINGS? BUT THEY KISSED!” Harry turned abruptly to Louis, dumbfounded, “and he isn’t even shocked to know that, what the–”_

_“Are you even surprised after finding out that Luke is Vader’s son? Star Wars is just a sucker for big plot twists, really,” Louis laughed. “I wouldn’t be surprised if, I don’t know, in the future, we find out that Chewie is actually Han’s father,” he joked, making Harry laugh along._

Harry had an actual enlightening moment about Lando Louis had never thought about.

_“Ok, I was a bit wary of Lando because of what he did before, but now I can see why you like him so much… just as much as Han seems to.”_

_Louis looked confused at him. “What do you mean? How does Han like him? They are old friends.”_

_“But they are also exes, aren’t they?” Harry said so straightforwardly that Louis had to blink at him._

_“What? Why are you saying this?”_

_“Don’t tell me you can’t see the sexual tension between them, it’s quite obvious.”_

_Louis looked at Harry’s unphased expression. He wasn’t joking. He was being serious and Louis took a moment to analyze what he said._

_“Ok,” he breathed heavily, “right, can’t deny that Lando and Han have a very close relationship, but, sexual tension doesn’t mean that they are exes. Look at us, we are exes and we don’t have sexual tension,” Louis tried to reason with him._

_Ok, maybe theirs wasn’t the best example he could’ve used, since he was trying to ignore how he looked at Harry sometimes, and also, not to forget, the little scene he had pulled_ _this_ _morning appearing in the kitchen in his pants, noticing how Harry had reacted to that._

 _“Uhm, yeah yeah, right,” that was all Harry said, before looking away to the TV again, not dragging_ _out_ _the subject. If Louis was going to ignore how they still glanced at each other now and then when they thought the other wasn’t noticing, it was his problem._

And just to prove his point, to show that they were just being friendly, no tension between them, Louis went back to being his jokester self.

_“Harry,” Louis called his attention, poking him with his feet, as he was lying across the couch, almost resting them on Harry’s lap._

_“What?” Harry looked befuddled at him, taking his attention from the spaceship battle that was going on on the TV._

_“Pay attention,” Louis poked him again before getting to a sitting position next to Harry._

_“What? Something’s about to happen?”_

_“Yes, something very important,” Louis looked quickly to the TV and then back to Harry, making him do just like that too, but confused as to what Louis was talking about as Darth Vader, Luke and Emperor Palpatine were on the screen._

_“What is going to happen, Louis?” Harry was now impatient, watching Louis’ expression become more mischievous as the seconds passed. “What, Louis?” Harry looked back to the TV, not taking his attention from it, afraid to miss something Louis really wanted him to see._

_Louis looked one last time to the telly to make sure he was to say it at the same time Admiral Ackbar appeared on the screen. “It’s a trap!” He shouted at Harry, suddenly grabbing his arm to bring his attention to him again and Harry jolted from the couch, looking from the TV to Louis, his face as white as a ghost._

_“What the fuck, Louis!” He put a hand against his chest, trying to even his breathing. “Why did you do that?” He started to nervously laugh, both at how startled he had been and at how Louis had held his arm, so firmly._

_“You were so focused on the movie, needed to make you laugh again,” Louis poked him on his dimple, before getting back to lying on the couch, both arms resting behind his head._

_Harry had to breath heavily at the view beside him. Right, and Louis said there wasn’t any tension between them, looking like he wanted Harry’s attention on him most of the time. Right, very much right._

The film was already near the end, Louis seeing how apprehensive Harry was getting with the final battle between Luke and Vader and the one with Palpatine and Luke, actually cheering when Vader turned against his master and finished him off to save Luke’s life.

“What happened to him?” Harry asked, as Luke helped Vader take off his dark helmet, “I actually thought he was a robot.”

“Harry… he can’t be a robot,” Louis was looking perplexed at him, wondering how some of Harry’s thoughts came to life. “But to know how Vader got this way, for that we’d need to watch the new trilogy, the one Lottie asked us to wait for her to watch.”

“Oh, right!” Harry nodded, “do you think she’ll want to watch it tonight?”

“Eager much, ay?” Louis laughed at Harry’s enthusiasm to keep watching the films, “I don’t know, but, we should probably take a break from the movies now. Maybe, we can watch it later, when we go to Doncaster. The girls, for some reason, prefer the most recent trilogy than this classic one, so we could watch with them. Are you staying with us until the New Year?” Louis asked, trying not to sound so interested or excited to know if Harry was going to spend the rest of the Holiday break with them. Nobody could judge him for actually enjoying having Harry’s company, that was all.

”Yeah, that’s the plan,” Harry answered, smiling at him, hopeful that by then, they would have already reconnected more than they’ve already done, if the way they had been acting today was any tiny hope Harry could have.

“Ok, cool then, we can watch it after Christmas,” he smiled back, more fondly than he meant to, “Lottie will be thrilled to have you watch it with the girls!” Louis quickly added, not to sound like he was the only one excited for that to happen.

When Episode 6 was finally over, Louis watched as Harry’s face was almost lighting up, not only his lips but also his eyes smiling.

“So, what did you think about it? Be honest,” he asked curiously, as he paused the film so the end credits would stop scrolling.

Harry turned from the TV to face Louis, still smiling. “I really liked it! It’s amazing, no doubts. I think I understand now why you said so many people are hyped about this, even being old movies. It looks so realistic, sometimes it even felt like it was made with magic.”

“That’s not magic, Harry,” Louis put a hand on his shoulder, making Harry quickly glance from the hand resting there to Louis’ face, “that’s simply special effects, but considering the technology they had back then, I also wonder how they managed to create all of those things, it’s pretty impressive.”

“But the lightsabers, they really look like a wizard’s wand, specially when they were dueling, I can’t deny that,” Harry laughed faintly, “I know you were joking before, but it really does. The colours, like, our spells have different colours and–”

“I wasn’t joking,” Louis interrupted him, squeezing his shoulder before taking his hand away, “it was just something I thought you could relate and I wasn’t so wrong if you, an actual wizard, also thought about that,” Louis laughed, but suddenly stopped as a thought crossed his mind. “Wait a minute,” he got up from the couch, making Harry look at him with a puzzled expression. “Do you remember I had some toy lightsabers before, right?”

It finally hit Harry why he felt like he already knew about those things even when watching the Force Awakens. “Ah, that was it then! I knew they looked familiar, I just didn’t know why. You still have them?”

“Of course I do,” Louis replied, rolling his eyes, “now, we gotta do something very important, Harry,” Louis smiled cockily at him.

“Please, don’t start with this “something very important” again if you’re going scare me one more time.”

“I’m not going to scare you. I’m going to test you… duel you.” Louis raised a brow playfully at him.

“What?” Harry got up from the couch too, facing Louis, intrigued.

“Let’s see if the Jedis’ magic, aka, their lightsabers, can beat up your magic,” Louis started walking to his bedroom.

Harry was just confused at what he was talking about, but followed him. “Are you suggesting we should duel? Me using my wand and you using your toy? You do realise that would be actual magic against a toy?”

“I’m not asking you to fight me and throw actual spells at me, Harold, pay attention,” Louis shook his head,  “c’mon, we’re gonna pretend we are dueling, you can pretend we’re using the Force.”

Harry stopped at Louis’ bedroom door, watching as he opened his wardrobe and got two big glowing sticks from inside it.

“You are actually saying, that we should,” Harry cleared his throat, trying to sound as serious as he could, “play as if we were Jedis? How old are we again?”

Louis turned to him, shaking blue and green lightsabers in front of him. “Harry, are you gonna deny me my childhood dream to actually become a Jedi?” Louis batted his eyelashes at Harry, almost pouting at him to be more effective.

Harry breathed heavily. He couldn’t believe Louis was actually asking him to do that. He also couldn’t believe that he was giving in to Louis’ wishes so easily.

“Fine,” he rolled his eyes, turning around and heading back to the living room as Louis cheered behind him and followed his steps.

It seemed a bit ridiculous, if Louis was being honest, but he had to admit that he hadn’t had that much fun in forever. Harry had really given in and was playing along, actually pretending that he was using the Force, using his wand that he held against his arm using the hair tie he had around his wrist, his hand extended the same way he had seen in the films, making things levitate around Louis for him to deflect the objects with his lightsaber. Then it was Harry’s time to use the lightsaber and Louis started throwing the cushions from the couch at him, shouting at him “use the force, Styles!”, a band covering Harry’s eyes so he wouldn’t see, just like Obi Wan had done with Luke, but every time Harry didn’t hit the cushion, he would hit him in the head with his own lightsaber.

Harry was in a state of awe that he couldn’t help. Louis was entertaining him so much, making him laugh so hard, it was difficult for him to contain the fondness and the endearment he was feeling towards Louis, not actually believing that they were acting like that again with each other so soon. He could be wrong, but he prayed to Merlin that he wasn’t, that he was actually seeing a change in Louis’ feelings for him. The bitterness that he sensed on Friday, had completely been replaced by joy and Louis being himself around him again, comfortable the way Harry had remembered them once being. Obviously it wasn’t the same, but if Harry tried, just a bit more, maybe he could find what was missing for Louis to see that they could not only be friends again, but also, something more – if the way they fit together, watching a movie, making stupid comments to each other, teasing each other, and, as much random as it seemed, playing with lightsabers in Louis’ living room, showed that it didn’t matter what happened between them in the past, that they could still be _something._

They kept playing, looking like two idiots in the middle of Louis’ living room, not really paying attention to the time – it must’ve been late already, because they had just spent 6 hours watching movies – when they heard a loud pop coming from near the door.

Both of them stopped mid action, Louis’ blue lightsaber against the green one Harry was holding, as Lottie looked at them, astonished.

“What are you two doing?” She walked closer to them. Louis lowered his lightsaber, starting to laugh at Harry’s terrified expression.

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Louis said, jokingly and he saw Harry’s expression change a bit, looking from Lottie to him quickly and whispering “I know” with a coy smile on his lips.

Louis tried to ignore that Harry was probably quoting Han. “Shush it, you’re not allowed to say that,” Louis shook his head, laughing a bit, making Harry lower his lightsaber too.

“What are you talking about?” Lottie was now standing next to them, “I leave you for a few hours and I come back to you two playing lightsabers like two children! That’s why you ditched me today? Unbelievable!” She laughed at them.

“This only proves one thing, sis,” Louis raised his lightsaber again, now into Lottie’s direction. “If Harry hadn’t liked the movies, he wouldn’t be playing lightsabers with me, so, I guess I won the bet and you have to cook dinner,” Louis smiled smugly at her.

“Ugh,” she whined, looking at Harry to see him shrugging, unabashedly. “You did like it, didn’t you? I knew you’d like it. I’m stupid for even trying to bet something against Louis, he always wins.” She slapped Louis’ lightsaber away from her.

“I did enjoy it, sorry, Lottie,” Harry said in an apologetically tone. “Don’t worry, if you want I can help you with dinner.”

“Nah, I’m fine, I’ll deal with it myself. You guys can continue your lightsaber playdate while I make dinner,” she shook her head at them, putting a few bags she was carrying with her on the couch.

“It’s not a playdate, shut up, Lottie,” Louis complained as he saw her poking her tongue out at him, already walking towards the kitchen. “So,” he turned to Harry, “another round?”

Harry laughed at him. “No, Lou, that was fun, but I guess I’ll take a shower and get ready for dinner then.” He placed the lightsaber on the couch. “Tell Lottie I’ll be back soon if she need help. I wasn’t joking.”

“You give up too easily, Styles.” Louis rolled his eyes, “but ok, I’ll tell her.” Louis smiled at him as Harry nodded, walking to Louis’ room to probably get his clothes in his bag. “By the way,” he spoke loudly enough for Harry to hear from his room, “I totally won!”

Louis thought he heard a faint ‘no, you didn’t!’, so he just laughed slightly, then breathed deeply, running a hand over his face, letting the day he had had sink in, now alone for a moment in his living room.

It wasn’t completely unexpected how he and Harry had gotten along, but still, there was something inside Louis that was making him feel unsettled about how he was dealing with the Harry situation. He tried to play it cool, to play it friendly and he was almost sure he managed to convey that to Harry, but there was something different in how they behaved and he was afraid to try and define it.

He didn’t want to believe it was more than what they had agreed on, but he couldn’t just change how he was behaving near Harry again, trying to establish those friendly boundaries, not now that Lottie had seen how they were getting along.

And fuck, Lottie. He knew she would say something when he stepped inside the kitchen, so he probably should do it before Harry came back, at least she wouldn’t make any comments with him around.

“So,” Lottie said, sitting by the table, as Louis walked inside the kitchen. “How was your day today?”

“Didn’t you say you were going to make dinner?” Louis raised a brow at her, sitting on a chair next to hers.

“I think I’m gonna wait for Harry’s help, because I have no idea what to cook for us,” she laughed faintly, “but don’t change the subject. How was it?”

Louis inhaled deeply before answering. “It was good. We watched all three movies. He was actually proper excited to keep watching the rest, but as we promised you we’d watch together, we stopped, that’s when we started playing with the lightsabers,” Lottie started laughing at him, “hey, I know it was pretty ridiculous, but, that was fun, alright?”

“I’m not saying anything!” She lifted her hands in apology. “Actually, I am saying something. I’m saying that I’m happy that you and Harry seemed to have fun together. When I arrived and saw you two, it reminded me of my 13th birthday, when I saw you and him playing footie in the garden. I remember back then thinking that you’d be really good friends, and watching you two now, I stand by that again. You two always seemed to like each other, I never understood why you simply stopped talking when I know that you exchanged letters for a few times when he was still in Hogwarts.”

Louis had to gulp dryly at what Lottie was telling him, because there was so much that Lottie didn’t understand, didn’t know, but somehow, she expected so much from them, she wanted them to be friends, had always wanted, and it seemed that Louis had let her down when – when they broke up, when they stopped being in each other’s lives, without her even knowing.

He was about to say something, but she cut him off, raising a finger at him, not letting him speak. “I know what you said to me before, and I kinda understand that. But I’m glad you got over that and now you and him are starting to be friends again. I really want you guys to get along. You are my brother and best friend, Lou, and Harry is my best friend too, so it’s only fair I get my two favourite people getting along during the holidays, and who knows, after that as well?” She smiled tenderly at him, giving him a small wink.

He shook his head at her. “Yeah, we’re being friends, Lottie. And to be honest, it’s good to have him as my friend again, so, don’t worry, we’re good. We had a great time today, all is well.” He confessed.

“Good!” She patted her hand over Louis’, still smiling at him, but he could notice that it was a different kind of smile, that smile Louis knew she wanted something from him or was about to say something that needed Louis’ approval. “Good that you are in a good mood, too.”

“And why is it good?” Louis eyed her suspiciously, knowing that there were second intentions in there.

“Because,” she looked at her hands, starting to pick on her manicured nails, “I’m not asking for your permission, because, honestly, in which century are we in, right?” She laughed nervously. “I’m more of warning you and I really want you to take it in a good way and not act like you have to protect me or something.”

“What are you talking about, Charlotte?” He was starting to get impatient, knowing she was just beating around the bush.

“Ok, fine, right,” she breathed deeply before speaking again, “I kinda have a date tomorrow.”

Louis must’ve had the most spaced out expression on his face, because when he realised, Lottie was snapping her fingers in front of him, calling his attention.

“With whom?” That was all Louis managed to say, not in a demanding tone, more in a surprised one.

“Hm, Tommy,” Lottie looked away for a sec before facing him again, “Danny’s brother?” She said, trying to survey Louis’ reaction.

“I fucking knew it!” He exclaimed, “should’ve bet with Liam! Fucking told him you were bringing a date!”

“What?” Lottie looked at him, confused for a second. “Oh that’s why you said you thought I was bringing a date instead of Harry!”

“You were not that sneaky in your letters when you started talking about how Danny’s brother was always going to Hogsmeade and you’d go out with him. So, obviously I noticed you had a crush on him.”

“Louis!” She said incredulously, hiding her face in her hands, “oh Merlin, and you told that to Liam? You only embarrass me, Lou!”

“Sorry, sis!” He ruffled her platinum hair. “So it seems that he likes you too?”

She looked back at him, shyly. “I guess, otherwise he wouldn’t have invited me, right?”

“Probably,” Louis laughed. “Good for you, Lottie! I’m happy. Dunno why you’d think I’d take it in the wrong way or summat.”

“I thought you’d lock me inside the flat and wouldn’t let me leave, since you’re all protective. But that wouldn’t be very wise, ‘cause you know, I can apparate and–”

“Jesus, Lottie. Ok yeah, I’m protective, but I won’t stop you from seeing a boy,” he laughed with a faux-offended expression, “you can go on your date with him, not that I’m actually giving you permission, but, just letting you know, I already like him, ‘cause Danny seems like a nice girl and so does him.” He got up from his chair and stepped closer to Lottie to give her a hug and kiss the top of her head. “If you’re happy, then I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks, Lou,” she returned the hug, “same with you. I’m happy that you’re happy. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you this cheerful. Glad that it’s Harry who helped you with that.”

Louis closed his eyes and kissed her again, taking a deep breath, once again.

Somehow, deep down, he also knew that he was happy because of Harry and how to deal with that, he just didn’t know or wanted to think about at that moment.

 

**_December 22nd, 2015_ **

 

“Do you think Fizzy will like this hat, Lou?” Lottie asked as they were in the living room on the next day, the girl showing him and Harry what she had bought on Monday while going out with Danny and her family (and her potential new boyfriend, Louis had learned). “Madame Malkin’s gave me a pretty good discount on it, but I’m afraid Fiz won’t wear it because it changes colours according to the the outfit you’re wearing.”

“Fizzy likes colourful things, Lottie, and you bet she’ll love it,” Louis took the hat in hand, now in a purple colour, “she can say she has different ones to her friends if they ask something. They will think she’s some fashionist or summat.”

“Oh, Gemma has one of these. It’s pretty nice.” Harry added, sitting on the bean bag while Lottie and Louis were on the couch, the shopping bag in the middle of the two siblings.

“And Gemma has a good taste in clothes, so, yeah, ok. I guess it was a good choice,” she smiled, taking the hat from Louis’ hand and pointing her wand to the wrapping paper on the coffee table and as she placed the hat on top of it, the paper wrapped itself on the hat. “Now, for the twins, I got something from WonderWitch at Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. Could’ve gone to Madame Primpernelle’s, but she’s always so expensive, and as I was already looking for something funny to give the baby twins, I thought Phoebs and Day would enjoy these Everlasting Eyelashes. I guess the Pygmy Puff I gave them last year is still alive and well, so I didn’t want to give another one.” She took two boxes of the product and placed on top of another piece of wrapping paper.

“What could you possible give to the baby twins?” Louis looked at her, a bit concerned, “they are too young to deal with magic, Lottie.”

“Weasleys’ Wheezes have a section for children’s toys, I guess they are less dangerous than the other products they have there,” Harry interjected, “the babies could easily enjoy them.”

“Harry’s right, but I also know that, Lou,” Lottie puffed, a bit irritated, “I know mum doesn’t want any of the kids playing with magic without me there, don’t worry. I didn’t buy anything magical for them, yet,” she gave him a teasing look, “but they also have muggle magical products there, so I bought a Repeating Rabbit for them to play.”

Louis eyed the box, which was red and had the pictures of some rabbits inside some black hats and on top had “muggle magic” written. He saw Lottie do the same as she had done with the previous gifts she had bought for their siblings, letting the wrapping paper wrap itself around the box, a colourful one with a christmassy theme where the snowmen threw snowballs at each other.

“Well, you could’ve waited to go shopping with me to buy something non-magical for them, then,” Louis blinked away from the four packages well wrapped on his coffee table.

“Wait,” Lottie put the packages back inside the big bag. Louis didn’t know how everything could fit inside them. Or, well, he did know, because he knew that they had these charms to make things bigger on the inside, but sometimes he was still in wonder by that. “You still have to do Christmas shopping? Louis!” She gave him a stern look.

“What? Sorry, I had a busy week with the preparation for the School play, then you and Harry arrived, had to give you all my attention, so, I didn’t have much time…” Louis shrugged.

“So you only have today to do it, you pumpkin head!” Lottie shook her head at him, slapping him on the arm. “And it’s already late! I mean, relatively late, the stores must be packed with people, like you, doing late Christmas shopping. You’re the worst!”

“Ouch!” He complained at her slapping him. “I know already what I want to buy for the munchkins, don’t worry, it won’t take long. After we have lunch we could go, how about that?”

“Uh-uh,” she shook her head again at him. “Even when you know what you want to buy, you always spend longer than you need inside the stores. I’m not going and then coming back late to get ready for my date.” She coyly pushed her long hair behind her ears.

Louis smiled teasingly at her and then looked at Harry, who wiggled his eyebrows, playfully, probably remembering how Louis had instigated him to tease Lottie when she told him about Tommy asking her out. “Oh right, your date! What time is Mr. Napolitano coming to pick you up?”

“He’s not…” Lottie sighed, “he’s not picking me up. We said we’d meet at Diagon Alley at Rosa Lee Teabag in the evening.”

“What? He’s not escorting you to your date?” Louis raised a brow at her. “I take back what I said about him. I thought Tommy would be a gentleman, I don’t like him anymore.”

Harry laughed slightly from where he was and Lottie only rolled her eyes. “You’re insufferable, Lou!” She got up from the couch with the bag with the gifts in hand. “I don’t tell you who you should or should not date, and that’s considering that I’ve seen you go out with some pretty awful people – Aiden being the last one of them.”

“Wow, c’mon, I’m kidding!” Louis quickly said, not letting Lottie dwell on the topic of his dates, not in front of Harry. “I said I wouldn’t say anything about you going out with him. I’m just teasing. Doing my big brother part, you know,” he winked at her.

“You’re making me nervous, that’s what!” She puffed, before she turned around and started walking towards Louis’ bedroom.

“Don’t be, Lottie,” Harry spoke, calling her attention again. “You and Tommy are really cute together, he does seem to like you, and he is a nice guy,” Harry gave a pointed look to Louis, “I noticed how he’s been always very sweet to you, even at Hogwarts.”

Lottie slightly turned back to face them and Louis could see her cheeks blushing.

“Louis is just being his annoying self,” Harry continued and received a “oi!” and a cushion almost to his face that Louis threw at him as retaliation for that comment. “He just cares about you, as so do I, but we know you’ll have a great time with Tommy. You’ve both known each other for so long, it won’t be weird, so don’t be nervous, ok?”

“Ugh, I know, ok,” she bit her lips, “but still, you boys and your comments make me nervous anyway. I will be a mess if I go shopping with you before going out with Tommy, so, I’ll skip it, Lou. And it’s probably for the best, so I can relax and get ready without you pestering me.”

“Fine, fine,” Louis laughed. “So, I’ll have lunch and then I’ll go, and you’ll have the afternoon all to yourself to get ready.” He turned to Harry, a bit unsure, because Harry had been quiet about the whole going shopping subject. Would he rather stay with Lottie or go out with Louis? Not that Louis minded. He could go out alone, he didn’t need Harry to be with him. He couldn’t deny, though, that it would be nice to have his company. The day before was still a mix of feelings inside his brain, but clearly the sensation that he and Harry were on good terms and acting as proper friends prevailed, so there was nothing wrong with the two of them going out, walking around London, without Lottie. “Harry, are you staying with Lottie or do you wanna help me with the shopping?”

Harry ran a hand through his curls, the other picking at his bottom lip, looking from Lottie to Louis. “Uhm, I guess,” he gulped and when Lottie tilted her head at him with some tender eyes, Louis knew she was probably giving him an unspoken thumbs up to go with him, “I could go with you. Probably will buy something for your siblings and your mother too.”

“Don’t worry about gifts for them, Harry, you’re probably gonna be a more than enough gift going back there after so long,” Lottie giggled, “but right, you boys go do your last minute shopping while I’ll have my relaxing day.”

“What Lottie said,” Louis added, wondering just for a second if Harry intended to buy something for him too. In that case, Louis would have to include a gift for Harry in the equation, because even if he hadn’t planned for Harry to spend the Holidays with them, it would be bloody impolite to see Harry giving gifts to his family and probably one to him too and leave him empty handed in return. “But thanks for coming with me. Shall we have lunch, then? I’ll get ready and we can leave.”

“Fine by me, gotta change too.” Harry nodded, smiling at him and Louis smiled back.

“Finally I’ll have some peace, then!” Lottie mocked and kept walking towards Louis bedroom.

The three of them had lunch together and after Louis and Harry got ready, both of them headed to central London. Lottie had promised Louis to leave a note to let him know what time she left the flat and what time she would probably be back, in case they came back and she wasn’t there anymore (only because Louis almost threatened her to go to Diagon Alley himself to go find her if she came back home too late – which made Harry reassure him that she would be safe with Tommy there, but if there was a need to go look for her, Harry would go with him too, which only earned them a growl from Lottie as a complaint for them – _I can’t believe this! Even you Harry! I’m rethinking if this whole friendship between the two of you is actually good! You let yourself be influenced by Louis too easily, ugh_ – being overprotective of her).

Then, there was Harry and Louis, on the tube again, alone now and Louis couldn’t help but think how this time really felt like reliving the past, just the two of them. He saw the way Harry was clinging to the pole they were sharing as they stood inside the carriage and he also saw the way Harry was looking at him, probably knowing that he was about to say something about his fear of the underground once again.

“Stop it,” Harry warned, turning his head a bit to face away from Louis, too aware of the cheeky smile Louis had on his lips.

“What?” Louis asked, pretending not to know what Harry was talking about.

“You know what, don’t even say it,” Harry rolled his eyes. The tube was approaching the next stop and Harry gripped firmly on the pole again, closing his eyes, only to listen Louis chuckle beside him.

“I didn’t even say anything. You outted yourself,” he put a hand on Harry’s shoulder, making Harry open his eyes at the touch. “But, now I’m gonna say it because I never really understood why the tube makes you feel so sick,” Louis gave small pats on Harry’s shoulders before he squeezed it slightly and took his hand away, “there was a time I almost thought you were only faking it so I could cuddle you.”

Harry had to look away for a moment and pretend he was itching his nose to hide his face and let it visible for Louis that he was indeed right about that. Not that his fear of the tube had suddenly gone away after riding it so many times with Louis back then, but it had decreased, much to Louis’ credit for always distracting him.

“I mean, you did help,” Harry admitted, a bit embarrassed, “but it’s been too long, I may have grown unused to it again.”

“I’m hoping you’re not in need of cuddles to overcome the fear again,” Louis continued, jokingly, giving space for other people to enter the tube as it had just opened its doors, stepping closer to Harry. With the (lack) of distance between them, Louis could easily hug Harry and tell him that he didn’t need to worry about the tube, like he had done many times before, but… why would he do that? There was no need for it and he didn’t know why his brain had gone there. He shook his head a bit, fixing his fringe with his fingers, trying to mask out his own thoughts. “Your baby face is gone, Harold, you don’t have enough charm to convince me to do it anymore.”

“When you say it like that, it seems like you do wanna cuddle me,” Harry said, without thinking, because, with the way Louis was so close to him, his smaller hands holding the pole so close to Harry’s, Harry could picture Louis just giving one more step towards him and putting one arm around his shoulder to envelope him in a hug. He wished Louis would do that, but he knew that wasn’t gonna happen, when Louis playfully elbowed him on his ribs.

“Only in your wildest dreams, Styles,” Louis rolled his eyes at Harry’s teasing, and stepped back to where he was standing, just to prove a point and make sure that Harry understood that they were only joking, teasing each other friendly. Not flirtatiously. They weren’t flirting. Louis wasn’t flirting with Harry, absolutely not. He didn’t know where Harry had gotten that idea from.

Harry bit his lip wistfully, because that was what it would probably be like – to imagine Louis cuddling him again, only in his wildest dreams.

Not long after, they were leaving Oxford Station and heading down to Regent Street, where Louis said he would buy some toys for the baby twins – a train set for Ernest and a stuffed bear for Doris at Hamleys. Even with Louis insisting that Harry didn’t need to buy anything for them too, Harry wouldn’t appear at Jay’s house empty handed, so he bought a couple of colouring books for them after making Louis walk, with some difficulty around the crowded store with him, trying to find them a gift, while Louis also made them play with the Star Wars toys they had there and also showed him all the Lego statues around the place.

They spent more time than they had intended to inside the store and when they stepped outside, they were surprisingly hit by a cold wind that neither of them had expected when they left Louis’ flat, not dressing properly for the cold that was now on the street.

“Fucking Christ, is it going to snow?” Louis brushed one hand after the other the best he could as he was holding the bags with the gifts they’d bought.

Harry looked around him and up to the sky. It was pretty cloudy and the chilly wind that was cutting through his skin was clearly way too cold. It didn’t seem like it was going to snow heavy, though. It was very difficult to snow in London at that time of the year, but with the cold winter they’d had, he wouldn’t be surprised if there was a small snow shower later.

“I don’t think so, but it’s too cold for us to walk like this,” Harry looked back at Louis, already seeing the way he was chattering his teeth, “I may need to warm us up,” he got closer to Louis, holding him by the arm and guiding him to stand against the wall outside the store.

“What are you doing?” Louis was a bit alarmed at how Harry was backing him against the wall. What the fuck did Harry mean with warm them up? Louis breathed deeply as he saw Harry looking back at him with a smile on his face.

“Calm down,” Harry chuckled, a bit amused, because, really, what did Louis think Harry was going to do? For a second, just the thought of Louis maybe thinking that Harry was going to hug him or even kiss him was enough to warm his insides. But that was not what was going to happen. “I’m just gonna put a warming charm on us, I’m not gonna do anything else,” he carefully pulled his wand from inside his coat. He looked around to see if any other pedestrian was paying attention to them and when nobody seemed to mind to see two men so close to each other against a wall, he waved his wand at Louis first and then at himself.

“Oh, right,” Louis cleared his throat as he felt his clothes getting warm and warming his body as well. Of course that was what Harry was going to do. What else could’ve he done? Louis patted his jacket and stepped away from Harry’s personal space. “Thanks,” he coyly said, not looking Harry in the eye.

“It won’t last long, though,” Harry discreetly pocketed his wand back in his coat. “So we better hurry if we don’t want to freeze ourselves to death.”

“We’ll just walk for a few minutes, Selfridges is not that far from here. And I just need to buy something for Dan there, we’ll be quick.” Louis gestured for Harry to follow him up the road, which he promptly did, walking beside him.

“But I still have to buy the rest of the gifts for your family, so we probably won’t be that quick,” Harry shrugged, his shoulder slightly bumping with Louis’ for how close they were walking together, avoiding the pedestrians hurrying around them on the sidewalk. “Do you think they have something for the girls in this store?”

“I’m not even gonna say it again for the millionth time that you don’t need to buy anything for them, but if you insist,” Louis shook his head, “yeah, they do, they have all sorts of things. Selfridges is huge, you’re gonna see it.” Louis kept walking, aware of how Harry was practically glued to his side and he wasn’t gonna complain about that. It was helping keep him warmer, but he wouldn’t admit that, so he made sure to zip his jacket all the way up and put his hands inside his pockets as they walked, seeing how Harry now had his arms crossed over his chest.

They walked up to Oxford Street again and entered the big department store. Harry had said he wanted to buy something simple for his sisters, so Louis suggested him to buy maybe some simple jewelry. They went to the women’s accessory section and Harry picked a pair of earrings for the older twins, a bracelet for Fizzie and also a nice necklace for Jay. When Louis asked if he was going to buy something for Lottie, he said he had already bought it before they went on holiday at Diagon Alley, but not revealing to Louis what it was.

When they went to the men’s section, Louis let Harry wander around to look at something for Dan himself. He was almost sure he wasn’t going to buy any piece for clothing for his step-dad, having decided to buy him a nice aftershave some weeks ago, but he thought it would be nice to just check in case he changed his mind. Still, he had to buy something for Harry and he wondered if Harry would choose that moment to buy something for him too, since he hadn’t mentioned anything about his gift.

Louis walked around the section, a bit lost on what to buy for Harry. What could you possibly buy for your ex-boyfriend who you haven’t seen for more than 3 years, whose looks and taste seemed to have changed after all that time, and who now was your friend again? He had no clue. He looked for shirts, trousers, blouses, hats and accessories until one item called his attention. A green cashmere scarf. He didn’t know why that made him stop and inspect the item in his hand, but one thing he knew for sure and that he guessed hadn’t changed over the years: how proud Harry was of his Hogwarts House, the same way Lottie was proud of being in Slytherin, and remembering how good in green Harry had always looked – the tie he used to wear around his neck with his uniform something that had always enhanced his green eyes and Louis only imagined how nice Harry would look with that green scarf around his neck, maybe wearing a black coat, with his now long curly chocolate hair falling around the scarf.

Louis shook himself out of those thoughts because he shouldn’t be thinking about how Harry looked or would look with a gift from him. He was only buying a gift so he didn’t seem impolite and if it happened to be something that reminded Louis of how Harry used to look, and how good he would be wearing it, it was no big deal. He grabbed the scarf and headed to the men’s aftershave section, not even sparing a look behind at another piece of clothing for Harry or even Dan, obstinate to just get what he was supposed to buy for his step-dad and head home already.

With the aftershave and scarf already inside a shopping basket, he came back to the section to look for Harry, finding him roaming around the several hangers of clothes.

“Found something?” Louis asked, making Harry startle a little, turning around to face Louis.

“I don’t think so. I’m not actually sure what to give to your step-dad, since I don’t really know him,” Harry shrugged apologetically. “I was just looking around and seeing how muggle taste in fashion has changed.’”

“Saw something you liked?” Louis teased, looking at the flowered shirt Harry had been holding before he approached him.

“Those are interesting, but I can’t actually wear these at Hogwarts, unfortunately,” he eyed the shirt sadly.

“Maybe back in Brazil you could’ve used something like this. Very summery and colourful,” Louis got the shirt in his hand and put it in front of Harry.

“On holiday, yes,” Harry chuckled, a bit embarrassed, feeling his cheeks flush a little as he snapped the shirt back from Louis’ hand and put it back on the hanger.

Louis laughed along, the picture of Harry wearing that shirt too hilarious for him. “So, do you still wanna look for something for Dan? I’m pretty sure he won’t mind if you don’t appear with a gift for him. Maybe a card would be nice, but a proper gift is not necessary, Harry, really.”

“I was actually thinking that there is something that would be more like a family gift, I guess he would appreciate it,” Harry said, hesitantly, “for Christmas dinner, I mean, I could take a bottle of wine?”

“Oh, that’s a good idea,” Louis agreed. “I know they sell wines here, but if you want, we could go to a Majestic Wine a few roads down near here,” he proposed, ignoring the fact that they could buy the wine there and head straight home after, but maybe walking more around London with Harry wasn’t that bad of idea.

“That would be nice,” Harry agreed, smiling at Louis, glad that he didn’t think his suggestion was lame or something.

“Great,” Louis smiled back, patting Harry on the shoulder, seeing that he actually hadn’t picked up any items to buy. “Are you sure you’re not gonna buy anything then?”

“No, I think the wine is best. It will be a simple guest gift and I was thinking, he and your mum also, will enjoy it.”

Ok then. Harry indeed wasn’t going to buy any more gifts for anyone – for Louis. Alright. It’s not like Louis had just chosen something to give to Harry that was probably stepping over the friendship boundary they had established when Harry didn’t seem to bother to buy Louis something. It was true that Louis didn’t know if Harry had already bought something for him along with Lottie’s gift, but he didn’t even mention a gift for Louis and it was really making Louis itchy and he didn’t know why. It shouldn’t matter if Harry was going to give him something or not. He had repeated that Harry shouldn’t worry about gifts for his family, and that should count for him as well, but deep down he couldn’t deny he felt a little disappointed, because it looked like Harry was fine with them being friends and still cared about Louis someway, so, it just… It shouldn’t be a big deal, Louis tried to reason with himself, letting go of those confused thoughts that were now swimming inside his brain.

“Alright, so I’m just gonna pay these and we can go,” Louis tried to sound nonchalant and not give away his small disappointment.

Harry noticed there was something Louis seemed to want to ask him and maybe he had noticed how he didn’t buy anything for him. It was not like he could say that his gift was the first thing Harry had bought when he agreed to come visit Louis with Lottie and that was now at his room in Hogwarts, waiting for Harry to give Marcel a heads up to bring it to him when they arrived at their Doncaster family house. Harry had been hesitant to bring it, not knowing how Louis would react to his visit. Marcel had been warned that, if the visit was a positive one, he would have to fly over Doncaster to give Louis his gift. If not, he'd be expected to cuddle Harry better when he came back. After Louis and him started getting along better, though, Harry was more confident that he could give Louis the first of his gifts – the second would be the card up his sleeve and with that one, he was more apprehensive to actually do what he had in mind if things didn’t go the way he was expecting them to.

They left Selfridges after Louis paid for his gifts and Harry once again charmed them warm to walk on the cold streets of London.

It took everything in Harry to stop thinking about how this was much like the times he and Louis had gone out around London back then and he had to refrain the need to wrap his arm around Louis or hold his hand, wanting to warm him not only with his spell but also with his own body warmth. He could blame it on the fact of how close they were walking and sometimes their hands and shoulders would brush, but none of them complained about the small touches until they arrived at Majestic Wine.

The sommelier that greeted them asked if they wanted to taste some of the wines they had there before deciding on which one to buy. Louis was a bit hesitant but, what the hell, wine could actually help him feel a bit warmer and maybe help him forget the thoughts of spending the day alone with Harry and how it brought him back down to memory lane, as if time hadn’t passed between them.

The normality and familiarity of them walking down London streets and talking about nothing and everything as Harry pointed at something or Louis caught Harry’s attention to look at muggle things, and to see how smiley Harry was to him, actually attentive to whatever Louis would say and never letting the conversation die and the awkward silence fall between them was something that Louis was not expecting. Of course, if the previous day had been any indication, he should’ve known that they were on good terms, but it just surprised him how good he felt with Harry again and how that created an unsettling feeling in his stomach that he just couldn’t let grow. It was nothing more than friendly companionship and maybe it felt good because it was Harry. Even with all that had happened between them, it was Harry. That seemed to not change. Louis knew him, even if this Harry was a bit different from the one he met and had in his life before. But maybe it was true what Harry had said before, maybe there would always be something, something more about him that Louis would never be able to let go.

Louis still remembered what he had told Harry before he went away. It had been true, he reckoned now, that Harry would always be in his heart. He just didn’t want him to take over it again. He wouldn’t let that happen, because, as much as Harry would be a constant in his life and had also come back to be friends with him again, Louis had put an end to those strong feelings he had felt for him once and those would not be allowed to come back, because he knew that wouldn’t work again. Even more now, with them living their lives, so much different than before. It wouldn’t do him any good to let that happen again, he knew it.

But it was hard to just ignore that Harry was beside him. A giggly Harry as he sipped on different types of wine, a blushing Harry as Louis joked about something. Louis should probably tone it down, but as much as he knew that he shouldn’t enter in that territory again, he couldn’t help himself.

Harry noticed how much more welcoming Louis was to him and he wished he could do something about that there and then, just to make sure he wasn’t interpreting things wrongly. He probably was, because Louis had been the one to be persistent on the “just friends” thing and maybe that was the side of Louis that Harry needed to get used to, even when “friend Louis” reminded him so much of the flirtatious “boyfriend Louis” he once had.

He drank a few more types of wine before deciding which one to buy, getting two bottles of a Chianti – and hoping that the amount of alcohol, even as small as it had been, that he had ingested wouldn’t make him do anything stupid.

When they left the wine store, as Harry had predicted early on, there was a very soft snow shower and it actually looked like there had been a Christmas miracle for that to happen. As they walked back to the tube, the streets getting a bit darker already and the lights from the ornaments hanging from the buildings, it was almost like magic. And with Louis beside him, talking how much he could use a hot coffee, Harry wanted nothing more than to keep the feeling he was having for as long as he could, a feeling that he and Louis belonged like that, together – walking side by side, talking about whatever came to their minds amidst soft lights and their shared laughs.

As Harry casted the warm spell on them again, very close to Louis so muggles wouldn’t see him using his wand, he held Louis’ arm for a second and he felt how Louis tensed at the sudden touch, quickly turning his head away from Harry’s, which was very close to his, to make it look like they were having an intimate conversation to the people who would pass by them. It could take Harry a simple move for him to either hug Louis or kiss him, but he knew he shouldn’t do either, not when he didn’t know where Louis stood. But there was a lingering feeling in him, being that close to Louis, which was making him almost spill all the suppressed feelings he’s had for the past days (and years).

All Harry could do was agree with having coffee with Louis, so instead of going directly to the underground station, they entered a nearby coffee shop before heading home.

Louis ordered them two large cups and asked if Harry wanted to drink it on their way or if he preferred to finish the drink inside. They settled on staying in, as it was snowing very slightly.

Louis looked outside the window they were sat closeby, watching people struggle to prevent the snow from falling on their heads. He almost didn’t notice when Harry’s hand came towards his direction, actually into his hair.

“You still have a bit of snow on you,” Harry said, hand hesitant to touch Louis’ hair, but when Louis’ turned to look better at him, face not showing any trace of being startled or mad at Harry, he let his fingers slightly brush over Louis’ fringe, seeing how Louis watched his every movement.

“It should’ve melted, shouldn’t it?” Louis said, his voice a little rough for how dry his throat had gotten with Harry’s touch. “It’s cozy and warm in here. I know my clothes aren’t wet because of the spell you put on them, but the hair,” he gestured as Harry withdrew his hand and placed it back around his cup of coffee, “you didn’t charm it, did you?”

“Nope,” Harry sipped his hot coffee, feeling just the tiniest embarrassed at how Louis seemed to divert the conversation, too aware maybe of what Harry had done. “But it is cozy here. This is a nice place, actually. I thought it would be fuller, you know, with people wanting to warm themselves up...”

“Yeah, I see where you’re coming from, but, you see, people now are all over Starbucks. We could’ve gone there but I knew it would be packed. This place is a bit more reserved and they always have very good coffee and tea, much better than Starbucks. Almost reminds me of how mum prepares coffee and tea at home.” Louis drank from his own coffee, looking around the place and watching the few people that were there and smelling the sweet smell the place had – coffee and vanilla and eggnog. “It is a nice place, indeed.” He breathed deeply, looking back at Harry.

Harry wondered why Louis would prefer to take him to a cozy and more reserved place instead of just taking a coffee at any other shop and then heading home.

“It is,” Harry nodded, biting down at his lips to see Louis gazing at him with a small smile. “What?” He asked, shyly.

“Nothing, it’s just,” Louis gave another deep breath, “I don’t know, it still feels a bit weird for me. Not weird, as in bad weird. Just in a way that, really, it hasn’t crossed my mind for a long time that this would happen again.” Louis should’ve thought better before opening his mouth, because he didn’t mean for Harry to see the way he was looking at him, but now that he had and that Louis had started talking, it would be difficult to change the subject. “I mean, us again, going out like this, having fun together again. As friends.”

Harry had to stop for a second to really grasp what Louis was talking about, grasp that Louis was admitting that spending time with him was something that hadn’t crossed his mind for so long, but apparently, now that it happened, he was ok with that.

“Despite what happened,” Louis continued and maybe he should just shut up already, but Harry was there and it wasn’t like they hadn’t talked about what had happened. They had, so, Louis could say those things, could say how he was appreciating Harry’s company again, “you have been a friend to me before, Harry, more than being my boyfriend, I can say. It all started with us being friends because you took care of Lottie when I couldn’t and you didn’t have to.”

“Louis, you know that’s–” Harry was a bit lost on what to reply. He could feel himself starting to get a bit nervous to actually hear what Louis had to say about him, about them. Louis saved him from saying anything, as he continued talking.

“No, listen,” he started tapping his fingers around the coffee cup, one hand sliding down and stopping to rest on top of the table, his index finger running circles on the wood, occupying himself with anything but actually looking Harry in the eye, “I’ll always be grateful for it and I’ll always admire you for that. You’re…” he briefly looked up, seeing Harry with his head tilted a bit, eyes watching Louis attentively. Louis would be lying if he didn’t say that he found the view of Harry with his cheeks flushed due to the warmth that came from the coffee, but also with his slightly rose lips parted and his green eyes glinting a bit under the dim light of the shop, which were giving his curls a different bright, a bit endearing, “you’re something else, Harry, you know?”

Harry licked his lips, trying to suppress the fondness he was feeling from Louis’ words. What did Louis mean with Harry being something else? That didn’t seem like the Louis that was very much decided on just being friends with him. He only shook his head coyly, smiling to himself at Louis’ compliment or whatever that was.

He didn’t even notice when his own hand slipped down to the table, resting closer to Louis’. He gulped dryly, and stretched out his fingers then retracted them, his hand now in a clenched fist on top of the table.

“I’m glad we can be here right now,” Louis continued, aware of Harry’s hand movement, almost sure Harry meant to reach out his hand to hold his and that shouldn’t have made a small rush run through his spine. The thought of Harry holding his hand again shouldn’t make him feel like that, even if it was a platonic gesture. “I’m glad we can be friends and that I can enjoy your company again,” he added, making sure he didn’t lose track of the point he was trying to make. “I mean, I guess what you said about Leia and Han makes sense somehow. Because there’s a reason people liked their exes before their breakups and,” he lifted his hand to scratch at his fringe over his forehead, “I know we didn’t end in a good way, but, we were friends before that. Now we’ve matured and come to our senses, so a break up shouldn’t be in the way of us being friends again.”

Harry was possibly not breathing. He had to take another sip from his slightly cold coffee, to recompose and actually say something. He understood what Louis was saying and on one hand, he was so fucking happy that Louis had come to terms that they could be in each others lives again, but on the other, that was all that Louis was saying, it didn’t seem like he had any intention of being more.

“Even if it didn’t seem like that, Louis, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.” Harry put down his cup again, now tucking his hair behind his ear, “I don’t think neither of us meant things to take the directions they did, we could’ve dealt with them differently, but because of the moment, we just… let them, let us go. But I never wanted to have lost you,” Harry confessed, “you are an amazing person Louis, have always been and that’s why I,” he stopped for a second, reminding himself that maybe he shouldn’t say that, shouldn’t say how hard he fell for Louis – the memory of Louis telling him, right before sending him away, that Harry shouldn’t say that he was in love with him still too clear in his mind, “that’s why I’ve wanted to know you better since I met you,” he continued, trying to be as subtle as he could, “and if you give me a chance to get to know you again, to get to be your friend again,” he said it, more to convince himself than to reassure Louis, “I’d more than like that.”

Louis hadn’t intended for that conversation to go that way. He hadn’t intended for Harry to make him feel like they were catching up right from where they had left. He hadn’t intended to feel like he wanted to get up from his chair and hold Harry in his arm and tell him how much he wanted to have him in his life again, how grateful he was. That wasn’t how he was supposed to feel, to feel like Harry was right there, apologising for having left Louis and having left the way he did and for making them drift apart. If he could be honest with himself, as he watched Harry talk, he just didn’t want to get to know Harry better. He wanted to get to know Harry again, wanted to pour out the mixed thoughts and feelings he had been having for the past few days and try to understand what the fuck was going on between them, because as much as he wanted to be friends with Harry, that didn’t add up with the need he felt of taking Harry’s hand in his when Harry reached out, that didn’t add up with the sudden thought he had had as Harry had backed him up, not once, but three times against the cold wall of some store, the sudden thought that he wanted to kiss Harry, infatuated by how good he smelled, but completely ignoring it and shaking those thoughts away. It didn’t add up with the simple fact that Louis couldn’t deny how good and happy he had felt with Harry the previous days as if the three years and a break up hadn’t happened between them.

And maybe he had said that a break up shouldn’t be in the way of exes becoming friends again, but, it was clear why people usually didn’t befriend their exes after: the tension between them would always be there, because as much as you try to avoid it, your memory and your body remembers how you fit together and he and Harry… fuck, Louis could only imagine (even if he shouldn’t) how well they’d fit now, having grown the way they did, and how it would feel to have Harry’s arm around him or his around Harry’s again.

“You’re an amazing person to have around, Haz,” Louis tried to leave his thoughts and focus on Harry and the conversation again, even if his brain had completely taken a turn he wasn’t expecting, and it would probably not be wise for him to insist on having Harry again in his life after the sudden realization he had just had, but, there wasn’t anything he could do. Well, there was, and it was to simply tuck those feelings away, because he knew better than to let them get inside his brain and heart again. “I mean, I’m glad, that’s all, that we managed to get over the past and we’re here now.”

Yeah, they were there now and Harry was finding it harder each time Louis reminded him of where they stood when all he wanted was for them to be more. But he would do it. He would slowly deal with his feelings, and if there was a right time for him, if he noticed that the way Louis was warming up to him was more than it looked like, he would act on it.

“I’m glad too,” he nodded, taking the last sip of his coffee, waiting for Louis to finish his so they could go back to his flat.


	5. Wednesday - Thursday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Genny and everyone who has been waiting for Marcel's return.

**_December 23rd, 2015_ **

 

Harry should’ve thought better about his holidays plans, he really should.

It started off as him thinking that everything was going downhill with Louis, to things slowly getting better, to them getting to be friends again, to Harry not knowing what was happening anymore.

As Louis drove the car, Harry sitting by his side now with Lottie sleeping on the back seat, the three of them heading to Doncaster later that morning, Harry was trying to figure out what it all meant – he was trying to figure Louis out, starting with the night before. Since their outing in the afternoon, Harry was a little (maybe a lot) confused about how Louis was behaving. He didn’t know if Louis was just being extra friendly to him to compensate for their time apart or really on the verge of flirting as if he wanted to mean more than what he said during their talk at the coffee shop.

He tried not to dwell much on that, because, again and again Louis reminded him that having each other in their lives again meant that they could start over as friends, just friends, and all Harry could do for now was agree. But the way Louis had spoken, the way Louis implied that Harry was something else… Harry could’ve misinterpreted it, of course, but also, how could he know what Louis was really thinking when he didn’t talk the talk? He would say all those things, but when it came to how he acted, Harry was completely at loss with what Louis really wanted from him.

If Harry replayed the night before in his mind, he would see that after they arrived back at Louis’ flat, it had started pretty much normal. Lottie had already left for her date, so they settled to sort out the shopping they had done and then getting ready for dinner, changing their cold clothes to more comfortable ones – Louis appeared in the living room after taking a shower in sweatpants, a tank top and his damp hair, again showing up in front of Harry so comfortable in his skin he didn’t know how to hold himself back from the temptation of doing something stupid; while Harry simply discarded his coat and changed into his pajamas bottoms and a large black jumper as if to keep the friendly sleepover atmosphere. Dinner came next, with Louis way too lazy to prepare anything, already thinking out loud on which pizza they could order, and Harry slowly convincing him to let him cook them something. _(“Remember the wine I bought? We could totally open one up right now, imagine how good it’d taste with my homemade pasta.” “Tempting, but wasn’t it supposed to be a gift?” “I bought two bottles, your stepfather doesn’t need to know he’s only getting one now and I bet your mum wouldn’t complain if she knew we put it to good use tonight.” “Fine, Gordon Ramsay, wine and dine me.”)_

As they went to the kitchen and Harry started to prepare a spaghetti Bolognese for them, that was when Harry started to notice how Louis’ behavior was somewhat odd. Not odd per se, but unusual from how it had been the previous days. Looser.

They talked, and they were used to talking by now, but Louis seemed to be a lot more interested in engaging Harry to talk about himself, starting with the tattoos that were displaying on Harry’s forearm with the way he had rolled up the long sleeves of his jumper as he started cutting the pepper, onions and tomatoes to make the sauce.

_“Is the… Harold,” Louis called his attention as he was leaning against the fridge door a few feet away from Harry, observing him working against the counter of the sink, “am I seeing things or did your mermaid tattoo just flip her tail?”_

_Harry looked down at his forearm to see his tattoo being a little more agitated than she normally was. “Oh, yes.”_

_“Wait, your tattoos move? What the fuck, like, I didn’t notice it before. Obviously it makes sense that they move, like your photos, but, what the hell… also, why a mermaid?” Louis walked closer to Harry, now jumping onto the wood part of the counter to sit there whilst Harry continued to chop the ingredients._

_“Not all of them move, it’s just really up to the ones we choose to do with a charmed ink, but yeah, the mermaid moves,” Harry pointed his wand from the chopping board to a pan on the stove,  adding the ingredients to the bacon that he had previously let fry. “And as to why a mermaid, for seven years, I got used to seeing the merpeople that swam around the Great Lake in Hogwarts that we could see from our Common Room and when I went to Brazil, the Amazon river is basically their natural habitat and there I learned the legend of Iara, so it got me inspired to do it.”_

_“Oh, that’s kinda nice. So do you have any other tattoos in honour of Brazil? It seems you really liked your time there.” Louis started to scratch at his hair, still a little wet._

_“Louis, stop messing with your hair near the food,” Harry gave him a stern look, poking him on the knee with a spatula._

_“Oh, sorry, Mr. ‘I can put my hair up in a bun now’,” Louis laughed, softly kicking Harry on his thighs. “But, about Brazil?”_

_“It’s not hygienic, Lou,” Harry rolled his eyes, now putting the minced beef together with the rest of the ingredients, magically stirring them all together. “But… I actually have ‘Brasil’ written on my thigh.”_

_“No way!” Louis opened his mouth astonished. “Here I was thinking that these were the only ones you had, but apparently you have some other hidden tattoos. You’ve come full of surprises, Harold.”_

_“So did you. Didn’t expect to see you with a bunch of silly doodles on your arm too,” Harry pointed to Louis’ forearm and also to his chest, where there was a written chestpiece partly hidden by his top that he had been trying to take his eyes off all night._

_“They are not just silly doodles, Harold, please,” Louis slapped Harry’s hand away, “just because they are not magical like your mermaid, doesn’t mean they aren’t art pieces. You can’t understand the depth of a stick man on a skateboard.” Louis joked and Harry laughed._

_“I could charm it so he could look like he was actually skateboarding,” Harry temptatively pointed his wand to Louis’ arm only to received a hard kick from him, which made Harry step back from him._

_“No, thank you very much,” Louis snickered, “I’m fine with my very normal and still tattoos.”_

They kept talking about their tattoos for a little while more, Louis calling Harry’s attention all the time to look at the little ones he had on his arm, actually making Harry get distracted from watching the rest of the ingredients he had put inside the pan to make the sauce boil. As Harry opened the spaghetti packet, the subject had already changed to Harry’s travels around the world and the knowledge he acquired while studying and working abroad.

_“It’s what I say to my students,” Harry was keeping an eye on the boiling spaghetti so it didn’t stick together and also on the spoon that was stirring itself in the saucepan. Louis was still sitting on the countertop, only observing Harry doing all the work. “Whatever you find in a secluded old Mayan Castle or inside a cave amongst desert ruins in the middle east, it could be a new discovery about an old spell, the documentation of the day of an old civilization, or simply just a drawing of someone who was very bored,” Harry laughed, turning to look to Louis, who was very attentively paying attention to him, “but I like to lose myself on those writings, trying to identify patterns and trying to find meaning to them. It’s like I enter in another reality, another time.”_

_“I get what you’re saying, “Louis nodded, “I mean, I feel the same when I read some old novels and plays and I try to come up with my own interpretation of what was written ages ago. I can’t wait for the day I get to pass on this knowledge to older students.”_

_“But don’t you teach kids now?” Harry questioned._

_“I do, but not these things. I'm only a primary school teacher, but I want to teach English and Drama, maybe in secondary or college in the future. Don’t get me wrong, I love the kids, but I’d like to be that teacher who inspired some sixth form student before they finish school, you know? Make a difference in their lives,” Louis shrugged timidly._

_“I guess that’s every teacher’s goal, honestly,” Harry agreed, thinking that, even with life drifting Louis and him apart, somehow they ended up following the same path and now there they were, sharing similar experiences and completely understanding what the other was feeling about the careers they had chosen. Somehow, their talks and that night felt more personal, not just a friendly catch up._

During the making of the dinner and their talking, Louis grabbed the wine bottle and served them two glasses while they waited for the food  to get ready, the headiness of the wine messing with Harry’s mind, tricking him into thinking of scenarios where the night certainly wouldn’t end up in, but he couldn’t stop himself from longing for them either way.

As Harry set the table, picking the plates and silverware from the cupboards and placed them together with the pans containing the sauce and the spaghetti, Louis poured them more wine, taking their previously empty glasses to the table as well.

_“Are you trying to get me drunk?” Harry joked, but took the glass and sipped a bit anyway._

_“No?” Louis rolled his eyes, scoffing, “I don’t need to get anyone drunk – including myself if I’m having a nice meal and night with good company. I would only try to get you drunk to get rid of  you, and if that were to happen, wine wouldn’t be the way to go, not when you have just prepared what smells like the best spaghetti I’ll ever taste.” He then sat by the table, Harry following him and waiting to serve him his food._

_“That’s what you did with Aiden? Took him to a pub and got him drunk to dump him?” Harry didn’t even realize he was saying that before it was out of his mouth. He didn’t even mean to bring up a conversation about how Louis had dumped his (other) ex, but, he couldn’t deny what the environment they had created looked like: only the two of them, having a well prepared meal together at night, Louis serving the bottle of wine for them, saying that Harry was a nice company… Harry didn’t want to think that it looked like a date. It wasn’t. Harry offered Louis a spoon full of spaghetti._

_“Well, basically,” Louis shrugged, taking his plate so Harry could fill it with pasta, “but that made it ten times worse because if I already couldn’t stand him sober, dumping him while he was slightly drunk must’ve been not the best idea,” Louis looked at Harry only to see his confused expression, “this sounds like I have experience on dumping people like this, innit? That’s not true!” Louis gave a faint laugh, as he retrieved to his seat after Harry also put food for himself._

_“How long had you and him been dating?” Harry asked, and he shouldn’t be interested in that, shouldn’t be curious to know about Louis’ previous relationships, but for him to date a guy that it seemed that he couldn’t be around, that was just a bit weird._

_“A couple of months? Like, I wouldn’t even consider it dating, to be honest. We were seeing each other, he was fun in the beginning, but after, I realized that he was just really boring, a bit of prick as well, so I didn’t even give it a try to make it serious. Haven’t properly dated anyone in a long time, not since,” Louis twirled the spaghetti on his fork lazily, not really ready to take a bite just yet. Harry noticed how he hesitated to continue what he was about to say, “I mean, I did go out and met people but nothing serious, not for more than a couple of months anyway, so yeah.” Louis finally started eating his food and Harry only wondered why Louis seemed not to date anyone seriously._

_“Me neither,” he commented, taking first a sip from his wine and watching as Louis looked up at him, a mixed expression on his face._

_“Haven’t dated?” Louis asked after gulping his food and also drinking his wine._

_“Not properly. I would never stay long in one place, anyway. After I left Castelobruxo, I was mostly roaming around, so, I didn’t even bother,” Harry admitted, “I mean, you meet people and you hang out with them, have a bit of fun, but I never felt the need to actually date anyone, didn’t feel any connection with anyone specifically, it didn’t feel quite right with any of them,” Harry’s throat was itching to say that none of them had ever felt quite like Louis did for him, none could compare to him, but he focused on eating his dinner while Louis looked at him for a while longer than it was necessary and then resumed eating his dinner too, as the conversation went on, even if it felt a bit awkward to talk about people they had dated while not with each other, only sharing some embarrassing stories of some gone-wrong dates they’ve been to._

Dinner kept going and more and more Harry was feeling like Louis was invested in never making him stop talking, invested in telling Harry all about how it was to teach the kids, or how he felt to have yet another set of twins in his family and also how living with Liam was a pain in the arse sometimes when he and Sophia would make him third wheel with them while they went out. He kept talking, making Harry laugh most of the times and also laughing at Harry from his own stories, stories from when he got lost inside a cave in Peru with Niall during their expedition, or just telling something funny Niall had told him about his secret job at the Ministry.

It felt a bit surreal for them to be sharing all those things, to feel like they were reconnecting and starting to be real friends again, but sometimes, when Harry would look at Louis, look at his soft face and twinkling blue eyes, a bit glassy from the wine they had been drinking, or how Louis laughed, genuinely laughed at Harry or would praise him because of his cooking, Harry would feel the rush go through his body, the rush that made everything fall into place, that this, this kind of night they were having, this was what it was supposed to be like, to always be like. Harry could imagine living a life where he got to have Louis like that, being himself around him. Especially his silly self, singing Merlin knows what kind of songs for Harry that he had no idea what it was as they were already doing the dishes.

_“I still wonder,” Louis said as he handed Harry the plates he had just washed in the sink, “there are so many things you can do without using magic and yet you use it but there are also things that you could do with magic that you don’t?”_

_“What are you talking about?” Harry levitated the plate he had just dried to the cupboard._

_“This,” Louis gestured with his arm, “the cupboard is just there, you don’t need to levitate the dish there? But then, when cutting the ingredients to make dinner, you cut it yourself when you just could’ve enchanted some knife like you did with the spoon to stir in the pan? Like, it’s confusing, that’s just it.”_

_Harry laughed a bit at Louis, “you know, it’s just… practicality. I don’t wanna put my hands on the plates you just washed, so, using a Wingardium Leviosa is just one spell away for me,” he took the other plate Louis was giving him with the tea towel, “as for the food, well, when it comes to cooking, I feel like I need to be in touch with it, it needs to be a manual thing. Magic is useful, but sometimes, simple mundane things are better done without magic.”_

_“Hm,” Louis hummed, “yeah, it makes sense, practicality,” he coughed and for a moment Harry saw him look at him from the corner of his eyes while still concentrated on washing the dishes and Harry didn’t want to think about Louis remembering their talks about practicality way back – where else they used magic for practicality._

_“It just that sometimes, it feels like you’re just showing off your magic. Sometimes I feel like you or Lottie will start Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo-ing while charming something,” Louis turned off the tap, handing Harry the last plate and taking the tea towel from Harry’s hand to dry his and as he did it, he started to sing, shaking the towel in front of Harry’s face as Harry levitated the plate towards the cupboard, placing it inside and closing the door._

_“_ Salagadoola mechicka boola, bibbidi bobbidi boo. Put them together and what have you got, bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. _”_

_Harry looked at him speechless, not knowing what the hell Louis was doing, but actually finding it very endearing how he was singing._

_“_ Salagadoola mechicka boola, bibbidi bobbidi boo. It'll do magic, believe it or not, bibbidi bobbidi boo. _” Louis twirled around Harry, actually shoving the tea towel in Harry’s face, making him giggle._

_“What are you doing, Lou? What does it mean?”_

_“_ Salagadoola means mechicka booleroo, but the thing mabob that does the job is bibbidi bobbidi boo. _” Louis laughed while singing, leaving the tea towel on the table and getting his glass of wine in hand. “Years of watching Disney movies with the kids makes you learn every line of every song and makes you believe only Fairy Godmother can do magic. Then, seeing magic be done like in the freaking Cinderella movie in front of you, it makes you want to sing it –_ Salagadoola menchicka boola, bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. Put them together and what have you got bibbidi bobbidi, bibbidi bobbidi, bibbidi bobbidi boo _.” Louis kept singing as he made his way to the living room, indicating Harry to follow him._

_“I think that’s actually the wine making you do it,” Harry shook his head, approaching the table and getting his glass too before heading back to the living room along with a singing Louis._

As the night went on, they found themselves sitting on the couch, sipping wine, talking and watching TV, Louis sometimes checking his phone, telling how Liam was very bored and kept sending him ‘“vines” (which Harry was very confused at first as to why Liam would send a plant through the phone, but then Louis explained him that these were small videos, while showing him some – a cat sliding down the floor inside a sandal, or a rubber dinosaur screeching from inside a car, or one that was very suggestive that Harry did not know if Louis had showed him on purpose on if his wine drunk mind didn’t even realize what that video was, of a guy talking about sending compliments to chef about the pasta and then saying that the chef had beautiful eyes).

Maybe they had had too much wine that night – the bottle nearly done after dinner and while they watched TV and the videos together, but Harry couldn’t deny how it didn’t feel like that was just a friendly night between the two of them, how every giggle or every accidental – or not – touch between them as they were sat very close to each other held a sensation of more than it was leading on. Louis’ tipsy and sleepy figure in front of Harry, his eyelids almost closing as time passed by, his red stained lips, and his slightly groggy voice was something that was driving Harry a bit crazy, itching to get closer and hold Louis and lull him to sleep in his arms right there in the couch. With Louis’ protests that he was not sleepy and that he would stay awake to wait for Lottie to return from her date, Harry could only leave that to his imagination, along with how Louis would tease him back, saying how tipsy Harry was as he laughed at most of the videos or made a very random comment about Star Wars as they were watching the taped episode of the Graham Norton Show Louis had saved from the previous Friday, with the actors from the movie.

It was testing really, for Harry to be that close to Louis again, to feel the things he was feeling again and not be sure what Louis was feeling, when he instigated so many flirtatious comments or didn’t give a damn about personal space, lying across the couch and actually putting his feet up on Harry’s lap this time, sometimes poking Harry for a comment he had done, or getting up and undoing Harry’s bun and messing with his hair – which Harry had to make him stop by holding Louis’ wrist, not harshly, but as to put a small boundary between them for the sake of his sanity, which made Louis back down a little.

But that didn’t stop him altogether. He continued to entertain Harry, even this late at night, when they didn’t even notice Lottie had come back.

_“Where did you come from, young Lady?” Louis asked as he turned around at the sound of his bedroom door opening and Lottie getting out, already dressed in her pajamas._

_“I…” She stopped near the couch, “I just came back. I thought you were asleep already, didn’t want to disturb. I was just getting a glass of water, but it seems that you two are well awake?” She cocked her head in the direction of the empty bottle of wine and the two glasses on the coffee table._

_“Well, we were waiting for you to come back,” Louis crossed his arms over his chest. “ What time is it anyway?”_

_“Midnight?” She fidgeted with the ends of her sweater sleeves._

_“Sooooo,” Harry dragged, with a teasing tone, “how did it go? For you to come back this late, it must’ve been good.”_

_She smiled shyly and nodded, “yeah, it was, we had fun,” she looked up and her eyes went from Harry to Louis, “and I assume you two had a nice night too?” She was assessing the living room and maybe both of them, seeing how clearly on the giddy side they had been and maybe wondering what happened. Harry hoped she didn’t read too much into this._

_“Harry cooked pasta and we drank wine and watched vine videos, it was good,” Louis quickly answered._

_“And the shopping? Did you buy all you needed? Everything ready for tomorrow then?”_

_“Yeah, sis, all set. And now that you’re back, we can go to bed. We actually have to wake up early to hit the road, so, yeah,” Louis got up from the couch, and patted Harry on the shoulder, “will you do your bibbidi bobbidi boo magic and clean our wine mess? I’m too knackered to bother going to the kitchen now.”_

_Harry laughed slightly and Lottie looked at them intrigued. “Yeah, I can do it, don’t worry. You go to bed and rest,” he smiled as Louis yawned and rubbed his sleepy eyes._

_“Good. Thanks for dinner and for the company today,” Louis walked around the couch to meet Lottie, “glad you had a good time with Tommy, sis. Now off to sleep, miss,” he kissed the top of her head and turned around, walking towards Liam’s bedroom. “Night Lots, Night Haz.”_

_“Night,” both Lottie and Harry replied in unison watching Louis disappear into the small corridor._

_“Did you guys have a date?” Lottie quickly asked after hearing the click of the door closing._

_“What?” Harry answered alarmed. “Lottie, what, why would you think that? No, we didn’t, no…” Harry was trying to sound coherent because, clearly, he and Louis did not have a date and Lottie couldn’t be able to tell they did after being in the same room as them for less than 5 minutes. Because they didn’t, you know. Have a date._

_“Ok, just asking,” she shook her head laughing a bit, “just asking ‘cause you two seem way too happy. Maybe it was the wine?”_

_“Yeah, probably the wine,” Harry tried to cover up the smile on his face as he put his hair in a bun again, “talking of which, let me just put this bottle and the glasses away,” he motioned to get up from the couch, but Lottie walked to where he was, putting a hand on his shoulder._

_“Nah, I’ll go to the kitchen anyway, I’ll put them away,” she smiled at him, taking her wand from inside her pajamas pocket and pointed to the items on the coffee table, “and, hey, I was just curious. Let me just say that I wouldn’t mind if you and Louis were to, I don’t know, get to know each other better,” she winked at him before she turned around and headed to the kitchen, “but if it’s not that, I’m just glad that you’re becoming close friends.”_

_Harry watched her leave without actually knowing what to say back. It hurt him a bit that Lottie would think that it was ok for them to “get to know each other better”, which meant that she didn’t mind the idea of Harry and Louis being together. He could only wonder if she had known of what they had before, if she would have acted this chill and actually happy that they were together – but, also, what would she do if she knew that they had broken up, and the way they did?_

It was all messed up and Harry went to bed trying not to put much thought into the previous day, not trying to find hidden meanings into Louis’ behavior and words or how sometimes those didn’t relate with each other. The next day they would have to go to Doncaster and Harry would have to act as if nothing had happened in front of the rest of Louis’ family – he would have to act like he wasn’t more certain that he was still in love with Louis after how these past few days had gone.

It was hard, though, because Wednesday came with the three of them getting ready to leave and it wasn’t even 9 am and Harry found himself far too endeared by Louis’ reluctance to just apparate instead of taking the car for 3 hours.

_“Listen here,” Louis was holding a small suitcase in hand and a bag full of presents in the other, “it might be easier for you to just fucking disappear and appear somewhere else,” he puffed, rolling the keys of his cars in his fingers, “but, I’m not a wizard, I don’t do this shit. So, you either go with me and the three of us arrive safely and happily at home, or you arrive before me and you,” he pointed at Lottie, “get to hear mum’s complaining of why you left me behind and then after I get to hear why I didn’t take care of you properly as I said I would, or why I would be such an inconsiderate host and deny Harry a ride,” he sighed, “I don’t wanna start this holiday at home getting a lecture.”_

_“Ok, fine,” Lottie rolled her eyes, “you could just say that you are afraid, but, ok, I get it,” she took the keys from his fingers, “but I’m calling shotgun,” she walked in front of Harry, who was standing by the door, and smirked at him, making him look confused at her for a second._

_“I’m not afraid, alright? Piss off,” Louis replied, passing by Harry, “and she means she’s sitting in the passenger’s front seat. C’mon Harold, or I’ll leave you behind.”_

_“I see someone has a bit of hangover?” Harry teased as he walked outside the flat._

_Louis closed the door behind him and locked it. “I mean, I’ve always had trouble with wine but I’ve never woken up with a headache the next day from drinking it. Like, the fuck?”_

_“We basically drank half a bottle combined, Louis,” Harry pointed out._

_“And yet, you don’t seem to be hungover,” Louis rolled his eyes, “maybe you enchanted my glass and made me drunker,” he started walking towards the stairs that led to the ground floor and the exit of the building._

_“That’s rude, Louis,” Lottie elbowed him, “and that’s against the law,” she followed him, “just admit your alcohol resistance isn’t the same from your uni days.”_

_“I actually drank water before I slept, and you went straight to bed, so,” Harry scoffed, walking beside Lottie._

_“You two are taking the day to piss me off, is that it? And calling me old at that?” he stopped going down the stairs to look back at Lottie and Harry with a serious expression, making both of them laugh._

_Louis ignored them and started walking again._

When they got to the car and put their suitcases and bags inside the boot, Lottie and Louis bickering more than usual, Harry was designed to the front seat which a grumbling Lottie had given up, saying that it was just too early for her to deal with a cranky Louis by her side. He tried to argue but she had already gone to the backseat and Harry was left to accompany Louis in the front, because it just seemed rude to leave Louis to drive all by himself.

Being in a car was now a new experience for Harry. It was less terrifying than riding on the tube, maybe because he had something strapping him against the seat or he didn’t have to stand up on a closed moving vehicle or because he could see the world outside him, the streets full of houses and people and other cars and then entering larger roads, surrounded by less urban buildings and more of the wintery landscape, much like travelling on the Hogwarts Express. Or because he had Louis by his side, driving so carefree, talking with Lottie and him from time to time, or singing to the songs on the radio, only until he abruptly decided to change stations.

_The song that started playing had a slow and calming guitar riff, then a faster pace with the drums, and when the lyrics started, Louis didn’t even give them a chance to listen to the chorus._

_“_ I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing, just prayin’ to a God that I don't believe in, 'cause I got time while she got freedom, 'cause when a heart breaks no it don't bre _– Alright, how about we search for something else,” Louis spoke over the song, one of his hands leaving the wheel and fumbling with the buttons on the radio player._

_“No, Lou, c’mon, I love Breakeven,” Lottie protested from behind, approaching the gap between the two front seats, reaching out her arm to the radio player, “go back,” she slapped Louis’ hand away as she pressed another button and another song came through the speakers._

_“_ I don't care, I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much, there's just so many things that I can't touch, I'm torn. I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel, I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the flo _– Oh, Christ, Lottie, c’mon, let’s just put one of my playlists,” Louis pinched the bridge of his nose and looked sideways at her, “just get my phone and put it on the bluetooth.” He indicated with his hand to the center console of the car where his mobile was._

_Harry looked confused from Lottie to Louis, not understanding why Louis was so reluctant to let the songs play._

_“Why? I love these old songs, Torn is also a good one,” she rolled her eyes, but taking Louis’ phone in her hand._

_“Too overrated,” Louis got both hands again on the steering wheel, eyes fixed on the road in front of him, “ do you wanna some good and old songs? Open my “awesome mix” playlist.”_

_“Awesome? That one that seems that you threw all the most angst songs from the last decade and century all together? I’m surprised Torn and Breakeven aren’t there,” Lottie giggled looking at Louis’ phone._

_“Excuse me, I stand by that awesome, ok? You can’t compare them with Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin,” Louis answered._

_“But of course you can mix them with Nickelback,” Lottie looked at Harry, wiggling her brows and Harry had no idea what they were talking about, but he vaguely remembered the name of those bands they were saying, because those were the ones Louis used to show and make Harry listen to before._

_“Stop mocking my musical taste,” Louis shook his head and Harry could see a silly smile on the corner of his lips, “it’s either that one or no music at all, ‘cause the songs on the radio are getting worse and worse.”_

_“Ugh, fine,” Lottie put Louis’ phone back on the console and pressed play on the radio player, turning up the volume, “it’s on shuffle ok? Happy?” She sat back against her seat as the song started to play._

_“Oh yeah, The Strokes,” Louis hummed to the song, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and turned back a little to look at Lottie, “now this is good,” and glanced quickly at Harry, smiling at him. “_ In many ways I'll miss the good old days, someday, someday. It hurts to say but I want you to stay, sometimes, sometimes. When we was young, oh man did we have fun, always, always. Promises they break before they're made, sometimes, sometimes, _” he sang along, focusing on the road again._

The rest of the road trip went much like that, Louis’ playlist playing in the background, some times he and Lottie joining to sing along to the songs, Harry laughing at them because he didn’t know the lyrics to any of them, but paying attention to them, trying to remember if any of them rang a bell to the ones he used to listen to with Louis, trying to decipher how Louis’ music taste was like now.

Much of the time Harry spent observing Louis, seeing how he was enjoying driving, singing to the songs and talking to them – teasing Lottie to tell them about her date with Tommy, or telling Harry some fact about the songs and bands they were listening to, or simply telling him what to expect when they’d arrive at their home, what the girls were now and how adorable the baby twins were.

Some lyrics would bring Harry down to memory lane, making him wonder if Louis had ever listened to those songs and thought about the two of them, like he was doing now. “ _Tangerine, Tangerine, living reflection from a dream, I was her love, she was my queen, and now a thousand years between, thinking how it used to be. Does she still remember times like these? To think of us again? And I do_ ”.

Sometimes Louis would sing and keep making faces at Harry, engaging him to just mumble along to some lyrics that kept being repeated over and over again, “ _I don't wanna fight no more, don’t wanna fight no more, I don’t wanna fight no more, I don’t wanna fight no more, ah, I don’t wanna fight no more, don't wanna fight no more, ah_ ”.

Or sometimes he would get so immersed in his own singing, swinging his head one side to the other, snapping his fingers, to the rhythm of the song. “ _Pressure pushing down on me, pressing down on you, no man ask for. Under pressure that burns a building down, splits a family in two, puts people on streets_ ”.

Every now and then, Harry would watch Louis hum along to a song, lost in his own thoughts, paying attention to how the slight sunlight would shine through the glass and illuminate Louis’ hair, his skin, the tattoos on his forearm, listening to lyrics that said “ _If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you. When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me_ ”.

When songs like that came through speakers, it was hard for Harry not to think about what was happening between him and Louis in the past few days and how it felt harder and harder to control the love he had for Louis, because Louis was there, apparently being himself around Harry, and also apparently not minding that it seemed like he was sending some misguiding signals. Maybe Louis didn’t even notice what he was doing, but what if he did? What if because of how they had spent the days together, something started to sparkle again inside Louis and he was trying to reconnect with him, but not in the friendly way that they had established on Saturday? So much seemed to have changed, they had talked more openly about them, more openly about what they had gone through these three years apart, and it only made him realize more that nothing had ever felt so right than to be beside Louis.

He just wanted to understand what was going on inside Louis’ head, because as much as it seemed that they were on the same page, there were times he could feel Louis stepping back a bit, as if he reminded himself that he and Harry weren’t supposed to be so close again. Harry wouldn’t lie that it hurt a bit, but he also understood, because, he didn’t expect Louis to fall right back into his arms the moment he showed up at his door. And if Louis indeed felt like everything that had happened between them was gone and stayed in the past, then it was a long and slow road to try to regain what they once had, even if it already felt like they were getting there.

“ _Happiness is like the old man told me, look for it, but you'll never find it all. Let it go, live your life and leave it, then one day, wake up and she’ll be home, home, home, home_ ”. Harry listened to the song that was playing and saw how Louis gave him a discreet glance, biting his bottom lip slightly. Harry was left trying to figure out if Louis thought about how now that they were back in each other lives, happiness had finally found its way to them again – because it certainly felt like that for him.

Because, even if Harry had lived the life he had wanted for the past 3 years, and after realizing that there was something missing for him, life didn’t feel like it was complete without Louis by his side. Only now, spending those days surrounded by Louis and his contagious self, everything about him shooting rushes through Harry’s body of how much he was still in love with him, he noticed that it had been bad in the beginning, it had been hard during those times when he thought he was ok, it had been hard to come to his senses that Louis would never leave his heart, but the love he felt for him, with him by his side, was enough to overcome what they had gone through. “ _When I read the letter you sent me, it made me mad mad mad, when I read the news that it brought me, it made me sad sad sad, but I still love you so and I can't let you go, I love you, oh, baby I love you, oh._ ”

Coming to London to visit Louis and then spending the rest of the holidays with his family, when Harry was certain that his feelings for Louis wouldn’t go away so easily, was something that Harry should’ve definitely thought better. He should've thought better to act more like he was keen to being friends with Louis and not make his brain think that that was an open opportunity to try to see if they could be more than that, because controlling himself was becoming harder. As Louis’ birthday and Christmas was coming, he was becoming more jitterish, finding himself being cornered by his own feelings and thoughts of “this is your chance, you’ll either blow it or you’ll own it, you won’t have another opportunity like this, so you’d better take it”, and it was very, very hard to deal with everything that was going on and act cool and collected near Lottie and soon, near the rest of Louis’ family. He should’ve thought about it better, definitely.

Lottie had long been asleep on the back seat and Harry was simply lost in his own thoughts looking outside the window, trying not to make every song he heard from Louis’ playlist about them, when Louis poked him on the arm, calling his attention.

“Did you hear what I said, Curly?” Louis asked, laughing a bit at Harry’s spaced out face.

“Oh, no sorry,” Harry ran a hand over his face, “was paying attention to the previous song, got a bit lost inside my own head.”

“Enjoying my playlist this much, ay?” Louis teased and Harry blushed a bit, “only the best tunes, right?” He laughed, “and well, yeah, I noticed you were with your head in another planet, because then you’d notice the song had changed and that I told you that this other one has been, in my opinion, in one of the funniest scenes in a musical film,” Louis tapped his fingers over the steering wheel, whistling to the song.

“Oh yeah? I remember you sho–” Harry stopped, looking behind his seat to make sure Lottie was still sleeping not to slip something up, and then turned again to look at Louis, “you talked about a lot of musical films you liked before,” he chose better his words, expectant that Louis understood what he meant. Louis nodded at him quickly and Harry continued, “is it in any of those?”

“I think I failed to mention,” Louis coughed and laughed slightly, “this one to you. It’s Mamma Mia. I’m sure mum has a DVD at home and she wouldn’t refuse to watch it this holiday. It’s just awesome,” he gave Harry a small smile and started to sing along with the happy song, “ _If you change your mind, I'm the first in line, honey I'm still free, take a chance on me. If you need me, let me know, gonna be around. If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down, if you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown, honey I'm still free, take a chance on me. Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie, if you put me to the test, if you let me try…_ ”

If Harry really paid attention to those lyrics, he could say that even if Louis was singing it just because he liked it a lot, it still felt like it meant something about them. It hit pretty close to home to Harry, how he was just hoping that Louis would give a him a chance to show that they still could start again, to let Louis know that Harry was there and would wait for Louis for when he was ready to actually let Harry know how he was really feeling.

Harry swallowed his own feelings, thoughts and words and just kept listening to Louis singing for the rest of the song and the next ones that came up. The drive then didn’t take much longer, and when they were very close to the exit to Doncaster, Lottie woke up, telling Louis that now that Harry was with them in their hometown, before heading home, they should show him around town, some of her and Louis’ favorite places to go: Donny Dome, the shopping centers, parks and Lottie’s old school and also Louis’ (Harry, once more, had to contain himself not to spill out that he had already visited some of those places, almost 4 years ago, when he and Louis first started going out and Harry would secretly show up at Louis’ house during his 7th year Christmas’ break before he had to go back to Hogwarts. He could see Louis’ face while driving, how he was also trying to suppress any comment – and maybe any memory he had of him and Harry hanging out  together (hooking up, to be more specific) around Doncaster for two weeks.)

A few minutes driving around the streets of Doncaster and then they were finally arriving at Louis and Lottie’s home and Harry couldn’t lie that he had started to feel a bit apprehensive as they were getting closer to Doncaster and even more now, as Louis parked his car in front of his house. Harry hadn’t been to this place for so long and the last time he did, it was to much happier and lovely memories. Also, he didn’t have Louis’ mother knowing that he and her son had broken up and now she probably knew from Louis how they had ended things. He knew Jay was such a lovely woman, she would probably never be rude to Harry or anything. She had accepted to welcome Harry in her home when Lottie had told her, he had heard Louis talking with her on the phone while still in London and Louis commenting that he and Lottie were taking good care of him, so, there was probably nothing to worry about, but still. It was his ex’s mother he was going to see again and to be completely honest, he hadn’t seen Jay since before he and Louis started to actually date – she knew they were dating, that much was never a secret for her, so at least he was relieved that it was one less person he would have to pretend to, but still. It was weird, he couldn’t deny, but he tried to calm down and tried to remain focused on the task ahead of him: have a nice holiday with Louis and his family and control his feelings in front of them, but also, try to understand how he and Louis would work out together for a week and a half more.

“Mum?” Lottie called as she was the first to reach the front door and open it, with her bags in hand, looking from inside the house back to Harry and Louis who were just some steps behind her. Harry stayed behind Louis, waiting for the ones who actually lived there to get in first while he took the outside of the house in. It had been too long since he last was there, and the house didn’t look like it did back then, a few renovations and a lick of paint apparently, but it was still Louis and Lottie’s house and it was hard to ignore the nostalgic feeling, specially stepping on those steps right at the front door, where he, his a bit shy and embarrassed teenage self, once was just too scared to actually kiss Louis, leaving him with only a kiss on the cheek.

“Oh, loves, you’re home already?” Jay’s voice came just as Harry stepped inside the hallway, Louis waiting by the door to close it behind them. “Thought you’d only arrive after lunch,” Harry saw her at the end of the hallway, just like he remembered, her motherly figure approaching Lottie to give her a tight hug and kiss her on the cheek.

“It’s past noon, isn’t this considered after lunch, mum?” Louis snickered as he stepped closer to them.

Jay distanced herself to look with a brow raised at Louis. “Louis William Tomlinson, don’t you start getting all smart pants around me,” she had a serious face but the tone in her voice was completely teasing, as she let go of Lottie and extended her arm to pull Louis into a hug.

“Just stating facts,” Louis laughed as he embraced his mother. Harry almost couldn’t contain the fondness of seeing that scene in front of him.

“Just being your sassy self, that’s more like it,” she kissed him on the cheek and then they let go, “I hope he hasn’t been this much of a pain with you these past few days, Harry.”

Harry was a bit taken aback by Jay suddenly addressing him, making him feel self-conscious that he was still far back in the hallway when she motioned him to come closer.

“Oh, no,” Harry snapped back to the moment, “he has been nice,” he answered, trying to sound the most nonchalant possible.

“So nice that you wouldn’t believe the lightsaber fight I witnessed the other night,” Lottie mocked poking her tongue out at him and Harry saw Louis rolling his eyes at her as Harry felt himself flushing a little.

“I hope both of them treated you well, Harry,” Jay took a few steps closer to Harry, smiling at him and he felt himself getting just a bit more nervous. “How have you been, darling?”

Harry smiled back at her and let her take him in his arms as they hugged, Jay tightening her grip on him just the slightest. “I’m good, thank you,” he answered, releasing the breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I’d like to say in person now, thank you for having me for the Holidays,” they distanced themselves a bit, but Jay kept holding him by his shoulder.

“It’s nothing, Harry, really. I was very glad when Lottie said you had accepted her invitation and I’m very glad to see you again. Even though Lottie hasn’t stopped talking about all you have been up to in the past few years, I’d love to hear it all from you. I reckon these two might already be tired of your stories, but if I’m not wrong there’s some other girls who are very excited to talk to you again.” Jay kept smiling at him and Harry almost felt like he didn’t deserve Jay being so welcoming to him and treating him so well.

“Is that Lottie? Is Harry here already?” Another voice invaded Harry’s thoughts and they all turned to see a brunnette girl appear from where Harry remembered being the living room.

“Who else would it be, Fiz? Daisy and Phoebe are up there with you, aren’t they?” Jay questioned.

“I’ve been gone for 4 months and you already forgot what my voice sounds like?” Lottie teased.

“Nice to know that my own sister doesn’t care if I’m back home or not, only interested in some wizard guest,” Louis protested, jokingly.

The three of them spoke at the same time, but Harry only focused on Felicité opening her mouth in astonishment as she walked closer to him. “Harry!”

“Hi!” He greeted her in a hug as she approached him. The girl was way taller than Harry remembered her being the last time – and also taller than Lottie now. “How are you, Fizzy?”

“Good, and you?” She looked at him, still with a mesmerized expression. Harry barely had time to answer a “great”, because the girl was already turning to look at Lottie and then to her mother. “Oh my God, Lots wasn’t joking when she said your hair was so long!” She giggled, “Phoebs, Day, come down here, it’s really Harry!”

“And your brother?!” Louis called her attention, making her turn to him.

Harry could see he was only teasing, but the faux-hurt expression on his face was just too much, too funny.

“Stop being dramatic, Lou, I talked to you on skype last week,” she walked closer to him to give him a kiss on the cheek, “we haven’t seen Harry in ages, give us a break,” she moved to give Lottie a hug.

Louis simply rolled his eyes again and Jay pinched him on his arm, earning a giggle from both Lottie and Fizzy, which were quickly joined by the sound of steps coming down the stairs and Harry guessed it were the twin girls coming to greet them too.

“Oh my God!”

“Harry!”

Both girls spoke together and Harry had to blink at how much they had grown too and also how even more alike they were looking now.

“Hi,” he said timidly, not sure who to address first, afraid to mistake one for the other.

“Just so you don’t get confused, it’s me, Phoebe,” the twin with her hair in a ponytail spoke and Harry breathed relieved, laughing as Phoebe got closer to greet him with a quick hug.

“Now I can’t get it wrong, right, Daisy?” He joked and the girl with her hair down but wearing a beanie stepped closer to him, laughing.

“Yeah, hi Harry,” she hugged him too.

“I guess this part of the family you’re acquainted with already, right?” Jay asked and the moment she spoke, the back door that led to the garden opened, a male figure coming inside the house. “I was outside with Dan and the babies before you arrived, told him I was gonna check if it was you guys coming, and then would take you inside to meet everybody. Didn’t expect the girls to come running to meet you right in the hallway,” Harry observed as the man – Dan, now Harry knew, stepped inside, holding the door open and looking at everyone standing in the hallway, a bit surprised, as two tiny figures riding what looked like a small car, Harry couldn’t tell, passed through the door.

“Are we having a conference in the middle of the hallway that I didn’t know about?” Dan asked and everyone had a fit of laughter.

“Sorta,” Louis was the one to speak, “apparently it’s meet and greet time with Harry Styles. The girls are having a proper fangirl time with him.” Louis was still sounding a bit pissed but Harry couldn’t mistake the tease in his tone and when he turned his head to look at Harry again, Harry didn’t miss the sneaky wink Louis sent his way. “Hi, Dan, how is it going?” Louis greeted his step-father lastly.

“No we’re not!” The twins answered.

“Christ, Louis, no!” Fizzy protested.

“Hey, Louis,” Dan replied, “oh, I see, so… is it my turn now?” He asked, closing the door and holding the ride-on the little kids were in by the big handle that was on the back part of it. “I mean, I’ve heard lots of things of this Harry Styles, it almost feels like he is already part of the family,” Dan pushed the kart with the kids and saw Jay pull him by the arm, linking it with hers and patting him very fondly.

“No, please, I’m not–” Harry rushed, a bit nervously, avoiding looking at either Jay or Louis. He gulped and extended his hand to Dan. “Just Harry. Lottie’s friend,” he introduced himself and the man smiled at him, taking his hand in his.

“And teacher,” Lottie added and Harry looked at her, more relaxed and a tad bit proud of that comment.

“Nice to meet you, Friend-slash-teacher Harry,” Dan shook his hand, “I’m Dan, Jay’s husband.”

“You too,” Harry let go of their handshake, breathing once again relieved.

“And these are the little ones you haven’t met yet,” Jay spoke, making Harry look down at the ride-on, where the two little kids were distracted playing and babbling to themselves.

“Lottie and Louis have talked a lot about them, Lottie has shown me some photos too,” he smiled and crouched down to be at their level.

“Ernie, Doris,” Harry heard Lottie’s voice closer to him and he felt her crouching down beside him too, “hey babes!”

Both stopped doing whatever baby business they had going on between them to finally take in the rest of the people surrounding them, exclaiming a happy “Dot! Achoo!” when they saw their big brother and sister.

Harry saw the moment the little boy with blond and a bit long and curly hair looked at him, eyes popping out and mouth hanging open a bit, making his dummy fall off from his mouth. The little girl beside him, a curly red haired chubby girl was also looking at him in awe.

“Hello,” Harry waved at them very timidly, not sure how they would react to a stranger talking to them. What he didn’t expect was for Ernest to get up from his seat and walk up to him with grabby hands, mouth still hanging open as he shyly looked from Harry to his mom and dad.

“What’s up, lad?” Louis’ voice came from behind Harry, “won’t you say hi to Harry? Or come give your big bro a hug?”

“Achoo,” Doris got up too and went to Louis, who had also crouched beside Harry, and he took her in his arms.

Ernest was still looking at Harry as if he didn’t know what to do and Harry was starting to get worried, because he didn’t know if the boy was scared of him or something else.

“Hair,” he managed to say.

“It’s Harry, Ernie. Say hi, love,” Jay said, encouraging him, but the boy only shook his head.

“No, hair!” He started pointing at Harry’s hair and that was when it finally hit him.

“Oh, he’s talking about my hair?” Harry tried to look at his own long locks around his neck, and then ran some fingers on the curls at the tips.

“You like Harry’s hair, Ernie?” Lottie asked, amusement in her tone. “I think he is in love with your hair, H.”

“Me hair, ‘s like me hair,” Ernest tentatively reached out his little hand to touch Harry’s hair, which made Harry laugh a bit.

“I can’t believe this,” Louis laughed along, still holding Doris, who was now looking at her twin brother and Harry, trying to free herself from Louis’ hold and join him. “Look, even Doris now. It’s like you’ve charmed everyone in this family, Harold,” Louis let go of her, allowing the little girl to step closer to Harry.

“Hi Doris,” Harry said and he could see her getting shy, but Louis put a hand on her back, directing her to keep getting closer to him.

“Say hi to Harry, Doris,” Louis encouraged and Doris looked from Harry to Louis again and then up to her parents, Jay and Dan only nodding at her to reply to Harry.

“‘Arry,” her little voice almost didn’t come out and she was almost hiding behind Ernest, who was still playing with Harry’s curls.

“Hello, petal,” Harry took one of her little hands in his and placed a small kiss on the back, making her flush even more than she already was.

“‘Arry hair,” Ernest said, now looking up at Jay and Dan, “me hair,” he pointed at his own hair, which make everyone laugh along.

“You have some pretty nice hair, Ernest,” Harry slightly ruffled his blonde locks, “I can say they are even more beautiful than mine.”

“Stop buttering them up,” Louis joked, “otherwise they’ll only pay attention to you and forget about their big brother here.”

“Stop being jealous, Lou,” Lottie reached her arm from behind Harry to slap Louis on the head.

Everybody laughed again and Harry stayed a few more moments entertaining the little kids before Jay directed them to the living room so they could properly sit and talk and place their bags in there instead of staying in the middle of the hallway. Louis and Harry stayed behind, grabbing all the bags on the floor and Lottie walked hand in hand with her younger siblings behind their family.

“Achoo?” Harry turned to Louis and asked, intrigued.

“Yeah,” Louis laughed slightly, hanging his bag over his shoulder and lifting the other ones in his hands. “They can’t say my name yet, so it’s Achoo.”

“Hm,” Harry hummed interested, hands full of his bags as well, following Louis inside the house, “so I was totally right in calling you r2, wasn’t I?”

Louis stopped in front of him, an aghast expression on his face, “please, shut up.” He only shoved Harry playfully when he laughed out loud, trying to suppress a little smile.

The Tomlinson-Deakin family welcomed Harry with open arms and lots of question, the girls wanting him to tell them about all his travels and how it was to be Lottie’s teacher. Harry was feeling a bit overwhelmed, but both Lottie and Jay and also Louis told them that they would have a lot of time to catch up with Harry during the next few days, which not only them, but also Harry, were looking forward to.

Before going to the kitchen to start preparing lunch, Jay showed Harry where he would stay – a spare room that Louis would use when he would come visit them, since she had turned his old room into the little twins bedroom. Harry almost protested against taking Louis’ place, but Jay convinced him that it wasn’t going to be of any bother, since she and Louis had already talked about sleeping arrangements and Louis would take a mattress at the twins bedroom.

It felt weird to be surrounded by Louis’ family and to have such a warm welcome from them, which was actually making him feel a bit at home. Of course, his family was a lot smaller than Louis’, the holidays in the past mostly spent with just Gemma, his mother and Robin, but, somehow, just to be in a family home again, to feel the sibling love that the girls, the babies and Louis had among themselves, and how they really were enjoying Harry’s company, Harry started to feel that, after all, it didn’t seem like he should’ve worried so much about spending the holidays with them.

Of course, he was still worried about what he felt for Louis and about what was going on between them and how to deal with it, but, overall, it seemed that the holidays with the Tomlinson-Deakins was going to be an enjoyable time to all of them. He hoped the next few days would confirm it for him.

 

**_December 24th, 2015_ **

 

The Tomlinson-Deakin family was loud.

That was what Harry learned after spending less than a day with them. The previous day was a very intense one of letting Louis’ sisters flood him with questions about the wizarding world that Lottie couldn’t answer, about how it was to travel around the world as a wizard, how much magic he could do, actually asking him to do some (if the twin girls encouraged him and Lottie to have a competition to see who could cast a spell better, Jay didn’t need to know –  as she, Dan and Louis had gone out to run some last Christmas and food errands), or simply watching them interact among themselves, the baby twins always trying to catch Harry’s attention to play something with them and Harry entertaining them making some of their toys float or briefly come to life, the rest of the girls chatting away, wanting to know everything about Lottie and her date, or during lunch and dinner when everybody would try to get a seat at the table or try to convince Jay to let them eat in the living room watching TV, or Louis teasing and joking around the girls and Harry, engaging him in their banter, still trying to act like the jealous brother because they were giving Harry more attention (but he was actually being the one that would call Harry’s attention most of the time or would watch Harry talk and play with his siblings attentively and Harry sometimes would catch a glimpse of Louis looking at him on the couch when they all agreed that that night was a great opportunity to show Harry the musical film Louis had mentioned as they drove to Doncaster)... It was all too much.

But Harry wasn’t ready to what he had woken up to on Wednesday. Well, he woke up already not knowing how to deal with what was to come: being in Louis’ home on his birthday. There was a bittersweet nostalgia that had been stuck with him for the past few days, but this time it hit him stronger because not only it was Louis’ birthday, but it was also the day when, four years ago, Harry had decided to take the leap and come to Louis’ house see if he really hadn’t interpreted any misguided signals from the boy during their exchanges of letters and confirm that they could be more than just quill pals. It was on this day, four years ago, that Harry started falling for Louis. And now, there he was again, not in the same situation, but in a very similar one: trying to understand if Louis was giving him any misguided signals once more, if being friends was all that it was for them or if Harry could take another chance and go for what he wanted.

Harry was apprehensive, nervous and a bit anxious, because he had sent his Patronus to Hogwarts the night before asking if his fellow Professor Longbottom could send Marcel to Doncaster the next morning, as he “forgot” Louis’ gift back in his dorm, but now he didn’t know when his owl would arrive. Hopefully, he would be able to gather himself a bit more as he’d wake up, take a shower, eat some breakfast and then wait for Marcel to show up to possibly surprise Louis as he woke up a bit later, since it was his birthday and he’d probably sleep in.

What Harry wasn’t expecting was to hear a choir of voices singing Happy Birthday to Louis at 8 in the morning. Harry had already been awake for some time, not actually being able to sleep properly, so that didn’t wake him up, but he’d been startled nonetheless by the sudden singing. He was curious, but he wouldn’t get out of the guest’s room in his pajamas and he was glad the room was actually an ensuite so that he could get ready before leaving to have breakfast and investigate what had happened.

When he finally left the room, Harry could hear a bit of murmuring coming from the kitchen, so he decided to go directly there instead of checking if there was anyone in the living room.

“Oh, Harry, good morning, dear, did the girls wake you up?” Jay spoke as soon as Harry stepped inside the kitchen from where she was standing near the sink. Harry surveyed the room, finding Dan, Louis and Lottie sitting by the table.

“Good morning,” he cleared his throat after he noticed how raspy from sleep his voice still was, and greeted everyone around the table with a nod, receiving “mornings” in return as they were already eating their breakfast, “no, not at all,” he walked close to the table, near Lottie’s seat. “I was already up, actually.”

“I forgot to warn you about that, sorry,” Lottie looked up at him, “we have this thing that we like to wake up Louis very early so he can spend more time enjoying his birthday,” she drank from her tea and looked from Harry to Louis, arching a brow at her brother.

“You like to see me cranky very early on my birthday, that’s what,” Louis rolled his eyes as he ate a piece of a pancake.

Harry was already used to Lottie and Louis’ banter at whichever hour of the day, but to see them like that in their family environment, Harry didn’t know why it made him so fond of it, making him stay standing up looking at the two siblings, almost forgetting to address Louis and the fact that it was his birthday.

“Uh, Louis?” He cleared his throat again, not really sure what to do: should he walk up to him and give him a hug or would he just keep standing behind Lottie’s chair, while everyone looked at him? Even if the former was a bit too much too soon for Harry, maybe, it seemed to be the most appropriate thing to do. “Happy birthday,” he moved closer to Louis and when Louis noticed that he was going his way, he quickly swallowed the pancake he was eating, and looked at Harry, turning on his chair.

“Ah, thanks,” Louis looked up at him, with a lopsided smile, and it took him just a beat to get up and stand in front of Harry.

Only then Harry noticed how awkward that must’ve looked, because that was going to be the first time, in almost four years that he was going to have Louis in his arms again and it was going to be in front of his mother and stepdad, who knew (Dan probably knew too) that they had broken up, and in front of Lottie, who had no idea what had happened. But he was there now, it would be worse to back down or simply give him a lame handshake, so he just threw one arm around Louis’ shoulder and patted him three times. Louis retributed the gesture, patting Harry a little lower on his back and it shouldn’t have make Harry so aware of how close they were.

He then stepped away, trying not to look so awkward, not knowing what else to say to Louis, so he simply went back closer to Lottie and sat on the free chair beside her, receiving a glance from her with a small smile on her lips.

“Maybe I should’ve knocked on your door and called you to watch us wake Louis up,” she said, poking her tongue out at Louis.

“I’m glad you didn’t, thank you very much. Harry doesn’t need to see you embarrassing me,” Louis replied to her.

“Why not? You had nothing to hide, Lou, it was sooooo cute.” She pinched his cheeks playfully.

“It actually was very sweet, Louis, c’mon,” Dan interjected, pouring some coffee into his mug, “to see you all snuggled up to Ernie and Doris like that.”

“So glad I was able to take a picture of that moment,” Jay said coming to sit next to Dan, a discreet smile on her face. “Harry, do you want some tea? Pancakes?”

“Oh, yes, please,” he answered as Louis started talking.

“You guys are seriously the worst,” he complained, but not angrily. Harry could feel the playful tone in his voice and he could only imagine what it was like to see Louis cuddly sleeping with his baby siblings.

“Thanks,” Harry said as Jay poured him some tea in the mug that was just in front of him and then  he started to serve himself with biscuits and pancakes.

“Nah, we’re not,” Lottie threw a piece of napkin at Louis, “you love us and you love to wake up to us singing to you and pampering you on your birthday.” She gave him a pointed look as he got the little ball of paper in his hand and threw it back at her, which made her poke her tongue out at him again.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way,” he admitted, defeatedly, ruffling her hair, “even if I’m the only one that stays awake while the girls go back to sleep.”

“They went back to bed?” Harry asked, a bit confused, adding milk to his tea. “And the babies, didn’t they mind waking up to all the singing? Are they sleeping again?

“Yes,” Jay laughed, “they were a little scared when the girls entered the room, but they like to join the fun, but I put them back to bed again. And the girls, they just like to wake up Louis, give him his presents and then they go back to sleep a little more. I let them, after all, they are on break from school, so…”

“So it only shows you are the worst family that doesn’t let the birthday boy sleep in on his own day of all days,” Louis interrupted his mother, only to receive a long sigh from Jay followed by a tender smile and Dan laughing by her side.

“I’m well awake and having breakfast with you and already gave you my present, see how I’m always the better sister?” Lottie tilted her head in Louis’ direction, taking another sip from her tea.

“What did you get him?” Harry was curious because, now that he thought about it, Lottie actually hadn’t told him what Louis’ gift was.

“I was able to find the James Bay album on vinyl for him,” she answered and Harry could feel how proud of herself she was even if Harry had no idea who James Bay was, but the way Louis smiled at her showed that he had really liked the gift and it was probably an artist he enjoyed.

The five of them had breakfast, Harry listening to them talking, asking Louis what his other siblings had given him, or Jay and Lottie asking Louis if he was going out with his friends and Louis saying that he was probably staying in, but he wasn’t sure yet (and Harry did not get hopeful at the prospect of spending the day in his company). Jay and Dan left the kitchen after finishing eating and Lottie followed them not long after, saying that she was going to check on Ruth to feed her in the garden and give her some attention as she had been in Doncaster alone since the break had started. The mention of Lottie’s owl alerted Harry to the fact that Marcel hadn’t showed up yet, that he was hopefully on his way to arrive soon. What would Harry do and how would Louis react to Marcel bringing his gift? He was trying not to feel more nervous about that than he already was.

He was still eating some pancakes and Louis was silently enjoying a mug of tea, the two of them just making small comments about Louis’ gifts from his sisters after they were left alone, when Lottie appeared at the backdoor of the kitchen.

“Harry, I think you have a visitor,” he turned as Lottie called him, only to see the girl with Marcel standing on one of her arms as she held a package in her other hand.

“Oh,” that was all he was able to say when he also saw Louis turning around and almost dropping his mug on his lap.

“Marcel?” Louis’ tone was of surprise and if Harry knew his own owl, he knew the chirp he had let out was of excitement.

“Ruth started flying around like crazy and I thought she had gone mad but then she flew up into the sky and when I looked up, I saw him coming in our direction,” Lottie stepped inside the kitchen and Marcel immediately flew across the room, landing on top of the table where there wasn’t any food.

“Hey bud,” Harry reached his arm to scratch at the top of his head, but Marcel wasn’t looking at him. Marcel’s attention was all on Louis. “Marcel?” Harry called and not even then his owl looked at him, actually giving a few steps closer to Louis.

Lottie giggle behind him. “I guess there’s someone else he has been missing? When was the last time he saw Louis? I think it was that time you wrote to me, after you travelled somewhere around Africa. Was it last year?”

“No, it was the year before, in your 5th year,” Harry corrected her as he saw Louis tentatively pet Marcel.

“Hey there, little fella, how’s it going?” Louis asked and Harry thought he had seen Louis in every possible way, but the fondness that came out and how Marcel simply cooed and tilted his head into Louis’ hand was something Harry hadn’t witnessed before.

He knew, always knew that Marcel and Louis had been close, since the first time Harry had sent Marcel to deliver Louis a letter. How the owl always came back to Harry, so much more vivid and cheerful, even if he had flown miles and miles back to Hogwarts, was something that Harry had never understood. Now, actually seeing Louis and Marcel interact, just how Marcel got all coy and was actually preening for Louis’ cuddle, he could barely hold himself from the tenderness flowing in him from it.

“It’s been a while, yeah,” Louis commented, softly scratching Marcel’s head and then under his beak with his finger. Louis’ voice was a bit nostalgic and Harry wondered what had actually happened the last time they had seen each other. Marcel had come back very happy and Harry remembered thinking that Louis would possibly never treat Marcel badly, and now he saw how obviously Louis never resented Marcel for what had happened between them, treating him just as kindly as he used to when they would exchange letters before. “I was starting to think your owner was hiding you from me,” Louis looked at Harry now, with a teasing smile.

“No,” Harry shook his head, “I mean, why would I?” He laughed, a bit embarrassed, realizing that he indeed hadn’t talked about Marcel with Louis, but also, the subject hadn’t popped up, so, it wasn’t entirely his fault, “we got caught up in other conversations, didn’t even cross my mind that you’d like to know about Marcel.”

At that, Marcel chirped and Harry couldn’t believe that he was sounding offended for Harry not mentioning him to Louis.

“I guess he wouldn’t mind being the subject of our talks once or twice, or that you’d mention you intended to bring him along,” Louis laughed but then it started to fade a little as he creased his brows, “or, did you plan on not telling me he was coming? Was this a surprise?”

Harry felt a bit cornered at Louis’ interjection. Louis wasn’t completely wrong, if Harry was to admit – he meant it to be a surprise for him, obviously.

“Maybe Marcel isn’t the only surprise,” Lottie said as she sat down beside Harry and handed him the package she had been holding.

He gulped dryly as he took Louis’ gift in his hand and Louis arched a brow at him, not stopping petting Marcel.

“I mean,” Harry started seeing how both Louis and Lottie were expectantly looking at him. “Kind of?”

“Harold,” Louis stopped giving his attention to Marcel – who obviously complained at the loss of Louis’ touch, “don’t tell me this is a gift for me, please.”

His voice wasn’t angry or stern, but Harry could feel that he wasn’t expecting the gesture and he wondered if he had completely misinterpreted Louis, thinking that maybe it hadn’t been appropriate for him to pull that move.

“Er, I… yeah, it is,” Harry answered, timidly, not facing Louis, looking down at his own hands on top of the table, starting to fidget with his rings.

“Oh,” Lottie let out, surprisingly. “I’m…” she got up from the table, clearing  her throat, “I’m gonna check if Ruth is still outside or if she went out for a fly.” She didn’t even give time for Harry to protest that she didn’t need to leave them alone. He didn’t want to give her any impression of what it meant, because it wasn’t supposed to mean anything. Not in front of Louis’ family anyway. He didn’t expect any of them to actually see Marcel arrive with the package, but now that Lottie had and remembering her comment on Tuesday night about them being on a date, she would probably think something was going on. He just didn’t know if Louis would interpret the way she had simply left the kitchen as an obvious excuse to give them privacy, and if he did, Harry was apprehensive to know what he would think of that, what he would think of Harry’s intention.

“You didn’t have to, Harry,” Louis spoke as soon as Lottie closed the door and went outside. Louis was thankful that she actually did it, because he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. He could pretend that he was collected but his brain was a mess, trying to figure out what Harry was thinking about, buying him a gift, a birthday gift and giving it to him as a surprise, along with Marcel, of all the things he could do.

Harry breathed heavily before he started talking, trying to gather his own words to explain himself. “I just felt it would be very impolite to come to your house, use your and your family’s hospitality, during the holidays and actually during your birthday, and ignore it. I could never.”

Louis nodded, agreeing, “Hm right, yeah, I understand,” and then started picking at the rest of his pancakes, getting small pieces of it and handing it to Marcel, who unceremoniously accepted the food. “But,” he was too focused on Marcel to actually look at Harry as he started again, “I mean, you made Marcel bring it here, which means you didn’t bring it with you, so you... bought it before? Why?”

It was clear that Louis was surveying Harry, trying to understand what was going on, because Harry knew what it looked like: that he had bought Louis’ gift before he went to Louis’ house and Louis was possibly confused as to why – maybe Harry owed him an explanation, or one that didn’t completely give away his intentions.

Harry took a deep breath, holding the package tighter in his hand. “Yeah, I did,” he finally spoke, picking at the bow on top of the gift, not sure how to look at Louis and explain himself without feeling too exposed, “that’s what I said, Lou. It was not like I had forgotten it was going to be your birthday during my stay with your family and I thought I could give you a gift, just so it didn’t look like it was inconsiderate from my part, you know?”

Louis was watching Harry even if he wasn’t watching him back and it was itching Louis to know why Harry seemed to be so timid and a bit embarrassed, maybe, to talk about buying him a gift. “I got that part Harry, yes, and I appreciate the thought, really. What I’m trying to understand, actually, is why you waited to have Marcel bring it to me only now. You said you bought Lottie’s gift before too, so I’m guessing you bought them together. But you also said Lottie’s gift was well stocked in your bag, so I’m just wondering why you didn’t bring mine with you too.” Louis let out his thoughts, not dwelling much more, because he knew Harry could go round and round when he wanted to avoid a topic, so he needed to go straight to the point if he wanted to know what were Harry’s intentions.

Louis could be very blunt when he wanted and that shouldn’t make Harry nervous, but there was nowhere left for him to run other than to explain to Louis what really happened. Marcel cooed a bit too slow, making Harry look up at him and see his owl tilting his head in his direction, as if giving him the encouragement he needed.

“The thing is, Louis,” Harry slowly pushed the gift into Louis’ direction, sighing deeply as he quickly closed and opened his eyes, trying to gather his thoughts, and continued, “I was unsure of what this visit would be. I was terrified actually, because I didn’t know how you would react to seeing me again. I didn’t want this to be awkward, though. I already told you that I came here expecting us to become friends again, because yes, I do regret what happened between us – I mean, I regret how we ended things and then just drifted apart, because that was not what I wanted, at all,” he confessed, feeling jitterish and trying not say everything that he really wanted, “so I thought that buying you a gift would help, would somehow ease things between us, and show that I didn’t hold any resentment for what happened, but I didn’t know how it’d be on your end. That’s why I thought it would be better for me to wait and see how things would go between us and to be honest, at first I thought I would have to leave your gift at my room at Hogwarts,” he laughed faintly, running a hand through his hair, and Louis laughed slightly too, knowing what Harry was talking about, “but after that, after we talked and we started feeling more comfortable around each other, I thought, why not? So, yeah, this gift is for you,” he finally pushed it closer to Louis, giving him a small smile and Louis took the package in his hands.

He understood where Harry was coming from and he couldn’t be mad at Harry for it, because as much as he had told himself that he had also bought a gift for Harry because it would be impolite not to give him anything for Christmas, Louis knew in the back of his mind that he had the same intentions as Harry – to show him that there wasn’t any hurt feelings between them and that they could really start off as friends again, Christmas spirit and all that. He was glad that Harry had done that first, so that his own gift wouldn’t come as him crossing any lines between them. Now, he was only curious to know what Harry could possibly have bought him before they had any contact after more than three years.

“I hope you like it,” Harry cleared his throat as Louis was examining the wrapped gift in his hand, a bit hesitantly, “I wasn’t sure what to give to you, but this was something that had caught my attention before I bought it for you and… I know it’s almost Christmas already,” he laughed to himself, remembering what he thought when he chose it, “and I remember you once said you were tired of people giving you christmassy gifts for you birthday, but if you really consider this, you won’t actually take it as a Christmas present,” he shrugged timidly and Louis eyed him confused, but starting to open the package.

“What is it, Harold?” He asked as a box came into his view, quickly opening it to reveal a globe. It did look like those usual snow globes, very christmassy indeed, but there wasn’t any snow falling inside it, it was basically a glass globe and Louis started turning it around his hands.

Marcel chirped and flapped his wings, making both of them look up at him and chuckle. Harry gave him a small biscuit and the owl looked from him to Louis as if to remind him to explain to Louis what the gift was.

“It looks like it’s nothing, right?” Harry extended his hand to Louis, “can I?” and Louis handed him the globe, “but, it’s really interesting. I came across one of these when I briefly travelled to the States while I was still studying at Castelobruxo,” he placed the globe on the table, brushing his hand over the glass, “and it was funny to me, because I didn’t know what it was for, but when I touched it, it showed me London.”

Louis could see there was an image appearing inside the glass now, the image of a house, some snow actually falling around it and if Louis was not seeing too much into it, that definitely looked like his house, the house Harry and him were inside now.

“So, when I asked the wizard who was selling them what they were for, he told me that differently from a muggle snow globe you’d buy as a souvenir from places you’re visiting, these ones would show the places that the person holding it would like to go or visit,” Harry continued, letting go of the globe to let the image inside it become visible. He wasn’t surprised at all that it had showed Louis’ house, because that was exactly where he wanted to be at the moment. “At first I didn’t understand, because I was really enjoying travelling all across America, being in a different continent, visiting all those countries, and excited to know other places, but…” he hesitated for a second, and glanced at Louis, who was attentively watching the globe, but looked at Harry when he stopped, “even though I was doing what I had wanted to do for a long time, I still missed home, I still missed the place where I really wanted to be,” he brushed his hand again over the glass and Louis’ house vanished.

Louis blinked at Harry, seeing him push the globe again into his direction, and understanding what he meant – that he had missed London. London. Not Hogwarts. Not his house in Holmes Chapel. London, where Louis was. He inhaled deeply, taking the globe again in his hand and brushing it just like Harry did.

“I guess, for you, if you just hold it and think about a place you want to go or visit, it will show up for you, so it can be like a nice thing to have as a decoration for your house, you know,” Harry said again, trying to ignore how Louis had gone completely silent at what he had said and implied (if he had caught up on that), “and you must be thinking why I bought this for you,” he tucked a curl behind his ear, “and it will probably sound really stupid, but when I was shopping for Lottie’s present, I stumbled across this at a store in Diagon Alley and I was already thinking about what to give to you so when I saw it, it just made me think how it had been so long since we saw each other and how I had travelled to so many places over the years. Somehow, it reminded me that once, before everything happened, we had shared the places we had wanted to visit and, I don’t know, I just wanted for you to have, even if through a mere small enchanted globe, the experience of seeing those places you’d wanted to go, or some of the places I have been to, if you haven’t yet and before you actually have the chance to see them, if you just think about them.”

Harry finally explained as he saw Louis still looking at the globe. He thought that maybe Louis was thinking about some of those places, maybe one of the countries Harry had been to, but when he looked at the globe, he saw again that it showed Louis’ home. His first thought was that the globe was broken, that it hadn’t brushed off his own thoughts, but then he saw that Louis was actually rubbing his thumbs over the glass and that would be just enough for it to work as what Louis wished to see. He would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt to know that both of them wanted to be at the same place right now. Louis probably because he was with his family, but Harry was well aware that he wanted to be where Louis was. But then, what if Louis was also happy that they were there together?

He tried to compose himself, paying attention to Marcel again, who was very much paying attention to both of them. He gave him another biscuit and Marcel cooed at him, which made Louis look up at Harry once again.

“That’s,” Louis cleared his throat after not speaking while Harry was talking, trying to gather his own thoughts – he wasn’t surprised that there wasn’t any other place he wanted to be at the moment, being content to be home again, but being at home also meant being with Harry and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t happy to have Harry with him there, and that feeling was what was conflicting him so much, along with Harry’s words, because, as much as it had been considerate of Harry to think of Louis, it was also… too much, maybe, to remember such detail, possibly of a small conversation they had while they were still together (Louis would not dare to think it may had been a pillow talk – but he was almost sure that it had been, if he also remembered correctly, and oh well). It seemed that Harry had actually thought about Louis, about them, during these years apart, more than Louis had ever considered. For him, Harry had gone away, finally living his dream, without Louis to be in his way, having the time of his life, freely, while Louis had been left suffering for longer than he would like to admit. It had been better for Louis to imagine that Harry had not cared about leaving him at all, but now, he guessed that was not what happened, and he wondered how devastated Harry might also had been, being away from home and away from Louis. He didn’t want to think of Harry thinking about him while he was travelling, he didn’t want to think about Harry thinking about them before he went to Louis’ home, because he didn’t want to think about Harry wanting to make amends with him and wanting to be friends with him as something more than Harry meant. “That’s nice, Harry,” he finally continued, putting the globe down and watching his house inside it disappear, “yeah, I haven’t travelled much. But there are some places I want to visit. The globe is a nice thing, it’s like a reverse souvenir, you get to see a glimpse of the place before you actually go there,” he laughed, trying to ease his own mood. “Thanks,” he finally said looking now at Harry.

Harry smiled, feeling a little relieved that Louis hadn’t reacted badly to the gift and to what he had said. “I’m glad you enjoyed it then.”

“Really did,” Louis put the globe inside its box and then the box inside the wrapping paper again. “The girls will freak out when I show it to them,” he pointed out, trying to take away the too personal implication Harry had made about the gift, “I’m sure the most crazy places will pop up in here.”

“Oh yeah, they will, specially after knowing some of the places I’ve been to. They’ve already said they wanted to visit all of them.” Harry saw Louis getting up from his chair, the gift in one hand and the other extending to pat Marcel, who cooed at the touch, closing his eyes very slowly.

“Do you wanna take Marcel outside along with Ruth? Mum won’t be very thrilled to know he’s been standing in the kitchen table with all the food here,” Louis asked, moving on from the gift conversation.

“Fuck,” Harry whispered, only now actually realizing that it hadn’t been very smart of him to let Marcel stand in there, “sorry, should’ve gotten him on my lap or somewhere else, but he was so entertained by you, I actually forgot.”

Louis laughed a bit. “Don’t try to put the blame on me, Harold. It’s not my fault your owl seems to like me more than he likes you,” he winked at Harry and patted Marcel on the head one last time, receiving a loud hoot in agreement.

“I can’t believe I’m actually seeing my own bird choose you over me,” Harry laughed too, “but yeah, I’ll take him outside,” he got up from his chair too, “let’s go, Marce, hop in,” he opened his arm out and Marcel opened his wings just a bit, leaping onto Harry’s arm. With his other hand, Harry fetched his wand from his pocket and swished it around the table, trying to clean it from any feather or dirt Marcel had left behind.

“I’ll check if the girls and the babies are awake already, so I’ll call them to come play with Marcel and Ruth outside after they have breakfast, what do you think?” Louis asked, smiling at the view of Harry and Marcel together, something he hadn’t yet seen in front of him (also trying to contain the fondness he was feeling at both of them).

“That sounds fun,” Harry smiled back and started walking with Marcel to the backdoor.

“Haz?” Louis called before both of them exited the kitchen.

Harry turned around, “yeah?”

“Thank you, really. For the gift,” Louis said again, earnestly, because as much as the gift had given him some confusing thoughts about what Harry actually meant with everything he had been doing, he appreciated it, appreciate that they were heading to a friendly and fresh (re)start, “and for Marcel’s surprise. I had missed this spoiled old owl.”

“You’re welcome, Lou,” Harry nodded and Marcel hooted again, making both of them chuckle. He could see Louis opening a larger smile on his face as he nodded back and then ducked his head as he turned and walked outside the kitchen.

When Harry stepped in the garden, he noticed that it was way colder than he imagined, but doing a warming charm on himself, he stayed there with Lottie, watching Ruth and Marcel fly around the place until Louis came back saying that the girls were already up and that Jay was going to wake up the babies and after everyone ate, they would go outside. Harry was actually glad that Louis didn’t take long to come back, because it didn’t give Lottie time to interrogate him about his gift for Louis – he had to tell what it was to her, though, but luckily he didn’t have to tell her about their talk.

Not long after, the rest of Louis’ family joined them and the babies were thrilled to have now two owls to play with – Lottie had told Harry that they loved Ruth, but the owl would not let both of them play with her at the same time, but now with Marcel, each one could give a bird their attention. Staying in the garden wasn’t enough for them, though. The twin girls had promised the day before to take them to play at the little park that there was at the end of Louis’ street. Harry almost froze when they called him to go with them and bring Marcel along, making him aware that he was going to that place again where he and Louis had shared their first kiss. He had no excuse to deny it, though, so he followed them there and each step he walked down the street, with Marcel and Ruth flying in front of them, Louis’ siblings walking ahead, and Harry and Louis holding each baby twin in their hands, Harry was becoming more aware that he was going back there with Louis and there was no way Louis didn’t remember those memories either. There were probably a lot of things that they had forgotten about each other during this time apart, but the past few days showed Harry that both of them had remembered more little details than they thought the other would and a first kiss, that was not insignificant.

He took in the small park in front of him, looking much like it did on that day, but with less snow – it apparently had snowed a little during the night, just enough to make Fizzy grab a handful of snow in her hand and throw at Lottie, who was quick to fetch her wand and make the snow return to hit Fizzy back.

The girls started playing among themselves and Harry spotted a small slide that was there, walking with Ernest to it and calling Louis and Doris to follow him. He dried the slide with his wand so the babies were able to use it, entertaining them there for a while until they got tired of it and asked Harry and Louis to play somewhere else.

Harry was impossibly too endeared with the baby twins. Ernest had wanted Harry to play with him all the time, and when Doris wanted to play with them, he could see how the little boy was a bit jealous for sharing Harry’s attention with his sister. Harry called Marcel to fly around them, and then Lottie joined them, bringing Ruth again, while Louis was now playing with the girls. Harry couldn’t miss, though, how Louis seemed to pay attention to them, occasionally smiling softly at them – one of those times, letting himself get distracted and allowing Phoebe and Daisy to gang up against him to hit him with snow and actually jump into him. Harry saw how Louis was trying to get rid of them and only to help him, he flicked his wand in their direction, making a wave of wind hit their hair and their scarves to fly away. Fizzy had seen it and called out Harry for doing that, which only made Louis, now free while the girls fixed their scarves again, turn to him and murmur a “thank you” with a wink, quickly getting back at the girls for the sudden attack.

Spending the rest of the morning with Louis and his siblings was truly a test to Harry, because he felt so comfortable with the family and he knew that if things probably hadn’t gone wrong between him and Louis, he would have enjoyed times like this in the past. Also being there, being in the place that held such importance to him and Louis, Harry knew that there wasn’t really anywhere else he would rather be. He hoped he was on the right track with Louis though. He desperately hoped that he wasn’t seeing more than it was, because even now along with the girls, Louis didn’t change the way he had behaved with Harry in the past few days and on the occasions Harry caught Louis looking at him, at that little park, Harry wondered if he was having the same nostalgic feeling Harry had, the same feeling that it all had started there and who knew, going back could also mean a new beginning. They only had to give themselves a chance, and Harry was just waiting to take the first step soon enough. He felt hope building up in him, like soon enough he could make the move he’d come to do but had been wavering on whether it was the the right moment for it or not.

When it was lunch time, they all went back home and Jay had prepared a nice meal to celebrate Louis’ birthday, which was joined by Louis’ grandparents and aunts and uncles (Harry tried not to feel too awkward surrounded by Louis extended family, being introduced to them and engaging in conversation). Afternoon came and Louis announced that he was actually going out to meet with his old friends for a few hours, because they refused to let Louis ignore their tradition of spending his birthday together. Louis was polite to ask Harry if he wanted to tag along with him, but Harry thought it would be better not to intrude in their hangout, because one, he would feel out of place and two, Harry remembered how close Louis was to his Doncaster’s friends, so some of them might have known about Harry, which would only make things even more awkward. He settled on spending the afternoon with the girls and actually convincing Jay and Lottie to let him bake the cake as they prepared the sweets for later.

If Harry had thought that the morning euphoria while Louis’ sisters woke him up singing happy birthday was already too much, that was because he wasn’t ready to what happened when Louis came back and the whole family were in the kitchen with the lights off, only turning them on and starting to sing when he found them there (Harry guessed Louis knew they would do that, but his surprised face didn’t give it away and he looked thrilled to have his family giving him so much love). It was a lovely celebration, everybody enjoying the cake (Harry tried not to take credit for baking it, but Jay and Lottie insisted on telling him how good it was, so it was hard for Louis to ignore it, actually thanking him for making it) and then the rest of the night, the girls decided to watch some Christmas movie on TV, Dan and Jay on the couch with the baby twins and Harry, Lottie and Louis entertained in some chit chat, Louis updating her in what all the lads had been up to.

Jay didn’t let the girls stay up much longer, rushing them and also the baby twins to go to bed, so they could wake up early to open their Christmas presents and as the night went on, soon it was only Jay, Dan, Louis and Harry on the living room, comfortably watching a comedy on TV.

“Lou, Harry, are you staying up longer?” Jay called their attention when the TV program went on a commercial break.

Louis yawned, and Harry looked from him to Jay, to see her and Dan already standing up. “Not much, I guess. I’ll probably go outside for a smoke before going to bed though. Harry?”

“Louis William Tomlinson, it is my Christmas wish that you’d stop smoking, please,” Jay exhaled tiredly, speaking before Harry could answer, as if that hadn’t been the first time she had asked that of Louis (which only made Harry wonder, not for the first time, what prompted Louis to start on the habit).

“Tonight may or may not be the last night I’ll smoke, can’t promise you anything,” Louis shrugged unapologetically and Jay rolled her eyes at him, coming closer to him from behind the couch and kissing him on the cheek.

“I’ve been waiting for you to deliver your promise for a few years now, it’s about time you keep your word, darling. I won’t push you, though, but you know where I stand. Goodnight, boo,” she hugged him from behind the couch, and Louis enveloped his arms around his mother’s, a fond smile on his lips at his mother’s pet name, “I’m glad to have you home for another birthday. Hope you had a wonderful time today, always nice to see you smiling like that, you deserve it. I love you,” Jay spoke, kissing the top of his hair.

“I did, thanks for everything. Love you too, mum, goodnight,” Louis squeezed her tightly before she let go of him and gave space for Dan to come closer.

“You could at least give your mother the gift of not smoking tomorrow, eh, Louis?” Dan patted him on the shoulder.

“Promise,” Louis placed his hand over Dan’s, squeezing it.

“We love you, Louis, we just want the best for you. Have a great rest of your birthday night, see you tomorrow.” Dan kissed Louis’ temple.

“Thanks, Dan, you too,” Louis smiled up at him and his step-father joined Jay closer to the stairs.

“Harry, dear, have a good night you too,” Jay addressed him, “the kids will be up early, so if you’d like to join us to open the gifts, we’d love it.”

“I will, Jay, don’t worry,” he smiled at her, “have a good night as well, you and Dan.”

“Thank you,” both of them answered and started going up the stairs.

Harry turned to see Louis looking at him and then quickly look back at the TV, without saying anything.

They watched the remaining of the comedy in silence, and when it was over, Louis finally sat back straight on the couch and turned to Harry. “Do you wanna keep watching something? I’ll probably head to bed in a few, after taking a drag.”

Harry actually wouldn’t mind staying up watching TV, but if Louis was already going to bed, then there was no point in him staying alone in the living room. “Uh, no, I guess I’ll go to bed too.”

“Alright then,” Lou fetched the remote control, turning off the telly before he patted his own tights, getting up and quickly walking to the back door in the hallway, only to notice the white snow falling on his back garden. Harry had gotten up as well, stretching lazily in the middle of the living room, pretending not to watch Louis fuss around. Louis walked back down the hallway, close to the front door, “it started snowing again, fucking Christ,” he laughed as he fumbled where the coats were, getting his in hand and then going back to the living room. “Are you going to your room or do you,” he coughed, trying to get Harry’s attention, biting down his lips, not sure if it was alright to ask Harry that. “do you wanna go outside with me?” He walked closer to the couch again, to put on his slippers.

Oh. Harry wasn’t expecting that invitation, but he couldn’t deny that it felt good to know that Louis wanted his company for a bit longer.

“Yeah, sure, if you don’t mind,” Harry walked over to where Louis was. “I’ll just drink a glass of water and then I’ll be outside.”

Louis nodded, checking his pockets to see if his lighter and cigarettes pack were inside. Harry passed by him, going to the kitchen and Louis headed to the back door again to face the thin snow that was now falling.

It was weird though, because it was rare the times it snowed on his birthday, but the times it did, he remembered well, and one of those occasions was when Harry had appeared at his house, four years ago, when they finally got together.

It had been an intense day today, starting with his sisters waking him up, then Harry having Marcel show up with a gift for him, then Stan questioning him how he was feeling about Harry being back, and also Liam calling him, not only to wish him happy birthday, but also to interrogate him on the ”Harry situation” (Louis tried as much as he could not to give away any trace of his confused feelings, but Liam was Liam, and Liam knew Louis so well that he couldn’t keep up the façade for much longer, and his best friend caught up on it, warning Louis to just be careful with whatever he was doing), and now there was him, having a smoke on his birthday as he waited for Harry to join him outside, just because. Not that it mattered anyway, because, what was wrong with having a chat in the middle of the night with a friend? Even if that friend happened to be his ex, on the very same day that held such meaning to both of them, when his life possibly stopped being the same because both of them accepted they liked each other, and now 4 years later, after a messy break-up and not seeing each other, there they were, trying to act like they could be friends again, when there was something familiar and nostalgic lingering in the air because of how well they clearly got along still.

Louis should stop overthinking how he was feeling around Harry. That wasn’t the time. Maybe it would never be the time again to ever feel something for Harry, because he knew what had happened the first time, even if their lives were very different now. Feeling things for Harry would never be something easy. The less he thought about them and only focused on keeping being friends, even with how close they had gotten again, the better would be for Louis, for both of them.

He dragged on his lit cigarette (the second one, he realized), trying to wash away his thoughts and let the nicotine relax him, feeling his body getting loose as the snow slightly fell around him, the cold wind mixed with the hot smoke he was blowing out a contrasted mixture, just as his messy mind. He was looking up at the sky, trying to make the moon or even some stars out amongst the clouds when he felt something very icy hitting the back of his neck. Louis turned around only to see Harry quickly pocketing something inside his coat and a mischievous grin on his face as he walked outside.

“The fuck, Harold,” Louis took the cigarette from his mouth, almost completely gone already, and threw it on the snowy grass, stepping on it just to make sure it was completely off.

“What?” Harry asked, trying not to sound guilty.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe the fucking floating snowball that just hit me?” Louis crouched down, trying to gather some of the snow that was on the floor.

“Who said it was me?” Harry approached Louis, both hands on his own hips, “maybe it was Lottie, maybe one of the baby twins are also wizards, who knows,” Harry tried to keep a straight face, but he knew he was just talking bullshit now.

“Yeah, of course, Harry, that’s very likely,” Louis looked up at Harry, patting the snow on his hands trying to make a ball, “as everyone else seems to be sleeping already and the only bloody wizard awake here is you,” he got up and took a couple of steps back, snowball in hands, passing it from one to the other.

“It could also have been Marcel or Ruth,” Harry himself took a step behind, knowing what Louis was about to do and looked around, trying to locate where his owl and Lottie’s were.

“Since when can owls practice magic? Cut the bullshit, Harold,” Louis laughed and didn’t wait for Harry to answer, throwing the snowball in his direction.

Harry was fast to take his wand in his hand again, pointing at the snow coming towards him, making it stand still in the middle of the air for just a second, before twisting his wand again and making the ball go back into Louis’ direction.

“Shit,” Louis exclaimed as the snow hit him in the stomach sooner that he anticipated, “that’s unfair, Harry, c’mon,” he crouched down again, and didn’t even bother to make a ball with the snow. He simply got a handful and stood up again, taking  large steps towards Harry, throwing the snow on top of his head. “See, no need to use magic to throw snow at you,” Louis grinned at him, proudly.

Harry laughed, as he shook his head, trying to shake off the snow from his hair, and then pouted, “that’s unfair, Louis, now I’ve got snow all over my hair.”

“That’s what you get for letting the locks grow, Curly,” Louis laughed along, reaching a hand to Harry’s hair to help him.

Harry saw that as an opportunity, as Louis seemed to have gotten distracted, to step just a bit inside Louis’ space, and with the hand that was still holding his wand, he swished it to the snow on the ground, making some of them come up, and with his other free hand, he led it to Louis’ head, taking off his beanie and then, making the snow fall on his hair too.

“For fuck’s sake, Harry,” Louis felt the cold snow on his head at the same time he felt himself aware of the proximity that he was now to Harry, quickly pushing Harry away from him. “You wanna start a fucking snow fight, is that it? Then I suggest no magic involved. Man against man, it’s only fair,” Louis messed with his hair, brushing the snow away.

“Fine,” Harry said, sighing in defeat, pocketing his wand again, “but not on the hair, please. I’m not in the mood to have to wash it before I got to bed.” He threw Louis’ beanie back to him again.

“Can’t promise anything. ‘S not my fault if the curls get in the way of the snow hitting your face,” Louis caught his beanie and then turned himself around, trying to look where there was more snow packed to use against Harry.

If anyone looked at them, in the middle of the garden, two grown men throwing snow at each other, they probably would find it completely ridiculous. Harry, on the other hand, was finding it completely amusing, to have so much fun with Louis on his birthday and to see that Louis was having just as much fun.

Louis didn’t care that it looked like he and Harry were playing like two children, once again, on the night he was turning 24, as if acting that way with Harry was something normal and not weird and unfamiliar at all, specially with the way Harry was laughing and doing his best not to fall as he ran around the garden trying to throw snow at Louis, earning some hoots from both Ruth and Marcel that were watching them from a branch on the tree that was there in the garden.

The snow fight kept going for a few minutes, Louis targeting Harry the most, which was making Harry a bit competitive to just hit Louis without missing it. He could say that he was starting to get pissed at his lack of ability, so he simply got a handful of snow in a ball and walked very determinately towards Louis, making the other stop in motion, looking at him a little scared. Harry didn’t get much closer though, just enough to make sure that he would hit Louis and when he threw the ball at him, maybe he should’ve considered not throwing it so hard and right at his face, because immediately after the snow hit Louis, he led both hands to his face.

It worried Harry that he had actually hurt Louis, which prompted him to walk closer to him. “Louis?” He called. Louis was still covering his face, bending his head down, “shit, Lou, sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Are you alright?”

Louis nodded, but still didn’t look up at Harry, not making Harry feel any less relieved. “Louis, look at me,” he hesitantly walked up to Louis, reaching out to take Louis’ cupped hands away from his face to inspect it to make sure that he hadn’t hurt him indeed, but just when he did, Louis finally looked up. His hands still had some snow, and before Harry could do anything, Louis started to mess his hair with snow.

“Louis! No, fuck!” Harry protested pushing Louis away, his hands running through his hair, ruffling it to make the snow fall off.

“Told ya I couldn’t promise you anything,” Louis smirked at him, “now it does seem you’ll have to wash it, though,” he shrugged unapologetically.

“I should make you wash it,” Harry answered back, a bit too harshly.

Louis froze at Harry’s comment, knowing he didn’t mean it like that, but still, it wasn’t his fault he would take it in the wrong way. He only arched a brow at Harry, noticing when Harry realized what he had said.

“I mean, no, not like… Oh, for fuck’s sake, you know what I meant,” Harry shook his head, embarrassed that Louis had even considered taking what he said with the wrong connotation. He hadn’t implied anything, Louis was the one to think of it. Not Harry.

“I didn’t even say anything,” Louis tried to sound casual, but laughing at Harry, earning an eye roll from him.

“Yeah, yeah,” Harry ruffled his hair one more time, feeling how the snow was starting to melt. “Should probably head back inside anyway and take care of this.” He breathed heavily, and looked at Louis, “are you staying outside any longer?”

Louis shook his head, “nah, I’ll go inside too. But I need another smoke.”

Harry sighed. “You should listen to your mother and quit it.” He probably shouldn't have been so blatantly about disliking Louis’ habit, but he was just caring for Louis’ well-being, like Lottie, Jay and Dan seemed to.

“Probably will, have thought about it for a while, but,” Louis coughed, already getting his pack and lighter from inside his pocket again, “not now.”

There was nothing Harry could do but assent to Louis’ words, because he couldn’t force him to stop.

Harry watched as Louis took a cigarette from the pack and he figured that was his cue to go back inside, but there was a feeling inside him that he couldn’t just leave without saying some last few words to Louis.

“Louis, before you…” he called his attention, making Louis stop trying to light his cigarette. “Before you smoke and I go inside,” he cleared his throat, walking closer to Louis again, “hm, I just wanted to tell you a proper Happy Birthday.”

Louis nodded, taking the cig out of his mouth and lowering his hand, attention solely on Harry now.

Harry could see his blue eyes with a distinctive glint, as if the Louis in front of him wasn’t the Louis that had just turned 24, but the Louis that Harry had fallen in love with back then, that bright Louis he once knew. And if he stopped and thought about it, even if they had changed a lot, Louis was still that for him, still the one he was in love with.

“Just,” Harry started, “I hope you had a great day today and I wish all good things to you, always,” he scratched at his neck, brushing his fingers slightly against the string from his necklace. “You deserve, you know, to be happy and live a happy life and it was nice to see you today, surrounded by your family and by people who love you,” he continued and if he implied that himself was included in that group of people, he would let it out in the open for Louis to interpret it that way or not. “So,” he cleared his throat, feeling how dry it was and also feeling himself getting a bit sweaty, “I really hope you liked my gift and I hope you take it as a peace offering, as me being earnest with you, as me wanting a new start between us. I know we already talked about it and maybe we will still talk about it for a long time, if you allow us to continue being friends, but I do regret how we ended things. Now though, being here, I’m very grateful for having you again in my life, and I hope it’s the same for you.” He breathed deeply as he finished talking. He wasn’t expecting to say all of that to Louis, but he needed to let him know, if just a tiny bit, how he actually felt. It wasn’t all, he knew it, but he wouldn’t lay everything on Louis all at once and if the way Louis was reacting to what he said, still looking at him with those shiny blue eyes, not a trace of rejection on his face, as if he wasn’t taking all that Harry was saying as something bad, then he could feel the right time to say it all to him was coming.

Louis blinked, digesting what Harry was saying and he wished he wasn’t trying to find a hidden meaning behind Harry’s words. Harry wasn’t talking about anything more than being glad that they had each other again in their lives and that it could be a new start for them –  the same way Louis had been feeling for the past days, but still, there was something, something in Harry’s voice, something in how low and paused and assertively Harry spoke that was making Louis feel a bit unsettled, a bit unsure if Harry meant only what he said.

Still, he appreciated that they could talk openly again, that everything that happened between them was water under the bridge and now they were standing side by side, getting to know each other again without hard feelings.

“Thank you, Haz, really,” Louis spoke, after taking a deep breath, “and I mean it, everything I’ve told you before. I’m happy that we are friends and that we are where we are again. So thank you, for your gift, for bringing Marcel, thank you for being so nice to my family and, yes, of course, I don’t think these holidays will be taken for granted. I really want us to continue being friends, and today has been fun, so thank you for that too.” Louis licked his lips, rolling the cigarette on his fingers and the other hand brushing over his fringe.

“Thank you, Lou,” Harry smiled at him and took one last step closer to him, still feeling nervous, but not afraid of actually being inside Louis’ personal space, having one thing left to do. “I’m happy that you had a great day,” and without ceremony, Harry threw one arm over Louis’ shoulder and the other around his waist, bringing him into a hug, holding him tightly this time, as a way to make up for the lame hug he had given him earlier in the morning.

Louis didn’t flinch at the contact with Harry, accepting his embrace and holding him back the same way, but he couldn’t lie that he was trying his best to contain the shiver that was going through his body.

Harry squeezed Louis closer, closing his eyes trying to contain them from getting teary. Merlin blame him for finally holding the man he loved in his arms again and getting emotional over it, because he didn’t know what would happen between them from now on. He tried to focus on the gesture, though, and savor it while it lasted, as Louis held him back.

“Happy birthday again, Lou,” Harry spoke again, still not letting go of him, but not letting the hug get too awkward. He only distanced himself a bit, trying to make both of them face each other.

When Louis smiled at him again, so brightly, Harry made sure his memory would keep that image forever in his brain, his eyes still shining and with those crinkle by his eyes. He was feeling his heart pound so fast inside his chest he didn’t even think about what he did next, only placing a small kiss on Louis’ cheek and finally untangling themselves from the hug. “Good night, Lou.”

Louis was stuck in place for a second, without saying anything back as he only watched Harry step away from him, coyly looking down and putting his hands inside his pocket, turning around to go back inside the house.

He desperately needed another drag right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update again, but here's another longer chapter!  
> The next update will probably only come in two/three weeks.  
> Hope you all enjoy the suspense of what's to happen in the meanwhile ;)
> 
> Here's the list of songs mentioned during their road trip:
> 
> The Script - Breakeven / Natalie Imbruglia - Torn / The Strokes - Someday / Led Zeppelin - Tangerine / Queen and David Bowie - Under Pressure / Alabama Shakes - Don't Wanna Fight / Led Zeppelin - Thank You / The Fray - Happiness / Led Zeppelin - D'yer Mak'er / ABBA - Take A Chance On Me


	6. Christmas - Boxing Day

_**December 25th, 2015** _

 

Waking up on the 25th always had a bittersweet sensation for Louis. It was the day after his birthday, which meant he was a year older now – not that it actually mattered, he’d never feel suddenly older the next day, but still, he’d have to adjust to not being the same age anymore, which was the bitter part of it, getting older, facing adult life, dealing with life; on the other hand, waking up on the 25th also meant waking up at home, on Christmas, with his family, surrounded by the ones he loved.

That day, though, waking up on the 25th, having just turned 24, held another bittersweet feeling. That was, if only Louis could say that he was waking up, because he had barely slept the night, tossing and turning around, his brain going from thought to thought, memory to memory, trying to understand what was going on with his mind and heart, and with him and Harry.

Especially with Harry.

Seriously, what the fuck had happened the night before? What the fuck had happened that whole week, actually. The night before, though, was what Louis had been replaying over and over in his mind, trying to grasp why Harry kissing him on the cheek was, at the same time, something completely terrifying but also like returning home after so long?

Terrifying because he just didn’t see it coming. He didn’t see it coming from Harry. He didn’t understand why Harry thought it was ok to do that. Or, maybe, when he considered everything that had happened during those past days he had spent with Harry, maybe he could see it coming. He could see it coming as a friendly gesture, as Harry wanting to show just a bit more of affection for Louis, on his birthday, after all. But also… Louis didn’t think they had reached that (or any, if that) level of intimacy, didn’t think he had given Harry the impression that he could take that step forward (it was just a kiss on the cheek though, it wasn’t like Harry had actually kissed Louis on the mouth. Why was Louis overthinking it so much anyway?).

Or had he?

He hadn’t exactly been the most coherent with his acting, if he was being honest. So what? He was starting to warm up to Harry again, feeling more and more comfortable around him, and what if a few glasses of wine had made him be a bit more relaxed, having dinner alone in his flat making their environment so casual, so natural, that Louis didn’t hold back being himself with Harry again, feeling a little reminiscent of late nights he had spent with him all those years ago?

And it was that reminiscent feeling that also lingered with Harry’s kiss. It almost felt like Louis was brought back to his 19 year old self, standing by his front door, looking Harry in the eyes and then almost leaning in, just for a second later to be interrupted by Lottie’s voice and only feel the pressing of Harry’s lips against his cheek. The only difference, though, was that Louis already knew what Harry’s lips felt like, he knew what it felt to be kissed by Harry, not only like that, but all over his body and he remembered how it felt, how Harry felt, what Harry made him feel. Back then, it had been the first time Louis had realized that if he could (or had the courage, for that matter), he wouldn’t let Harry go, wouldn’t want anything or anyone but Harry.

He shouldn’t feel like that again, when he knew what Harry felt like, when he knew who Harry was and what Harry had done to him.

Still, it was the first time since having Harry back in his life that he felt that urge to not let Harry go anymore, felt his heart skip a beat and a shiver go through his body with Harry’s warm lips against his skin. It was the first time it felt like all those feelings he had tucked away, not only when Harry had left him, but also the ones he had tried to suppress for this whole week (the thoughts of kissing Harry while out in London with him, the thoughts of wanting to know Harry’s body again as he observed Harry’s ink and also his lean figure as he prepared dinner, the thoughts of cuddling to Harry while watching telly lying on the couch at night...) were still there, at his fingertips, itching on his skin, making his heart flutter and wanting, more than anything, for Harry to stay there, close to him, holding him, kissing him in the middle of the snow on Louis’ birthday – as if it hadn’t been hard to remind himself that four years ago, that was exactly what happened between them, as if it hadn’t been hard that they had gone back to the place where that had happened.

Louis was a fucking mess. He was truly fucked if his heart and brain simply decided to ignore all his efforts to just keep Harry and his feelings for Harry the farthest away from him. But he had fooled himself, hadn’t he? He fucking thought he was playing the smartest between the two of them, acting as if being friends with Harry was so clever, was something easy, something that both of them could do, when in reality it was the hardest thing Louis had been doing, because it wasn’t easy to ignore Harry Styles.

Being surrounded by Harry again, by his charm, by this whole new person who still was the same boy – _man_ Louis had fallen in love with was just so fucking unfair. It felt like Harry didn’t put any effort in being himself – looking casual and all giggles and dimples and green doe eyes and long curly hair and all new tattoos and so fucking more interesting, more experienced and willing to be in Louis’ life without making anything awkward between them.

Which was Louis’ worst thought, because… why, just why, Harry had come back? Obviously they had discussed it before, Harry explained it to Louis and also explained that he had intended to make amends with Louis somehow, but, still, was it all? Because, as much as it seemed they were acting as friends, Harry didn’t mind how close they had gotten, didn’t mind Louis’ comments or Louis’ sometimes not so discreet glances or smiles at him, Louis’ sometimes unintentional touches, or anything that, if Louis stopped and thought better about them, wasn’t as platonic as he imagined (of course, Louis was touchy and close to his friends, but… his friends weren’t Harry).

Harry didn’t back down from any of those things and Louis wondered why and why it also seemed that Harry was acting the same way, if not more, because he was the one to actually cross that friendship line they had drawn between themselves and kissed Louis on the cheek? He was always trying to make sure Louis was comfortable around him, he was always trying to make Louis feel good, be it preparing him dinner or his birthday cake, giving him a freaking enchanted globe for his birthday, or being attentive to Louis, being attentive to Louis’ siblings – who Harry always knew were one of the most important parts of his life. Harry was being himself, but at the same time, Louis could feel something in Harry’s intention, he just couldn’t exactly put a finger on what it was. Now, though, maybe he was starting to figure it out and Louis felt sick.

Sick because he had told himself he wouldn’t fall for Harry again. He wouldn’t, he couldn’t. He already knew what it was like to be in Harry’s heart and what was like to be crushed by it, when he once had given Harry a huge part of his life and Harry hadn’t given Louis a chance to be as important in his. Louis knew, rationally, that they weren’t teens anymore, they weren’t stupidly in love anymore and things were different, but just the thought of the pain he had felt when Harry had left him, just the thought that what Louis felt now by being so close to Harry again was almost like what he remembered feeling for Harry back then… Louis knew. He knew that the fall, the fall of something going wrong between them was going to be just as bad, because he also knew that, if they hadn’t worked out before, why would they now? They were still in different worlds, Louis had his life and Harry had his – magic hadn’t solved their differences before, when life was much simpler; in fact, it was what drew them apart, so now, it wouldn’t bring them back to what they were.

Louis knew all of this, but his stupid heart and brain weren’t cooperating with his reasoning. And the more he fought to just forget everything he was feeling, the more it reminded him that he _was_ feeling and that he wanted to feel Harry again, wanted to have him again and what if Harry wanted him again? What if Harry had come back to try to win Louis back? What if, behind all the excuses and the “let’s be friends” talks, Harry had actually come back to mess with Louis’ heart and life again?

Because that was exactly what was happening right now and if Harry’s intentions had always been there, since the beginning, thinking that he could make Louis fall in love with him again, bit by bit, small talk by small talk, sweet smile by sweet smile… Louis was even sicker. Harry had no right to come back at his door almost 4 years later, without a warning, thinking that it would be so fucking easy.

It wasn’t going to be easy, and it wasn’t going to be hard either, because it wasn’t going to be. Full stop. Louis wouldn’t let it be anything. He couldn’t, for his own sake. It was too late, too much had happened between them, unsaid things and feelings that couldn’t be solved just because it seemed Harry regretted (how many times had he said that anyway?) how things had gone sour between them. If Harry really regretted anything, really realized he had fucked up after it happened, why come back now, when he could’ve fucking done something way before, could’ve sent him a fucking letter, sent him Marcel and kept in touch? Harry had been the one who left, the one who didn’t answer Louis’ last letter. Harry had been the one who had gone around the world and enjoyed his fucking life while Louis was left to pick up the pieces of his broken heart. Harry couldn’t do that to him, simply come back and think that he could sweep Louis’ off his feet.

Louis didn’t want to feel angry again, not after being bitter over him and Harry for so long. That had passed, he had made peace with them long ago, but he couldn’t deny it fucking hurt that Harry thought Louis was so easy, if that was really Harry’s intention. Louis’ mind was a pool of confusing thoughts, he couldn’t trust himself to make any judgment and maybe he was seeing too much, blinded by his own unwelcome feelings and maybe he was perceiving things in the wrong way. Maybe Harry wasn’t trying to fool him. Maybe Harry was just acting normally and Louis had been dumb enough to let himself fall for it alone. But maybe not. And he needed to know. He needed to know what was happening for real, because he didn’t think he would be able to go another few days with Harry acting freely around him, making Louis question his own feelings over and over again and then see him fuck off again, or attempt something with Louis, or… simply continue his life, accepting Louis as his friend. Then, Louis would be the one fucked over again. Either he needed to get a grip and make himself forget about Harry or he needed to confront him about it.

He couldn’t, though, confront him openly and in front of his family while Harry was staying over, but he also couldn’t keep not knowing if what he thought was actually true. Only Harry’s action would tell Louis that and maybe that’s what Louis needed. He needed confirmation if Harry was reacting to Louis’ maybe unintentional moves as him purely trying to be friendly with Louis or if there was more to it.

Louis could be a bastard and maybe hurt himself in the process, but two could play a game. He wouldn’t let himself be fooled and he wouldn’t let himself fall alone, not again, even if his heart was begging him to let Harry in, to let in the familiarity Harry brought with him, to simply let himself go and have Harry in his life again – because if he admitted it to himself, Harry should’ve never left that place. But he did and now there they were and Louis was a mess again.

It frustrated Louis that he had spent the whole night thinking about it, barely giving himself time to rest and when he was finally getting a bit of sleep, his mother entered the bedroom, ready to wake the babies and also Louis up, morning already rising telling him it was time for them to go to the living room and start opening their Christmas presents and have breakfast.

“Happy Christmas, love,” Jay greeted him as Louis sat up on the mattress on the floor. She was already by one of the twins’ beds, gently trying to wake them up.

“Happy Christmas, mum,” he answered her back, stretching out, trying to let out the tension he had built up during the night. “Is everybody downstairs already?” he threw the duvet off his body and stood up, quickly standing beside his mother to give her a kiss and a warm hug.

“I just passed by the girls’ room, they are getting ready,” she returned the hug, squeezing Louis’ arm around her waist with only one hand as the other patted Doris’ ginger curls, “and when I was about to call Harry, I noticed his door was open and I found him already in the living room, putting his own presents under the tree.”

Louis inhaled deeply at the mention of Harry, remembering how excited he had been to go buy gifts for Louis’ family. Now, he didn’t have to wonder if Harry would be giving him anything, because, even if Louis was being skeptical of Harry’s intention, it would be too much even for him to give Louis not only a birthday gift but also a Christmas one. Then Harry would be stepping over a huge line. The globe was already something else, he didn’t need to do anything more (not that he needed to do anything to begin with, but Louis had appreciated the gesture nonetheless).

Louis let go of his mother as he felt her patting him on his arm before she could say anything as he didn’t answer. He then heard Ernest mumbling in the bed opposite to him. He walked up to him, crouching down to fuss with his little brother’s hair, as Jay kept smoothly trying to wake up Doris.

“Talking about Harry,” Louis closed his eyes as he slowly tickled Ernie’s belly, dreading whatever his mother was about to say, but really expecting she wouldn’t mention anything.

“Hm,” he only hummed in response, opening his eyes to see Ernest rubbing his tiny hands against his eyes, but not opening them.

“Is everything alright with you two?”

He sighed and turned back to look at his mother, seeing her crouched down too beside Doris’ bed, but looking at Louis with tender eyes. She didn’t have those questioning or interested eyes, she didn’t even have a worried look. She was genuinely just asking how were things between them.

“Yeah, it’s all good,” he scratched his fringe over his forehead, then fixing his own hair, all messed up for tossing and turning around the bed all night.

“Did you talk?”

“Of course we talked, mum, I wouldn’t be impolite not to talk to him, otherwise you’d lecture me to no end when we’d get here,” Louis tried to say it in a joking tone, also trying to avoid answering what Jay was really asking him.

“Louis,” she now gave him a pointed look, “you know what I’m asking, sweetheart. Did you talk about _you_?”

Damn, Louis really wished his mother didn’t have the power to round him about things he didn’t want to discuss. They could’ve had this conversation over the phone this past week, they could’ve had this conversation when Louis had gone out with her and Dan the day they arrived, but no, she had to ask him about it the day Louis’ mind was a mess.

Ernest made an ugly face when Louis’ hand reached one of his onesied feet and tickled it. Yeah, he wished he could make an ugly face too and just avoid his mother’s questioning.

“We did,” he finally answered, “a few times actually,” he cleared his throat, looking past his mother to see Doris stiring on her bed.

“That’s good, love,” Jay smiled at him and then quickly turned to Doris, rubbing at the little girl’s back, “I mean, I could tell you had talked and somehow left what happened between you two behind to be friends again. That’s what mature people do, Lou. I’ve always told you that you shouldn’t hold those angry feelings against him, even though things hadn’t gone as you two expected them to.” Jay looked at him again when Dories whined along with Ernest, turning  around on his bed, facing away from Louis. “I’m glad you’re on good terms now. Actually, I’m surprised you’re getting along so well. Not that it’s unexpected, I always knew you both had something special.”

If Louis noticed his mother’s words weighing more on that “something special”, he tried to ignore it. “That was the right thing to do, specially with Lottie there. I didn’t want it to be awkward between us and we both understood that what happened is in the past and that we both moved on,” he gulped dryly, “we just… we naturally get along, I suppose, because, well, before everything, we were friends, so we just agreed that being friends again was worth giving a try,” he shrugged, turning again to Ernest and threading his fingers on the little boy’s blond locks.

“And that’s what you really want? To only be friends with him again?”

He ignored the tug he felt on his heart. If he was honest with himself, he didn’t know, but he didn’t want anyone else to know about that either.

“Mum, please,” he started, very low, not really knowing what to tell her.

“Boo,” he felt Jay walking closer to him, “I’m only saying it because I see you and Harry getting along but I also see how you two are around each other. It’s been only two days and if you’re telling me you and him are friends again, I feel really bad for how you’ve treated Stan or Liam over the past few years then. I know it’s hard to be friends with someone you’ve had feelings for, but if what you told me a couple of years ago is still true,” Jay’s hand rested on Louis’ shoulder, making him look up at her, “then I don’t want you to fool yourself, or Harry.”

What did Louis do to deserve a mother who could read him so well? And who made him feel guilt about lying to her?

“That’s not it, mum, please,” he tried to sound put out, but not rude towards her, “I don’t think so,” he gave himself the benefit of being just a little honest with her, “at least I don’t see it that way. I just– It’s nice to have him around... maybe it’s exactly that, the feeling of having him around and maybe also the holidays, but, what I feel… it’s not like it was anymore. I don’t think it can be, anyway.”

He tried not to look directly at her piercing blue eyes. He wasn’t lying entirely. It couldn’t be like it used to be before, even if his heart was making him feel exactly like that now.

“Alright,” Jay smiled fondly at him, “if you’re saying so, I trust you to know what’s happening. But I’m glad, either way, that you and him are at least reconnecting and being friends again. Despite what happened, he is a good boy, has always been a good friend to Lottie and it’s nice to have him around. It feels like her 13th birthday all over again, the girls loving him too,” she laughed slightly.

Louis laughed too, choosing not to comment on it, trying to ignore the thought that he was actually feeling like 19 again and anxious to know what would happen between him and Harry.

His mother didn’t comment on Harry any further, returning to the side of Doris’ bed and trying to wake her up again. Louis turned back to Ernest and within another couple of minutes, both he and Jay managed to get the twins in their arms, still a bit sleepy, but suddenly alert whenever Louis and Jay mentioned “Christmas” or “presents”.

Louis handed Ernie over to his mother and quickly went to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth before heading downstairs (and also give himself time to face Harry). When he stepped in the living room, it was to find his whole family already scattered around the couch or on the floor, everyone with a mug of hot chocolate or tea (he could also smell some eggnog) and a plate of gingerbread men in the middle of the coffee table.

Jay handed him his own mug as he approached them and the twin girls were the first ones to come closer to him and enveloped him in a double hug, wishing him a Happy Christmas, followed by Fizzy and Lottie, who had been sat beside Harry.

Harry.

Who was looking at Louis with sweet green eyes and a small smile on his lips, still in his pajamas – as was everyone else, but fingers already covered with the rings Louis had already gotten used to see him wearing, hand clasped around his mug.

When Lottie let go of him and sat back next to Harry, Louis went to greet Dan, who had both  babies on his lap, not missing the chance to mess with their little hairs, earning giggles from them. The only free spot was the one on Harry’s other side as Fizzy had squeezed between Daisy and Phoebe, and eventually Louis would have to talk to him and wish him Happy Christmas too, so, he couldn’t delay sitting next to him, even if his heart had started beating a bit faster than he would’ve liked to.

“Happy Christmas, Lou,” Harry said as soon as Louis plopped beside him. Harry put a hand on Louis’ knees, squeezing it softly for a moment.

It took a second for Louis to remember how to breathe again and actually remember how to answer Harry. “Happy Christmas, Harold,” he said, smiling at him and then drinking from his tea. Harry followed him, then turned to continue talking to Lottie.

Louis shouldn’t be affected by Harry touching him like this. He shouldn’t be affected by him at all, he tried to tell himself and tried to put whatever he was feeling at the moment behind. Being bitter with himself because Harry Styles was messing with him again wouldn’t do him any good, specially with his already cranky sleepless mood, not when he had his whole family in front of him, happily sharing and opening gifts. He had to pull himself together and instead of letting himself more confused by Harry, start to see if any of Harry’s action had more intentions than it looked like.

Jay started distributing the gifts for the girls, calling their names, while Dan sat near the tree with the twins, giving them small wrapped gifts to hold. When Jay called Lottie and handed her a wrapped box, Louis saw how excited she got, hugging their mother tightly, not wasting much time to finally open her gift, revealing a brand new digital camera.

“I’m gonna start using it right now! Thanks Mum, thanks Dan!” She jumped enthusiastically, trying to take the camera from inside the box as she sat back down again.

Louis saw how interested Harry had gotten with Lottie’s camera as she showed it to him. Louis remembered how much Harry liked to take photos and how intrigued he had gotten when Louis first showed him how to take pictures in his old mobile (that one picture they got together was still buried somewhere in the box Louis had kept with the magical photos and things Harry had given him that he couldn’t simply throw away – it had been the only normal photo he had allowed himself to keep).

Jay then called Louis, and he got up to get his gift, already knowing what it was: his mother hadn’t been subtle when asking him what he needed, so he said that if her and Dan managed to buy him a new briefcase that he could use at work, he would be happy since his was completely worn out already (he also had made an agreement with them that they didn’t need to buy him two gifts, so Jay settled for giving him only one for Christmas). He kissed his mom and she handed him the gift. He shouted a “thanks Dan” while his stepfather was entertaining the babies with some toys they had already opened.

When he turned to go back to his seat, he was startled by the bright flash light that came in his direction.

“Oops, gotta turn this off,” Lottie said, lowering the camera from her face, “but nice shot, Lou, looking dashing,” she laughed as she showed the picture to Harry, who only looked at Louis with a sheepish smile. Louis didn’t have time to roll his eyes at him because Jay called Harry next, which made Louis turn his attention back to his mother as Harry got up and walked closer to her.

Jay hugged him warmingly for a tad longer and Harry smiled at her. Louis could see him saying “thank you” to her over and over again as he stood up and opened the gift bag, retrieving from inside what looked to be a soft and very comfy brownish jumper. He immediately put it on over his pajamas and Jay smoothed it over his shoulders, caressing one of his cheeks as Harry thanked her again.

Louis continued to drink his tea in order to avoid anyone seeing the inevitable fond smile that was growing on his lips.

It all felt too much, to be surrounded by his family and to see Harry fit so well with them, to imagine that given other circumstances, this would be something that Louis would already be used to. But he didn’t want to get used to it again, he didn’t want Harry to bring him that familiarity, that feeling that this was how his life was supposed to be.

Harry didn’t come back to his spot, instead he walked towards the tree, where Louis could see the gifts he had brought there. Jay called the girls’ attention so Harry could hand them his gifts, as they were finally finished with the ones Jay and Dan had given them – clothes, shoes and bags.

Louis saw the moment the girls squealed as Harry handed them the small packages with the jewelry he had bought them, Fizzy, Daisy and Phoebe hugging him at the same time. Harry handed Jay both hers and Dan’s bottle of wine, as he was still sat with the babies and Jay hugged him again. He then got the thin wrapped bag he had put the twins’ colouring books in his hands and sat down beside Dan, talking to him first, probably about the wine, then directed his attention to Ernest and Doris. Doris was the first to let go of the doll she had been playing with to come closer to Harry, but Ernie didn’t take long to follow her, actually sitting on Harry’s lap.

“The babies adore him, oh my,” Lottie commented beside Louis, pulling her camera again to take pictures of Harry opening the bag and giving the books to the twins. Ernest hugged him, both little arms wrapping around Harry’s neck and Louis had to close his eyes for a second and breathe deeply to contain the fluttering in his stomach as Harry held both twins in his arms and then started flickering through the books, showing them the pictures they could colour (or destroy, as Louis was sure that would happen soon).

A few moments later, Harry finally got up, as Dan had to separate the babies from him and entertain them with the other toys. Harry finally got the last thing that there was near the gifts Louis knew were from him. That one he hadn’t seen before, a big box that when Harry got in his arms, he noticed how heavy it was. There was no doubt that it was Lottie’s gift.

“Do you need any help, Harry?” Jay asked as she came back from the kitchen with more hot tea and chocolate to fill for the girls.

“No, no, it’s ok,” Harry panted as he placed the box on the couch. “Lottie,” he turned to her, as she was already observing him, also knowing that was her gift, “can’t hide this one from you now,” he laughed coyly.

“How did you manage to sneak this in? Was it inside your bag?” She asked, her eyes so wide, curiosity perking up in her voice as she got up and mindlessly shoved her camera on Louis’ lap, walking closer to Harry.

“Had to reinforce that extension charm, but it worked out in the end, didn’t it?” He quirked a brow at her teasingly.

“You’re full of surprises, first Marcel and Louis’ gift, now this,” she slapped him on the arm but quickly enveloped him in a hug. “You didn’t have to.”

Harry only laughed, hugging her back. “Open it,” he said as they let go.

Louis got up, standing closer to them again, camera in hand in order to capture the moment Lottie would reveal what was inside that box. Louis would be lying if he didn’t admit he was curious to know what it was, as everyone else in the room seemed too, the girls, Jay and Dan paying attention to Lottie and Harry now.

When she finally ripped the bow that was holding the box, it opened itself, revealing a shining silver cauldron.

Lottie gasped at the sight of the object in front of her and Louis was able to capture with the camera the moment she led both hands to cover her mouth.

“No, Harry, you didn’t!” She exclaimed, voice muffled by her hands. “You didn’t have to, really!” She turned to him, looking back and forth between the cauldron to Harry’s face, who had a bright and big smile on, his green eyes shining with affection.

“Of course I did,” he said, putting a hand on her back as she approached him and hugged him again, now tightly. “You’ve said so many times how you’ve wanted to start practicing your beauty potions and I asked Gemma which one was the best to start with because I knew the one you use at Hogwarts is no use for that kind of potion, so she recommended me this one. You can practice and maybe, I don’t know, sell some of your beauty potions at Hogwarts and when you finish school, you can already have some money saved to buy more things and start up a small business, as you’ve always wanted.”

“Oh, bless your heart, Harry,” Louis turned to see his mother speaking, one hand clutched against her heart and the other drying a small tear that had gathered in her eye.

If Louis could admit it to himself, he also wanted to cry because Harry couldn’t be real, seriously. He knew how much he cared about Lottie, that he had no doubt, but everything he was doing this holiday for her, for his family, for him… It was all too much and Louis didn’t want to doubt him, didn’t want to doubt Harry’s kindness and selflessness, because he knew that Harry was exactly that: a giving person, specially when it came to those he cared about. It had been the globe for Louis, and now the cauldron for Lottie.

“I don’t even know how to thank you,” Lottie’s voice came a little low and Louis knew she had shed a few tears as she held Harry. “I feel like my gift for you now is so dull and stupid,” she laughed, faintly.

“Stop it,” Harry shook his head, “I gave this to you because I know how much you love messing around with your beauty things and in no way a gift from you will be dull, Lots, I’ll like it, whatever it is, because it’s from you,” Harry smiled again at her and Louis really wanted to stop the unsettling feeling in his stomach.

“Ugh, why do you have to be like this?” Lottie slapped him on arm again as she distanced herself and went to the Christmas tree to get her own gift for Harry. “No, but seriously, I feel really stupid, you must’ve spent so much money on the cauldron and here I am giving you–”

“Please,” Harry interrupted her as she walked back, already handing him the gift, “it’s not about money, Lottie, it’s about intention, and I’m sure you put a lot of love in whatever you’re giving me,” he smiled at her and sat on the couch beside the cauldron and started undoing the wrapping paper on the small rectangular package.

The rest of the family had returned to theirs presents, the girls still talking among themselves, Dan and Jay paying attention to the babies.

Louis and Lottie were the only ones standing up now and Louis noticed how ridiculous it felt that he was watching them from afar, so he took a few steps closer, coming to stand next to Lottie when Harry finally revealed a small notebook – no, it was more like a journal as Harry flipped it around his hand, observing it.

“I mean, it’s not as grand as a cauldron, but, well,” Lottie started as Harry was taking a look inside the journal’s pages, “I noticed how you were still using that old journal I gave to you, I don’t even remember how many years ago,” she chuckled, and Louis gulped dryly, knowing what journal Lottie was talking about – the journal she had asked Louis to buy for Harry, during her first year. Harry still had it, even after all those years, apparently. “And I saw how worn out it is, even if I noticed there’s still blank pages left, but I just wanted to give you a new one, so, yeah, lame, I know.”

“No, it’s not lame, Lottie,” Harry looked up at her, “it’s a nice thought, really! I… yeah, I still use that old one,” he briefly looked at Louis and Louis pretended he didn’t see it, “but having another one is very useful, thank you,” he smiled largely at her again, gratitude in his eyes. He stood up to hug her one more time.

Louis took that moment to snap a picture of them and then turned to try to take more pictures of the rest of the family as Lottie was entertained with her cauldron and then started to distribute her own gifts for her sisters and the baby twins – the girls getting ecstatic with the magical items and the babies enjoying the rabbit toys she had bought for them.

There was only Louis’ gifts left to be handed and as soon as Lottie had given hers to everyone, he entrusted her with her camera again so he could get his gifts from under the tree, starting with the toys for the babies – Dan and Jay were starting to go crazy with the mess they were doing, so when Louis appeared with the train set for Ernie and the stuffed bear for Doris, the rest of the girls gathered around them to help set everything and play with them, which gave Dan a break and Louis could properly give him his aftershave.

For his mother and the girls, he had bought some pieces of clothing and for Lottie he got a make-up brushes set (if he thought for a second that he and Harry had basically given her the same themed gift, he figured it was only a coincidence that they both new what Lottie liked and what she was seeking to do after she left school).

The last remaining unopened gift was of course for Harry and Louis hoped nobody noticed how he was dreading to actually give it to him. Nothing had changed regarding the gift, it was still something Louis had bought so he didn’t seem impolite, especially after his mother and his sisters’ (the three other girls had also given him a singing Christmas card) gifts for Harry. But Louis couldn’t deny that it felt a little more personal now. It felt like that scarf wasn’t just a Christmas gift – it was his window of opportunity to see how Harry would react to it, would react to Louis giving him a gift, if he, just as it had briefly crossed Louis’ mind with the globe, thought that Louis had any other intention with it.

Harry was showing Lottie something about the cauldron when Louis approached him, discreetly, sitting on the arm of the couch beside him.

“I don’t think I can take this to Hogwarts right now,” Lottie said as she observed the inside of the cauldron.

“I can put it inside my bag again, that won’t be a problem, Lots,” Harry drank the last of his tea and as he was about to put his mug on the arm of the couch, Louis’ caught his arm, making Harry realize that he was there. “Oh, sorry, Lou,” Harry looked up, with a small smile.

“Uh, it’s alright,” Louis cleared his throat, “I was just waiting for you to finish whatever magic cauldron business you were talking about, to, hm…” Louis looked at the wrapped gift in his hand and then again at Harry, which made the other furrow his brows.

“I’m gonna see if the girls haven’t messed up their Everlasting Eyelashes already,” Lottie was quick to leave both of them alone on the couch, which Louis mentally thanked her for, so she wouldn’t make him more nervous than he already was.

“Is this… for me?” Harry asked, curiously as he turned his attention back to Louis after watching Lottie walk away from them, taking both his and Louis’ empty mugs with her.

“Er, yeah,” Louis handed him the package, “I mean, it’s nothing really. I just didn’t want to seem impolite and not give you anything while you’re staying here with us, but also, I think, it was basically what went through your mind when you gave me the globe, so…”

Harry waited for Louis to finish talking to actually look at the package in his hands, paying full attention to what Louis was saying.

That had been unexpected, really. He hadn’t even gotten his hopes high that Louis would bother to give him any gift, but now, he was jitterish to know what Louis could’ve possibly bought him. Moreover, he was curious to know when Louis had bought it. Harry didn’t remember what Louis had bought besides the gifts for his family the day they had gone out – he may have hidden it so Harry wouldn’t see what it was, and considering how well they were already getting along after Harry arrived, he really wanted to know what went through Louis’ mind to choose what he had bought.

“I don’t feel so embarrassed anymore for being the only one giving you a gift,” Harry joked as he started to rip the paper, feeling what was inside as something very soft.

“I hope you like it,” Louis finally said as Harry started to pull the scarf from inside the paper, “I don’t know if it’s something you’d actually wear, but when I found it, I thought it would suit you,” he scratched at his neck, not trying to look directly at Harry, as he was examining the green scarf in his hands. “You’ve always looked good in green. I think it might match your eyes, actually.”

He knew he shouldn’t say that so blatantly, he should try being more subtle, but well, he was testing the waters really and also, it wasn’t a lie – that’s why he was also feeling so nervous to do it, because behind his own intentions, there was truth to them and he was hating himself for it. He saw the moment Harry stopped in motion as he was turning the scarf around in his hands, and turned his head up to look at Louis again, very slowly. If Louis was starting to get affected by Harry, at least it didn’t seem that he was alone in that and, oh fuck.

Harry had to take a deep breath to let it sink in what Louis had just said. Had he really pulled that line on him? Had he really thought about how good Harry would look with that scarf on? Had he thought about how Harry was looking now or how he looked before? Or was Louis simply being polite and again, was doing it in the wrong way, confusing Harry even more? He didn’t know exactly, but Louis’ voice had no trace of mockery, it was actually a bit shy and Harry knew a compliment when he heard one and, yeah Louis had just done that.

Louis had said some things before, about how Harry looked, but it was mostly in a teasing way; now though, it didn’t seem like it and Harry wondered what had changed, what made Louis decide not to play so friendly anymore, bordering on the flirtatious side once again, but this time a bit more openly. Harry wondered if last night, if his sudden move had made Louis notice something, if he had changed his mind. He couldn’t lie that it made him a little more hopeful now that he wasn’t seeing too much into things.

“Oh, it’s beautiful, yeah,” Harry finally spoke, realizing that he was staring at Louis for longer than he intended to and that Louis was looking at him back, his blue eyes with an hesitant glint. “Thank you, Louis, really. I love it,” Harry opened a smile and looked back at the scarf, fiddling with it in his hands before throwing it around his neck, fixing it so the edges weren’t so uneven, actually feeling the strap of his necklace, reminding him that maybe the scarf was the sign he needed to find some courage and do what he wanted to. Not now though, not with Louis’ whole family in the living room and with a very observant Lottie watching them.

Harry couldn’t contain himself though and turned his body to get a little closer to Louis and hug him.

Louis was caught by surprise by that, as he had lost himself for a moment with the sight of Harry fixing the scarf around his neck, reminding himself of the times he had imagined Harry undoing his green tie and what would follow after.

The hug wasn’t as long or as lingering as the one the night before, but it also didn’t feel as awkward as the one they had shared the previous morning. However, it still made Louis’ stomach feel unsettled for having Harry holding him again and he had to remember himself to breathe once more.

“Thank you, Lou, really,” Louis could feel Harry smiling as he spoke, his hands smoothing his back over his pajamas tee.

“I’m glad you like it,” he managed to answer back, returning the hug, squeezing Harry tightly, briefly, before he let go.

When Harry looked back at him, Louis could see his green eyes shining and, shit, there was no such green that could match that, but he really did look beautiful with the scarf on.

“Oi, you two! I’m missing only a picture with you,” Lottie called, making them snap out of their stare.

She got back closer to them and settled her cauldron on the floor, giving her space to sit beside Harry on the couch and pull her camera in front of them. “Lou, get closer, c’mon,” she eyed him and Louis could do nothing but almost glue his face to Harry’s cheek so Lottie could take a selfie with the three of them. When the photo was done, she smiled at the camera’s screen to see their photo, but didn’t spare a second to show it to them before she moved a little on the couch, now looking right at Louis and Harry with a smug smile.

“Now, let’s get one just of you,” she simply said, already positioning the camera in front of her face, “nice scarf, H,” she tugged at one of its ends, making Harry giggle a bit and Louis rolled his eyes, trying to suppress the fondness and ignoring Lottie’s knowing smile. “Smile real big, boys,” she warned them and Harry only moved so he was facing Lottie back. Without even noticing, Louis turned too and placed his arm over Harry’s shoulder, smiling to the camera as Lottie snapped the picture.

Harry rested his arm over Louis’ thighs and his hand squeezed Louis’ knee again as Louis had propped his feet on the couch right beside him.

It seemed they were at it then, the small touches and fond smiles, Louis trying to flirt with Harry and Harry responding to it, without it being awkward.

Louis wished he didn’t like it. Louis wished he was mad at Harry and at himself, actually, because it only gave him more confirmation of what he suspected and, well… that wasn’t supposed to happen.

As everyone stayed in the living room – Jay bringing more Christmas sweets and tea for them to keep eating while they were entertained with their gifts, the twins playing with the toys they had gotten, the girls playing with them, Harry and Louis joining them and Harry actually enchanting Ernest’s train to ride all over the room, Lottie charming the Christmas ornaments on the tree to make them float around, the lights twinkle, making everything more christmasy and magical – Louis noticed that it was getting harder to stop feeling whatever he was feeling towards Harry when he would see him fit so well with his family, when he was so attentive with his siblings and still managed to catch Louis’ attention, still managed to make Louis even more confused than he already was. He wanted to scream because he couldn’t let Harry inside his heart, but it seemed that he had already been there, just waiting for the right moment to take over the place he was never supposed to have left.

The morning kept going like that, until everyone decided to get ready and the girls went outside with the kids along with the owls to play in the snow that had gathered from the previous night, and Louis, Harry and Dan stayed in helping Jay prepare Christmas dinner.

Louis didn’t back down from his plan, though, throwing comments and gestures towards Harry in order to receive any reaction from him – which he successfully got while they were left to do the dishes after everyone had eaten already (and he also had to contain himself from how he was feeling while doing that – a flashback to Lottie’s birthday when Harry had first done magic around him and Louis was certain he would be mesmerized by anything Harry did in front of him from now on; which hadn’t changed, but now he was only trying to suppress it), inciting Harry to laugh at his teasing, to actually see him blush or still himself when Louis would come too close to him or touch him unnecessarily. Harry could’ve backed down, could’ve put a stop to Louis’ flirting, but he didn’t, only returning it as smoothly as he could. The fucking bastard.

At the same time it infuriated Louis that Harry was doing exactly what Louis didn’t want him to, he couldn’t deny that seeing Harry looking at him as if Louis was the fucking sun, was exactly how he wanted Harry to look at him for as long as he could. Louis was a complete mess, not knowing what he truly wanted when Harry was just playing along with him.

It got worse when everyone was back in the living room to watch the Doctor Who Christmas special and the baby twins had gathered around Harry and Louis, who had sat beside each other on the floor and while the babies kept playing with them, Louis couldn’t stop noticing how good with the kids Harry was and how they seemed to love Harry just knowing him for two days. It seemed it was that easy to fall in love with Harry, when everybody in his family simply adored him – and Louis was the one fighting back his own feelings because only he knew what is was like to also be crushed by him.

Some time later when they were watching a movie, the babies had fallen asleep on them after such a long and exhausting day – Ernie on Louis’ lap and Doris snuggled up to Harry’s chest (Louis didn’t get a sting in his heart from the image beside him, he didn’t). Jay and Dan tried to retrieve them from Harry and Louis to properly put them to bed, but they only whined and threatened to start crying, so Louis suggested that as they were comfortable in his and Harry’s arms, it would be better for them to take them back to the bedroom.

Harry accompanied Louis upstairs, carefully cradling Doris in his arms as Louis carried Ernest, laying him in bed very cautiously as not to wake him up when they entered the room, as Harry did the same with Doris.

“There you go, lad,” Louis patted Ernie’s hair and the little boy turned on his side, taking a deep breath.

Harry observed the tenderness between Louis and his brother as he watched Doris curl up on the bed and suck on her thumb.

He took the room in for a second, remembering how it used to be Louis’ old bedroom and the time he had spent there with him. There was nothing left of Louis’ decoration, but after only being there for a couple of days, there was already a pile of clothes gathered near Louis’ bags beside the mattress on the floor, which Harry took it as him feeling completely at home even though the room wasn’t his anymore.

“Do we need to change them into their pajamas?” Harry asked as he took his attention back to Louis and Ernest.

Louis turned to look at Harry, seeing how soft his expression was. “Yeah, that would be best to do now, because if mum comes back to do it later, they might wake up crying. She keeps them inside that first top drawer in the dresser. Can you get them for me? It’s only the onesies.” Louis indicated to the furniture and Harry complied, fetching them from the drawer and handing the red one with a train on the front to Louis.

He watched as Louis changed Ernie from his small jeans and jumper and put on the onesie, as carefully as he could. Ernest complained a bit in his sleepy state, but when he was fully dressed, he simply snuggled up to the teddy bear that was lying close to his pillow and Louis covered him with his duvet, after kissing the top of his head. “Goodnight, Ern.”

Harry was standing next to Doris’ bed now, her colourful polka-dotted onesie in his hand and he offered it to Louis as he walked closer to him.

He ran a hand through Doris’ curls, which made the little girl suck harder on her thumb and whine, but Louis smoothed his hand over her belly, calming her down. He changed her clothes easily after that and before he kissed the top of the head as he had done with Ernest, he quickly fetched the dummy that was on the nightstand beside the bed and gave it to her to suck on instead of her thumb.

That felt like a too much intimate moment between Louis and his siblings, but at the same time it didn’t feel like Harry was intruding on it. Harry felt so comfortable, not only then, but all the other moments he spent with the Tomlinson-Deakins, with Louis, specially, and he couldn’t deny how it just felt right to be there with him.

Louis had been pretty difficult to decipher in the past few days, but Harry couldn’t ignore how after the previous night and how they had behaved during the day, he was feeling more certain that he wasn’t imagining anything that was happening. Louis had been so open to him, so loose, and if Harry dared to say, so flirtatious that it was impossible he didn’t know what was going on between them. There was more than just the supposed friendship they had established floating around.

Harry felt his heart bursting with the need to finally do what he wanted to, but still nervous about doing so (if he confessed that to Niall and Gemma in the letters he had wrote to his best friend and to his family and entrusted Marcel to the deliver them after the girls had played with him that morning and also after Marcel had clearly complained that he was leaving Louis’ house – mainly to Louis’ fault, because he had pampered the owl one last time before he flew away, Harry couldn’t feel embarrassed, really) and it also felt like the gem on the necklace that was resting around his neck was burning on his chest, reminding him to calm his heart before he did anything.

“Thank you for helping me, Haz,” Louis said as they walked outside the bedroom and Louis was going in the direction of the stairs again, heading downstairs.

Harry felt it all at once: not wanting to let Louis go, not wanting to miss the opportunity to spend some more time alone with him, and the need to tell Louis everything that he was feeling.

He hadn’t thought this through thoroughly. He was hoping to get some alone time later with Louis again like they had had the night before, but thinking now, that was the perfect opportunity for him to get to talk to Louis in private as the rest of the family was downstairs.

“Hm, Lou,” Harry said instead of replying to Louis, “would you come here with me for a moment?” He indicated with his head towards the guest bedroom at the end of the hall.

Louis felt his stomach drop at Harry’s request, not sure what to make of it. “Do you need anything?” He asked, intrigued, but not rude.

Harry ran a hand through his hair and inhaled deeply. “I just wanted to talk to you, actually, if you don’t mind.”

It didn’t seem like Harry was pushing or cornering Louis. He just felt Harry a bit hesitant, careful, if he said so, and well, if Louis was waiting for some enlightenment to what was happening between them, now would be a good time to find out. “Yeah, sure,” he answered, receiving a lopsided smile from Harry as he started walking down the hallway and Louis followed him.

Harry opened the door to the room he was staying and let Louis walk inside first.

“Do you mind if,” Harry asked as he started closing the door and retrieved his wand from inside his jumper pockets, indicating it to the door, “I don’t want anything to interrupt us?”

Louis furrowed his brows but nodded at Harry, seeing him murmur something like “silencio” towards the door. He didn’t hear any click of the door, so Harry hadn’t closed it magically, but he had charmed it somehow.

Harry breathed heavily as he turned again to Louis, seeing him sitting down on the bed where he had been sleeping, and looking at him, curiously. He fidgeted with the scarf he was still wearing, almost feeling like it was suffocating him actually, too heavy to be around his neck, reminding him of what else he was bearing.

He took off the scarf, smiling at himself as he sat down beside Louis, folding and placing it on the bed. “I hope you don’t mind that I brought you here,” Harry started, caressing the fabric of the scarf before he looked at Louis, “I just hoped we could talk alone. Wanted to properly say thanks to you for the gift, because you really didn’t need to. I wasn’t expecting you to do it, to be honest,” he saw Louis watching him back as he spoke, Louis’ Adam’s apple bobbing as he gulped and chewed on his bottom lip.

“I don’t think I need to repeat what I told you earlier, do I?” Louis replied giving Harry a pointed look, “I think we’ve agreed that both of us are trying to recreate this friendship between us, so we shouldn’t be surprised with what the other is doing to re-establish that.” He tried to sound calm and actually remind Harry of why they were there, what they had agreed on some days before.

“I know,” Harry looked a little sheepish at Louis, “it’s just that, I didn’t expect all of this to happen. I mean, to feel this welcome by you and your family. These past couple of days have been really great and I’m just grateful that we got to be where we are now, and as you just said, yeah, we shouldn’t be surprised with how we’ve reconnected, and that’s why I hope you don’t mind that I actually have another thing to give to you,” he inhaled deeply as he tugged at the necklace string around his neck.

“That doesn’t mean I won’t, because, really? Another gift?” Louis asked, his voice letting out just a bit of skepticism, remembering what he had told himself about Harry giving him another gift – that was more than he was expecting, more than Harry should do for him.

“It’s just,” Harry was careful, pulling the necklace from inside his jumper and taking it off, holding it on his palm, “this one I have been meaning to give to you, even more than the globe. I just didn’t know if there would be a right time to do it.”

Louis observed the necklace in Harry’s hand, noticing how it had been the one that Harry hadn’t stopped wearing since he arrived at Louis’ flat (God blame him for paying too much attention to Harry), now seeing a very light pink gem at the end of the string.

When Louis didn’t say anything, but kept looking at him, Harry took it as his cue to continue talking. “As I said, Lou, these past few days with your family, with you, have been more than I had imagined before coming here and I take it as it being possible because we talked and settled what happened between us in the past. We both said that we had already put it all behind and for me, one of the things that helped me deal with it was this necklace, this gem on it.”

Louis eyed the gem, a little suspiciously, his brows creasing a bit more and then looking back at Harry again, still not talking, only letting Harry make his speech.

“This is a Rose Quartz. It’s a gem with magical properties. It speaks to the heart, helping dissolves emotional wounds, fear and resentment... It helped me in times when I didn’t know what to do with my feelings, when I felt too much and nothing at the same time, but it helped me settle my heart and understand that whatever had happened with us wasn’t in vain, it was about learning that us drifting away wasn’t the best solution to what happened. It helped me understand that someday, maybe, if we were to cross paths again, we could forgive each other and give us a chance to let go of the resentments and start,” Harry cleared his throat, feeling it burn, not knowing exactly how to put into words what he was feeling, “not restart, but just, reconnect, be in each other’s lives again.”

Louis only hummed to what Harry was saying, because that sounded exactly like what they had talked about before, but this time, Harry wasn’t speaking about them reconnecting as friends. It felt much deeper, much personal – that he was certain that if they were to find each other again, things would smoothly go back to how they were. He hummed as if to encourage Harry to keep talking, to keep Harry explaining to him what he was starting to put together.

“When I got this,” he continued, now feeling more lightweight to say those things to Louis, “it felt like a new beginning for me, it felt like all that I had been holding inside me had finally dissolved and I could see a future where meeting you again would be possible without feeling like we wouldn’t get along. When I got to your house, this also helped me to understand that you’d need time to adjust to having me there, it helped me to understand that timing was different for anyone and it helped me hope you’d give me a chance. And it actually happened,” he smiled shyly at Louis, “and I see that as a new start for us, and for this whole week, that’s what I’ve been feeling, and I hope I’m not wrong in this, because I feel that for you it’s the same. You’ve also been saying this, so I just thought,” he opened his hand, realizing that he had been holding onto the necklace too tightly, “I thought that giving you this, it would officially symbolise this new beginning for us.”

Harry extended his hand to Louis, holding the necklace by its string, the pendant gem swinging in front of Louis, who reached for it carefully. Harry let go of the necklace when Louis took hold of the gem and breathed heavily.

What kind of new beginning was Harry talking about? It seemed the more Harry talked the more he was not talking about what he actually meant and Louis was feeling a little (a lot) jitterish with that, with the necklace, because this wasn’t a gift Harry had bought him. This was something that Harry had used, Harry apparently had a connection with and he was giving it to Louis, in the hopes that Louis would take it simply as a “let’s start over” gift. It seemed that behind what Harry was saying, he was also trying to let Louis know that there was more to what he was feeling, more to what he had told Louis how he felt about them.

“What do you mean?” Louis cleared his throat, taking his gaze away from the necklace to look back at Harry, eager to actually know what Harry meant, to get his confirmation.

The question took Harry by surprise. It seemed that Louis wasn’t following what he was saying. He knew he wasn’t actually saying it, but he hoped that with what was happening between them, Louis would be able to understand it. It seemed Harry would have to be a bit more specific and with that, he felt a cold shiver go through his body.

“I mean that,” he inhaled sharply, “I feel like we allowed ourselves to be in good terms, Louis. We allowed ourselves to be carefree around each other again and that was what I had hoped for since I decided to come visit you and your family. And this is what this week has showed me, what I could see from how close we’ve got, from how it seems effortlessly for us to just… be together again.”

Louis felt his heart skip a beat, it felt like somebody had punched him in the stomach, slapped him on the face or threw cold water at him. It felt like all that he had been noticing the past few days had finally been put together and the puzzle had been solved: Harry had indeed expected them to reconnect… to be together again. Not how Louis had proposed in the beginning, no. He had to come with second intentions.

Louis laughed, because there wasn’t anything left for him to do. He laughed and shook his head, closing his eyes. “I can’t fucking believe you.”

Harry was lost. Completely lost as to why Louis had reacted this way. Harry was being honest. He was trying to show Louis how them being friends for that week had made them get so much closer, that it was so easy and comfortable to be with each other again.

“Louis, what ar–” Harry tried to speak but Louis laughed again, humorlessly.

“I knew it. I fucking knew you were trying something, trying something with me.” Louis stood up, looking down at Harry.

“What?” Harry blinked at Louis’ accusatory tone. Why was Louis taking what he was saying so wrongly? He hadn’t even said anything, only said that they could be to– Oh shit. He didn’t mean it for Louis to understand it like that. Oh maybe he did, but what he didn’t expect was for Louis to look like he was infuriated by the implication of it. “That’s not what I meant, Louis,” Harry spoke again, seeing how Louis was looking at him as if Harry had betrayed him.

“Don’t try to lie to me, Harry,” Louis threw the necklace on the bed, turning around on his heels, hand pulling at his hair, “don’t tell me you didn’t come here full of second intentions, expecting to try something more with me than to be friends,” he turned back at Harry, his eyes so wild Harry thought he could burn him with only his stare, the blue so dark now.

“What the fuck, Louis,” Harry put both his hands on his face, dejectedly, as he got up from the bed too, “where did you get that from? I haven’t lied to you! I wasn’t trying to do anything with you other than to be friends since the very beginning! You were the one who suggested we could be that again, and I agreed.”

"The fuck you didn't,” Louis threw his hands up and down, shaking his head again, not believing that Harry wouldn’t admit it when it was so clear, when everything he said was clear as crystal water. “You may have agreed only because I suggested it, but I should’ve known there was something behind your so good intentions. Don’t tell me you didn’t mean it when all you did this whole week was tell me how much you regretted how things ended with me, was being so fucking nice to me and my family when you didn’t need to... was throwing yourself all over me, pretending to be my friend, making sure I wasn’t fucking cold, or making me dinner…. flirting with me, actually kissing me.”

Harry wasn’t expecting Louis to throw the whole week back at his face, when in fact what happened was that Harry had been only responding to how Louis had been around him. How dare Louis accuse him of having hidden intentions behind his actions when Louis had been the one who had confused Harry since the beginning?

“Are you out of your mind?!” Harry ran a hand through his hair desperately. “What are you even talking about? Everything I did, I did because I felt comfortable around you to do so. The kiss was just a way to show that I care about you. It was a kiss on the cheek, nothing more! If I knew you would react like this I would take it the fuck back.” His hand fell from his hair down his face, pinching his nose exasperatedly with a deep sigh before he continued, not as calmly as he wished. “Everything else I did was because I saw how open you were to me, I thought you were actually giving me space to be friends with you again, when you were actually throwing me so many confusing signs! When you’d touch me unnecessarily, when you’d comment on my appearance, compliment me on my cooking, when you fucking served us a glass of wine during dinner and messed with my hair, had no fucking sense of personal space… _That_ was flirting, Louis!” By the end of his speech Harry was fuming, angry that Louis was accusing him of so much when Louis had been breathing down his neck more than he had been on him, when he had to hold himself back so many times.

Louis puffed, dismissively. “I wasn’t flirting, the fuck!” Maybe he was, but who was Harry to turn that around on him when _Harry_ had been the one to come to Louis’ house with high hopes that something could happen?

“Who’s lying now, Louis, for fuck’s sake!” Harry was now the one to laugh, because how could Louis be so cynical? “The fuck you weren’t flirting with me. We had a date the other night! At least two of them if we consider the coffee shop! And I had to forcibly hold you back or step back myself because you were up in my space all the fucking time, but you’d never stop being all over me, just like you used to be before when we dated.”

“I wasn’t flirting!” Louis’ voice went higher, indignation all over it, “I was being nice and friendly with you! Just because we’re exes, it doesn’t mean anything I did was to flirt with you, was to act like we did before, unlike what you did!” He pointed a finger at Harry.

“I did?” Harry stepped closer to Louis, which made Louis take a step back and lower his hand, “Who was the one to throw a comment here and there about how things used to be with us, all the things we used to do together, remembering when we actually were together?”

“I was trying to break the ice! I was trying to break the awkwardness of being friends with my ex! I was only trying to be friends, that was all!”

Harry was clearly trying to rile Louis, trying to turn the situation around, trying to sound like a fucking saint, who never did anything wrong, when everything he did was to cause a reaction from Louis.

“I wonder how friendly you act around your exes, then? Because with Aiden it wasn't anything like this,” Harry was so annoyed that he didn’t even bother to say Aiden’s name with disdain.

“What the fuck are you talking about? What does Aiden have to do with this?” Louis was confused as to where that had come from.

“It has everything to do with this because how you behaved with Aiden is nothing compared to how you behaved with me,” Harry took a few more steps closer to Louis, trying to make a point. Louis couldn’t be this oblivious, so fucking stubborn to accept what was going on between them, “because there’s no tension between you and Aiden.”

Harry wasn’t making a question nor was he actually talking about Louis and Aiden

“There’s none between us,” Louis said, swallowing dry as Harry approached him. He kept stepping back, avoiding their proximity until he hit the door and there was nowhere else for him to go with Harry so close to him. “You’re making the tension up all in your head.”

Harry had to breath deeply as he entered Louis’ space, looking down at him, seeing his blue eyes going from his green ones to his lips. “Am I?” Harry took one last step forward, being practically chest to chest with Louis. “It’s all in my head, is it?”

Fuck Harry Styles if he thought he could play games with Louis, if he thought he could just get closer to him again and pretend that he wasn’t doing anything to get inside Louis’ head (and heart) again.

Louis held his breath for a second and then licked his lips, starting to push himself up on his tiptoes, face getting closer to Harry’s level.

Merlin’s fuck, what was Louis trying to do? One minute he was all over Harry about how he did not flirt with him and now there he was, right under Harry, an inch away from actually kissing him. He couldn’t lie to Harry’s face anymore if that was what was about to happen.

Harry saw Louis bit his bottom lip one last time before he moved his head to the side a bit and tilted it to get closer to Harry’s ear.

“Congratu-fucking-lations, you fucker. You just proved my point.”

Louis pushed Harry away, seeing Harry’s distressed face.

“What is your point, Louis?!” Harry exclaimed, without caring to sound exasperated and loud, because he knew nobody could hear them with the _Silencio_ he had cast on the room. “Contrary to what you’re accusing me, I did not come here expecting us to get back together. I expected us to be friends, the least! It’s not my fault you started acting like we did before and you created this tension between us!”

Louis laughed again. “My fucking point, Harry, is, you had all the time you wanted, but then you come here, clearly with something in mind, creating the tension that shouldn't be between us, saying that you want to be friends but if you really wanted to be friends again, why did you come here? Only now, when you didn’t even try to reach me for the past four years? Why, Harry?” He threw the question out there, the question that had been nagging the back of his mind. He didn’t want Harry’s half-arsed excuse that he had come back because of Lottie. He wanted the truth.

Harry ran both his hands over his face, trying to gather himself. “I came back now Louis, because there was an opportunity with Lottie’s invitation and I thought I should better take it before I regretted not doing anything. Again.” Harry sounded exhausted, breathing deeply, “I already regretted not doing anything before, I didn’t know how to. I didn’t know how I should do it when I didn’t know how you felt about me, about us. You told me to go, Louis,” Harry let it out, pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to contain the sting behind his eyes, “I was about to start an important part of my life and you had left me in pieces and I was afraid to mess things up even more.”

“I left you in pieces? Fuck! You!” Louis retorted hotly. “What about what you did to me? About leaving me in the middle of the night after you fucked me? After you left me a fucking mess, feeling you, feeling all the bruises for days? Even so, even making a fool of myself, I fucking tried talking to you one last time and you didn’t even have the guts to answer my letter!” Louis was feeling actually offended that Harry had the courage to tell him that he had broken Harry’s heart, when Harry didn’t even spare Louis a chance, treating Louis just like a fucking object that he could throw away after he used it and didn’t want anymore.

“The one you sent to tell me one last time to go fuck myself?” Harry didn’t mean to sound so harsh, not after listening to Louis tell him how he had felt after they broke up. But Harry couldn’t forget the tone in Louis’ letter. It was just a letter, but the “Have a nice life. Enjoy it” had the same bitter taste and effect if Louis had actually written a “Fuck you, good fucking bye.” That was what had put a final point to Harry’s wondering if he should try to reach out to Louis before he went away. There was no way things could have gone smooth between them after that. And now there was Louis telling Harry that he expected him to answer that. What the fuck did Louis want from him?

“I did not, you arsehole,” Louis defended himself. “If you took that as a fuck you letter, then it’s only because you know how bad you fucked up, fucked me up, literally,” Louis was so hurt that Harry was making it turn like he was the villain in their break up. “I wrote that stupid letter in the hopes that we could end things in good terms. I did it to clean my consciousness, to prove that I wasn’t being petty over you leaving me, but you decided that it wasn’t– we weren’t gonna be anything anymore by ignoring me, leaving me even more broken that I already was,” Louis could feel the tears gathering up and the lump forming on his throat. He didn’t want to cry, but he was so frustrated, so disgusted by everything that was being said, that he didn’t even have the courage to stop himself, “you left me crushed, Harry, crushed for leaving me behind with a fucking reminder of how we used to be and we couldn’t anymore. I felt used and torn apart because I tried and you were selfish! You still are!” He walked closer to Harry, pointer finger on Harry’s chest, accusatorily, “you are so fucking selfish for coming back here thinking that we could still be the same,” Harry was looking at him distraughtly, but Louis didn’t stop, he couldn’t stop letting everything out, every bottled up thought and feeling he had held for the past four years, “you think of me as something easy, you’ve always thought. Probably thought I was just another one you could have in the palm of your hand, head over heels for you, that could fall for you again the minute you came back,” he was breathing faster through his nose, feeling the anger go up his neck, “because that’s what you meant that day, don’t fucking try to deny it,” he lifted his finger again as he saw Harry open his mouth, but quickly close it again, “you thought I would wait for you while you fucked off around the world and waited for you to conquer the wizarding world, waiting for you to come back to me,” he could feel his cheeks getting wet and fuck Harry Styles for making him cry again, “but you’re wrong because I’m not here to wait for you. I had to learn how to live without you and I got over you. You’re nothing more than an ex, Harry, you’re not that special. You’re no different than any of my others exes.”

That was a lie and Louis knew it and if the tears that kept falling were because he was fucking lying to himself, Harry didn’t need to know. He just needed to know that Louis wasn’t so fucking easy, he refused to be so.

Harry didn’t know if his heart was hurting because he was seeing Louis crying in front of him or because he couldn’t believe what Louis was saying. That couldn’t be true. Louis couldn’t be so indifferent to him, to just compare Harry and what they had to others. They had known each other for years, drawn towards each other from the get go. That didn’t happen everyday, with every person you ever met, or even dated. He wasn’t being selfish, thinking that he was the love of Louis’ fucking life, that was just him knowing that the way Louis acted around him… it wasn’t simply cordiality, that wasn’t at all how someone who held so many hard feelings against each other, as Harry was learning now, behaved. If Louis really did feel indifferent about Harry, he would never treat Harry the way he did. Harry remembered very well how it sounded like Louis was telling Harry to fuck off in that last letter, but there was a part of it that Harry had tried to hold on to when things had gone bad, when Harry didn’t know what he should do about his feelings for Louis when they didn’t go away and he wanted to believe that it still held truth.

“Then why did you say I'd always be in your heart if you didn't mean it?” His voice sounded hoarser than he wanted it to be, his eyes itching with how he was holding back his own tears.

“Because that was me being naive and thinking that I could cherish what we had,” Louis let out a self deprecating laughter, “it was a way to try to let you go and detach myself from you. I never thought you’d come back and knock on my door again. But you surely were hoping I would open it and invite you back in my life as if that was all I had spent the past years waiting for,” he ran the back of his hand over his face trying to dry the tears, feeling so fucking ridiculous that he was crying in front of Harry while he didn’t shed a tear and was looking intensively at him.

Harry only shook his head, closing his eyes. “That’s not what I meant, Louis,” he gave a tentative step closer to Louis, “that’s not what you were to me, none of what you said, it was never like this and that’s not what I expected from you, fuck… I hope you know how much you meant, still mean to me. I never wanted to go away like that, Louis,” he looked back at him, as calmingly as he could, as if to try to make Louis see the truth in his words.

“I thought I knew it, but then I noticed I wasn’t good enough for you, that I’d never be, because I’m not like you,” Louis turned around, not wanting to face Harry and his dazed eyes. “There was no space for me back then, when you were building your career, your future and I don’t know why I would have it now.”

Harry inhaled deeply, closing his eyes once again, feeling the tears falling down his cheeks now. “Why do you always come back to this? It has nothing to do with how different we are, Louis,” he tried to reason, “we talked so many times about this. Being from different worlds, it doesn’t… it doesn’t change anything,” he felt the blood rush through his body, his heart fluttering with what he was about to say, “I’ve always wanted you despite you being a muggle. I’ve wanted you for who you are, Louis, and who you are is more than anything anyone will ever be for me. I’ve travelled all over the world, but nothing, no one has ever compared to you. That’s why I had to give it another try,” he said, earnestly, not feeling ashamed when Louis turned around again to face him, to see that he was crying.

And there it was, Harry finally confessing Louis’ suspicious and he didn’t know if he was angrier for being right that Harry had come expecting something from Louis or because Harry had to fucking leave to realize that he had fucked up what they had.

“And you had to go away, fuck other people all over the world to figure this out? And now you come back thinking that it would be so fucking easy to win me over again?” Louis had his fists clenched, outrage boiling up in his veins.

“What was I supposed to do when you told me to fucking go, Louis?” Harry didn’t even try to fight back, he was just irritated that Louis was accusing him of moving on, “I had to somehow live my life, Louis, even if I couldn’t let go of my feelings for you! You say you didn’t want me to expect you to wait for me, but you also wanted me to wait for you when I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore?” Harry laughed faintly, “that’s fucking hypocritical on your part when you didn’t waste any time too, also going out with Aiden, with whoever more, I don’t know, maybe Liam.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?!” Louis elevated his voice, incredulous that Harry had to bring up Aiden again, and even Liam, who had nothing to do with them. “Yeah, I went out, that’s none of your business. Actually, yeah, it is.” Louis grimaced, rage and hurt written on his face. “Do you have any idea how long it took me to try and date again? To live a normal life after you fucked me over so spectacularly? I tried to date Aiden, Bert, Christian, whoever the fuck it was, but I still couldn’t be normal with them, so scared I was that they would walk all over me like you did. So yeah, I dated. That’s what people do when they get over someone. I don’t know why you’re so hung up on Aiden and why you’re even talking about Liam, the only person I had by my side when you fucking left me. I was left alone, Harry, you left me alone!” The tears were back again and Christ, fuck it if his whole family listened to him scream at Harry, he didn’t give a bloody damn anymore.

“You could’ve had me if you hadn’t told me to go, Louis, that’s just so fucking simple. You could’ve had me all along if you weren’t so reluctant to give us some time to figure out what we could do. There shouldn’t be any Aiden or anybody else. It could’ve be me all along!” Harry screamed back, losing any composure he had before.

Louis had to lead a hand over his mouth to cover the loud gasped laugh he had let out. Who did Harry think he was to claim his space in Louis’ life again?

“You have no right over me, you fucking arshole. You can’t expect to come here and throw it at my face that I have lived my life however I could while you went away, worse yet as if you have any right to be fucking jealous over me! You have no right whatsoever of coming back having feelings for me, saying that you regret leaving, saying that it should’ve been you! You could’ve stayed and tried harder back then, but you just fucking gave up on us and now you think it’s ok for you to act like I owe you any explanation or any chance?” Louis spoke without breathing, feeling so furious at Harry’s implications, at Harry trying to act like he had any fucking right. The moment Harry left he lost all his rights and it was his loss and only his own fault if he let himself still have feelings for Louis.

“Why are you so threatened by me still having feelings for you?” Harry asked earnestly. Really, what was Louis problem, then? One time he said that he had gotten over Harry and in others it felt like the minimal thought of Harry’s feelings affected him so much as if he wasn’t allowed to think about it. “If you really had let go of me, this shouldn’t be bothering you. You can simply say that you don’t want anything with me, that I should simply learn how to deal with my unrequited feelings, that you don’t feel anything for me anymore. But that’s not it, is it?” He stepped back closer to Louis, “don’t tell me I’m blind, because you’re no saint either, Louis. I can feel something here,” he tentatively reached a hand toward Louis’ arm, as if to hold him, but Louis slapped it away, taking a step away from him.

“It’s hard not to feel anything when you are there, all the fucking time,” fuck it if he had just admitted to feeling something for Harry again, it wasn’t like Harry wasn’t aware of it anyway, but he had to know those feeling weren’t welcome, “even if I didn’t want to feel anything, there you were with your misleading intentions, trying to have me back again.”

“I did nothing, Louis, what the fuck!” Harry was exasperated again, “I did nothing but be myself, stop putting the blame on me. I was only being myself around you and if you started having feelings for me again, it’s all on you and how you know that there’s still something between us,” he breathed deeply again, trying to regain his focus and make a point, show Louis that if there was one chance for them to be something, it wasn’t that difficult, “and if you stop being so prideful, if you stop building walls around yourself and give me a chance to show you I didn’t have bad intentions, we could have a chance too.”

Harry saw how still Louis was, eyes never leaving him, watching every step Harry had taken carefully towards him again, one hand actually trying to reach one of Louis’.

The motion of Harry reaching out to Louis made him snap out of the moment, the one where he thought what Harry had said wasn’t so farfatched. He couldn’t deny that deep inside, he knew how he felt, he knew he was still in love with Harry and if he just gave him a chance, maybe they could work this out. But Louis was hurt, so fucking hurt about what had been said, about what Harry had done, his hidden intentions, that he couldn’t trust him. He couldn’t trust his heart to let Harry in without getting hurt again. Fuck Harry for thinking it was so fucking easy to let his guard down. He hadn’t been the one who was left behind, who took months to gather himself back together. It seemed like Harry had had a revelation about everything he felt, that he should just let go of his own sorrows and try to have Louis in his life again. If that was easy for him, then that was his problem; it certainly wasn’t the same for Louis.

“Fuck you,” Louis almost spit on Harry’s face before he turned away from him, “fuck you for thinking you know how I feel! You think I’m prideful? I’m still fucking hurt! It’s been almost four years and I thought I was ok, but I’m not, Harry, I’m not because you didn’t gimme a break to try to understand what I’m feeling. You were breathing down my neck all the fucking time!”

Harry actually grumbled at Louis’ reluctance and accusatory tone. “You weren’t much different! You think it’s been easy for me? You think I haven’t been hurt, Louis? You think I haven’t tossed night after night after I left you thinking that things would never be the same? You think it was so easy to try to forget you to no avail? You think it was so fucking easy to come back, expecting to make amends with you, only to be surrounded by you again and have to control myself because I’m still so fucking in love with you?”

And there it was. What Harry had been trying to suppress this whole time, hoping to say it to Louis at the right time, not now, spilling it out in the middle of both of them screaming at each other, accusing each other of past unresolved problems and misleading actions, crying their hearts out. That was not how Harry had imagined it all. He thought that at least Louis would take it as Harry being honest, but the disbelief in Louis’ expression showed he wasn’t about to give him any chance.

“And you fucking say you didn’t come here with more intentions,” Louis shook his head, “fuck you, Harry Styles. Fuck you, seriously! Grow a fucking pair and stop being so fucking manipulative, a fucking snake, you curly haired cunt! That’s what you are if you think you have any right to say this to me, after all this time!”

Louis was more than hurt. There was a fucking hole in his heart that Harry had just taken and claimed as his again, opening the wound it took Louis so long to heal, since back then Louis hadn’t let Harry tell him those fated words. He knew what Harry was about to say before he left, but he didn’t let Harry do it to him. Now though, Harry had gone through, when Louis couldn’t bare the thought that he was also in love with him.

“You don’t mean it, Louis, fucking stop it!” It was involuntary to let more tears fall. Louis was so fucking blunt and so fucking reluctant to just admit what he was really feeling. Now he was using his anger as a mechanism to hurt Harry in return. “You should’ve known it, because you know deep inside that’s how you feel too, even if you’re pretending to be so fucking great, so fucking unaffected by me that you can’t admit to yourself that you still love me and that you want to give us a chance, because you’re still holding on to the hurt.”

“Because you fucking hurt me!” Louis blurted out as if to make it clear to Harry, because it seemed he hadn’t gotten the memo yet, “and I know that if I let you inside you’ll hurt me again!” He let it out, feeling a weight fall off his shoulder. There, if Harry wanted a confession, he got it.

It was as if every cell in Harry’s body had stopped functioning. He was hearing a white noise in his ears, he almost felt like fainting. He wasn’t doubting how hurt Louis had been with everything that had happened to him, but Harry had said so many times that he was there to try, that he was there to give them a chance, he had done nothing these past few days that showed he would ever hurt Louis again. He tried so much to show that they worked well together, that they still fit well together, that he cared about Louis… he couldn’t understand why Louis thought Harry would ever do that to him again.

“I won’t Louis, that’s why I’m here,” Harry sobbed, “I’m here opening my fucking heart to you, saying that I’m willing to give us a chance,” he tried to breathe deeply and swallow his own crying, “and you’re still stubborn to accept it when all your actions these past few days have shown me otherwise! When I have done nothing to prove to you that I’m here to make this work.”

“You’re here now, who says you’re gonna be here later?” Louis could be rational and accept that indeed Harry had matured, that he wasn’t going to hurt him again. Nevertheless, Harry had tried to play him, so it was not like he could trust Harry, or trust him his heart again. “Who says you won’t change your mind like you did before? Who says you won’t fuck off to Hogwarts or whatever part of the world again and leave me? This, us, will never work, Harry. It doesn’t fucking matter how we feel about each other. It doesn’t matter if there’s love between us. Some things aren’t just supposed to work. I can’t follow you wherever your life goes, there’s no space for people like me in your life, in your world. You made it clear the first time, so don’t fucking try to make me believe you now.”

“Of course it matters, Louis. I love you and I’ll always make room for you in my life. I know I was fucking stupid back then, but things are different now,” Harry tried to reason, because Louis was acting like a child, he was hung up on what had happened in the past, unable to see past it, unable to see that Harry was willing to give him anything he asked for. “I don’t have to go anywhere, Louis. I’m willing to be here for you and make it right this time. You can’t know for sure this won’t work if you don’t fucking try, again!”

“Well, you should’ve given yourself this advice before, because now, it’s too late, you’re so fucking late, Harry.” Louis only shook his head, letting the thick tears fall, unashamedly. It seemed to be that simple, exactly like it had before, and look what happened with them back then.

“Please, Louis! It doesn’t have to be this hard, if you just let me–”

Louis interrupted him, actually putting a hand before himself seeing Harry come to him again, a pleading tone in his voice. “You are the one making this harder, Harry, for fuck’s sake. Why don’t just fucking take what I’m saying, accept that I can’t do this again, even if you try to give me this fucking necklace, thinking that some kind of magic will help fix me up!” He gestured to the object that had been left untouched on the bed since he had thrown it there.

“That’s not what I meant, Louis! That was not the intention of the necklace, I was just trying–”

Louis was sick of Harry’s explanations. He couldn’t bear to listen to Harry talk anymore. “Stop fucking trying Harry, you have done nothing but deceive me this week. You think I can believe a word you say now? When you just showed your true colors?”

“You don’t mean it, Louis. Stop being so fucking petty! I’m here, admitting that I regret everything, over and over again, telling you I’m fucking here, that I won’t go! You can give us a chance, Louis. You wouldn’t be so reluctant if you didn’t feel anything anymore.”

“Why can’t you just accept I don’t want it? It’s not like it was before, Harry, I can’t–”

Fucking Merlin, Harry was starting to lose his mind because, even after practically admitting that he still wanted Harry, Louis would continue to deny it. “It’s been awhile since your words don’t match your action, Louis. I’m not fucking crazy. If I saw that you didn’t want anything to do with me, I wouldn’t be here trying!” Harry ran both his hands through his hair.

“I meant everything I said and did, and you should stop being so conceited thinking that I can’t let you go, because I can! If you would just fucking leave me alone, again, just like you did before. So why don’t you make us both a favor and just leave…”

His voice sounded so fucking hurt, so fucking broken, Harry was having a hard time to process what Louis was actually asking. It couldn’t be true. It felt like a sick, twisted deja-vu. Harry couldn’t fucking believe it all had gone so fucking wrong and it felt like they were back at Louis’ room, when he was 18 and his fucking world had collapsed when Louis told him to go.

But he was so tired of fighting, so tired of trying to put some sense into Louis that this– they could work somehow, that he just didn’t have the strength to argue against Louis. Louis wasn’t going to change his mind, Harry should’ve realized it since the beginning. But his feelings and his heart still held that threat of hope, that maybe if Louis listened to him, he could understand and come to terms with still being in love with each other would be enough. It wasn’t enough for Louis, though, and Harry didn’t know what would be, didn’t know if they could ever be enough again.

“Is this what you really want, Louis?” He tried, just one last time, just to see if Louis had somehow changed his mind. When Louis only nodded, Harry inhaled deeply, his heart aching, “Fucking hell, Louis, I can’t just– I can’t just fucking leave like this. There’s your family and Lottie and… fuck, that’s not why I came here. I want you to understand that I’m so fucking sorry and all I wanted was for us to have another–”

“You should’ve thought this better then, because this ain’t happening Harry, not after all you did,” Louis’ voice was stern even if he could feel himself tremble. He couldn’t let Harry notice that. “So, just fucking go, I don’t care how. Last time you just disappeared, why can't you do that now? You did it once and you’ll do it again,” he had an almost mocking tone, “I just hope I don’t see your face around here anymore because I can’t fucking stand to look at you after this scene, after you fucking coming here just to fuck around with me again. So just go.”

Louis didn’t spare Harry a second to answer him, only turning around, relieved to find that Harry hadn’t magically locked them inside the room, smashing the door shut behind him when he finally stepped on the hallway.

He allowed himself a moment to breathe again before he started going towards the stairs, not fucking minding if Harry had actually left or if anyone had paid any attention to what had been going on upstairs. He just wanted to make himself forget the last what, 10 minutes? 10 hours? days?

Only when he reached the last step of the stairs, seeing the living room still lit up, he tried to sneak into the kitchen, but he saw his mother’s eyes on him from where she had been sitting on the couch beside Dan, concern all over her face.

“Lou, what happened? What was that sound?” She asked, worried.

Louis didn’t have the strenght to explain anything to anyone. He couldn’t deal with any of it at the moment. He wanted to be away from them, away from Harry.

“Nothing,” he answered harshly, making a beeline towards the hallway that led to the front door.

“Louis?” Lottie called and he was sure she was coming after him after asking, “where’s Harry?”

Louis reached for his coat and quickly put on his shoes, fetching his keys from the key bowl. He turned as he heard Lottie’s steps approaching him.

“Don’t,” he told her as he reached to open the door and simply left before he could spare a last glance at her questioning eyes.

The cold wind hit him but Louis only felt numb. He walked but he didn’t feel his legs, he was almost sure they would give out any minute for how he had been shaking, letting out loud sobs into the night that he didn’t know he had been holding. He didn’t know he could cry more than he had already done that night, in front of Harry.

Fucking pathetic. Fucking stupid.

Fucking Harry Styles.

Louis didn’t even know where he was headed, he just needed to be the farthest away from anything that would remind him of how much Harry had hurt him then and now again.

Passing in front of the small park at the end of his street did exactly the opposite, making Louis realize how much fucking easier his life could’ve been if he hadn’t let himself fall for Harry in the beginning and if he hadn’t let himself, in the span of a week, fall in love with Harry again.

 

_**December 26th, 2015** _

 

If last night had been rough on Louis, he couldn’t even describe what it was like to literally spend the whole night wide awake.

He didn’t even bother to know what time it was when he had left his house, roaming around the near empty, cold and snowy streets, smoking into the night, aimlessly, just wanting to find a way for his mind to wander the farthest from everything that had happened. He didn’t want to think about anything anymore, but his brain was constantly reminding him how even more fucked up things had gotten. He had never felt so hurt in his life – that was, he thought that when Harry had left him the first time it had been the lowest he had gotten, but what a surprise that Harry had come back and was able to outdo his own performance on him.

Things could’ve been completely different if Harry hadn’t tried to fool Louis since the beginning. Things could’ve been completely different if three, almost four years ago, Harry hadn’t fucked up what they had. Things could’ve been completely different if four years ago, Louis hadn’t let Harry inside his heart. Fours years ago, he had been probably sneaking out of his house to meet with Harry in secret. Now, he was almost running away from his own house dreading to stay in the same place as Harry again after Harry had probably done the most cunning thing he could’ve done to Louis: trick him into falling in love with him again.

Maybe it was Harry’s fault, but maybe it was also Louis’ fault as well. Maybe after trying for almost 2 years to let go of Harry, and thinking that he had finally succeeded in it, he had only fooled himself thinking that he could still let a part of Harry inside his heart (he hadn’t lied when he wrote it to Harry in that last letter Harry had thrown back at his face) and not let it consume him and come back at full force when he had been surrounded by Harry again.

It was his fault as much as it was Harry’s, but it was much more on Harry’s with the way he had thought it was so bloody easy and uncomplicated for them to start off again from where they had left. The problem was, it hadn’t been easy for Louis to gather himself from where they had left, so obviously thinking that he and Harry could be something again without all those hurt feelings getting back at him wasn’t as simple as it seemed. Even though it had crossed his mind that he wanted Harry again. He just didn’t know if it was the heat of the moment or if it was because he had never stopped loving Harry.

Harry seemed to be his weakness, his disease, that no matter how many times he tried to get over it, to overcome it, to let go, to fight it, it would always come back. And he didn’t want to feel so powerless, so fucking gone for Harry that he couldn’t control himself. There were so many reasons why they couldn’t work, it wasn’t just because Harry was back at his door, being charming and showing Louis that he still cared, that things could go back to how they were.

Maybe Louis would still love Harry, but also, maybe it wasn’t meant to be, not the way it had started and especially not with how things had gone wrong. He had to be strong, had to pull himself on his feet again and try to forget Harry, try to wean him off him, try to erase the whole week from his mind. Hopefully, Harry would have taken Louis’ advice and wouldn’t be at his house anymore when he’d come back. He hoped Harry was smart not to stay.

When he came back, the place was silent, lights all off and Louis didn’t have the strength to go to the babies’ room. Didn’t have the strength to even go look if Harry had indeed left. He hoped Harry had simply disappeared and not left any trace he was ever there. Staying in the living room, lying or sitting on the couch, going to the kitchen and making himself a cuppa, or going to the back garden to smoke his – Louis’s didn’t remember how many cigarettes he had smoked that night… that was all Louis could do to try to distract his mind.

The day was starting to rise when he had managed to close his eyes for a few minutes, minutes before he heard steps coming down the stairs.

“Louis?” Jay’s voice invaded the room and Louis breathed heavily, not even trying to disguise that he was sleeping. “Louis, where have you been? I was worried sick, you just left!”

“Out,” Louis replied and he didn’t want to sound harsh to his mother, but he still wasn’t in the mood to talk about anything.

“Louis,” Jay got closer to the couch, sitting on the arm Louis had his legs over. She squeezed his calves through the thin couch cover he had draped over himself. “What happened? What happened between you and Harry, love?”

Her voice was tender and soothing, not really demanding an explanation from Louis, more like she was surveying if he was willing to open up to her.

“What wasn’t supposed to happen,” he simply answered, getting to a sitting position, running one hand over his face trying to ease his tiredness.

He felt his mother inhaling deeply as she moved to sit closer to him. “And you want to talk about it? You want to explain to me why Harry vanished after you left?” She pulled Louis’ hand to cover them with hers, her thumbs rubbing against Louis’ skin.

That was the confirmation Louis needed that Harry had left, but… that was not how he had expected to feel. He didn’t expect to feel all air leave his lungs and his heart ache. He didn’t expect to feel the need to start crying again. He didn’t expect to feel like his life was as empty as was the room Harry had occupied in his house.

Harry had really gone, again, after Louis had told him to.

Harry was gone and they had fucked up again.

He didn’t even notice when he let out a loud sob and his mother let go of his hands to envelope him in her arms, hands running up and down his arm and back, Louis feeling like a child all curled up to his mother’s embrace.

“Shh, babe, it’s alright, let it all out,” Jay was trying to calm him, which only made Louis start crying harder. He shouldn’t need his mother’s comfort, he shouldn’t be crying because Harry was gone, out of his life again. “It’s ok, Louis, you don’t need to say anything, boo, just let it out and when you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here to listen to you, ok?” Jay was almost rocking him in her arms and Louis hated that he had let himself be so vulnerable. It reminded him of when Liam had been his shoulder to cry on when he really wanted his mother to be there for him, but because he didn’t want to worry her, Liam was the only one he had let see himself cry like that. That was when he was 20 and now he was 24 and an even bigger mess than before.

He didn’t know how long he stayed in his mother’s arms or when did his crying slow down. He didn’t even bother that maybe Jay had been on the way of making breakfast or going to prepare a bottle for the twins. Having his mother there was helping him and he blessed her and thanked all the Gods above that she was still there when Lottie came down to the living room.

“Louis!” She exclaimed and Louis didn’t know if that was her stern or worried tone. “Mum, let me talk to him, for Merlin’s sake,” he heard her hurried steps down the stairs, “I need to know what the hell he did to Ha–”

“Charlotte,” Jay’s voice was put out and Louis only felt her turning her head a bit to probably face his sister, “not now.”

“Mum, something must’ve happened for him to storm out and for Harry to leave without even telling me, without letting me know why. He just left and look how Louis is and–” She was speaking faster than she normally did, and Louis could feel how upset she was. He had never intended to put her in the middle of this mess, their mess – that’s why they had always hidden everything from her but now it seemed that it was inevitable that she would have to know.

“Lottie, please,” Jay’s voice was higher now, and Louis sniffled against the back of his palm he led to clean his running nose. “Whatever happened, he will explain it to you when he wants, if he wants to. Let him to deal with whatever he needs to. It’s not our business–”

“Of course it’s my businesses, mum,” she interrupted their mother, “Harry’s my friend, I brought him here to have a good time with us, and whatever Louis did–”

“You don’t know what happened, Lottie, don’t make assumptions when Louis hasn’t said anything, so again, please, let him be, respect his own time.” Jay didn’t sound mad but he knew his mother was only trying to stop Lottie from bugging him.

“I’m gonna go take a shower,” Louis simply said as he let go of his mother’s embrace and stood up.

“Louis!” Lottie complained, but he saw the pointed look Jay had given Lottie, which made the girl cross her arms over her chest and only watch as Louis walked up the stairs.

He knew he wasn’t going to escape her questions, but he still wasn’t ready to tell her what had happened last night – what had happened between him and Harry all those years ago. He had to find the right things to tell her so as not to make his sister even angrier at him, if she already thought he had been the reason why Harry had left. He was, but that was more on Harry than on him.

Louis wished he could stay under the hot shower for an eternity, without having to face anybody again, anybody who would question him about what happened or about his feelings. He felt safe and warm inside the shower but he couldn’t hide forever, avoiding dealing with his family, with his nosy (but also worried) sisters.

He tried to go on with his day normally, but when the girls had appeared in the kitchen for breakfast, asking Jay or Lottie (who wasn’t speaking to him) what had happened to Harry, Louis only got up from the table with his tea in hand and went to the living room. Every time a room got too crowded and he saw people eyeing him as if they pitied him, as if they wanted to know what had happened, murmuring between each other, all he could do was leave and find an emptier space for him to stay. Not even going back to the babies’ room was safe for him, because he also had Ernest and Doris asking him to play with them, and also asking him to bring _‘Arry_ and _‘Arcel_ to play along.

There was one place Louis knew nobody would bother him but he wouldn’t dare to enter that room again, not right now, not when everything was still fresh in his mind and he still didn’t know how he felt, when he was still debating internally if he had actually meant for Harry to go.

He thought about going out, trying to reach Stan or Oli, but all he really needed was to just stay alone without people telling him how he should feel or what he should do. That’s why he skipped lunch, staying outside in the back garden, in the cold, sitting on the large picnic table they had there, smoking as if every blow of smoke would take away all his thoughts about Harry.

Jay had called him inside a few times, but he didn’t pay any mind to her, even if he knew his mother was worried. When he heard the sound of the backdoor opening again, he was ready to tell Jay that he would eat when he felt like it (which didn’t seem like it would be soon), but when he turned to tell her just that, he saw it wasn’t his mother who was coming outside.

Lottie walked towards him, unphased expression on her face and he hated that his sister was mad at him. He hated that they had reached that point and he hated that it seemed he wouldn’t be able to escape her anymore.

“Speak,” that was all she said when she sat beside him, rubbing one hand on the other over her sweater paws.

She probably came outside without Jay knowing, otherwise his mother would have told her to be at least gentle when talking to him. Lottie’s tone was demanding and he couldn’t blame her. He also couldn’t delay anymore, so he simply put out the bum of his cigarette on the table and threw the remaining of it on the ground.

He blew out the last puff of smoke and inhaled deeply, trying to get the courage to start talking, thinking how to start off.

He looked at her finally. “He kissed me.”

“What?” Lottie shot up her brows, her voice completely alarmed.

“Four years ago, he kissed me on my birthday,” Louis explained, watching Lottie open and close her mouth without a word leaving it.

She blinked at him a few times, her brows now knitted in confusion. “And you’ve never told me this? Louis, how–”

“It was amazing, you know?” Louis ignored her questioning tone, only trying to recount what had happened with him and Harry, “Proper magical if I could say,” he laughed faintly, “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know what was going to come out of it, because I didn’t know where it was going. But we kept going, we kept in touch, we kept hidden letters between each other, we kept seeing each other and when we realized, we hadn’t told you and we were already all over each other for months.”

It was so hard for Louis to admit it to Lottie, because when he thought back, it had been so childish of them to keep it from her. There was no reason for them to keep what they had a secret. He knew that if they had solved that part of their equation, maybe things would’ve been different this holiday.

“I know,” she answered and now it was Louis’ turn to look surprise at her. What?

“You do? How? Did he tell you?”

“No, he didn’t. He didn’t need to. Harry is not as subtle as he thinks he is. There weren’t many other people I could think of that would keep sending him muggle letters at Hogwarts every week. There weren’t many people he would be seeing that he wouldn’t tell me. There weren’t many places he could be going during the weekend only to come straight back to Hogwarts on Monday. He could be seeing anyone, of course, but I had an inkling it was you. I hoped it was you, actually, because I had never seen Harry the way he got whenever he talked about you and whenever he saw you, with any other person. And it wasn’t much different with you.”

Louis wanted to punch himself. Obviously Lottie would have noticed something. Louis felt like the dumbest person to think his own sister wouldn’t see what was happening between them.

“Guess we’re not as clever as we thought,” Louis lowered his head, biting his bottom lip, trying to hide how embarrassed he was feeling.

“And then, what?” Lottie didn’t give him time to try to wander in his own thoughts how they had been so obviously in love since the beginning.

He closed his eyes, puffing out, remembering what had happened after. “We got together, like, properly together, and then…” he looked away, trying to find anything he could focus on other than Lottie just so not to see her pitying him, “he had to go away and we broke up.”

“That’s why you stopped talking, then?” Her voice wasn’t accusatory, she was actually sounding very understanding, willing to listen to Louis. “But… that happens, Louis, life happens and lots of people break up, but still keep in touch.”

He almost laughed at her. If Lottie could see how simple it could’ve been, why couldn’t they see it themselves back then? It was simply because it had never been easy for them, never so simple or so little.

Louis shook his head instead, closing his eyes, not knowing what to say. It hadn’t been that simple to let Harry go and try to keep in touch with him when Louis didn’t want to stay away from him when he loved him so much. “You don’t understand, Lottie, it wasn’t... it was… we… he…” Louis didn’t know how to put it into words, didn’t know how to explain it without feeling like he acted like a fool who was too stubborn to lose the love of his life.

“You two loved each other, that’s what happened, wasn’t it?” She asked, realization taking over her expression when Louis looked back at her with what she had said. “Blimey, you loved him so much. Now I understand what happened, now I can put the pieces together. When he went away that year and how you acted that whole summer. He had gone away and you loved him– you still do?”

She didn’t seem like she wanted to assume things. She was more interested in asking him to see if she understood what had gone on between them right now.

Louis nodded, too weak to answer with words. “I don’t know what to do, Lottie. I didn’t know what to do back then. I had tried my hardest to forget him, to stop having feelings for him and I was doing fine, I managed to get on with my life, but then,” he swallowed dryly, not trying to sound like he was putting the blame on her for what she had done, “you brought him with you and… It all started again and I don’t know what to do.”

“You want him back.” She affirmed and Louis wanted to scream that he didn’t want Harry back, but he knew it wasn’t entirely true.

“It’s not that simple.” He looked away, his hands itching to get another cigarette and light it up, his nerves starting to ache again.

“Is that what this is all about then? You fought because of that? Because of how you still feel about him? Louis, I saw how you acted around each other this whole week and… there were times that I really thought there was something going on between you two, that was not just you trying to be friends. The night I went out with Tommy, I really thought you had had a date yourselves,” Lottie gave him a knowing look and Louis just started scratching over his fringe. “I don’t get it, why would you fight about how you feel when I saw that Harry was acting just the same with you too… or doesn’t he want you back?”

That would be a perfect time for Louis to dig a hole in the ground and put his head inside it and never leave. They had been so fucking obvious, even in front of Lottie, when he had tried so fucking hard for them to act normally around her. Apparently they hadn’t managed to.

And Lottie knew, knew this whole time and she was having a hard time trying to understand what had gone wrong when everything seemed to be going smooth between them. How was he going to explain to her what had happened, what had actually happened? It was actually exactly the opposite of what she was thinking.

“He does.”

“He does?” She sounded completely lost. “Then what’s the problem?”

And that was the problem, right? Harry still wanted him and Louis didn’t want to get hurt again.

“I don’t want him.”

It shouldn’t sound so bitter the way he said it. It shouldn’t hurt his insides to say it. God, if Louis was going to get over Harry again, he should start it by convincing himself that he really didn’t want him.

“Louis, you just…” Lottie was completely puzzled, “you just told me you still love him and that he wants you back. Why don’t you want him back? It doesn’t make sense! This is completely bullshit, Louis, you fought with him, he went away, when you still–”

“You don’t understand,” he interrupted her, because he didn’t want to hear his own sister's voice what his brain was screaming at him.

“I won’t if you don’t explain it to me. Louis, what’s stopping you from wanting to be with him when Harry has been nothing but–”

And that was the problem, again – what Harry had been this whole week, what Harry had done this whole week. “He fucked me up, ok?” He tried to control himself, but he couldn’t at the memory of everything that Harry had done to him, not only now but also back then, “your best friend fucked me up, hard, left me broken to pieces and then he came back as if he had any right to try to get back in my life. I bet he didn’t tell you what he really intended when he decided to come over with you.”

“Louis, what are you even saying? Harry wouldn’t do it–”

“But he did, Lottie. That was exactly what he did and I couldn’t, I can’t let him fuck me up again. Not when it took me so long to get over him.”

“You’re clearly not over him if you’re feeling this way,” she shook her head. Her voice was still serene even if Louis sounded so exasperated. “And don’t say Harry had any intentions to fuck you over again, because it had taken him until the last minute to actually accept my invitation. So if you think he came here with a master plan to get back with you, maybe you should consider how terrified he must’ve been to come back and face you again, if you’re saying that he also still have feelings for you.”

Louis ran both hands over his face, rubbing his eyes, trying to suppress the need to start crying again.

“It doesn’t matter, Lottie,” he said, sounding tired, tired just to think about discussing how Harry must’ve felt. It didn’t matter, not anymore. What mattered was what Harry had tried to pull on Louis and how he thought that Louis so easy for him.

“Of course it matters, Louis! You need to stop blaming Harry for how you’re feeling. Yeah, what happened between you two in the past sounds bad, but it happened in the past and if you say you got over him back then, then you should leave all these hurt feelings there. Now is not the past, Louis, and if you started feeling things for Harry again, then it’s because a part of you still loves him and still wants him. And I don’t see why you shouldn’t just give yourself a chance to be happy when Harry seems willing to make you happy again too. You were so happy with him this past week, Louis, he was so happy with you too. None of that was pretending, I could see it was genuine, so…”

“It’s not that simple, Lottie,” Louis could only shake his head at his sister. It sounded simple, but it wasn’t, Louis knew it wasn’t.

“Bloody hell, Louis, stop sabotaging your own happiness!” She sounded outraged now, raising her hands up and down. “Ok, I get it, maybe. There’s still too much shit between you two, and Harry had his part in what happened, because it takes two to start a fight, but…” she grumbled, “seriously, I haven’t seen you both so happy in so long and it hurts me now that you’re being stubborn. It hurts me now to know that you once had something great and things went to shit and you both gave up then and it seems that you’re giving up again, being too bigheaded to see what’s really in front of you,” she got up, looking down at Louis, so upset. “It hurts me that you didn’t trust me to know about you two, actually. That’s what’s hurting the most, Louis, if you’d like to know. I could’ve been here for you, you know, I could’ve been here to help both of you and you just decided to leave me out of it. And now I don’t know what to do because I’m seeing my brother being too stupid to accept that he had someone he loves in his life again and I don’t even know how Harry is because he just bloody left!”

He could see she had started to cry and fuck, he never intended for that to happen. He was so fucking mad at himself for doing that to Lottie.

“Lottie, I’m sorry, I– we’ve never intended to make you feel like this. We didn’t– we didn’t know, we wanted to tell you. We would if things hadn’t turned out the way they did. Fuck, Lottie, I love you and I would never keep that away from you.”

“But you did Louis, and you know what’s worse?” She looked at him, her light blue eyes so sad it broke Louis’ heart to see his little sister hurting.

When he didn’t answer, Lottie continued, “the worst thing is that I can see that if I had known for sure about it all, none of this would have happened. But now it did and I can’t do anything to help you, because you don’t wanna try and maybe Harry doesn’t want to anymore either and it hurts me. I can see the love between you two and you’re just ignoring your own happiness, Louis, and that’s sad.”

Louis didn’t even know what to answer. He didn’t have the time to answer because Lottie just turned around and walked back inside the house.

He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling at his locks in order to keep himself from screaming out loud. He hadn’t just fucked up him and Harry again. He had fucked up with Lottie, big time and he was completely lost.

Lost on what to do. Lost on how he felt for Harry. He didn’t know how to fix it. He didn’t know how to fix himself because at the same time he wanted everything to go away and not feel anything, he still felt. So much.

Lottie’s words hit him in the face, making him realize what a fucking arsehole he had made of himself, sending Harry away because he was too adamant to let go of the past and give them a chance, when they already had each other and that should be enough. Having Harry again in his life should be enough for Louis but he had fucked up, again.

Louis looked at the cloudy sky, finally letting the tears fall, for the uncountable time in the span of less than a day. He quickly dried them with the sleeve of his jumper and fetched another cigarette to smoke.

He was alone, in the middle of his back garden, and he didn’t think he would be ok again so soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You're gonna suffer but you're gonna be happy about it" still stands true.  
> Please don't hate us! We promise the suffering will be worth it in the end xx


	7. New Year's Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited final chapter is here! We'd like to thank every one who has been on this journey with us! We promised the suffering would be worth the wait, so we hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Ste and Syn xx
> 
> ps: We highly recommend you to listen to the [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/stephvicente/playlist/0eTVdGHqeuPkU4xbqMTxr5) :)

_**December 27th – 31st, 2015** _

 

Louis didn’t know how the week had gone by so fast. He didn’t even remember clearly what had happened during it. Everything was a mixed blur in his mind, watching his family shifting around him – the girls and the babies trying to cheer him up in their own ways, his mother and Dan making sure he was okay or at least eating well, and Lottie straight up ignoring him.

Louis wasn’t sure he was even feeling anything anymore or if he was feeling everything at once. He was fucked up from what had happened between him and Harry and for how his talk with Lottie had gone. He wanted the hurt to stop, he wanted to feel like himself again, he wanted to be happy and to spend the holiday with his family, but everything was just too much and he couldn’t find the strength to fill up the hollowness inside him.

He thought about going back to London and staying there alone, as Liam was still in Wolverhampton with his own family, so that nobody would disturb him (they weren’t really, but Louis was feeling extremely nervous with every pitied and sympathetic glance someone would throw him once in awhile). However, he knew that if he was left alone in his flat, where Harry had spent so many days with him in the past week, that would eat him up even more. It was already hard that he still didn’t have the courage to enter the guest room after Harry left, but at least there was a door separating Louis from it. If he went back home, his flat would be surrounded by memories of Harry being there, of Harry being nice and friendly and flirtatious with Louis and he didn’t think he was ready to deal with it.

It was already hard dealing with the fact that Louis was still in love with him. He was trying to reason with himself that he didn’t want to be, that he couldn’t be anymore, that sending Harry away was the best thing he had done, because knowing that Harry had come back and tried to mess with Louis again the way he did was just despicable. On the other hand, the more the days passed and Harry wasn’t there with him anymore, the more Louis missed him and felt like this time, there was no way to fix them.

If Louis thought back and admitted to himself that he had started to (re)fall in love with Harry since the moment Harry appeared at his door and that he could try to let Harry in his life again, knowing that Harry had done nothing more than just show Louis that, even as friends, they could reconnect somehow… things would’ve been different. Harry wasn’t wrong for saying that Louis was prideful. Damn right he was, but that same pride was what would be in the way of Louis’ happiness. It seemed that Lottie was also right, saying that Louis was sabotaging his own happiness. Everybody seemed to be right and Louis was hating himself so much for doing the wrong things, for doing him and Harry wrong – for throwing away their chance.

He knew that it wasn’t only his fault. Harry had his part in that. If only they had been completely honest with each other since their first talk, if Louis hadn’t tried to mask that he was still hurt by telling Harry that everything was in the past and they could be friends and if Harry hadn’t fooled him, acting like he wanted to be friends when he wanted to be more, then things would probably not end up the way they did.

Dwelling on what could’ve been wasn’t doing Louis any good, though, because now he was only thinking of what couldn’t be anymore. Harry wouldn’t come back this time, not after what Louis told him. Louis wouldn’t come back if he were Harry and that was what was hurting him the most, because all he wanted was for Harry to be there again… or for Louis to be where Harry was, if the globe Harry had given him was actually working, showing him, as he lay on the mattress late at night holding it in his hands, what could only be Hogwarts.

Louis didn’t know if Harry had come back to the Castle, he was only wishing he could be together with Harry again so he could explain himself and also let Harry explain himself without the pent-up anger and frustration that had been around them.

Still, even knowing deep inside what he felt for Harry, he didn’t want to seem weak for him, he didn’t want to let anyone know how easy it was for him to fall for Harry again. That was exactly what had caused their fallout.

So, when his mother finally approached him on Monday, after everyone apparently left the house (Louis didn’t even know what time it was, he just had left the babies’ room that morning and went to the kitchen to get a cuppa and suddenly his mother was there by his side and the place was quieter than it had been in the past few days), Louis braced himself, not sure of how much he wanted his mother to know what he was really feeling.

“Lou,” Jay gently called, pulling a chair beside him to sit. “Are you alright, love?” She put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it. Louis only returned her with a shrug.

“The kids went over to Grandpa’s with Dan. I thought I’d stay just to check with you, if it’s alright. I figured you’d rather stay in, that’s why I didn’t even ask you.”

“Thanks.” He managed to say, his voice sounding hoarser than it usually was. He didn’t even remember if his siblings had given him goodbye or if he’d answered them. His mind was just scattered all over the place and nowhere at once.

Jay sighed deeply beside him and he saw her taking a sip from her own mug of tea. She took a moment to finally say something again, reaching out her hand to cup over Louis’.

“How are you feeling?” She instigated again and Louis knew she wouldn’t let it go. Louis hadn’t given her a chance to really talk to him alone. He knew it was better to talk now, otherwise bottling up his feelings even more would only be worse.

“Awful.” It was the plain truth.

Jay shuffled in her chair a bit, getting closer to Louis and squeezing his hand. “Boo, do you want to talk?” He noticed his mother was extra careful towards him. “If you're not ready yet, it's okay, but I feel like it's better if you let it all out. I'm here to listen and to help you, love.”

He knew that she was and he hated that he wasn’t opening up to his own mother, who was his best friend, who always knew what to tell him and how to make him feel better. He was only making things difficult that way and his mother had been nothing but supportive of him his entire life. It was better to let it all out to her.

“Mum, I think I fucked up.” He confessed and the knot inside his throat felt like untangling himself to speak it out loud. “I fucked me and Harry up, again.”

“What happened?” Lottie probably had told her what they had talked about, but he knew she would’ve wanted to hear it from him anyway.

“I was a big arsehole to him, that's what happened.” He breathed deeply, gathering up the courage to tell her how things had gone wrong. “I... we argued because he came to me to give me another gift,” he looked away from his mother, staring blankly at a random point in the kitchen. “It felt like he was overstepping a huge line with what we had talked about this week, with us being friends. He had already given me a birthday present, which was something I suspected was more than cordiality, you know? And there was no need for another one,” he looked back at Jay and saw her just watching him speak, giving him time, “not even you guys give me two presents, and that was all the confirmation I needed for what I had been suspecting,” he gulped, “that maybe he wanted to be more than friends with me. Everything he did this week with me felt like he was rounding me, trying to get to me, making me... have feelings for him again.” He looked downward and Jay squeezed their hands.

“Did you?”

“What?”

“Feel something for him, again?”

Jay had already asked him, on Christmas morning, if things were alright between them, if Louis wanted to be more than friends with Harry. He thought he was being brave and hiding his true feelings from his mother. Now, there was no need to ignore them.

“I did, but I didn't want to, mum. I wasn't supposed to. That’s why I told you that what we had couldn’t be the same anymore. I was only trying to convince myself, I–,” he shook his head, closing his eyes briefly, “you know what it was like for me to have feelings for Harry once. I couldn't let myself into that again…”

“But even so, you let yourself open that space for him again, right?” That made Louis look back at his mother. She knew him so damn well.

He nodded. “I did, without noticing. And I won't deny, I accused him of doing so much to me, when I also acted the same way. I let myself get too caught up in being around him,” he tried to suppress the urge to curse, because he did everything he said he wouldn’t do and... “and now I don't know how to stop wanting him again.”

“Do you want to stop yourself from wanting Harry back?”

He also wanted to stand up and stop his mother from asking him questions that he knew he couldn’t lie to her and to himself anymore. Instead, he retrieved his hands from hers and led them to his face, rubbing his fingers over his eyes.

“I should, right? But the truth is, I don't want to. I really don't, mum.” He sighed, looking up at her again, feeling so exposed and so weak for admitting that. “I should be mad at him, I should be mad at myself, I should be considering everything not to let him back, but I just can't,” he ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head as he inhaled, trying to contain the burning in his eyes. “What I feel for him... is still here, as if it hasn't ever gone away. I'm still in love with him,” he gulped those words, maybe trying to let them inside again, maybe trying to eat them up so it didn’t feel like he was so bloody idiotic for letting those feelings come back. “But after this week, after what he did to me…”

“Louis, be honest with me.” Jay finally spoke, interrupting him with a hand smoothing Louis’ arm up and down, looking at him tenderly but her voice a bit concerned. “Do you really think Harry came back planning how to get back with you?”

And that was what he was trying to reason with himself these past few days. That was what he was trying to convince himself so that he could move on. That was what was keeping him up at night, not knowing what to make of what really happened that week.

“There's a part of me that wants to believe that what he did was genuine and he wants this as much as I want it now,” he didn’t want to sound hopeful, “but my rational side wants to believe that he planned all this, just so I don't hurt myself again. That's why I told him that I didn't want him, ignoring the little voice in the back of my head saying otherwise.” It hurt to let it out that he was stopping himself from letting Harry back in his life because he wasn’t ready to let his walls down.

Jay nodded and took her hand away from Louis, only to sip her tea and then she turned to him again. “Listen to me, boo, please,” her blue eyes were so soft and he knew she was about to give him a big speech, he knew what she was about to say wasn’t going to be easy for him to listen. “If what happened between you and Harry had happened with you and any other person, any of your other exes, I wouldn't have accepted them in my house. I invited him not only because he is Lottie's friend, but also because I know that he has a good heart,” she smiled kindly at him, because she knew he understood what she was saying. “Even when you both broke up, he could've broken his ties with Lottie, but he continued being her friend despite what happened with you two, besides knowing, like you knew, that part of the reason things went bad was because you kept your relationship a secret.” Louis tried his hardest to admit it to himself that what they had done was just childish and things would’ve gone differently had Lottie been aware of what he and Harry had.

“If she had known about you, I have no doubts she would’ve supported you two, and after you broke things off, she would've stood by you and even by Harry. She would've understood. I know she is mad at you now because she thinks you and Harry didn't... don't trust her enough,” Louis couldn’t contain a pang of hurt in his gut to remember that it was his own fault Lottie wasn’t speaking with him. “She is not naive, Louis. She had always told me that she hoped you and him would be more than friends, because she could see you and him. Everybody can see, boo.” It was involuntary for his lips to turn upward in a little smile, because now he knew that even if he tried to suppress what he felt for Harry, even back then, it seemed everybody could see through him.

“You and Harry... it's not something silly, it wasn't a fling, it wasn't a summer, or better, a winter romance, a teenage sort of thing. Since the beginning, and this is me being that totally obnoxious mother saying this, ok?” She laughed at herself a bit and Louis let out a small chuckle, both knowing that she didn’t need to try hard to be that kind of mother. “Since the beginning I could tell there was something between you and Harry, since the first time you two met at King's Cross…” Louis looked at her, remembering what it was like to meet Harry the first time, not understanding why that curly and bright green-eyed boy had caught his attention. “I'm gonna tell you something,” she held his hand again and Louis breathed deeply, fearing what Jay was about to say, “that summer, we had just found out magic existed, that Lottie was a witch. It wasn't until I stepped inside that platform and saw it all with my own two eyes that it really hit me it was actually real. But you know what else I realized was real?” She waited a bit for Louis to shake his head no to continue. “Love at first sight.”

“Mum…” He shook his head harder this time, rolling his eyes at her.

“No, Louis, listen,” she squeezed his hand harder, “I know it sounds cheesy, but I can't quite forget how it felt like I was watching destiny pull its strings and make two young boys be in each other's lives.” Her voice was so sweet, so full of love that it made Louis’ stomach twist, almost feeling sick. “I knew right there that Harry wouldn't be just a long lasting friend to Lottie. I knew he would have an important place in your life too.”

“You know I don't believe in this kind of shit, right?” Louis tried to ease the heavy conversation. “It doesn't…” he tried to reason, because, really, destiny? “I fell in love with him a couple of years after…”

“But don't try to tell me that for almost 2 years you didn't have a crush on him.”

“Mum! You were the one who teased me about Harry the whole time!” Louis couldn’t even pretend he was mad at his mother, which made her smile bigger, noticing that he was feeling more open towards her.

“Because I'm your mum and I know you,” she pinched his cheek, teasingly. “But okay, if you want to tell me that what you feel for Harry didn't start back then…” she lowered her hand, taking Louis’ again in hers, looking at him a bit more serious now. “You wouldn't feel like you do now if this hasn't been something that has been growing within you for the past 6 years, and even more now, with Harry back in your life.”

Louis grumbled since he couldn’t deny it was true. “I don't... I don't know why I feel this way about him, what makes him get under my skin like this,” he sighed, defeatedly. “I don't know how I let that happen, but I know it's here now, again, and I don't know what to do. It doesn't help with you saying that Harry is probably like my soulmate or whatever,” he gave a humourless laugh, “it's not... I dated him, yeah, just like I dated any other guy in the past,” he tried to dismiss his mother’s talk, not wanting to let what he feels for Harry be so heavy.

“I'm just laying it out what I see, Lou, just so you can understand that what I see between you and Harry is real,” she shook her head slightly as she got up from the table for a moment, taking their mugs along with her and walked towards the sink. “I didn't see any malicious or mischievous intentions behind Harry's actions. What I saw was a boy – a _man_ who cares so much about you, even after all this time, who looks like you hung the moon and the stars for him, someone who genuinely loves you,” Louis saw her fill their mugs with more tea from the pot and turn to him again, her expression completely serious. Louis gulped dryly at those words. Harry had told him it the night they argued, but Louis tried not to attain himself to those words. Now, though, with his mother telling him this, it wasn’t easy to ignore that others could see that Harry loved him. “He is not "just a guy" you dated before. If I might say, he was your first real relationship, maybe your only real relationship. The others were very forgettable, they didn’t stick around, Lou, but Harry…” she walked back to the table and handed Louis his mug, which he quickly took and drank from the hot tea, trying to ignore Jay’s intense stare, “just being around him for a few days, you already feel like this for him again... that didn't happen with any other, and anybody who looks at you and Harry will see that what you feel for each other, it's mutual and special.”

Louis almost choked on his tea because his mother’s words were so certain, making every doubt and concern he had these previous days melt away. “Jesus Christ, mum, it's not helping.” He coughed, trying to pull himself together.

“I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to confuse you even more, love,” she squeezed his arm slightly. “I’m just giving my honest and motherly opinion, Lou. Still, it's your call on what to do with what you feel about Harry.” She gave him a sympathetic smile. “Whatever decision you make, I'll stand by you. I just worry about your happiness. How I saw you this week, it was just how I remember you being from those months you and Harry were together. I haven't seen you so radiant since then.” She moved her arm to embrace Louis by the shoulder, bringing him closer to her.

Louis felt warm and safe under her embrace but also an unsettling feeling in his stomach. He couldn’t deny what it was like to be around Harry again after so much time.

“I…,” he started, not sure if he was admitting it more to himself than to his mother. “I haven't felt like that since then either. I tried to pretend we weren’t like we were before, so I acted like a butthead and fucked up,” he felt some tears gather around his eyes and he quickly led the back of his hand to dry them. “The things I said to him... I accused him of manipulating me into falling back in love with him and told him to go again and he did.”

“Last time he went away, but he came back and you were able to have a nice week again, weren't you?” Jay didn’t say Louis had been wrong, didn’t say that Louis had ruined everything with Harry again. Somehow, his mother still saw through the negative parts of it and he wished he could be like her. He wished Harry would be just as optimistic.

“It took almost four years for him to come back, mum, and last time it wasn't as bad as now.” He knew he was sounding so pessimist, but life – or destiny, as his mother claimed – had never been much on his side when it came to Harry.

“I'm not saying you should wait four years again, Lou,” she let go of him, but made him turn to look at her, both hands holding him by the shoulder. “I'm just saying... give it time.” She gave him an encouraging smile. “Even though it seems that you both still love each other, you know it's different from last time. You're older now and you know better now... I hope you know better, Lou. I want you to let yourself be happy again.” She got closer to him and kissed his forehead over his messy fringe.

Louis didn’t know how to answer her back as he saw her drinking from her tea and getting up. Maybe she knew he needed to let all she had said sink in. It was a lot, but it was also things Louis knew but pretended it wasn’t there, in front of him. It was also things Lottie had said, but in a much more reasonable and calmer way.

Talking to Jay kinda made Louis feel better, but it also made Louis not sure things would ever get to be okay again. As much as he wanted to get them right, it didn’t matter anymore since he didn’t know how Harry was feeling after everything. Harry had said he was willing to give them a chance before, but with how reluctant Louis had been, with how intransigent to change how he was feeling towards Harry, maybe he saw they were a lost cause and had taken Louis’ advice to leave him alone, for good. And now Louis regretted it, while Harry probably had accepted it and moved on.

Louis had gone so long trying to pretend that Harry hadn’t been that important in his life, he had tried to forget him, but it was all in vain. What his mother had told him only made him realize, even if he didn’t buy that destiny thing, that he and Harry would always be drawn to each other. The more he thought about how much he still felt for Harry, the more it seemed it was going to consume him that he didn’t know how to stop feeling, didn’t know how to move on. He thought it had been hard the first time, but now it would be even more, because being around Harry again… it was different. What he felt for Harry this time came back full force and without him there, it was like nothing would ever feel the same. There was a part of him that was missing and he didn’t know how to get it back.

His mother’s talk was somehow awakening, but everything around him still seemed to be in slow motion, he still felt disconnected, distant, his feelings echoing everywhere around him.

He tried talking more with Jay and Dan, tried playing more with the babies and letting the girls cuddle him while watching Disney movies on the telly. He tried reaching out to Stan and Liam (Stan knew better than not to question him about Harry when they saw each other for a pint on Tuesday night, but Liam hadn’t been the same – “ _How are you and Harry? ;)_ ” He had texted, to which Louis only answered with a “ _he went away_ ”. _“Why? Wasn’t he going to stay until the new year?_ ” _“think so, but… i told him to go. we had a fight_ ”. There wasn’t an answer to Louis’ message, but instead his phone was ringing and he couldn’t ignore Liam and then he couldn’t just hang up on him for how he was calling Harry names but also telling Louis how much of a dickhead he was and that they should get their shit together). The only one he didn’t try reaching out was Lottie, because he wasn’t sure she was ready to talk to him again, since she had been ignoring him every moment she could.

It took her until Wednesday to come talk to him, though.

It was late at night and he was alone in the living room, not even paying attention to what was on TV. He thought everyone had already gone to bed, but apparently Lottie was still awake.

“I’m sorry,” she said as she approached him, sitting down on the couch.

He could barely see her face in the room’s dim light, but he knew she had a downcast look. It hurt him to see Lottie still like that.

“No, Lottie, I’m the one who should apolo–,” he sat straighter, getting closer to her.

She didn’t let him finish, speaking over him. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. It wasn’t my place to do it when you obviously wasn’t feeling alright. Also, it wasn’t my place to feel like I had any right to feel more hurt than you. What happened has nothing to do with me.”

Louis breathed heavily. It did. Even if he didn’t want that to happen, Lottie was caught up in their mess.

“Somehow you do, because we were always thinking about what your reaction would be, and that’s why some things went wrong the way they did. We didn’t want you to feel responsible for anything that happened between us, but we should’ve told you. I should’ve told you everything since I started thinking that me and Harry had any chance, because before me, he was your friend first, and you are my best friend and little sister. It was wrong to hide it from you, thinking we were protecting you, when we were only protecting ourselves. In the end, it didn’t matter. Shit happened either way.” He let it out at once, hoping she would understand it this time.

“I can’t be mad at you forever for something that happened in the past. Well, it happened, you two were, still are twits, but now I know and differently from last time, I can be here to help you. I can still be mad, and hurt, but it hurts more to see you moping around the house like this,” she shifted closer to Louis, enveloping him in her arms and kissing his temple. “I hate to see you like this, Lou. It’s just…. You gotta do something about it.”

Louis held her back tightly before he shook his head. “I don’t think there’s much to do, Lots.” His voice was very low, not enough strength to think of anything to do to fix what had happened. He had already spent too much time thinking and he couldn’t see a silver lining.

“Louis,” she turned to make him look at her, “you can’t give up like this, seriously. You two were in the heat of the moment, yeah, but–”

“But I told him things I shouldn’t have said in any circumstance. I told him things because I was hurt and because I thought he was manipulating me, because I couldn’t accept that I’m still in love with him, that I let myself fall in love again without him even making any real effort. If he had told me all the things I said to him, I wouldn’t– I wouldn’t want to look at him again, no matter how I’d feel. I broke us even more than we already were.”

“You don’t know that, Louis,” she shook her head, distancing herself from him, but a hand still resting on his shoulder. “You don’t know how Harry is feeling. If you just… talked to him, if you just talked again, now, calmer, after you put your feelings together–”

“I may have figured out what I still feel for Harry, but that doesn’t erase how I’m still hurt or the way I told him to go…,” he could feel his throat itching and his eyes getting watery, “I’m not sure I want him back the way we ended things now.”

“If you didn’t want Harry back, you wouldn’t be like this for days, Louis. You wouldn’t look like there’s something missing for you here. You don’t look like you’re even here most of the time. This isn’t something you can dismiss, Lou. You love Harry and you miss Harry and you want him. You should do something about it, even if it’s to have real closure, because I don’t think you storming out of the house and Harry disappearing was the best way to deal with what happened between you two.”

“What do you want me to do, Lottie? I don’t know where he is,” he closed his eyes, sighing defeatedly, because if he really believed that magic globe, then he knew where he was, but still, “I can’t talk to him. I can’t just send him a letter, because that’s what I did last time and he completely ignored it, no answer, no nothing. Who says he won’t do this again?”

“But who says that he will? Louis, you gotta stop focusing only on the bad things. It’s not always black and white.” She took her hand away from him and put it inside her jumper quickly retrieving it and extended it to Louis, opening her palm in front of him, revealing the necklace Louis thought Harry had taken with him. “This was the only thing that was left in the room. I know it’s his, because I’ve seen this string on his neck for 4 months straight. I don’t think he would leave it there just like that, on top of a neatly made bed.” She slowly looked up from the necklace back at Louis.

Louis hesitantly took the necklace in his hand, the pink gem seeming to be heavier than it actually was.

“He gave it to me.” Louis simply said. “That’s why everything spun out of control.”

“If this was what set off your quarrel, why would he still leave it there for you, Lou?” Lottie asked. “I don’t think he would’ve left something that made you angry at him. I don’t think this means he believes you are unfixable the way you do. You know what this gem is for?”

Louis breathed heavily, remembering Harry’s words, and only nodded at her.

“I think what he meant with leaving this here for you was that he hopes that you can let go of the hurt and when things are calmer you ca–”

“It’s not that easy, Lottie,” he tried to control himself, because that was exactly the point of why he had started accusing Harry of manipulating him. Now, with his sister telling him it, it didn’t seem like it was that way. But still, it wasn’t a magic stone that would make him forget his own sorrows and start something with Harry again as if nothing had happened with them.

Louis tugged at the necklace string, not knowing what to do with it, but looking back at Lottie. “Magic can’t solve all our problems. I can’t just reach out to him, not after everything.”

“You won’t know if you don’t try, Lou, if you don’t give yourself a chance. If you don’t know how to reach out to him, I can help, I can send Ruth–”

“Lottie, no,” he tried to sound determined. He wouldn’t put her in the middle of them, not this time. It wasn’t her fight. This was something Louis should do, but he knew that it was a lost cause. “Please. This… this is what I’m choosing to do, okay?”

“You’re choosing to be unhappy?” Her tone was stern, but it wasn’t as outraged as it had been on Saturday.

“I’m not… It will pass. I’ll get better, I’ll get over this, _him_ again. I just need time to pull myself together, it’s just been… a lot.” He avoided looking her in the eye, pulling at the hem of his sweater sleeves, clutching the necklace harder on his palm. He didn’t know if he was going to be able to come out of this situation alright so soon, but he had to make himself believe that.

“I’ll believe you when I see it,” she tilted her head, not looking satisfied with what he said, but Louis noticed that she wouldn’t push him anymore. “Just… cheer up, will ya? It’s the New Year, you can try to be happy about it, about wanting to start afresh.” She squeezed his shoulder and got up from the couch. “I love you, I’m sorry everything is a mess,” she kissed him on the cheek and walked away.

Louis knew that everything his mother, Liam and Lottie had told him was only to try to make him feel better, was to try to help him see the light at the end of the tunnel. It should’ve helped him, but instead, all they said was a constant reminder that he did all the wrong things when he – _they_ – could’ve had it so much easier.

Now, though, there was Louis, on New Year's’ Eve, attempting to follow Lottie’s words and start afresh, but knowing that he could’ve had another start if Harry had been there. He wanted to say goodbye to how he was feeling, he wanted to say goodbye to Harry, he wanted to have meant it almost a week ago, but he knew now it wasn’t true and he was alone again, just like he had been 4 years ago.

He would try though, even if it hurt even more that Harry had an irreplaceable place in his life, a place that no other would have, a place that even if took 10 years for Harry to appear again, he knew he would let Harry take it without much effort. He didn’t understand why Harry was like that for him, why there was nobody like Harry in his life, but he would do the most to live with it and find another way to feel whole, to feel complete again, without hurting himself and Harry again.

At least on Thursday he managed to interact more and sound a bit more cheerful than he had been for the past 5 days. If it was the doing of the necklace – which he decided that hadn’t been the villain in what had happened with him and Harry and if he admitted, if he let himself believe that that gem had healing magic powers or whatever, wearing it wouldn’t do him any harm, but would somehow help him – he didn’t know, but after talking to Lottie, he finally had the courage to go back to the guest room, actually asking Jay to prepare it for him to stay there for the remaining days he would spend with his family. He was able to enjoy New Year’s eve with his family like it had always been, feeling a bit better, but not completely. It was only when night time came that he allowed himself to be alone and reflect one more time on what had happened and what he would do with his life from now on.

Lottie must’ve seen him standing in the back garden, once again, alone and smoking – because that was how he knew how to cope with the stress these days – and came talk to him.

“You’re not gonna mope around tonight again, are you?” She looped an arm around his middle and Louis rested his own around her shoulder trying to blow the smoke on her opposite side.

“I won’t, I just wanted some time on my own…” He looked up at the sky. It hadn’t snowed since Christmas morning. Still, it was freezing outside, but Louis had found out that staying there in the cold was one of the few ways to make him feel something.

“I hope you don’t decide to make your New Year’s resolution to stay alone, Lou,” she looked up at him, smiling a bit sheepishly.

“I won’t be alone,” he looked down at her, throwing his cigarette on the grass and stepping on it. “I’ve got you all.”

“You know what I mean,” she pinched him on the arm, teasingly.

He shook his head and ruffled the top of her head, trying as much not to mess with the braid she had styled on her hair.

“I hope my New Year’s resolution comes true,” she spoke after a few moments of silence, “and I hope you don’t stop yourself from doing what you really want this time.” She got on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek, after squeezing him on the waist.

Louis didn’t even have time to answer, confused at what she said, only watching Lottie step away from him. “I’m going out. Tommy and Danny will apparate here soon so we can go to a party at Diagon Alley. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

He nodded. “Have fun. Happy New Year, sis.”

“Happy New Year, Lou,” she waved at him and went back inside.

Louis didn’t know what Lottie had meant with her own New Year’s resolution, but he hoped, too, that his resolutions would come true – starting the year feeling happier and complete again.

 

*

 

Things had completely gone out of Harry’s control.

Not even in his worst nightmares did he imagine that he would end up leaving Louis or that Louis would tell him to go again.

There was a moment after he saw the door shut in front of him and Louis didn’t come back, that he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know if he wanted to run after Louis, hold him by the arm, shake him back to his senses and make him realize what fucking idiots they had been; or if he should really just pack his things and leave right away. In the end, if he considered everything, there was no way for him to leave that room, even if it wasn’t to make Louis stop going away, and not feel like everyone would judge him for what had happened, for how he and Louis had stormed out at each other and messed up what they had. He didn’t know how to leave the room and face Louis’ family. He didn’t know how to face Lottie.

If he didn’t leave, as Louis had told him, things would get even worse than they already were and there was no easy way to explain to the others what had happened.

What had happened anyway? How had things gone so wrong? How could Harry have misread Louis so wrongly?

He knew his nerves were on edge and he was fucking mad at Louis for accusing him of manipulation when he was only being himself, but he couldn’t have been that wrong. There was no way Louis was thinking right about what was going on between them. Louis knew damn well what was going on and he was mad at Harry, mostly mad at himself for letting Harry affect him again. Harry knew Louis still felt something for him and why Louis wouldn’t let Harry close to him again, when Harry had told him time and time again that he was there to make things right this time…. Harry couldn’t understand. Harry couldn’t understand why two people who still felt so much about each other were on opposite sides of the same thing.

And with that, there wasn’t anything Harry could do. He had tried. That’s why he had gone to Louis in the first place, to try and see what they could be again. He tried and failed miserably and once more, Louis preferred Harry to go away than to try. It had happened once and it happened again and Harry knew if Louis was this hurt, anything he did to try and fix things between them again would just make things messier. He would keep saying that Harry manipulated him, that Harry planned everything… and Harry couldn’t bear to see Louis say those things when they weren’t true. But Louis wouldn’t step down to see the truth, he’d rather fool himself than believe in Harry just to protect his ego instead of giving them a chance. It made Harry’s blood boil and want to send everything to hell.

That’s how things were and it seemed that he and Louis were destined to fall apart, to not work and Harry couldn’t fight it. He tried once and it didn’t work. Fighting a lost cause seemed pointless. Even though that fight was Louis and Louis was all Harry wanted.

But Louis didn’t want Harry, so, if Louis wanted Harry to go, that Harry could do, so that he wouldn’t hurt him more, so that he didn’t hurt himself more.

He packed his things, his clothes and the newly added gifts Louis’ family had given him, the journal from Lottie and the scarf from Louis and left everything else in the room in the exact place he had found them.

He thought about leaving a note for Lottie, but he didn’t know how the girl would take it. He knew leaving without telling her was an even more cowardly move. He needed to talk to her face to face, though, and explain it to her. Right now he couldn’t do it, so he would have to deal with her later.

One thing he left, though, was the necklace. There was no use for him anymore. It had calmed him before, it had guided him through the worst of heartaches, but now he already knew where his heart stood, where he stood with his feelings for Louis. He had already accepted that what he felt for Louis wouldn’t go away and he would have to learn on his own how to live with that.

Louis was still hurt and even if Harry knew that he would dismiss the necklace, Louis needed it more than him. Not to find out that what he felt for Harry was still there, but only to calm himself and let the hurt go away. Louis still held so much against Harry, so much Harry didn’t even know about. If the gem could only help Louis not feel so resentful, then it was enough. That was the purpose of the necklace all along. Harry wasn’t trying to make Louis fall in love with him again. Harry wasn’t trying to lure Louis into being in love with him. Harry hadn’t soaked the gem in Amortentia. If that had happened, then Louis would have a reason to accuse Harry of going behind his back. The necklace had only been a gesture, a symbol, a small charm to help Louis understand where Harry was coming from. Harry hoped that leaving the necklace behind, Louis would finally understand and not take it as wrongly as the way he did when Harry had given it to him.

Harry left, not even sure where to go. He didn’t want to be alone, but he also didn’t want to bother anyone in the state that he was. He didn’t want to go to Holmes Chapel and wait for his family to come back, but he also didn’t want to disturb them on their trip. He didn’t want to go to London and crash with Niall and distract his best friend from his job, because he knew the moment he’d appear at Niall’s door, the Irish blond would drop everything to stay with Harry.

There was only one place he could go. Hogwarts wouldn’t be empty to the point of him feeling lonely and letting himself get too caught up in his own thoughts, beating himself down. It also wouldn’t be so crowded that people would be disturbing him. He could use some company from his colleagues, from the ghosts, the elves, from Marcel, from Madam Rosmerta if he felt like going to Hogsmeade to empty his head.

That’s how he found himself apparating at Hogwarts’ gates late at night, barely recognising the walk to his dorm until he was crashing on his bed without even bothering to change clothes, letting the events of that Friday wash over him, ignoring how it felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest as he allowed himself to cry even harder than he had in front of Louis.

He figured he would feel better after letting it all out, but waking up on Saturday was worse than he remembered waking up the day after he and Louis broke up so many years ago. Because this time he was almost certain he knew where he and Louis stood, had built false hope they could have a second chance, that he could make amends… but now he had been refuted, his false hope crashed and the second fall harder than it had any right to.

If he knew better, he would try one more time, differently from what had happened last time, since that was where things had gone wrong. If only he hadn’t been so prideful (and he knew he had been and he also knew it was wrong to tell Louis that he had been the one that way) and eager to start a new part of his life, he could’ve had Louis beside him all those years ago, and maybe now they could’ve been still together and none of that would’ve happened. He knew it wasn’t only his fault, both of them should’ve tried harder, but this time, Louis didn’t want to try, and Harry couldn’t keep trying in vain, when, even though he could see Louis still loved him, he knew Louis wasn’t backing down from his words, not with how emphatic he had been.

As he walked around the School’s hallways, the courtyards, near the frozen lake, wandering, not really sure what to do with himself, uselessly wearing the scarf Louis had given him day after day, hoping that it would help him ease his pain somehow, he realized that if the past week had showed him anything, it was how he and Louis were so much different from how they were before, how grown up and mature they had become and how, if willing, they could manage to work things out between them. Yet, deep inside they were still the two boys who had fallen in love with each other too quickly, who had let themselves get too caught in each other without thinking about any consequences… That had happened again that week. He understood Louis’ reluctance, though, because they were not who they used to be before, and to go back to how they were, to let themselves be like nothing had happened with them was reckless, could lead to a fall even harder than what had happened on Friday if they weren’t careful with how they felt for each other.

Harry knew he felt too much for Louis. So much. He loved him so much and he didn’t understand why. Didn’t know why he had been so infatuated by Louis since the first time he had laid eyes on him at the Platform. He knew Amortentia didn’t show anyone their true love, but why it had always smelled like the smoke of the Hogwarts Express for him and things that reminded him of Louis, even when Harry hadn’t been sure what he felt about him… that couldn’t be nothing. That had to mean something, it had to mean that one way or another, Harry would always be drawn to Louis, even if he tried to forget him, even if he tried to detach himself from memories of them, past and more recent ones.

And it hurt to remember everything that had happened that week and how they just felt right. It felt like they were trying to reconnect, and they happened to fall in sync again without even noticing. It felt right and it felt genuine, nothing Harry had done was meant to hurt Louis and it hurt that Louis would think Harry would do that to him again. They were not the same and Harry had learned better, had hoped to make things better, had hoped that they would learn from their mistakes and build something from there.

Now, there wasn’t a chance for Harry to do that anymore. He lost it and lost Louis again.

As much as he tried to tell himself that he would pull himself together, accepting Louis’ decision and letting him be, he didn’t mean to feel so miserable and let others notice that during the week, especially after his colleagues noticed his abrupt return. During dinner on Monday, Longbottom had asked him why he looked so gloomy and as he helped Hagrid take care of the dead trees near his hut, the Giant had only put his enormous hand on his shoulder and told him that there was time for everything, the trees were dead that winter, but soon it would be spring and they would flourish again – Harry wanted to believe he was only talking about how nature worked, but he knew there was more to what he was implying.

Distracting himself with different tasks was helping him though, but he couldn’t lie he wasn’t still feeling quite alright, specially with how Marcel had treated him when the owl appeared by his window again, very irritated that they had come back to Hogwarts instead of staying in Doncaster, bringing with him a letter from Niall.

He decided it was time to talk to Niall, then, because chatting with his coworkers was fine, it cheered him up a little, but they weren’t Niall and only his best friend knew how to put him back on track. He used his watch to call him and then floo’ed him on Tuesday night, arranging to meet on Wednesday night at the Hog’s Head. Obviously Niall noticed something wasn’t right, because why would Harry be in Hogwarts when he was supposed to be at Louis and Lottie’s house? Harry didn’t let Niall’s head interrogate him through the green smoke, but agreed, reluctantly, to have a real conversation once they saw each other in person.

It was a long and very deep talk, one of those deep talks he had missed from when they spent nights in dark ruins somewhere in Peru. He told Niall everything that had happened that week, telling more than what he had written to him in his Christmas’ letter, and explaining his fight with Louis. Niall didn’t put the blame on him nor on Louis; he only told Harry that if he really was sure of what he felt for Louis and how Louis felt for him, he should know what to do, even if it took time (“ _Hazza, you just need to let you both get your head back in the game. It feels like you two were hit by a Bludger, so many confusing feelings and thoughts now. You need some time to recover, you know, heal yourselves, and then try to get back in the game, and who knows, not try to catch the snitch at first, but try to score goal by goal, to win back what you lost. Remember that’s how Ireland won the Cup back in ‘94._ ” “ _One day I’m sure I’ll get your Quidditch metaphors, Horan._ ” “ _Shut your frog face, Harry, even if Quidditch hates you, you know what I’m talking about._ ” “ _Yeah, I do. But it feels more like I fell too high from the broom and splinched myself, so, it’s not like I can go back to the game right now.” “Time, my_ deer _friend, time can cure anything”_ ).

Niall was trying to be his friend, to comfort him and maybe encourage him that things were still mendable, but there wasn’t much that could convince him anymore. It felt like Louis had put a final stop to him and Harry, not giving Harry any opening to try again.

That was what he thought, until Thursday afternoon, when he was just about to finish lunch and saw an owl fly towards him at the Teacher’s table. At the sight of the bird entering the Great Hall, he thought it was Marcel, but there was no reason for his owl to fly to him, since he had been in his room before Harry left in the morning (also because he was still giving him a cold shoulder). When the owl flew closer to him, he could identify it and he had to blink a few times to make sure he wasn’t seeing things.

Ruth landed right by the edge of the large table in front of him, dropping the envelope she had been carrying on top. Harry knew better than to pet her, but gave her a piece of the apple he had saved for dessert.

He couldn’t deny he felt his heart race with Ruth’s arrival and the letter in front of him, thinking that Louis had come to his senses and decided to reach out to him. He calmed himself, though, because it seemed too good to be true and after he caught the envelope in his hand, he could see the “Harry” written on it wasn’t with Louis’ handwriting (even if he hadn’t seen it in about 4 years), but it was Lottie’s.

Breathing heavily, he decided he couldn’t open her letter in the middle of lunch, with other professors and a few students around him. He got up from his seat and walked around the table approaching Ruth. “If you want, you can come with me to the dorm and help me with Marcel’s mood, or you can rest at the Owlery and then I’ll send you back.” He politely extended his arm out for her, but he knew she wouldn’t leap onto it. Instead, she took flight across the Hall and turned to the right and Harry knew she would be by his dorm door when he reached it. At least she was being friendly to him and didn’t peck at him. He hoped the rest of the Tomlinsons were the same.

When he got to his room, Ruth followed him inside and Marcel hooted surprised at her. She flew near where he was standing at the backrest of his small couch and they started hooting at each other. It was more than Marcel had done with him. Oh well.

Harry settled himself on his bed and took a few deep breaths before he gathered the courage to open the envelope and retrieve a sheet of paper from inside. He braced himself for what was to come.

_Harry,_

_It feels weird to write to you again, gotta admit, since we don’t need to anymore, but this was the only way I thought I could talk to you, since, you know, you simply left._

_I’m mad at you, I won’t lie. I’m mad that you left. I’m mad about what happened between you and Louis (what happened now and before – he told me). I’m mad that you and him hid all of this from me. I’m mad that you didn’t tell me anything before, or explained to me why you were so reluctant to come visit my family with me this Holiday in the first place. I’m mad that I thought I was doing you some good, bringing you along with me so you wouldn’t feel alone, but also because I thought it was about time you and Louis saw each other again, and I didn’t know that things could go to shit doing so._

_Yes, I’m mad at all of this, but you know what I’m madder about? The fact that you and Louis, instead of settling what happened and let everything in the past, let things escalate and managed to make it worse. I’m mad because I saw what you two had built this past week you spent with us. I saw how, even after the first awkward day, you hit it off so easily, fit with each other. I’m mad because I know that you both like each other too much and couldn’t make it work again._

_I’m mad because I’m seeing my brother, who had been the happiest I’ve seen him in so long after spending some time with you, mope around the house, not really doing anything nor going out, crying even when he doesn’t let people notice, wandering around, smoking his lungs out, and I can’t do anything, because he thinks he fucked you and him up for good this time._

_I’m mad because I know you still feel something for him, because he told me you do, but you’re not here to fix things with him. He is stubborn, he is a knobhead, he tries to protect himself at all costs and he tries to deny how happy he is with you and how much he likes you, only because he doesn’t want to suffer again. Deep down, though, he is hurt because he thinks he’s lost you. And I’m hurt because you’re letting him slip away from you like it happened last time._

_I know it’s not my place to feel mad for how things went with you, but I am, because I can see, Harry, I could see it even before, how much you and Louis care for each other. I always suspected there was something going on between you two, but I wasn’t sure and that’s why I never said anything, because I trusted you or Louis would tell me if anything happened. But now I know, and somehow, I feel responsible for how things had gone, even if it’s yours and Louis’ own doing that you didn’t solve what happened in the past the right way._

_Now, though, you had a chance. You still have it, Harry. I know you do, because I know my brother. He is suffering, he’s broken down. I’ve never seen Louis like this, not even after you left that Summer. He was bad. He wasn’t himself and I could see something was different with him, but he had tried to hide it and had tried to come out of it still intact. This time, it doesn’t look like he’s trying. He tells me that he’s gonna get better, that he’s gonna get over you again, but every time he says so, I can see through him that he’s not so sure about it himself._

_And he’s too stubborn to at least try. He doesn’t want to try because he thinks he hurt you enough for you not to come back. I know how harsh his words can be. I don’t know what he told you, but whatever it was, I can see he regrets doing so._

_And if you believe in me, if you also believe that Louis still feels something for you and if you still have feelings for him, I’d tell you to not give up on him. Don’t give up on you two, Harry._

_It’s the New Year and there’s nothing good in starting it holding hard feelings for what happened. It’s cliche and all, but, it’s a time to have a fresh start, to take new chances. Even if it’s one last time. Even if things are really not meant to be with you. But, Merlin, I hope you guys choose to do the right thing again, I hope you choose each other again, because I don’t wanna see him like this anymore and I don’t wanna go back to Hogwarts to find out that you’re in the same state. I also remember how you were after your breakup and if what Louis told me, that you still love him, is still true… I can only imagine how you are dealing with it and it hurts me that I’m not there to help you too._

_This is me being nosey and you can ignore me if you want to, but I just can’t let you and Louis be like this forever. I care about you both, about your happiness foremost. I can see that you bring out the best in each other._

_I’m mad at so many thing, but I’m even madder that you and him are not together after all this time._

_It’s all down to you now, H._

_Take care,_

_Lottie xx_

Harry didn’t know at which point of the letter he had started crying. By the end of it, he was a mess, lying on his back on his bed, sobbing so loud it was the only sound in the room. The owls had long stopped cooing between each other and they were probably paying attention to him, to his state. He didn’t care, though.

Merlin, he didn’t care about anything but the fact that he was being so fucking stupid. He didn’t care that it had to be Lottie of all people to throw it at his face that he needed to get himself together and go after what he wanted once and for all.

He wasn’t expecting that to be what she would write to him. In the back of his mind, he was afraid that she would tell him to never speak with her again, to forget they were ever friends. But no, the girl was saying that she still cared about him and that she cared about him and Louis. Implicitly, she was telling Harry to grow some balls and instead of letting her brother suffer alone, go after him and fix what they had broken.

Harry had to read her words a few more times to let them sink in, because he was sure Louis would have tried to forget about him the moment he left the room and told Harry to go away.

Lottie couldn’t be lying. She wouldn’t be so desperate the way she sounded if Louis didn’t feel anything for Harry, if Louis had meant everything he had told him that Friday. If Louis was as devastated as she said (and it hurt Harry more to know it, because the last thing he had wanted was to hurt Louis once again), it meant Louis was trying to pretend that he didn’t feel anything for Harry anymore, when in fact, he still felt so much.

Harry wanted to believe it, wanted to believe what Lottie had said and wanted to make it right. It was still confusing for Harry, because Louis was so fucking hard to understand, but Merlin he wanted to understand him. He needed to understand and hear it from him that they were both wrong and that they could somehow fix themselves.

It was the first time in almost a week he felt hope again, hope that there could be a chance for them to deal with what had happened in a better way. There was hope that even if it was the last time he tried, he would. And he hoped they wouldn’t mess it up again.

He couldn’t hide the fact he was scared too, of course, because Louis could still keep his guard up, he could still not admit to Harry how he was really feeling only to preserve himself. Harry would be ready for that again, though, because, there wasn’t much left for him. He was already hurt and if Louis looked him in the eye and told him that there was no way that they could try again, if Louis really convinced Harry that he wants to put what they had in the past and let it rest there because that’s the best way Harry won’t hurt him again… Harry would accept it. He would, because the thought of him hurting Louis was too much to bare, but to think that he was hurting Louis now because they were ignoring what was in front of them… Harry couldn’t leave it like that, not after reading Lottie’s letter.

He had to do it. Not just because Lottie was asking him to, but he had to do it for him, so he would have the answers for himself. He had to do it for Louis, to put him out of his misery and let him know that Harry was there, for whatever he wanted him to, or to walk away from his life for good. But, he had to do it mainly for both of them, for what they felt for each other, which seemed it wouldn’t settle on itself.

There were a million reasons why things between them couldn’t work, not after so much had happened, but Harry only needed one reason, one good reason to try again. If he could hold on to the hope that Louis still wanted him somehow, he would stay. Louis was the only reason he needed to try to make this work, and it was worth it. Louis was worth it.

Harry dried his tears and tried to recompose himself, thinking of what to do, how to do it.

It felt like he was back when he was 17 and dreading to go visit Louis on his birthday and take that step. Back then, it felt like it was the bravest thing Harry had to do. Now, though, it was much bigger. He was not only going back to talk to Louis, he was going back to open his heart out to him, he was really going after the love of his life now and there was a lot more at stake. But he was hopeful, he wanted to be, otherwise he knew that if he lost this opportunity, there wouldn’t be another one. If he let too much time pass, things wouldn’t be the same again. He had to try until he was still feeling that rush go through his body that he was doing the right thing.

And the right thing obviously was to show up again at Louis’ home in Doncaster, without knowing how Louis would welcome him. So much could go wrong, but if he didn’t try, he would curse himself.

He waited, though, until it was later at night. He sent Ruth back in the afternoon with only a note for Lottie that said “ _Thanks for still trusting me. I hope I can do the right thing this time xx_ ”. He wasn’t sure Ruth would make it before he did, but he wouldn’t leave Lottie in the open again. If he went and talked to Louis, then he could talk to the girl too.

After Ruth was gone, Marcel warmed up to him – not sure if it was because of the other owl’s company or because his own bird had finally developed some sympathy for him after he cried his eyes out in front of him – which helped him feel more confident in what he was doing, although he wasn’t sure how to arrive back at the Tomlinson-Deakins’ house. Could he simply apparate at their front door and ask to talk to Louis? Would Jay even let Harry inside this time?

He had to know somehow if Louis would even be at the house, otherwise his attempt would be in vain. There was a way to know it, and he couldn’t delay anymore. It was getting late, almost 11 pm and he didn’t want to wait any longer.

Before heading out, he looked one last time to Marcel – who was sleepily opening and closing his eyes at him – from his dorm door. “See you in the New Year, buddy. Wish me luck,” he said and left, rushing through the Castle’s hallways until he got outside. Looking at the illuminated Castle ahead of him, he braced himself, pulling his long coat closer to his body and mentally telling himself where he wanted to go.

Everything spun around him and a moment later he found himself in the small park in the corner of Louis’ street in Doncaster. It was dark saved for the lamp post lighting up the place and the street ahead of him.

Harry breathed heavily, taking the place in, seeing that it hadn’t been snowing anymore. He looked around himself, only noticing the sound that was coming from the houses surrounding the park, families and friends probably having their own private New Year’s parties inside their houses.

He hoped Louis was with his family in theirs at the end of the street. He needed to know that he was there.

He looked around one more time to make sure there wasn’t anybody observing him and took out his wand from inside his pocket. He held it firmly and tried to focus on that hopeful feeling, on the courage he needed right now, and on the love he felt for Louis, remembering what it had been like to be kissed by him the first time right at one of those benches, and casted his Patronus, his fawn appearing bright and fully corporeal.

“Let’s see where we can find Louis tonight,” he commanded and in a flash the Patronus dashed in front of him, a spectrum of light leaving his wand and making it able for him to see what was ahead of his fawn.

He saw it approach the front of the Tomlinson-Deakins’ house, the lights were all on. He couldn’t see much of what was happening inside, since he couldn’t let the Patronus get too close to the front windows, but it appeared that the TV was on and Jay and Dan were with both babies in their arms. There was no sight of Lottie, the girls, or Louis.

Harry tried to maintain focus and directed his Patronus to go around the house. Maybe from the back garden, he would be able to see what was happening in the kitchen and if the rest of the family was there.

To his surprise, when his fawn turned around the large side wall of the house, he was able to see Louis standing there, alone, smoking. Luckily he had his back turned to where his Patronus had appeared. Harry was struck, making his fawn stand still too, and maybe he should’ve made him disappear right away, but he couldn’t move his arm to end the charm, only observing Louis there, through the incandescent mist in front of him, thinking that he was so close to Louis, so close to talking to him again. The minute it took him to snap out of it, Louis had moved his head to blow out a puff of smoke, in the direction of where the Patronus was. Harry swished his wand and instantly the light that was coming from it disappeared, and along did his fawn and the image of Louis in front of him.

He hoped he had been fast enough for Louis not to catch it, and that it hadn’t scared him or made him go back inside. Harry didn’t have much time to dwell on it, because Louis was there and that was his chance to do it.

Bracing himself once again, he closed his eyes, putting his wand inside his jeans pocket and focused on the back garden. A second later, he popped at the exact same place his fawn had been observing Louis.

He wasn’t seeing Louis through that translucent veil anymore. Louis was there, in person, only a few steps away from him. And he must’ve heard the loud popping noise from Harry apparating because he quickly turned his head around to face him.

Louis was taken by surprise. He thought that maybe the sound had been some squirrel or bird on the tree, or maybe it was the back door opening, his mother finally calling him to go inside instead of being in the cold by himself. He even considered it was Lottie apparating back last minute to pick up something she might’ve forgotten, or for something else.

What he didn’t expect was for him to turn around and find Harry standing there. He had stopped in motion, cigarette between his fingers but still in his mouth, one foot in front of the other ready to take one step ahead. He didn’t know what to do but look at Harry, feeling his heart start to beat faster.

“Louis,” Harry spoke, seeing that Louis wasn’t moving, only looking at him.

That seemed to snap Louis out of his trance and he finally took the fag out of his mouth, throwing it on the ground and stepping on it, finally taking a step ahead, but cautiously. He blew out the smoke he had inhaled, looking up at the sky for a moment, trying to gather himself before he looked back at Harry.

“What are you doing here?” He asked. He didn’t know if he wanted to sound harsh or not. He didn’t know what to feel with Harry there, after Louis had explicitly told him to go. What was he playing at now? That didn’t mean Louis wasn’t getting nervous because Harry was there again.

Harry swallowed dryly and took a temptative step further. “I think you know why I’m here.”

“Why would I know that when I remember the last thing I said to you was for you to leave?” Louis was trying to control himself, he really was, but he couldn’t stop himself from being defensive. Fuck, was he scared.

“Maybe because you didn’t really want me to go?” Harry tried, calmy. He knew he should take it easy with Louis, but with the way Louis was acting, he could see he was starting to build his walls around himself again and Merlin, he couldn’t let that happen, when he didn't know if he would ever have another chance with Louis again.

“Jesus Christ, Harry, how can you–” Louis puffed, just the tiniest irritated because he didn’t want Harry to go; he had drawn that conclusion during the week, but if it was for Harry to appear like that again, all cocky, Louis was already starting to rethink everything he had been feeling. He couldn’t let Harry step on him again.

“Louis,” Harry cut him off, taking another step, “I didn’t come here to fight, that’s not what I want. I’m sorry, that’s not how I wanted to have started. To be honest, I don’t even know how I wanted to have started it.” He inhaled deeply, shaking his head.

“Then why are you here if you don’t even know what for?” Louis looked away from him. He could just walk past Harry, go inside his house and leave him alone, ignore that Harry was there. He could keep pretending, keep his façade up that he wasn’t curious to know what Harry was doing there. A week had gone by and Harry was back, why?

“I know why I’m here, Louis,” he ran a hand through his long hair, “I just need to know if you’re okay with me here. If you say that it’s not okay and that you want me to go, I will, but I want to be sure that you mean it this time.”

“Why are you here?” Louis asked again because he couldn’t tell Harry to go, not without knowing Harry’s reasons. He knew that if he let Harry go, without giving a chance to listen to him, it would only make him regret it more than he already did. He had made that mistake before, he wouldn’t do it again.

“Lottie.”

“What?”

“She sent me a letter,” Harry clarified, seeing the confused expression on Louis’ face, “she told me she knows what happened, told me you talked to her and she told me that… you weren’t alright, that we needed to sort things ou–”

“So you came here out of pity?” Louis wanted to feel angry because Lottie had gone behind his back and talked to Harry when Louis had told her that he wouldn’t do it himself. He couldn’t though. He knew how much Lottie was worried about him and he understood her sentiment. He also couldn’t be mad at her because it only showed that he was being stupid. It seemed that if he had tried to talk to Harry, he would’ve come back to talk to him. However, he didn’t want Harry to know he’d been on the edge of a breakdown since he’d gone away.

“Louis, no,” Harry shook his head, trying not to let Louis’ tone get to him. Louis was hurt. That was hurt Louis talking. “I would never. I’m here because I care about you and if you’re hurting because of me, I can’t let that happen. I don’t want to hurt you. I never meant to. Not now and not before.”

“So you’re here to check if you had hurt my ego and then go away again?”

Right. Louis was still trying to play difficult, was trying to let out the hurt back at Harry. It was going to be hard to turn him around, even if Harry could feel that he was only keeping the appearence up. He wouldn’t back down though, he wouldn’t let Louis get the upper hand and scare him away once again.

Harry sighed. “I don’t want to fight, Louis,” he pinched the bridge of his nose, “I want to talk to you openly. If you don’t want to right now, just tell me and I’ll come back later. If you don’t want to do it at all, I’ll understand too. I just don’t want to give up completely and I don’t want to see you hurting, that’s all."

“Do you think there will ever be a right time to talk? Do you think this is the right time?” Louis saw how Harry didn’t seem to be giving up so easily and… that was good. Harry didn’t come after Louis again just because, it seemed.

“I thought it was symbolic, even as pathetic as it is,” Harry gave a faint laugh. At least Louis hadn’t told him to fuck off straight up. Louis could see he wanted to understand if they were ever going to get a chance to talk things through, “a way to come clean, a fresh start,” he continued, carefully, “not that I'm expecting anything but to set our past straight,” he quickly added because he remembered how things had gone wrong the last time he said something like that to Louis. “We can go our own ways if you want, but I still want to come clean about what happened.”

Louis only stared at Harry. It felt like a replay from last Friday, but this time, he felt Harry being earnest and he didn’t know what to do about it. It was all he had wanted for the past days, but still, he wasn’t sure how to deal with what Harry would tell him.

Harry observed Louis’ silence, not knowing what it meant. Louis had been quick with his comebacks just minutes ago, but not really telling Harry to leave him right there... maybe the silence was his indication that Louis wanted him to go, but didn’t know how to voice it.

He sighed again. Even if he wanted to stay there and open his heart to Louis, if Louis didn’t want to, he wouldn’t be too persistent. “If you want me to go, just say it and I will, Louis.”

Louis noticed he didn’t mean to be quiet for that long and the thought of Harry leaving was worse than facing his own feelings, which was what made him finally reply. “No. Stay,” he saw Harry’s face relax a bit and he nodded. “Talk. I’m not sure if there will ever be a right time for us to talk anyway. You’re here now, and I’m willing to listen, so you might as well do it.”

Harry breathed relieved, even if Louis still sounded like he was a bit reluctant. But that was better than nothing. That was so much better than him sending Harry away. Maybe there was a chance to make things right.

He took one more step closer to Louis, and if he was brave enough, he’d enter his personal space, but he had learned better and stayed at a safe distance, not wanting to make Louis uncomfortable. He ran one hand over his face, trying to gather the courage to start speaking. He didn’t even know what to say, but he figured it was better to start with how he felt.

“I know there’s too much to say, Louis, but first, I think I should apologize to you. I’m sorry that I made you feel that I was manipulating you in any way, that was never my intention at all,” he was looking directly at Louis, hoping to convey him how deeply honest he was being. “I’m sorry I wasn’t clear about how I felt since the beginning. I’m sorry about many things, about what happened now, and what happened before, but what I’m not really sorry is about how I feel for you,” he said, without hesitation, without feeling like he was being too forward, because that was the plain truth and Louis already knew it. There wasn’t a reason to hide or lie about it anymore. “I’m also not sorry for how I acted around you. That was me, no hidden intention, no deceiving tricks to make you feel anything for me. I behaved the only way I knew how to behave around you, which was comfortable, laid back and completely myself, because I felt we could be like that around each other again, because I noticed you felt the same way with me too, even before I could feel myself comfortable around you.”

Louis was listening and Harry’s words didn’t infuriate him like it had done before, so he just let him talk.

“I can’t deny, though, that I already came back with feelings for you, Louis. If I’m being honest, I never stopped having them. I only tucked them away in the beginning, thinking that it would be easier for me to go on with my life, but it was hard. Somehow, you were always there in the back of my mind and you kept coming back, at the most random times and I just couldn’t ignore that there was something missing in my life. I didn’t lie neither hid this from you, I had already told you, but I figure I should’ve been more straightforward and not let you pick one thing or another I did there and then during the week, making you think I was only acting in a way to get you back.” Harry was putting it all out, not bothering that he was just talking and talking and Louis kept looking at him, his blue eyes attentive, never looking away.

“But feeling the way I do about you, it was involuntary to want to see if you still felt something for me, or if you’d let me get closer to you again. I did not incite anything in a malicious way. Everything I did, it was because I felt comfortable doing so, because I saw how we behaved around each other, how it reminded me of how we used to be and it gave me hope that I could take a chance with you and open myself again,” he inhaled deeply, “this was the reason why I tried to talk to you. I didn’t see you backing off, I didn’t see you pushing me away, Louis. If I had seen any trace in you that would tell me that I was being too much, that I had seen more than it was, I wouldn’t have tried, I would’ve respected your feelings, but we were already being friendly, more than friendly and I couldn’t not take that leap. I took it and if things hadn’t escalated the way they did, if you had simply told me that I was wrong, that you felt nothing for me anymore, that nothing could happen between us again... if you had meant it, saying that our story was done instead of saying that you still felt something for me but you were too hurt to let me back in your life again, I would’ve accepted it and moved on with my life.”

Louis closed his eyes for a brief moment, because he knew he had done wrong in calling Harry names and accused him of things he had been the one who had incited them most of the time. If Louis had been honest with Harry, or with himself first, things would’ve been different.

“That’s what I did, though, Louis,” Harry continued, swallowing hard, “you told me to go, and I did, trying to accept that you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore, even though I knew you still felt something for me, but because I had hurt you in the past and I didn’t want to hurt you again, I did what you told me to do. I thought that leaving you would make you feel better, but, apparently I was wrong,” he saw Louis looking at him again and he dared to say he could see his blue eyes with a wet glint, and if Louis was going to start crying, Harry wouldn’t handle it, because he was already feeling his own throat closing.

“After Lottie’s letter, Louis, I needed to know why you were so beaten down, why me going away hadn’t made you feel any better and I couldn’t bare to think that it had hurt you more than if I had stayed. I needed to know, for the last time, Louis, if you really meant it, again. If you really wanted me to go away, if you really think that what happened between us has no way of working anymore. I need you to tell me, Louis, because if you look me in the eye and say that you don’t feel anything for me anymore, that you don’t want to feel anything for me...” Harry’s heart hurt just to think of saying it.

He could see how Louis was starting to hold his breath more and more, gulping more times than necessary, as if to hold back the tears that Harry could see were gathering in his eyes. “If you say that to me, Louis, I will go and I will leave you alone. I need to know that you mean it, though, because the thought that we still could be something, but we are just letting what happened before get in the way of us trying again… It’s too much. I don’t know how to live if you reject me only out of you trying to protect yourself from me, when all I want is for you to let me love you again.”

Goddam it, Louis felt like this heart was going to jump out of his throat. There was no way Harry wasn’t being the most honest Louis had ever seen him. And it hurt so much to see him opening up like that, laying his cards out, waiting for Louis to take them, to accept him again. And Louis wanted, wanted more than anything, but he was scared as shit. As much as Harry never once since he came back had done anything to prove to Louis that he would let him down, there was still a tiny part of him that was afraid that it would happen again.

“You just say the word and I will do whatever you tell me, Louis, because I’d do anything to just stop seeing you hurting. But I need to know you’re not lying to yourself and you’re not doing something that will make you suffer even more later.” Harry added, because he could see how hesitant Louis was to say, to do anything. His hands were nervously fidgeting with the inside of his hoodie’s pockets, he had actually stopped looking at Harry, facing his own shoes. “I know there’s too much between us, there are probably more reasons why this couldn’t work again, but you just need to give one reason for me to stay, Louis, that’s all it takes, and I’m yours or I’m out of your way for good.”

When Louis looked up, he couldn’t hide the tears that had fallen down his cheeks. He also couldn’t hide himself from Harry anymore. He didn’t want to.

“I would be lying if I didn’t know how bad I fucked up this time, Harry,” he began, his voice sounding steadier than he thought it would come out. “I can’t lie to you, nor to myself anymore and ignore what I feel for you, because, Goddamn it Harry, I feel. So much. That’s all that this week has shown me, that I still feel and it won’t stop,” he breathed in and out, trying to control his tears, “it won’t stop because I can’t fool myself that I’m better off without you. I’m not, I thought I would be, but I haven’t been the same since I told you to go. I haven’t felt the way I did with you here during those days since so long, since the last time I was with you and this is what scares me the most,” he confessed.

“It scares me that what I feel for you is too much, that I don’t know how to get over you and that it's too easy for me to give myself to you, which always makes it easier for things to break, and for me to be left to pick up the pieces alone again, like last time,” Louis let out his insecurities and fears, not caring how weak it made him. He tried to play the tougher one, the unbreakable one, but in reality, he was so fucking weak, so fucking gone for Harry, it wouldn’t do him any good to keep denying it. “I don’t know why you make me feel this way, Harry. I don’t know what kind of power, what kind of magic,” he tried to laugh and Harry gave a small chuckle, even though he was still looking intensively at Louis, “you have over me. All I know is that nobody has ever made me feel like you do and I don’t think there will ever be someone like you, even though you hurt me before, even though I’m still hurting and I just don’t want to anymore. I want to let go, but… with you, it’s all too much. If I love you, it’s too much, if you hurt me, it’s too much, if you leave me, it’s too much…” Louis didn’t mean to sob out loud, but it was what made Harry step even closer to him and Louis didn’t stop him from doing so. Didn’t stop him from putting a hand under his chin when Louis tried to look away, making Louis look up again.

“You think it’s different from me, Louis? I went away, I spent 3 years away from you, and still, I came back. I’ll always come back to you. If you’ll have me, if you choose me, there won’t be a part of me that won’t want you, Louis,” he moved his hand to dry the tears from Louis’ face. “I can’t comprehend what makes me love you so much, but I do, and it’s you, there’s no nobody else, and I’d do anything you’d ask me to, to prove to you that I’m here, that I’m not going anywhere, unless you tell me to. We made a mistake before because we didn’t know how to deal with what we felt for each other, but now, I guess we understand better. I want to understand you better and I want to do better,” Harry felt his own tears falling down now, not able to control how he was feeling. His thumb was caressing over Louis’ cold cheek and Merlin, it was already too much for him, because he wanted so much more, but he still wasn’t sure Louis would allow him.

“That’s why I came back, again, Lou. I need to know if you still want to do us better. If you say no, I’ll take it, but I couldn’t do the same we did last time. I couldn’t leave you and not look back, and not know if you still want to give us a chance. I know it’s not easy. We are not easy,” he gave a tempting smile at Louis, who only closed his eyes, his lashes twinkling with the few tears he had shed, making him even more endearing, “nothing with us has ever been easy. Everything about you has always been the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. The first time I sent you a letter, it was so terrifying because I didn’t know how you’d react to it. When I apparated here on your birthday, bringing you those books, I wasn’t sure if I could make that move because I didn’t know for sure you’d feel the same way I did for you back then. When I left you that first time, I can’t even say how devastated I was, because I knew I didn’t want to leave you behind, but we were both to blame on how things had ended… and now,” Louis opened his eyes again, looking directly at Harry, his blue eyes in a warm gleam, “now, I’m more mortified than all those times together, because I know I hurt you and not getting your forgiveness and your love back is the worst thing that could ever happen to me, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I’d do anything again if in the end you’d give us a chance, because you’re worth it, Louis. You’re so worth it.”

Harry didn’t stop himself from getting closer to Louis, so close he could feel how deep and fast Louis was breathing, how his hand had moved to hold Harry’s arm, bringing him even closer. “I know we can’t forget what happened between us, Lou, but we can learn from it and build something better, find a way to find each other again. I’m willing to do whatever it takes so you know that I won’t let go, I’ll be here as long as you want me.”

Neither of them were able to contain their own tears and Louis was feeling his heart burst. How could he not believe a word Harry was saying now? Those green eyes were looking right into his, opening his whole heart and soul to Louis, promising again and again that he wouldn’t let him down, and still, giving him a chance to choose. It was all up to Louis, because Harry was unashamed of showing him he would go to the ends of the earth to make them work again. He would be an even bigger idiot if he didn’t take what Harry was offering him.

“Fucking Hell, Harry,” Louis let got of Harry’s arm only to throw both his arms around his neck, not minding how desperate it seemed, holding Harry tightly, feeling Harry envelop his other hand around Louis’ waist, as tightly as Louis did. “I do want it, still, even if everything in me is trying to fight against it, because God fucking damn it, Harry, I’m so fucking scared,” Louis buried his face on Harry’s neck and Christ, he didn’t know how much he needed that. The two times Harry had hugged him in the past days were nothing compared to this, to how it felt like they were holding on to each other for dear life.

“I’m scared too, Lou,” Harry’s other hand went to the back of Louis’ neck, “but I’m scared of losing you again and I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t try one more time,” he tried to pull Louis away just a bit, making him face him again, faces so close their noses were almost touching. “You’re everything to me, Louis. There’s nothing I want more than I want you, than I want you by my side,” Harry breathed heavily, bringing his face closer, if that was even possible, closing his eyes, only feeling Louis arching himself up to meet him, “you’re everything I’ll ever want,” Harry managed to say before he felt the pressure of Louis’ lips against his.

If Louis admitted it to himself, he felt the whole world stop around him. It was like all air had been taken out of his lungs, but at the same time, it was as if he was finally breathing after a long time. It was as if all his walls had fallen down and the flood of feelings he had been holding all this time, all these almost 4 years were rushing through his body. Having Harry’s lips on his again was like returning to surface after being underwater for so fucking long and Harry was the one helping him breath again.

If there was a feeling to describe what it was like to return home after being away for so long, Harry would already know what it was, but he was so fucking wrong, because kissing Louis was exactly that. Opening his lips to let Louis inside, to let Louis take over him, was like being found after being lost for so long. Feeling how Louis was chasing to deepen the kiss, to feel Harry even more, was what being needed and wanted felt like. Letting their tongues glide against each other and find a rhythm between them as if they had never been apart was what being in love felt like.

Harry held Louis tightly, the hand on the back of his neck, pulling gently at his locks and Louis trying more and more by standing on his tiptoes, as if to close any space they weren’t touching themselves. He didn’t even care that he looked desperate to feel Harry again. It had been too long and now that he had him in his arms again, he wouldn’t let go, he wouldn’t let him slip away.

“It hurts how much I want you, Harry,” Louis pulled away to gather himself and breathe, resting his forehead against Harry’s, but not distancing himself from him.

Harry shook his head slightly. “I don’t want you to hurt anymore, Lou. I just want you to feel how much I love you.”

“It’s a good hurt, though,” Louis smiled, a bit timidly, because he knew Harry loved him, he didn’t need confirmation. He was feeling how much Harry loved him and every time Harry said it, he felt his stomach flutter. He wanted to say it back, but he didn’t know how to, he only knew how to show it. “I can deal with wanting you this bad,” he didn’t wait another second to lock their lips again and Harry moved his hand from his neck to hold Louis by his waist with both his hands.

It was even better than the first, because they didn’t need to adjust to each other. They just fit perfectly and even if it was different from how it was to kiss back then, now with Harry taller than Louis, it wasn’t something foreign to them. It was just different, which allowed them to explore themselves more, to relearn themselves and to learn new things about each other, like how Louis’ threading his fingers on Harry’ long curls would make him moan against Louis’ lips, letting his tongue run over Louis’ before biting down on his bottom lip.

It made both of them laugh but it didn’t make them slow down, going deeper each time. Louis almost feeling like he could jump into Harry and let Harry carry him wherever he wanted to, if only he didn’t stop kissing him, if only he didn’t stop pressing his body against Louis’, making him warm, not only from body heat, but for how Louis could feel himself seeking a way to release the tension he and Harry had built around themselves. It was hard not to think, while kissing Harry, what it would be like for Harry to press Louis against a wall, because as much as he could stay kissing Harry in the middle of his garden… they couldn’t stay there forever and Louis could feel Harry was eager to have more of Louis with the way he kept squeezing Louis’ waist and actually moving a hand under Louis’ hoodie, making a shiver go through Louis’ spine with the contact, with how cold, but gently, Harry’s hand were... then he knew Harry wanted him as much as he did.

“Harry... Haz…” Louis moved his arms from around Harry’s neck to hold him by the shoulder, squeezing his biceps through his thick coat. Fuck, he thought he'd get his mind back in place once he had Harry in his arms, but what was happening was the complete opposite. Even if it was Harry there with him again, it wasn't the same boy he once knew in his arms. It was already too much to deal with their memories together and with how much he wanted to relive them, but also relearn how they fit together. He was steadily burning up, lost between memories and suppressed thoughts he'd had during the last week they spent together.

Harry didn’t stop kissing Louis though, only moving his hand down now, not sure what he wanted to do. No, that’s a lie, he knew exactly what he wanted to do with Louis, to Louis. If he could, he would never let Louis detach himself from him again. His hand slipped down Louis’ back, reaching his bum and, fucking Merlin if he hadn’t been dreaming about touching Louis like that again. Maybe he was being too forward, but who could blame him when he had 4 years and a whole week of pent-up frustration to make up for?

“What, Lou?” Harry managed to say and he couldn’t help but let out a small smirk when he felt Louis gasp at how he had grabbed at him a little harder, pushing his hips back against his hands. He started kissing down Louis’ neck, stimulated by his reaction, nibbling softly, sucking up to the spot near his ear. Louis moved his hand to Harry’s chest, pulling at his coat, a little more desperately.

“Fuck, Harry, I need– I want you so much,” Louis didn’t even know if he was sounding coherent, not with how he was only picturing Harry’s hand exactly where he needed it. It shouldn’t sound so rushed and he thought it was crazy that he wanted Harry this bad so soon, but he did and he couldn’t deny it, already getting worked up just by how Harry was holding him.

It shouldn’t startle Harry, this obvious reciprocation from how he was feeling. Hell, he also wanted Louis so bad, but he didn’t know for how long he could control himself and he didn’t know if they could do anything at that moment. “Fuck, Lou,” Harry distanced himself a bit, letting go of Louis, but leading both his hands to cup Louis’ face, “yeah, me too,” he pecked on his lips, rubbing his thumb over Louis’ flushed cheeks, “just, hold on. Is it too soon?” Harry asked hesitantly.

“Maybe. But I honestly don’t care right now,” Louis looked past Harry’s shoulder, facing his house again and remembering where he was after being too lost in the moment. It was a miracle nobody had interrupted them. He doubted any of his siblings or even his mother hadn’t seen them outside, but he thanked whoever he needed to that they had let him and Harry be on their own. Only problem now, they couldn’t go back inside, they couldn’t do anything back there and Louis was starting to get antsy. “Let’s go somewhere else.”

He could see Harry was trying to figure out something as he looked back to the house too and then turned to Louis again, an expectant glint in his green eyes. “Do you trust me?”

Louis breathed heavily. He wasn’t expecting Harry to say that and it wasn’t that he didn’t, but there was still too much to solve between them and now it wasn’t the time for Harry to break the moment like that. Not his best choice of words. “Don’t ask me that just yet, but, yeah, I’m willing to try. I just don’t know what this has to do with whatever you’re thinking about do–”

“It has everything to do with this and you’ll have to trust me, okay? We can start with this, then,” Harry smirked at him and stepped away. Louis wasn’t sure he was ready to let got from him just yet, not with how they had been plastered against each other for the past few minutes. “Hold on tight. It’s not like you haven’t done this before,” he winked quickly at him, offering his hand.

And Louis shouldn’t be endeared, not when he knew what Harry was asking of him. But they couldn’t stay there either, in the middle of the back garden when he wanted so much more. He didn’t know where Harry would take them, but he trusted him to know what he was doing.

“Okay,” Louis said as he took Harry’s hand in his and closed his eyes. A second later, everything was spinning around and Louis didn’t know if he was getting more nervous for basically being teleported or at the idea that Harry was taking him to an unknown place.

When Harry set foot in the dark living room, he took a deep breath. One of his constant thoughts for the last few days was of how he would probably never get the chance to go back to Louis’ apartment, but now there he was again. It was his first instinct to take Louis somewhere familiar, somewhere he would feel comfortable. He didn’t even stop to consider if Liam would be there, he hoped to Merlin he wouldn’t and to see how quiet the place was, it was a relief. He breathed and then held Louis’ hand tighter in his, finally looking at him.

“Open your eyes, Louis,” Harry said, gently rubbing his thumb over the back of Louis’ hand. With his other, he held his wand, swishing and flicking the lights and heat on, quickly pocketing it in his trousers when he was done.

“I’m trying to make everything around me stand still again, just need a sec,” Louis chuckled a bit embarrassed. Honestly, he would never get used to doing that, but somehow it had been one of the easiest times for him. Maybe it was because of how certain Harry’s voice had sounded when he asked Louis to trust him.

“It’s fine, Lou, you’re fine,” Harry brought their entwined hands up, kissing Louis’ knuckles, which prompted Louis to give him a small smile and finally look at him, “but I can make you feel even better,” Harry smiled back and moved closer to Louis, stepping in front of him.

Louis looked around himself to situate where he was and he almost wanted to laugh that Harry had brought them back to London, to his flat.

“You sure?” Louis bit down his lip, taking a step closer to Harry, leading his other hand to Harry’s neck, fidgeting with the scarf Harry was wearing – the scarf he had given him. He didn’t want to break anything they were building up at that moment, but it wouldn’t hurt (more than everything already had) to have some reassurance, to know one more time that Harry was really there for him.

“I am, Louis,” Harry breathed heavily, his hand meeting Louis’ waist to bring him closer, as if the space between them needed to be nonexistent. “I want to make everything better, I want to make it up to you,” his face approached Louis’, lips ghosting over Louis’ cheekbones, gently kissing his jawline, up to his ear. “I know I can’t undo what I did before, but I can work now to make you better than you’ve ever felt.”

Harry spoke very low at Louis’ ear and the shiver that went through Louis’ spine was enough to make him let go of Harry’s hand and hold him by his face, making him turn to look at him. He was very much back in the mood again after being magically teletransported like that. “You’ll have a lot to make up for,” Louis ran his thumb over Harry’s lips, “and I wouldn’t mind starting it off right now,” he didn’t wait for Harry to say anything back, only getting his lips on Harry’s again.

It might’ve been only a few minutes since they had stopped kissing, but Louis needed it again. Fuck, how much he needed it. Harry’s touch was intoxicating and Louis couldn’t get enough of it. Every time they kissed it was like Louis needed more, needed to feel more and if he sounded desperate for it when he didn’t know where what they were doing was headed, he hoped he didn’t regret it later. He hoped he wouldn’t regret anything.

Harry moved his hand to the nape of Louis’ neck, bringing him closer, with the intent to show Louis how much he wanted them, wanted him. Deepening the kiss, he hoped Louis understood that there wasn’t any other place he would rather be than in his arms, conveying to him that he would try all he could to make it up to Louis.

It had been too long since they last fucked and there wasn’t a part of Harry that didn’t lust for it, to feel Louis. Better yet, he knew Louis was feeling the same, with the way he was trying to make them shuffle in his small living room, directing them to the couch, already taking off his own shoes.

“Fuck, Lou,” Harry whispered against Louis’ lips when Louis fell sitting on the couch and Harry was hovering over him, putting both hands on either side of Louis’ head on the backrest just so he wouldn’t fall on top of him. “I want to make it right,” Harry moved one hand to brush off Louis’ fringe, “want so much with you again,” he saw how Louis inhaled deeply, mouth slightly open and eyes focused on Harry.

“I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted you too,” Louis smirked and started undoing Harry’s scarf, throwing it somewhere on the couch, “let’s just...” he toyed with the buttons of Harry’s coat, quickly moving his hand to sprawl over Harry’s chest, moving up to his collarbones, shoulder, hand going inside Harry’s coat to help it slide off him.

If Harry admitted it to himself, he was terrified to mess something up, seeing Louis so eager to want him. He got Louis there, though, caged between his arms, already looking disheveled without them doing nothing more than kissing. Harry wanted to see how Louis would look even more torn apart to have him again.

He helped Louis take off his own coat, distancing himself from him very quickly, but not taking a second more to get back to kissing Louis, his hands holding the hem of his hoodie. “Tell me again, Louis.” Harry settled himself on top of Louis’ thighs

“What?” Louis held Harry’s face with both hands, biting down at Harry’s lips.

“That you want this,” Harry had to take a long breath for how Louis was messing with him. Louis liked to pull his strings, just the right way and Harry was trying to control himself not to do so much so fast, to do something that Louis would reconsider later. “Tell me this is what you really want. You can call this off whenever you want, Louis, just know that I’m he–”

“Fucking hell, Harold,” Louis laughed and moved one hand down Harry’s chest. “We both want this, don’t we? We got here, you brought us here,” he got his hand closer to where Harry’s was on his waist, holding it and then leading it down to his crotch, “if I didn’t want this…”

Touching Louis through the fabric of his trousers after so long had Harry’s cock twitching enthusiastically inside his own pants, amazed by how Louis was willing to have him touching him again. He gasped, unashamedly, squeezing his fingers curiously, wanton of what was to come.

Louis didn’t know he would be so satisfied to see Harry that way for him and he loved it. Loved how Harry was at his fingertips and how he would do anything Louis wanted him to do if Louis only gave him the word. He suddenly didn’t feel weighed down by his pain and broken pieces; instead he felt high with power, with the ability to control where they were headed and how he wanted it.

“Let’s take care of this, then,” Harry managed to say, his other hand going under Louis’ hoodie and shirt up to Louis’ chest, bringing the clothes along. Louis let go of his hand to help him get them off, arching himself off the couch and seeking to get closer to Harry again, to make him feel how bad he needed it. It had been too long since he had anyone with him and it had been even longer without Harry and the terrifying part was that he hadn’t felt this eager with anyone else since then. The last time he was with Harry, he had been fucked and then left broken, but God, did he want to take the risk, to let Harry fuck him again with the way Harry’s fingertips were caressing his bare chest, kissing his neck, then reaching down to his collarbones, raising goosebumps on his arms and in between his thighs.

It took Harry a second to realize there was something around Louis’ neck. He reached to touch the gem hanging from the string in wonder, disbelieving what his eyes were seeing.

“You’re wearing it,” Harry whispered and Louis only shrugged, bringing his hands to rest around Harry’s neck.

“You left it for me after all, didn’t you?” Louis pecked on Harry’s lips.

“I didn’t think you’d…” Harry held it in his hand for a moment, then he pulled himself away from Louis with a too intense stare, words left unspoken.

Louis watched Harry get up from the couch, taking the moment to lie down invitingly. “It’s just a gem, Harry,” Louis tried to dismiss Harry’s stare on him, shuffling his hips against the couch and watching him lean over him.

“It is, but also, it’s much more,” Harry went in for another kiss, not a slow one. He didn’t even give Louis a chance to prepare himself before his tongue met his. One of his hands went to Louis’ hair, fingers pushing it roughly, desperately even, not knowing if he wanted to pull at his locks or only mess with them. As he settled for pulling his locks to deepen their kiss, Harry’s other hand traveled down Louis’ body, groping his waist, hips and thigh, holding them firmly. Louis could feel Harry’s digits pressing hard even through his jeans, pulling Louis closer to him, their bodies completely against each other. Harry seemed to be as hard as he already was with the way their bulges were brushing.

Louis didn’t know what to say back as Harry kept kissing him. He knew it was much more. It was symbolic and he might’ve felt dumb for still wearing the necklace, but now it seemed it held an even bigger meaning for them, meaning that Louis was allowing Harry back in again (it was almost metaphorical, because Louis really  _really_ wanted Harry in). To show him exactly it, he grabbed Harry’s arse in leverage to grind his crotch against his, harder, evidencing how willing he was. He swallowed Harry’s moan with a self-satisfied smile.

Harry didn’t respond to his dry humping. Louis deserved to be treated so much better than with a quickie on the couch. Louis deserved much more. He deserved to know that Harry was there to give him anything he wanted, anything Harry failed to make him feel all those years ago.

He slowed down their kissing until they finally separated with a small bite, Harry whispering to Louis, “come.”

“I intend to, yeah.” Louis laughed, whimpering a bit when Harry bit his lip again in punishment.

“No, come with me, get up,” Harry said as he got up, kneeling on the couch, bringing Louis closer to him by pulling his leg. He supported himself with a hand on the backrest of the couch and Louis arched himself off it, giving Harry space to put his hand under him and manhandle Louis off the couch to stand up with him in his arms, Louis’ legs wrapped around his hips.

“Fucking hell,” Louis managed to say without disentangling himself from Harry, actually throwing his arms around his neck to hold himself up better on Harry.

“Gonna make you feel so fucking good, Louis,” Harry said by his ear, balancing himself to walk him and Louis through the living room towards Louis’ bedroom, amidst lazy and languished kisses, Louis’ hands messing with Harry’s long curls and Harry’s hands grabbing hard at Louis’ butt.

Louis didn’t let himself think much about it, but it was hard not to remember how four years ago, he had been the one to carry Harry to his bedroom for their first fuck. Now, it was Harry doing the honors and he didn’t even mind that he was the one being manhandled. Harry was saying time and time again that he wanted to make Louis feel better and all Louis had been wanting for the past week was to stop feeling hurt. Harry was there, showing him how he wanted to do just that, to ease things between them. Louis would be fucking stupid to pretend he didn’t want it, wanted Harry again.

Looking avidly at Harry as he laid him down on the bed, not waiting a second to take his own jumper and shirt off, Louis almost felt out of breath at the view in front of him. The room was barely lit by the living room light, but he could make out Harry’s bare body – not so bare as he thought, identifying what could only be tattoos on his arms, shoulders, chest, a huge butterfly on his stomach, and two laurels on each side of his hipbones. Harry was a fucking painted masterpiece in front of him, so much different from the boy that had left him. Louis wanted to get to know him again, to know every inch of Harry’s body, to memorize with his eyes, his fingertips and his tongue where each of his tattoos were.

He got to a sitting position on the edge of the bed, his arms reaching out to Harry, to hold Harry by his waist, bringing him closer.

Harry missed a breath when Louis held him and started kissing his torso, up to his nipples and down his stomach (around his butterfly – and it would be so pathetic of him to say that he was actually feeling butterflies flutter inside him, what a great fucking symbolism it was), hands going up and down his sides, gently caressing his skin, thumbs brushing over his laurels, then reaching the hem of his trousers.

“Louis,” he moaned out his name, his own hand now going to rest on Louis’ shoulder and the other to bury on his hair, making Louis look up at him. Those blue eyes reflected exactly what was on his mind, what he was about to do. “Louis, no,” Harry stopped Louis’ hand from fumbling with his button and zipper. “This is about you,” Harry smiled down at him, directing Louis to lie down again on the bed. “This is about me making you feel good,” Harry bent down over Louis a bit as he jiggled himself on the bed. Now he was the one looking for Louis’ jeans as he settled both knees beside Louis. “I’ll do anything for you to feel good,” he started undoing the jeans, but not taking his eyes off Louis, who was biting down at his bottom lip, hair all messed up, looking so much better than Harry remembered.

Louis watched Harry take off his trousers, leaving him only in his boxers as he also pulled his socks off, getting off from the bed to finish undressing himself too.

It felt too much, too intimate even if they weren’t completely naked. Louis couldn’t deny, though; he’d had similar images in his mind for far too long, longer than he would’ve liked to admit to. Now, to have it right in front of him, with Harry coming back to bed crawling over him as Louis shifted on the mattress, settling himself on his pillows, it felt like a wet dream coming true. Harry didn’t say anything anymore as he positioned himself on top of Louis, their bodies fitting so well, kissing him slowly, as if he was savoring the moment, taking his time to relearn what it was like to have Louis again on his bed.

It wasn’t enough, though. Not with how Louis could feel both of them hard through their underwear. The fabric felt itchy on his hard on, his cock’s head sensitive with their rubbing. He needed skin on skin contact, and if he led his hands that were firmly holding Harry’s arms to his back, his short nails trying to trail him down to his butt and slipping down inside Harry’s boxers, the moan that escaped Harry’s mouth and the way he pressed himself down on Louis should be enough to tell that Harry got the memo.

“Easy,” Harry managed to pull away from his mouth, kissing Louis’ cheek, up to his ear, nibbling at his earlobe. He let one hand caress the side of Louis’ neck as he started moving down, sucking and biting at his skin, inciting little whimpers from Louis, making him wiggle himself against Harry, seeking his release.

Harry didn’t stop, continuing to go down, taking his time to whisper against Louis’ chestpiece things as “gorgeous” and “beautiful”, playing with his nipples, both with his tongue and his finger.

It made Louis lose his mind. He definitely could stay there, taking Harry showering him over with compliments, making him feel so fucking good, for so long, never wanting to stop feeling that wanted. But also, Harry needed to fucking move because his hard on was almost unbearable and there was no way Harry couldn’t notice it with how Louis was humping on him. If Louis led his hand to Harry’s hair, starting to massage his scalp through his curls, as if to make him start going down faster on him, already imagining what would be like to have Harry’s mouth around him again, nobody could blame him.

It didn’t seem Harry was much worried about it though. He took Louis’ hand away from his hair, holding it firmly by his side as he continued to pour kisses on Louis’ body, reaching his stomach, then his navel, skipping Louis’ clothed crotch altogether to start marking on Louis’ left thigh, his other hand rubbing up and down his right one, dangerously brushing his fingers over the hem of his boxer.

“Harry, please,” Louis whined a bit when Harry hovered his mouth over Louis’ bulge. He only looked up at Louis with sparkling eyes, depositing small kisses along Louis’ waistband but not really moving to where Louis wanted him, which made him grow impatient. Harry knew exactly what he was doing and there wasn’t much Louis could do to get back at him as Harry was still holding one of his hands down and his other one was strongly squeezing Harry’s shoulder, urging him to just _do something_.

Harry couldn’t lie he was taking pleasure in seeing Louis get more and more desperate for his touch. He couldn’t deny that he was fucking thirsty to get Louis' cock in his mouth again, licking his lips at the memory of the weight of it on his tongue. But then again, Harry already knew how his cock tasted and there was someplace else he wanted to go for. Having Louis right under him was the perfect opportunity – both for himself, who had a dry mouth just thinking about doing it, and for Louis, who was desperate for his own relief.

He kept kissing and sucking around and on the inside of Louis’ thighs, leaving a trail of red marks on him. It wasn’t a replay of what he had done last time, because now, he knew he’d be there when Louis would wake up to see the piece he had done on him. He wouldn’t dare to leave Louis. He would be there and he hoped Louis allowed him to stay. There wasn’t much doubt left about it with how desperate Louis had gotten with his attention, as he started to lower his own boxers down. They both seemed to be in the same boat here.

Harry stopped him, once more, now looking up at him with a firm glance. “No, Louis,” he almost ordered and he could feel Louis still his breathing and also his cock twitch inside of his pants. “Turn around,” Harry held Louis by his waist, directing him to do as he had asked.

Louis gulped, letting the air out as he complied. Just as he settled on his stomach, he felt Harry bring down his boxers. It shouldn’t make him feel so exposed to Harry and it also shouldn’t make him feel so nervous. It wasn’t that he wasn’t enjoying how gently Harry was treating him, arousing him to the point he was nothing but a whining mess, but he also wasn’t expecting Harry to suddenly change his pace, as if in a haste to fuck him now. Louis also couldn’t lie that Harry basically taking control over him didn’t make him even harder.

He didn’t know what to expect, but he was taken by surprise when Harry started kissing and licking him again, as gently as before, up and down his spine, to his lower back, biting softly at his lovehandles, sucking at his back dimples he knew Harry basically worshiped back then. Even more surprised he was with how Harry started holding his buttcheeks harder, also biting harder at them.

“Christ, Harry,” Louis managed to say, the pillows muffling his voice as he pressed his face harder against them, wiggling himself up from the mattress just the tiniest bit, presenting himself to Harry, since he wasn’t providing him with what he really wanted. Harry had said he wanted to treat Louis the right way, but Louis didn’t understand why he wouldn’t just get on with it, “how much longer is it gonna take for you to fuck me?” He let it out unashamedly, looking back at Harry, watching him still leaving sloppy kisses on his skin, both hands and mouth moving down his thighs, squeezing their soft skin and sending a shiver directly to Louis’ twitching cock.

Harry left the bed to stand up. He took a look at Louis sprawled on his stomach on the bed, looking at Harry as if he needed Harry to just fuck him the same way he needed air to breathe, eager to just have Harry take him again. And Harry would, without a doubt. Harry wanted to take Louis apart, and then put him back again.

“What are you…” Louis asked, not getting why Harry had distanced himself from him. He saw him crouch down on the floor quickly, and fumble with his trousers. When Harry got up and took a step towards the bed, Louis could see he was holding his wand in hand. He had to inhale deeply because he had forgotten what it was like to have sex with Harry, what Harry could do with his wand.

He didn’t think it was possible to feel himself getting harder or for the fluttering in his stomach to grow, but it was happening and fucking hell, it had been too long. He closed his eyes to gather himself; he couldn’t believe that was finally happening again. He felt Harry kneeling on the mattress, hands spreading Louis’ legs apart just a bit and then moving up to his butt again. Louis thought he was ready to feel Harry opening him up first, he was ready to feel Harry’s magically lubed fingers… what he wasn’t ready was to feel Harry spreading his arse cheeks and whisper something barely audible, which made Louis feel a washing sensation at his opening.

Harry discarded his wand beside them on the bed and got both his hands on Louis’ butt, squeezing it harder and leaning down to get closer to Louis. Louis opened his eyes at him alarmed and Harry only smirked at him, swiftly moving his hand to Louis’ hips only to make him arch up his body a bit from the mattress. “Gonna make you feel so fucking good, Lou,” Harry whispered against Louis’ cheeks and spread them open, gently kissing around Louis’ hole.

Louis couldn’t think straight. What the fuck? He couldn’t even know what to do with himself as he felt Harry not only kissing him, but also lapping on him, his tongue licking all over his hole, sometimes softly, sometimes more deeply, as if he didn’t want to miss any part of Louis, getting to taste everything. The only thing Louis could do was squirm himself on the bed, arching himself up against Harry face. “Harry, oh, fuck,” he didn’t even know if he was able to say anything coherent with Harry sucking on him, making a mess of him, burying his face each time more into him, his fingers probably leaving red marks on Louis’ flesh.

Harry had dreamed about eating Louis out for so long, and still he couldn’t have predicted just how fucking good it was to do it, to get a taste of a part of Louis he had never had before and to savour every reaction Louis had to it. He was losing his mind a bit, sometimes teasing Louis’ hole with the tip of his tongue, kitten licks at his racks, holding himself not to bite too harshly at the inside of Louis’ cheeks. His brain was so blank, without any thoughts aside from satisfying Louis, that he almost missed the way Louis was desperately circling his hips against the mattress, one of his hands seeking Harry’s hair, getting hold of it and pulling it as hard as he seemed to be holding the duvet beside him. “Harry, please,” Louis whined painfully, “so fucking good, oh fuck,” he almost couldn’t speak and Harry could feel him clutching his hole a few times. Harry felt tempted to just stick his tongue inside Louis and fuck him like that, but no. He needed to see Louis coming on his cock, he needed to see Louis’ face, to see how much Louis had enjoyed having Harry fuck him. “Just, fuck…” Louis let go of the duvet to start hitting his hand flat on it, frantically, “Harry, please… I can’t... I’m gonna… I need you...,” he arched himself up even more and Harry knew Louis was also losing his mind, possibly painfully hard, probably already leaking precome on the duvet and Harry didn’t want him to come just yet.

Louis was breathing so fast he couldn’t make up his mind with what he wanted. Fuck, he didn’t know he needed Harry rimming him so badly. He had thought about it before, of course, while they were still together, but he didn’t imagine it would be like that. He didn’t know getting his arse eaten by Harry would put him on the brink of coming untouched, not when it never happened before with anyone else. And it had to be Harry, of all people – Harry, after leaving Louis, after fucking off around the world, after coming back to mess with him and his feelings – to touch him so fucking right he felt pushed to the edge faster than ever, as if he didn’t know his own body and how it responded to someone else’s touch. Maybe that was the reason, though. But fuck him for thinking he could just get the upper hand, to have control over who set the pace on what happened tonight. Even though he knew Harry wanted to apologise, that certainly wasn’t what Louis wanted from him.

He wouldn’t let himself be controlled like that, not tonight.

Harry sensed that Louis must’ve been impatient, as he wiggled his arse on Harry’s face. He distanced himself from him, not before giving some last sucks around Louis’ hole and grabbing harshly at his arse.

“I got you, Lou,” Harry sounded as disheveled as Louis looked in front of him. He quickly reached out to his wand, trying not to waste much time. He needed to get Louis prepped, needed to hurry not to leave Louis waiting.

“That’s what you think,” Louis’ voice was steadier than he appeared and Harry didn’t know how he had managed to look so put out after almost not sounding coherent. Louis turned around and got to knees, facing Harry but reaching his hand to his nightstand. His eyes had adjusted to the sparse light, so Harry could see Louis was purposefully opening the drawer, closing it as fast as he had kneeled. “Are you gonna stand there while you watch me? You prefer to get off just watching me?” Harry saw Louis with a bottle in hand, never taking his eyes off him, opening it and spreading the content on his fingers, “or do you intend to make good use of your promises?” Louis threw the bottle to his side, making it fall on the floor, and his other hand reached to Harry’s boxer, pulling the waistband just to smack it against Harry’s skin, making Harry come back from the apparent trance he had been to watch Louis so determined, leading his hand behind himself and getting to balance himself on his knees on the bed, sinking down slowly on his fingers as he let out a whimper.

“Fuck, Louis,” he spoke, blinking at the sight of Louis fingering himself in front of him, feeling his cock throb with need. Suddenly his boxers felt too tight and he needed to get rid of them right away. He took them off and hastily used his wand to cast a protective spell around his cock, seeing Louis continuing to work his fingers, probably two or three now, inside him, mouth hanging open and eyes closed. “Louis, let me, please. I wanna do it,” Harry crawled on the bed, coming closer to Louis, one hand looking to hold him by the waist and the other to hold the arm Louis was using to finger himself.

Louis opened his eyes and shook his head. “No, it’s my turn now,” Louis bit down his lip and retrieved his three fingers from inside and led his hand to reach at Harry’s cock. “You think you can just do anything you want to me?” He encircled Harry, thumb brushing over the head, pumping it once with his clammy fingers, “you think you can come here, eat me out, and I would just let you get your way with me, so fucking easily,” he pumped it one more time, feeling how huge Harry was around him and seeing Harry close his eyes and gulp very hard, holding his breath. “Fucking no, Harry,” Louis pumped him again, feeling a bit of precome leak from Harry, “we’re gonna do things my way now,” he got his other hand on Harry’s arm, making him turn around, letting go of his cock, his sticky hand going up Harry’s chest to push him against the headboard of the bed.

Louis moved, settling himself on top of Harry’s legs, looking intensively at him. “If it’s a second chance that you want,” he held Harry’s hard cock in front of him again and pushed himself up on the mattress with his knees to get even closer to Harry, his face just an inch away from him. Harry’s expression was completely spaced out, eyes going up and down, from Louis’ hands on his cock, to his lips, to staring at his blue eyes, “then it’s going to be my way,” his other hand rested on Harry’s shoulder, fingers pressing against his skin so hard as he finally directed Harry’s cock behind himself and slowly sank down.

It was like they were finally in sync again, both of them letting out a gasped moan of pleasure at the same time. It was indescribable to feel each other after so long, to know that somehow they still worked. It shouldn’t feel so right to fall into place again, but they did – with Louis adjusting himself around Harry, feeling Harry as deep as possible and seeing him enjoy it, enjoying Louis taking him all in with the way he was breathing and throwing his head against the headboard with his eyes closed.

Harry led both his hands to hold Louis by the waist, not doing anything to urge Louis to move on him. He was only taking in that he was fucking him again, that Louis wanted him inside and fuck, it was too much, it had been too long waiting for that again and he didn’t even mind that he had to relent control over to Louis, that he couldn’t set the pace he wanted or have him completely at his mercy. Louis was the one doing it, moving up and down on his lap, shimmying his hips in search for the best angle as possible, taking as much pleasure from Harry as he wanted – and Harry was more than willing to give him it. His need was amplified with the way he felt Louis clenching around him each time he fucked himself back on Harry’s cock, then loosening himself to come back up and fall on him again, starting to get a rhythm and letting out little moans as he moved.

“That’s it, Lou, fuck, keep going, so goo–” Harry started to say, opening his eyes to look at Louis, hands now grasping at him, arms moving to envelope him closer, fingers scratching lazily at Louis’ back. Louis stopped him though, squeezing harder again at Harry’s shoulder then moving his hand down to his arm and the other going to his lips, warning him to just keep quiet. His eyes were conveying the amount of pleasure Louis was feeling as he slowly circled his hips, changing Harry’s angle inside of him again, his pupils so wild Harry could barely make out his blue irises.

To make sure Harry wouldn’t keep talking, Louis just locked their lips, both hands clasping against Harry’s neck, not wishing for any response and not expecting Harry to take him gently, but going for a hasted one, his tongue licking inside his mouth just as deeply as Louis was pushing against him, going up and down in a controlled and smooth rhythm. Harry’s stomach had a wet patch with how much Louis’ cock was leaking, and by the mewls he was making Harry could see Louis had found the best angle to get his release faster.

So as he felt Louis tighten against him wantonly and his muscles flexing when Harry pulled him even closer, he rolled his hips under him, building a rhythm to match Louis’. It was involuntary for Harry to moan midst the kiss, making Louis pull away to bite at his lips and then go down to his chin, his jaw, biting along the line as he also whined at the increase of Harry’s pace and how Harry’s hand was going down from his back to his arse, grabbing harder as he thrusted with more force against Louis.

“Fuck, Harry,” Louis managed to say, moving his hands from Harry’s neck down to his chest, steadying himself there, putting pressure against Harry to start moving up and down his cock deeper and faster, starting to lose his control, his erratic pushes timed with his and Harry’s moans.

There wasn’t a part of Harry’s body that wasn’t filled with pleasure. He knew the growing feeling inside him was both at how close he was to his orgasm and at the thought that he was going to have Louis filled with him soon. He wanted Louis to show him that he was as desperate as he was for some release, so he moved his hand from Louis’ back to his front, hand closing around Louis’ hard and leaking cock between them.

Louis moaned louder at the touch on his sensitive cock, leading his hand to scratch up and down Harry’s chest and to hold again firmly on Harry’s shoulder, feeling how tense and concentrated Harry was in only pistoning himself on him, rhythmically with Louis sinking down on him with each push and each rub of Harry’s hand on his cock. All Louis could do was bury his face on Harry’s neck, inhaling his sweating scent, his longs curls already damp against his skin, getting in the way of Louis kissing and sucking him there. He rolled his hips down harder and Harry gasped out loud, his hand still holding Louis, moving up to his arm then to his neck, pulling at Louis’ sweaty locks.

“So close, Harry, so fucking close,” Louis managed to say. He distanced himself a bit to look at Harry again, but didn’t stop moving, didn’t want to stop feeling like Harry could fill up his whole world, could keep making him feel good for eternity like that and God, Harry didn’t know how much Louis was willing to give himself to him again. He had reached the point where it was just too easy to hand himself over to Harry, to let him wreck him apart. It didn’t feel one bit wrong or difficult to do it with the way Harry started jerking him off along with his rolling hips still hitting him right where Louis needed. It shouldn’t feel so right that Harry was the only one to make him feel that way, and still he could go on forever riding Harry if Harry only kept taking care of him the way he was doing now, seeking his own relief but also letting Louis control their pace.

Harry brought their lips together when he felt Louis’ pleadingly looking back at him, quivering due to overstimulation.

“Don’t stop, Lou,” Harry whispered against Louis’ mouth, “don’t fucking stop. I’m almost there, we’re almost there. I’ve got you,” he started kissing down Louis’ neck, his hand leaving Louis’ cock for a moment to go up his chest, meeting the necklace hanging around his neck and holding onto the gem. “You got me. Everything you want and everything you need, I’ll give to you. I’m all yours,” he could feel Louis whining non stop and he moved again to find his lips. He let his hand jerk Louis’ off again at the same time he deepened his rhythm inside him, stimulating Louis in any possible way.

Louis moaned hard against Harry’s lips, not able to contain himself, breaking the kiss and throwing his head back, feeling too much pleasure all at once. Harry didn’t let him distance himself enough, his hand on his neck holding him in place as he kissed his other side and just like that he felt Louis trembling on top of him and a second later Louis spilled hard against Harry’s stomach and hand, gasping out Harry’s name.

Harry didn’t blink, gaze hungry to see Louis all wrecked because of him, coming on his cock after all those years. He knew Louis was oversensitive by now, still coming down from his high, but he couldn’t stop himself from pistoning his hips faster into Louis, deep as he could bury himself, making Louis let out sobs as Harry could still feel him release a last spurt of come with his aimed thrusts. It was all Harry needed to let go and let his orgasm take over him and come inside of Louis.

Louis didn’t know what to feel. Didn’t know what he felt more – his sore arsehole or the way Harry kept whispering “Lou, Lou, Lou” by his ear, letting go of his cock to embrace him by the waist with both arms, not minding the sticky mess Louis had done on their abdomen, only bringing Louis closer as Louis felt Harry softening inside of him.

There wasn’t even words to describe what had happened between them. It was all too intense for Louis to come to terms that he would let Harry get under his skin at any given moment he had, that he would do anything not to let Harry go again, because now he didn’t think it was possible for him to ever feel as good as Harry had made him.

Harry let his head rest back against the headboard as he took a deep breath and loosened his grip on Louis, but not letting go of him. Fucking hell, it was more than Harry had imagined. He had expected to treat Louis the right way, but he didn’t imagine he wouldn’t be able to think after having Louis again, after having Louis desperately riding him, showing him how fucking well they still worked and how they knew how to make the other feel good. Harry hoped Louis felt at least part of how he was feeling, because he didn’t know what to do with all of it. He didn’t know what to do with himself when he didn’t know what would happen with them from then on.

He didn’t let himself dwell much on it – that was his sluggish fucked out brain talking – because soon Louis’ lips were on his neck again, moving up to meet Harry’s and Merlin, he would never let his insecurities get in the way of him and Louis again, he would never deny Louis being the one looking for him and kissing him.

And that’s what they did, they kept kissing, still feeling each other – Harry slipping out of Louis and Louis’ cock still sticky between them and it should be uncomfortable to be like that, but when they held each other, when Harry had Louis in his arms and when Louis was clutching both his hands on Harry’s neck as if he was holding on to dear life, nothing else mattered. All that mattered was to feel each other closer.

Louis was the one to stop the kissing, because he needed to take a long breath, to settle himself and look at Harry. He needed to see that everything that had happened between them wasn’t just a spur of the moment.

He distanced himself from Harry, his blue eyes slowly looking up at Harry before he rested his forehead against his, heavily breathing against his mouth, starting to peck at his lips softly. Harry’s hands moved up to Louis’ face, his thumb brushing over Louis’ cheeks and Louis closed his eyes at the gesture, his eyelashes fluttering against his cheekbones and Harry couldn’t contain himself to start kissing Louis up to his cheek, his nose, and over his eyelid.

There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to convey to Louis with words now, not with his movements… but also, it was too much that he didn’t know what to say. It was too heavy, it felt like there was a weight on his heart that he needed to let out and needed Louis to know how much he was feelings.

“Louis,” he kept rubbing his thumb over Louis’ skin, he kept kissing every inch of Louis’ face, feeling Louis melt into the touch. “Louis,” he came back to Louis’ lips, pressing his harder against Louis’, only to have him finally open his eyes. That shade of blue shouldn’t make Harry’s insides lurch, but it was also that blue that made him feel the courage to pour out what he wanted to say to Louis. “I love you.”

Harry had already said that to him. It wasn’t something Louis didn’t know by now, but God, it felt a million times heavier. It felt like Louis’ whole world revolved around those three words, revolved around Harry saying those words to him and Louis felt it too deep inside his bones.

All he managed to do was keep staring at Harry, his hands going up to cup Harry’s face too, his thumb ghosting over Harry’s lips, as if trying to capture those words and feel them at his fingertips.

“I love you, Louis,” Harry said again, because he didn’t need to hide it and he didn’t feel ashamed of it. All he needed was for Louis to know it. And he knew Louis knew it and accepted it. It didn’t matter that Louis wasn’t saying it back to him yet. He was aware Louis probably wasn’t ready to voice it just now, but he obviously felt the same with the way he went for another kiss.

It was a slow and sweet one and Louis hoped Harry understood what he meant with the gesture, because it felt too much for him to say those three words back to him, even if he did love Harry too, but he figured that with everything that had happened, he still needed to be ready. He would show Harry it in other ways, though.

When they broke the kiss, still giving each other small pecks, Louis finally got up from Harry, feeling so full of him, so full of his feelings for Harry.

Harry helped Louis, guiding him from his waist to lie down beside him, both of them getting on their sides and still looking at each other, Harry’s hand never leaving Louis, never letting Louis distance himself from him.

It was as if they were enchanted – breathing getting even at the same time and eyes never leaving each other. Harry was still pecking on Louis’ lips and cheeks and Louis was cupping Harry’s face with one hand, feeling like there wasn’t any other place he would be right now. Lying down with Harry was the only place he needed to be.

It was getting heavy though, the tiredness and sleepiness hitting them and neither of them being able to keep their eyes open for longer. Louis could almost feel himself falling into sleep with the way Harry kept caressing his side, but it took the fireworks to start exploding outside his window, the noise and the lights invading his bedroom for Louis to awaken.

“Happy New Year, Lou,” Harry pecked Louis one more time, nuzzling his nose against his cheek. “I love you, and I’ll make sure you know just how much,” he looked attentatively at Louis again.

“I know,” Louis smiled at him and took a deep breath, “but we still need to talk,” he said, not in a harsh way, not when his sleepy voice wouldn’t even let him.

“I know we do, but for now,” Harry moved away from Louis just a bit to unmake the bed, quickly fetching his wand as so to clean the mess between them, and then pulling the duvet over and indicated Louis to do the same, “let’s just have this for a bit longer.” Louis got under it, Harry’s spell helping him to feel a little fresher and not so gross to embrace his arms around Harry when they settled again on the bed. “Let the New Year begin and then we think about us,” Harry got his lips on him again, not going for a small peck.

Louis only nodded and whispered a “yeah, let’s have it,” before letting Harry kiss him to sleep.

 

_**January 1st, 2016** _

 

It seemed Harry was waking up inside a dream. It didn’t feel like it was real to have Louis lying beside him again. It felt much like all the times he had dreamed of returning to Louis, or better yet, of never leaving him.

This time though, it wasn’t a dream. He also hadn’t woken up from one where he got to have Louis again. It had all happened. Harry had gone back to talk to Louis, he apologized to Louis, poured his heart out to him in a last attempt to try to get things right between them, to make sure that what had happened between them during the past week wasn’t fruit of his imagination and that Louis wanted him back. In return, Louis accepted Harry back, accepted that they could still try, and gave Harry a chance to show him how much he still loved him, and also got to see how badly Louis wanted him.

However, it all felt too much for Harry, as if everything that happened the night before was hanging between them. It hadn’t been something easy, it had been heavy and fragile. So much still needed to be fixed. There’s so much to work out, though, but Harry wasn’t completely worried, not when he could watch Louis’ sleeping figure beside him, so calmly, an arm resting over Harry’s middle and their legs tangled.

Merlin, Louis was so beautiful. Harry had never forgotten how beautiful Louis was and to come back to a grown up Louis, to find that Louis had changed but continued to be the one Harry still loved… Harry knew what he felt for Louis would never disappear. It would never go away, no matter how much time would pass between them or how long they’d stay apart.

One other thing he knew for sure: he wouldn’t leave Louis. It didn’t matter what he had to do, he would stay exactly where Louis wanted him, if Louis wanted him.

As much as he was certain of what he felt for Louis and how Louis reciprocated the feeling, Harry was still insecure about where to start or how they could start over. All he knew was that he wanted it and wanted Louis. He wanted to touch Louis again and again, feel his soft skin under his fingertips, making it come back to memory every aspect of Louis, every curve and every dimple and every freckle.

He felt a little hesitant to caress Louis again, afraid to wake him up and startle him, but Louis was so serene beside him, his eyelids fluttering with every long breath he gave, that it was hard for Harry to control himself. He started gently, his finger tapping and brushing against the skin on Louis’ arm enveloping him, going up to his shoulder and neck. Harry moved just a little to lie on his side and Louis shifted a bit too, but not giving any sign that he was waking up. Harry continued, now rubbing his knuckles against Louis’ cheeks, his thumb hovering over the three freckles near Louis’ cheekbones.

Harry inhaled deeply before he leaned in closer to Louis, their noses slightly brushing and his thumb now moving to Louis’ lips before he softly pecked on them, not containing himself because there he had Louis, so close to him.

He thought he had been careful but when he distanced himself, he saw Louis opening his eyes, seeing the light in those blue ones shine as his lips started to turn upward in a smile.

“You stayed,” Louis managed to say, not asking or demanding anything from Harry, simply stating, simply confirming that he hadn’t dreamt anything that had happened between them the night before.

Harry smiled back and nodded, his thumb caressing Louis’ cheeks one more time. “Of course I stayed, Louis, where else would I go?”

Louis didn’t answer. He only kept looking at Harry, feeling his breathing against his skin, his green eyes softly looking at him. He got lost in them, lost in how he had missed Harry that close to him, how he had missed Harry with him the morning after.

And there was Harry, telling him again that he wouldn’t go away. Louis hadn’t doubted Harry when he had said that last night, but to keep listening to those words, it was helping him be less scared of what would happen to them from now on.

It was scary, though, to see Harry looking at him, as if he was staring inside Louis’ heart, inside Louis’ soul, knowing everything Louis was feeling and waiting for Louis to say something.

Louis was quietly observing Harry, and he felt vulnerable. It felt even more intimate than them having sex the night before. It was as if they were finally taking in each other, finally letting the other in, drinking in the fact that they were there again, where they should have always been, remembering what it was to have each other again, how it was to wake up next to the one you loved.

“Now what?” Louis finally voiced, breathing heavily.

“Now we get up and have breakfast,” Harry laughed softly, kissing Louis briefly, only to ease the heavy mood between them, trying to start off as normally as they could.

“Harry,” Louis prompted himself on his elbow, giving him a pointed but soothing look, “shouldn’t we talk?”

He wasn’t the most eager to have that conversation, but they couldn’t leave it for much later. The earlier they talked, the easier would be for them to work out what was going on between them. Louis couldn’t keep playing games, couldn’t keep playing a guessing game with Harry one more time. The past week had done them wrong for doing so. If they really wanted to get things right, Louis needed them to be straightforward with each other.

Harry closed his eyes for a moment and ran his hands through his long locks. Louis wasn’t wrong, they had to talk about them soon and if Louis wanted to do it now, Harry could do that. “Yes, of course.”

Ok. Harry wanted to talk. That was what Louis wanted too, but he didn’t know what to say, how to start it. Harry looked back at him and Louis kept quiet.

Harry took a deep breath, seeing Louis reluctant to say anything. They couldn’t let the silence speak for themselves.

“Lou,” Harry started, “I don’t know what else to say, to be honest. Everything I wanted to tell you, I already did and I haven’t changed my mind. Nothing in me has changed since last night, since two weeks ago, since I realized that I would never stop loving you. If what you need is to hear me repeat it, I will say all those things again, but,” Harry moved his hand to the nape of Louis’ neck, massaging him there, “I would like to hear from you too, if you want to talk. And I think you do.”

Louis bit his bottom lip, looking down to their still naked bodies on the bed, then to the necklace around his neck, the gem resting on his chest. “Honestly, I don’t know where to start. There’s so much to say, but I don’t wanna fuck this up.”

Harry directed his hand to Louis’ chin, bringing his face up to look at him again, noticing how apprehensive Louis still was about them. There’s only one thing Harry could offer to reassure Louis that he – _they_ wouldn’t mess anything. “What do you want from me, Louis? What do you want me to do? That’s why I’m here. For you, for whatever you need me.”

Each time Harry showed he was willing to do anything for them, Louis could feel his internal debate that what they were doing wasn’t wrong, that he shouldn’t feel it was wrong to want Harry again, settling. “You’ve already done so much, Harry. I know you want to make up to me for everything that happened, but this is not only on you. Both of us need to do something to make this work. And I’m willing to try. I can’t deny it to myself and to you anymore that I want us again. It still hurts, I’m not gonna lie, it hurts to think about what happened before. That’s why I acted the way I did over Christmas, but that doesn’t excuse me from hurting you because of it. I also have to make it up to you somehow.”

“We both want to try, Lou,” Harry searched Louis’ other hand to entwine with his, “I know it took us a long time to figure this out, to come back to each other, but we are here now,” he smiled with the way Louis’ laced his fingers with his. “And we can do it, slowly, we don’t need to rush anything. Even knowing how badly I want you, in every aspect, I also know that I don’t want to hurt you again,” he brushed his other hand over Louis’ messy fringe, seeing Louis’ tender stare at him. “I need you to know that I will do anything possible to make it different this time. Last time we hid so many things, we hid how much we already felt about each other. This time, we are already starting with too much between us, with a heavy baggage, but we are also being honest. And I’m gonna be honest again and say that I want to be in your life completely. I want to share my life with you and I want you to share your life with me. I want you to be mine, because I’m already yours, Louis. I want to be here for you when you need, I want to make you feel special, I want for you to feel how much you are loved. I want to be your partner and support you and give all you deserve, give you what I couldn’t and didn’t before. I failed you once, Louis, I know I fucked up,” he squeezed their hands when he felt Louis was about to say something, only making Louis swallow his own words and keep looking at Harry.

“I did, Louis. What happened between us is much more on me than on you. That’s why I’m here, because I know we messed up, but I need your love and I want you to have me again. I know you already do, but if you still have doubts about it, about us, you’re the one calling the shots here, Lou, I won’t impose anything.”

Louis closed his eyes briefly, inhaling deeply to gather the courage to sound the most convincing so Harry understood, once and for all, how he was feeling. “Harry, if you think I’ll accept you any other way in my life right now, you’re wrong. There’s no other way I’ll have you unless it’s beside me,” he let go of Harry’s hand to run his fingers on Harry’s curls, squirming on the bed to get their bodies even closer, letting his hand rest on Harry’s face. “I know it won’t be easy, though, considering everything that happened, but I am willing to try, more than anything. I want to make it work, to let you know how much I still feel for you, never stopped feeling actually. I didn’t last time and it was what fucked us up even more. If only we had talked about it all, things would’ve been different, I’m sure. And that’s what we will have to do from now on,” he lifted his face up so he could be at Harry’s eye level, “we will have a lot to talk, because even if we still fit together, even if everything feels right right now, there’s so many different things between us.”

Harry nodded, letting his nose brush against Louis’ and giving in to the touch, closing his eyes and whispering “yeah, I know.”

“If we are going to make this work, Harry,” Louis got his lips on Harry’s quickly, “we can’t only let our feelings talk for ourselves, we also need to understand how we still fit in each other’s lives.”

“Louis,” Harry distanced himself from him, but led his hand to rest on Louis’ waist, “I know saying this won’t change how you feel, but I will work my hardest to let you know our lives, my life,” he inhaled deeply, knowing very well Louis’ insecurities about him being a Wizard, about Harry living in a different world, “won’t get in our way. I’ll make it right this time, Louis. Things are not the same as they were before and I know we won’t start this off from where we left. We have to learn about being in each other’s lives again, but, if you’re saying you want to do it, as much as I do, then we can start afresh again, learning from our mistakes.”

Start afresh, learn from their mistakes and make it work. There wasn’t anything Louis wanted more.

“Yeah, I think we can do that,” Louis smiled widely at Harry, only to receive an even bigger smile from him, and if he saw a teary glint in Harry’s eyes, Louis tried to refrain himself from wanting to cry too. He joined their lips again, deepening the kiss the moment he felt Harry let out a relieved sigh.

Their tongues met briefly before Harry pulled away, a little smile on the corner of his lip as he let his thoughts take over him. “And you know how we can start afresh?” He squeezed his hand on Louis’ waist.

“How?” Louis looked at him, intrigued.

“Actually fresh,” he wiggled his eyebrows at him. “I wasn’t lying when I said we should get up to have breakfast,” Harry got to a sitting position on the bed, taking off the duvet from him, “but first,” he turned around and got up, standing right in front of Louis, “I think we could use a shower, wash away, you know, the night before. Start an actual fresh new year.” Harry scratched the back of his neck as he stretched out and if the way Louis was looking up and down his body made his cock twitch just the slightest, he couldn’t say it hadn’t really been his intention. “Meet you in the shower?” Harry smirked at him and turned to walk towards the bathroom door, not waiting for Louis’ answer.

Louis had to breath deeply, watching Harry leave.

He knew Harry wasn’t leaving this time, not for good, though. If he only got up from the bed and followed him, he would find Harry there, ready to have Louis again, not only then, but for longer, for as long as they could make them work again.

That’s all Louis needed – to have Harry around and to never let Harry go away.

He needed to feel Harry loving him and to let Harry know that he loved him too. He would get there eventually and as long as Harry wanted him and kept coming around, he would make sure to make Harry feel his love too.

They had come a long way and now they would have a real chance again.

**Author's Note:**

> Title based on [If You Ever Want To Be In Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYmlVPp_4TI) by James Bay
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Read Part 1: [Every Little Thing He Does Is Magic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/8635414)  
> Read Part 2: [Sick of Losing Soulmates (I Like you)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9518795)  
> Read Part 4: [ Tell The World We Finally Got It All Right](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13191867)
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